Category Archives: Conversations with Men
O is for Ownership – Part I – Pelmeni on a Twig
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
This post will serve as a sort of preamble to the next topic in the Alphabet Series – O is for Ownership., but I’ll name it Part I, with a secondary title of ‘Pelmeni on a Twig’. Please note that I am not writing is as a sort of ‘poor me’ lament, but as an example of what single women who refuse to play the cock-sucking game often have to deal with. It’s not about me as an individual, but a sub-class of women, and there are many – mostly ignored. I occasionally recognize them in the news, although these women are held up, not as what can happen to women under Patriarchy if they don’t follow the rules, but to blame a government or a foreign country or a racial or religious oppressor for one transgression or another. But whether in the news or in your own world, lone women without money, especially those without children, families or community support always pay the consequences of opting not to orbit men, yet are still forced to live among them in a pro-male world without protection.
And what do I mean by protection? First and foremost, money and property – these two things alone can make the difference between life and death, safety and danger, thriving and surviving. Protection can also come in the form of the services that males are supposed to provide under the millennia-old heterosexual contract that many women take advantage of, but these days, refuse to acknowledge exists. You sell your body to a man for his use, and in return, he protects you from all the other males in the world and from poverty and having to do even more degrading things in order to survive. Protection also comes in the form of women’s shelters. If you are a battered woman in a straight relationship, you are acknowledged and supported if you choose to do something about it. But a lone woman suffering from abuse from a male roommate she hasn’t chosen or a male neighbour doesn’t have much of a leg to stand on as this form of vulnerability is not acknowledged anywhere in the world.
I’ve been a woman of slender means since I left home at 20, and I’ve been supporting myself since then. It has often been hard. Thanks to some weird emotional abuse centring on poverty in my childhood, I’m very neurotic and paranoid about money. I started earning my own money and keeping a weird and meticulous ledger when I was 12 years old, and doing financial calculations has had and still has a calming effect on me since those early years. You’d think that I’d be predisposed to amassing great wealth as a result, but the opposite is actually true – although that is a different story for another time. I often cruise around or below the poverty line. I am great at saving and being thrifty. I’m a minimalist, and there are very few things I can rationalize spending money on. And that includes housing. I’ve lived in a lot of shitty housing, sometimes because I have to, and sometimes because I have a ‘be prepared for hard times’ mentality. And hard times, in my experience, ALWAYS come. If I think about it, I’m kind of amazed at how used to deplorable conditions I’ve become. At this point in my life, I can’t even imagine living in a nice place or even owning my own place where I have control over things.
While I can handle a shitty environment, and even learn to find something charming in decrepitude, the one thing I can’t tolerate is the effects of males on my living space. Males can make a situation dangerous, terrifying, and unbearable, and if you are a lone woman without much money, there is often very little that you can do about it. Sometimes, you don’t even have the option to leave, nevermind the fact that it is ridiculous that a woman should be forced to leave her home because a man or men that she has not chosen to have around are making her home life difficult or dangerous. I can’t count how many apartments or other living arrangements I’ve had where my quality of life has been seriously negatively affected by males, and I’ve even had my physical safety directly threatened by a male room mate I did not choose. And the only options have been to stay and accept it or leave (if that’s even an option – sometimes it isn’t).
So I’m going on year three in a former Soviet country that I won’t name, but I will write about it in depth after I eventually leave. It is a challenging and miserable country, and I find myself yet again in terrible housing. I can’t really move for a few reasons, the most important of which is financial. Since the most recent Ukrainian-Russian war started, housing prices have skyrocketed thanks to a massive influx of Russians looking for long-term stays in this country. I’m still paying pre-war rent, but I still think I’m overpaying given the slum quality of the place. Even considering some of the shitholes I’ve lived in, this one is pretty bad. It’s a two-floor building with eight apartments. I’m on the ground floor. There is severe water damage in the building. Due to the sheer amount of mold eating away at the interior, every day, I have to sweep up what has crumbled off the walls. My kitchen ceiling leaks in 9 different places, including the light fixture – some places leak when it rains, but others leak when the upstairs neighbours don’t turn off the water correctly. And the latter is worse because the entire floor floods, sometimes for days. The landlords knows, but makes excuses. I have no heat that works and it snows here in the winter, but I’ve lived in the Yukon of Canada and could only afford to heat my place to 5 degrees Celsius when it was 50 below outside, so this country is no big deal. My water heater stopped working recently, so there are no more showers in my future. Like in the old days, I heat water and bathing is creative and water-efficient. A few months ago, my cat and I noticed some animals had moved into the space above my bathroom and kitchen ceilings. They sounded quite big, to be honest. But I think someone may have died up there a few days ago, as I haven’t heard any running or thuds lately, and today, there were many flies in my apartment. But there are no open windows that would account for them… I have no way of getting up there to investigate. Further, in the critter department, this country is plagued by packs of dogs. Some are street dogs, and some are pets that are universally kept outside and often free to roam all day and night, as this is how people treat dogs in this culture. There are frequently dog fights in the middle of the night, which can wake you up at any hour. You have to be careful in this country. Rabies is a problem here, and dog attacks are common.
But the worst part about living here is the men, and in particular, my upstairs neighbour. It is a man of about 50 and his young son. I’d like to be able to explain him away as been partially mentally retarded or brain damaged, but a lot of men here are a lot like him. And his buddies that come round seem cut from the same cloth. He is extremely loud, speaking and moving about. And his son is learning fast. Because of the poor construction of the building, everything these people do causes the light fixtures and furniture to rattle, as if a minor earthquake is occurring. Their sleep schedule is hard to pin down, and I’ve been frequently awoken by shouting and thudding at 3:30 in the morning. The man has a group of loud male friends who stand outside my window, which sits directly on the small road running behind the building, with no yard as a buffer. Instead of texting or calling the neighbour or going up to his door, the visitors just shout up at his window. The neighbour and his son also throw large firecrackers down to the street beside my window late at night sometimes. It’s terrifying to both me and my cat.
But the worst part of the worst part of my apartment problem is that the patch of yard beside my building has gradually, over just the past year, become a garbage dump. You see, despite there being many, many large public waste bins along the streets for all to use, my neighbour throws all his garbage, as well as all his liquids, out his kitchen window. And my kitchen window being directly below his and at ground floor level, I get to hear the dumping activity, I get a view of the garbage dump itself, and all the liquid and some of the trash lands on my window instead of the ground.
I frequently have a WTF?-moment when I look out my kitchen window. The scenery changes every day based on what my upstairs neighbour tosses. Sometimes, there are chunks plastered to my kitchen window if the refuse is liquidy-chunky in nature. Sometimes, there are cigarette butts, bits of plastic or food remains on the window ledge. And of course, the breadth, depth and content of what’s directly on the ground varies. But perhaps the most interesting variations are what occasionally becomes impaled on the twigs and branches of the tall plant life in the yard. One day, I might see used tea bags dangling like single-use Christmas tree decorations. Other times, it’s a plastic bag waving in the wind to celebrate post-Soviet freedom and the backward slide into medieval chaos and poverty. But one day recently, I glanced out my window, and I couldn’t figure out what I was seeing. It was cream-coloured and round; it wasn’t packaging, but some form of food remnant. I photographed it and went online to figure out whether it was some local food that I hadn’t yet encountered.
And I think I figured it out. I’m pretty sure it’s a pelmeni [пельмень – singular; пельмени – plural] – meat dumplings, considered by some to be the ‘heart of Russian cuisine’. And apparently, they make great tree decorations. Much like the slim odds of flipping a coin and having it land on its edge, I can imagine it equally rare that one can toss a pelmeni out the window and have it end up speared by a twig. I’d be impressed if it weren’t the mark of a much larger problem – that of being a woman negatively affected by males in your living environment whom you have no control over. And in case you’re wondering, I can’t do anything about this. The police are a corrupt joke in this country. And I am a foreigner, so I have no power. And of course, I am a lone woman. And it doesn’t matter whether you are in a really patriarchal religious country like this one, or a liberal democracy like my own, going up against a crazy male or even an average male when you aren’t under the ownership of another male can be very risky.
So like with so many periods in my life, I see this as something I just have to ‘get through’. I just realized the other day, that even when I can find moments of enjoyment in a shitty period, I still understand most of the chapters in my book of life as something I have to endure. I’m trying to make something happen so that I can leave this country. If you’ve been following my writing for a while, I said something similar about my time in China. It took a while, but I made it happen then, as I’ve made things happen many times before, so I know I can do it again. But I feel tired, and the goals I’ve set feel really big right now. I used to be more ambitious when I was younger, and I’m trying to dig deep to find it again. I want to be able to tell younger women that it gets better with age and experience. That you can achieve something and feel a bit of freedom with some options and comfort. I’d like to be able to say that you can find a place of your own without resorting to sociopathic behaviour or selling out and earning your money through anti-woman behaviour. But I can’t help but wonder to myself when looking at that goddamn lone dumpling suspended above the rotting food and plastic bottles outside my window whether this is just a metaphor for my life, and for the life of any woman who rejects men: throughout and in the end, it’s all just a stick up the ass of a dumpling. I hope I’m wrong. Stay tuned.
I’m going to file this in my Conversations with Men series because many of the things men tell us are non-verbal. Sometimes, you get more honesty when you look at male behaviour and body language than when you listen to their bullshit.
E is for Emasculation
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
Forgive the backtracking with another E post (I’m currently on the O’s at the time of this writing), although really, this is my blog and I can do what I damn well please. It is because I am in the throes of preparing my audio upload to YouTube of the reading of my 2021 post E is for Enabler. It might sound easy to some – just read the damn thing while recording and then throw it up on YT, but no. Actually, I take a serious look at the written post beforehand. What I didn’t appreciate on the level that I do now is that not all posts meant solely for written consumption are 100% translateable to audio. For example, I noticed a while ago that, for some reason, I developed a bit of a weakness for parentheses, and I’ve been trying to weed myself off them in my writing for a lot of obvious reasons. So since starting to record audio, I’ve been taking a closer look at my existing posts and have been doing a little editing to make the writing more ‘readable’. A long time ago, I published an academic book in Taiwan with the help of a major publishing company that ended up screwing me financially, but I learned a lesson: everyone needs an editor. But when you’re writing for free as a hobby of sorts, you are both the writer and the editor. It’s an imperfect system, and all writing needs fresh eyes to improve.
Anyhow, as I’ve been going through the E is for Enabler post, I realized that I really needed to write something about an absolutely fabulous E-word that is near and dear to my heart, probably because of the special shears that I keep by my front door to enforce my separatist principles. Just joking! Or am I…? Oh, don’t be so sensitive.
So, what was I saying?
E is for Emasculation
Now, apparently, I wrote and published what should actually be a companion piece to this one back in 2020, and I’ll include bits and pieces of it here. In that article, I ask whether there is a female equivalent to emasculation. Hint: the answer is no. So, read on, explorers!
What the hell is emasculation? I know, it seems a bit obvious, especially because men are constantly moaning about their feelings and how everything is women’s fault.
In the most literal sense, it means castration – full on twig and berries removal. Men are very emotional when it comes to their junk – they take their feelings about their genitals as seriously as they do actual harm to their bodies. It is not an exaggeration to imagine a physician asking a wounded male: “Should we remove the bullet from your brain or save your partially severed left nut first?” with most men responding by looking south. You get the ‘special shears’ joke now, right? Male testeria is kinda hilarious and absolutely begging for satire – but also really dangerous as their insanity is always backed by the law.
But males don’t mean literal castration when they speak of emasculation. As with everything, it is always about their unstable psychology, insecurity and hair-trigger feelings. So, within the realm of male sensitivity, we’ve got the following definition of emasculation:
the reduction or removal of a man’s sense of masculinity, as by depriving him of a culturally sanctioned male role or the exercise of male privilege.
A few things here with this male definition. First, the use of ‘depriving’. The implication is that there is fault on the part of the other party – the one not experiencing the feelings, and that party is always female. Women and girls don’t deprive males of ANYTHING; they can’t as they are of the prey class and ALL males are historically and currently part of the oppressor/predator class. Saying ‘no’ to what amounts to misogynistic treatment by the male, is not deprivation in any way, shape or form. The second missing thing is that, following feeling deprived by women and girls, men believe that what is warranted is violent vengeance against their target. So basically, male becomes unhinged of his own doing, finds a female target to blame, and then victimizes her in a self-sanctioned rage. Sound familiar? We’ve all been at the receiving end of some form of violence because of some male’s glimpse into his own obsolescence and inadequacy. Let’s talk about the triggers of feelings of emasculation and then a bit about punishment.
The Triggers
Words
I’ve written about the selective censorship of women in a past post. Generally, women and girls are only allowed to speak if they are upholding male descriptions of reality and belief systems. Men don’t like hearing things that challenge their world view or even worse, oppose their domination and control of females. Any attempt to uphold an opinion or argument, to correct errors or lies, to assert or reclaim power or control over her own life are dangerous for a woman when dealing with men. Even the word ‘no’ can send men into a spiral of rage. We’re seeing frightening proof of male power and insanity these days among men pretending to be women. They are destroying the lives of countless women throughout the Western world for very logically and simply publicly speaking unassailable biological truths that males cannot be female. It defies understanding in what is supposed to be a ‘progressive’ world, but it is more proof positive that males are still male, no matter what they are feeling or wearing. And in all situations, it comes down to this: in the male mind, women’s words strip him of his perceived right to do whatever the fuck he wants to them. Often, women have no idea what they have said to inspire the insanity that inevitably results. But in truth, they have said nothing wrong and don’t deserve punishment.
Actions
A woman doesn’t even need to open her mouth to offend the fragile emotional state of a man. Males, even liberal males, believe they are owed deference and respect by all women and girls, although what this behaviour actually entails differs from male to male and from culture to culture. I’ve experienced male attacks numerous times for not acting correctly or being adequately submissive or deferential, although most of the time, I think I, and most women, are attacked because of the last two categories. Most women are too afraid to say or do ‘wrong’ things when it comes to males. The other two categories are passive in that you don’t even have to be aware of doing anything specific to be targeted for causing feelings of inadequacy in males.
An example of emasculating behaviour may include looking at a male with disgust or derision or fear. I think of the complaints of black males or of homeless men who get super pissed when women act like they are afraid of them. The women are attacked with accusations of racism or classism and the like. Of course. However, women should be allowed to be afraid of males for obvious reasons and without having to justify their behaviour. Every one of us is assaulted by a male at least once in our lives. But showing that justifiable fear, can for some men, take opportunities for power and control away from them. The retaliation can help reclaim this lost power. And male feelings are always more important than women’s human right to be and feel safe. And we are seeing similar backlash against women who have stood up to men trying to use women’s bathrooms and change rooms. I really believe that these men don’t truly believe they are women; they are just getting off on forcing women to accept having their boundaries and privacy and human rights destroyed. The utimate male power and control. And nothing a woman does to ‘inspire’ male insecurity and the inevitable backlash is wrong or deserving of punishment.
Reflecting
One of the objects men turn women into is that of a mirror. We exist to let men bask in their own reflections. The problem is that sometimes, men don’t like what they see looking back at them. Looking to a woman to validate them, in other words, doesn’t always work, epecially if she isn’t applauding enough, or smiling enough, or if the male in question isn’t feeling good enough about himself to believe the lie of his amazingness. He sometimes just looks at the woman and sees her completeness, which reflects back his own incompleteness as a male. He feels a loss of standing or power. It’s enough to inspire his rage at her. She has done nothing wrong and doesn’t deserve punishment.
Existing
Most men don’t even need an excuse to attack or punish women. All men are misogynists, even if they claim that they’re not, and all men benefit from misogyny, even if they don’t see how. Some men are more dangerous than others and may even believe that females deserve to be punished for existing or that the punishment is just the ‘suffering’ that seems to be part of what all major religions proscribe for females, and as males, they must do their part to enact their god’s plan. So for some men, it goes like this: see woman, feel the existential male insecurity, feel the rage burn, direct the rage to woman, enact the rage. Repeat ad nauseam.
In various times and places, we’ve seen men’s rights groups start up that seem to be fuelled by this notion that female existence is a threat to masculinity. Not that they want to get rid of women. First, masculinity would no longer be a thing, as it exists as a social construct only because there are two sexes. Likely, if women disappeared, men would still follow their biological wiring to dominate and control and create a caste system, with an underclass, among men (discussed in this post here). It wouldn’t be peaceful.
Black American men have an expression – walking while black – that actually is a much more appropriate, serious and pervasive thing for women and it exists on every inch of our planet instead of only in select areas of the US. Walking while a woman (WWW) can end up in your death, your rape, your beating, your sexual assault, your stalking, and more. And much of the time, these 3W experiences are the result of males feeling emasculated because of your existence, your presence, the way you are dressed, the way you do or don’t look at them – ANYTHING. What you do or don’t do doesn’t actually matter. You have no control over men’s feelings, but they project their anger and insecurity on you. You, as a woman, are responsible for everything wrong in their lives, and your very existence highlights their inadequacy and incompleteness.
Every single female on this planet has experienced this at least once, and usually thousands of times over her lifetime. We are used to it and most don’t even notice it. And many learn to deal with this constant threat by developing the skill to placate, to coddle, to make excuses for, to self-harm, to enable and to act as a ‘flying monkey’
Existing does not equate to doing something wrong and no female deserves punishment for being alive.
The Punishment
There is always punishment. I’m going to say one thing here, and I’m going to bet that most if not all women would agree if they were honest with themselves. With one or two extreme exceptions, I’ve never seen a woman act as batshit crazy as a man. I’ve never seen a woman overreact like a man does. I’ve never seen the kind of emotionality and rage in a woman that I’ve seen in so many men – and women actually have real reasons to be angry, and even burn-the-city-down rageful. Standard male behaviour is a sign of their sex-based immaturity, lack of control, irrationality, instability and insanity, and it is incomprehensible that males are allowed free reign in this world. They have projected their own flaws onto women, and then have used them as the ‘rational’ basis for keeping women out of all areas of public life and power. And I say this to men, if women truly behaved as you actually do and chose to act on injustices done to them by you, you’d all be dead, and by your standards, the homicides would be justifiable. Think of how men act when a woman denies him something. Then think about all the times men have denied women a human right. If we acted like men do, all males would be dead. Every. Single. One. But we are female. We are the mature ones, the controlled ones, the rational ones, the stable ones, and the sane ones. Males exist to punish and women exist to be punished. The punishments can entail anything that the creative male mind can conceive of, and in the Western world, women are even being sold the idea that being punished is sexy.
Conclusion and a Note on Male Privilege
The claim of emasculation is a statement of privilege. The sheer number of privileges and advantages that males have over females is astounding, especially when you consider that so many people believe that males and females are ‘equal’ now and some people even believe we live in some kind of ‘matriarchy’. It is even crazy to think that any other oppression can even compare to that of females by males. It partially explains why so many other oppressions are championed these days – there isn’t that much to fight, comparatively speaking. I strongly suggest that you have a look at this massive, but incomplete list of privileges that males enjoy. There are 79 of them – and I can add another one to make a round 80. The privilege to be praised for supporting feminism, or perhaps more succinctly, the privilege to own feminism. Women are attacked for pointing out misogyny, and even for devoting their lives to liberating women. The list I’ve provided (a pdf hosted on my site, but with an attribution to the ‘original’ poster) was compiled by a man and published on his popular and applauded ‘male feminist’ website (including linking to one of my articles outlining the hate that leftie atheist men have towards all women). All of the material was taken from or contributed by women and feminists, and all of these women have been criticized and attacked and worse for writing this material. And this male gets a big fucking round of applause for supporting feminism, even though he is just listing the work that WOMEN have done. Please stop sucking these men’s dicks. Please support women – the actual women doing the difficult work that helps us all.
So, a conclusion to the conclusion: male feelings of emasculation are not oppression. They are infantile and they are borne of misogyny. When a man feels emasculated, he believes you are taking away his millennia-long right to hurt, dominate, and control you as a member of sub-class female. You never need to be sorry for speaking, acting or existing.
This post is part of the Alphabet Series, and will also be included in the Conversations with Men series.
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When A 5-Year-Old Boy Creeps You Out
Yeah, I know. I disappeared for a while. I’m not gone. It has just been a shitty past half year. Things that should normally be good have ended up being strangely stressful. Perhaps, I’ll get into it at some point. Perhaps not.
For now, it’s just a short post to check in, wish you all a better 2023, and lay some male creepiness on you. Um, sorry? I do have several things in the queue, but I couldn’t resist sharing an experience concerning a very young male that was strange and a little disturbing. I’ll admit that in the past couple of years, I’ve been morbidly fascinated by people’s willing ignorance about little boys and by the shit the boys themselves pull even at a very young age. I’ve written about innocence before, although not specifically addressing boys. I don’t find innocence to be a useful concept. I’m not religious and I don’t like how the concept is used and abused by males and brainwashed females to lift up males and destroy females. Having said that, I don’t believe any male is truly innocent or even born innocent. Males are born weaponized (nature) and then through the system they have created and that women haven’t fought hard enough against, their destructive natures blossom and wreak havoc (nurture).
Background
So, I managed to get a low-paying online EFL teaching gig, and it is a massive source of stress. But it is money, right? I am good at it, and I get some satisfaction from it, but I’ll admit, I wouldn’t be unhappy if I never had to teach again. Too much time and energy and too little pay.
So one of my students is a 5-year-old boy. His English is pretty decent for his age. When his father sits in on the class and helps out, the kid behaves, but lately, Grandma has been supervising. All hell breaks loose. Yesterday, we had an especially shitty class, and the boy didn’t like how I handled his brand of noncompliance. I probably don’t react how the other females in his life do. As I’ve mentioned before, males thrive on antagonism of women and girls and their eventual submission. It’s a game to them. Cat and mouse. Predator and prey. Yeah, I don’t respond ‘correctly’ to that kind of shit. With older males, my behaviour ’causes’ males to make death threats. With the young ones? Well, you be the judge.
After the class, the boy started sending me text messages through the teaching app. It was bizarre and disturbing and not something I would have ever expected from a 5-year-old – until I did a reality check. I know better, as do all females deep down. The attempt to dominate through threats, violence and squishy emotional manipulation starts very, very young. It must live in their DNA and become triggered by the male-female dynamics they witness in day-to-day life. Here is the set of comments he sent. I can’t make this shit up. And by the way, I didn’t respond. Not sure if there is a point to telling the parents. Breeders tend to gaslight and then protect their little angels. And the lifetime of defending their behaviour begins. I didn’t change anything in the text other than to remove identifying information. Note the insults, the threat of violence and then the fake remorse – a pattern we see in males across time and place. It’s the rule, not an exception.
I’m posting this in the Conversations with Men series.
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It’s Biology: They’ve Got ‘Surround, Terrorize and Destroy’ Down to an Art at 12
Bear with me, my Alphabet Series is on hold for the next while. I am ‘this close’ to finding myself in a regular, but low-paying, job with a reputable international organization. So life is a bit weird right now. That is the only word I have for it, although it isn’t ‘weird’ in the way it is normally weird. And yes, weird is normal. For me. Anyhow, that is neither here nor there. For the next little while, as I wait for bureaucratic stuff to move along in its glacial way, I am doing some private teaching gigs of the ESL sort.
I’m an extremely experienced, but highly unconventional, teacher. Unlike most teacher-teachers, I came to the profession with a ton of experience in the non-teaching realm, particularly in research and policy. I’m a statistician and methodologist by training, and my formal, funded-rather-than-paid, research background was in intelligence and abilities measurement, with paid-paid research sidelines in the areas of personality disorders and violent male crime, including sex (hate) crimes against women. So I kinda know a wee bit about how males define intelligence (and how they’ve abused these definitions and the tools they’ve based their ‘thinking’ on), and I’ve developed my own models of unconventionally (woman) defined intelligence, which I’ve guest lectured on in the past. I also have extensive, EVIDENCE-based knowledge of what males do to females, in addition to my extensive personal experience with what males have done to ME. Further, as a long-time educator who has worked with all ages and in many countries and cultures, and who is trained in behavioural assessment, observation, testing, evaluation, and the data-based 5-W’s and 1-H of male violence, I can speak with more knowledge and expertise about the differences between males and females at any age, including the young. Really, this has nothing to do with ‘feminism’ and everything to do with data and seeing reality. You don’t have to be a female seperatist to correctly interpret what the data show. And I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.
Males and females are different.
Males and females are not the same.
One of these things is not like the other, yadda yadda yadda.
So, males do not equal females.
And, the most popular one: the clear and present danger differences are rooted in BIOLOGY, so you can’t dream or plan your way out of the horrors you see as an educator, or simply as a woman in daily life. Period. I don’t care if it makes you feel bad or it sounds ‘negative’. Males are biologically different than females and these differences show up in how their brains works and in the behaviour that is controlled by their brains.
But let me confuse a few of you here because most people are dichotomous thinkers and I am decidedly not. The sadism, the violent and barely controlled, illogical emotionality, and the immaturity that results from male biology leads to a system of socialization. This system was designed by these violent ones, and it serves a purpose. It allows and gives a ‘justification’ to males to maintain their natural violent tendencies and their penchant for domination and destruction, and forces a whole host of unnatural subservient behaviours in females using similar illogical justifications (backed up with violence). So see, it is not simply biological OR sociological essentialism. When does that kind of thinking ever explain anything adequately?
The naturally violent (males) control the rest (females) through violence (biological imperative) and mindfuckery (the system of socialization).
Anyhoo, back to what I was saying. I’m doing a bunch of private teaching gigs at the mo, and unfortunately, many of my students are male. I’ve got an annoying adult Asian male right now, about whom I may write, as he is bizarre and barely tolerable, and he is teaching me the most unbelievable things about Korea that I feel I must share with the world for shits and giggles. He is also a classic mansplainer. But I’ve also got a bunch of boy children. I hate boy children – less than adult males, but still. Yet, I am the consummate professional, and a girl’s gotta eat, so I try to teach these fuckers in the most unbiased way I possibly can. And yes, I’m fucking good at it. I actively work on my control of personal biases – I am highly aware of my behaviour. I’m definitely not perfect. But in a professional role, I take this shit seriously. Unlike male teachers. And unlike women who teach girls (goddammit, I have stories about the shit female teachers say and do to female students…) Anyhow, I’m really good at lying/hiding my true self/compartmentalizing because I am female and have to survive in this world. If women behaved like men and reacted violently and proportionately to all the shit that happened to them in this world at the hands and dicks of males, no male would exist. So, I insist that women are generally better liars and more controlled than men – and think of the illness we carry resulting from the forced suppression of so much righteous anger! So, of course, I’ve learned to pick my battles. Fighting with a 12-year-old future rapist isn’t worth my gynergy. I try to de-sex them in my mind in order to get through my job requirements. In my ideal world (where I’m still teaching, that is), I would only teach female students.
Now, when you teach boy children, a few things become immediately clear. But before I get into that, let me say one other thing first. Mothers constantly pull the superiority crap with non-breeding women. The whole: “You don’t have children, so you don’t know, do you?” thing is a constant, eye-rolling experience for me. Smugness issue aside, I would go along with this, except for one thing. I frequently seem to understand more about children than the average mother. I often think these women are fucking clueless. They have no idea what their kids do online. They have no idea that what their kids tell them is mostly bullshit. They have no idea how to parent children, including setting limits, teaching critical thinking, and for fuck sake, just teaching basic ethics. But it makes sense. There really are no qualifications for the ‘job’ of parenthood. And I’ll stop there as I’m still writing a torturous (for me) post on mothers, which will be uber-unpopular, but which must be said. The bottom line here is mothers don’t have a fucking clue about their sons. I do.
So back to the shit you notice right away about boys vs girls. And yes, I’ve written about boys and girls in the classroom before. First, girls are smarter, more hard-working, and more creative than boys. Sorry, boy-moms. You’ve pooped a turd, to put it vulgarly. Second, boy-moms who manage to get in on your teaching session (seriously, try to prevent this at all cost), will hijack your class, and if there are girls present, they will try to force you to give preferential treatment to their boys and will want you to reward their boys’ laziness and sulking in the same way that you reward girls’ effort and stellar answers. Third, the attention span of a boy is but milliseconds. As my researcher’s mind watches them work their magic, I marvel at how little stamina their brains have, how little computing power (yeah, boys can’t do math either), how little logic ability they possess. The list goes on. Remember that I am an expert in abilities assessment. With the occasional exception that doesn’t negate the general rule, boys are just poorer at everything – and YET, they are rewarded, promoted, and given opportunities while girls’ potential is so often pushed aside so they can focus on becoming mothers. The rage you see in adult males these days is a direct result of being forced to deal with actual competition from females (not low-level competition from other males). Males never had to face reality in the past when they deliberately (guess why!?!) kept females out of school and the workforce. Facing their inadequacy makes men mad. And you see this shit starting in boys in mixed classrooms, reinforced by boy-moms from the sidelines. They sulk and yell and force attention on themselves, thus derailing lessons and redirecting attention from girls.
I insist that it’s biological. It starts early and it happens in every culture and race. Their lower abilities are biological. Their explosive and disruptive emotionality is biological. And moms (dads to a lesser extent, as they don’t give a shit about the mundane details of their property, and are busy reaping the profits of being violent and inadequate) and teachers and the rest of people that make up the patriarchal system reward this biological inferiority and punish female superiority while instilling bizarre, self-hating, and subservient behaviours to replace whatever girls were born with. I ask, will we women ever know what we are truly capable of???
So I’ll get to the anecdote that inspired the title of this post. I teach a couple of 12-year-old males along with a completely fucked up 7-year-old male, and yesterday, things were over-the-top focused on their violent thoughts, even though none of the material I introduced was connected to violence at all. I swear I have never had a class with a girl, woman, or group of females where every fucking answer they gave me involved killing other people or doing other nasty shit. But yesterday, even from the 7-year-old boy, during the language + creativity exercises I gave them, all the boys could come up with were ways to hurt or kill people. There was no actual creativity happening. And then, one of the 12-year-olds told me a story – that he was very PROUD of, like in a moral high ground sort of way – regarding how he and some of his dude-bros taught a girl a lesson online.
Now, the mother of these kids, like all boy-moms, doesn’t have a clue how much time these boys spend online and what they get up to. Said boy is an amateur ‘hacker’ and spends what I consider to be too much time on online gaming forums having discussions with complete strangers and some online ‘friends’. One day, during one of these discussions, a person perceived to be female ‘dissed’ the boy’s mother. Personally, the situation smacked, not of female behaviour, but of male behaviour. That classic ‘your mom is a whore’ taunt-fest is something most boys engage in. When I was a kid, it happened on the playground – there was no online world. Now, it is everywhere, including the internet. I’ve never witnessed girls do this. But anyone can be anyone online, and we know males enjoy masquerading as females for a variety of pervy reasons. So anyhow, this 12-year-old – who, by the way, believes in the current po-mo rhetoric that is spreading from the West to far-off places, including where I live, that males = females, therefore females are as violent and aggressive as males – decided to teach this ‘girl’ a lesson. He gathered his online dude-bros, did some basic hacking, located this girl’s meat world address and then threatened her with coming to get her. Basically, the same shit you see MRAs try to do to radical feminists who dare to speak online. Doxxing, and the requisite rape and death threats in order to scare her into silence or removing herself from the internet altogether. I don’t know if there were rape or death threats in this particular instance of 12-year-old male terrorism of what they thought was a lone female (I still think the kid was actually male), but this boy truly believed, as he explained to me, that her crime of dissing his mom warranted an online, organized gang-bang designed to scare the shit out of her.
Nobody taught him this. The male mind – the manifestation of the activities of the brain, which is part of the body, which is a biological entity, created, not of socialization, but of DNA – goes there naturally. It sees prey, it thinks violent thoughts, it creates justification for that violence, and then it pounces and carries the violence out. And then it gets away with it! Millennia of evidence, and yet so much denial and blindness and belief that it can be changed. Through education, no less!
Wake up.
[Included in the Conversations with Men series. Boy, you’ll be a man soon…]
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Why Search Terms Went the Way of the Dinosaur
For those of you who run blogs or web sites, have you noticed over the past decade that Google (and other search engines that facilitate the remaining 8% of searches that Google doesn’t perform…) is no longer giving web sites feedback on the search terms used to get to their sites?
I set up my first major web site in 1995 – a co-venture with one of my professors. It is still up, but no longer the award-winning powerhouse it was at the time. I just visited it about an hour ago, and noted that my former prof took my name off the site’s credits, even though I did ALL the research and ALL the coding and ALL the fixes. Didn’t I just write about men stealing from women in my last post…??? Anyhow, in those early days of web development, I realized that search terms were really helpful. The concept of SEO was just a few years away and hadn’t become big business yet. But knowing how people got to your site could help you write content of interest to people, which would in turn, bring more traffic. As we were operating as a resource, we weren’t trying to make money, but to help people find information. I’ve run other web sites since then, and search terms became increasingly important.
But recently, this treasure trove of information has dried up. Since 2011, Google decided they didn’t want to provide that kind of information anymore – although they said that it would barely affect site owners. Not so. In 2013, they expanded their search encryption policies, and basically, the iron curtain came down. Now, if you listen to what the men (let’s face it, these are male decisions) running the search engines say, they cite that they are concerned about privacy. But whose privacy? Unless, you are connecting a search term to an individual’s computer, what’s the big deal? Why shouldn’t we have access to the words that bring netizens to our sites?
Well, if you actually looked at search terms when they were readily available, and you consider what drives much of the internet traffic and downloads, a hell of a lot of it is porn and other misogynistic – some of it disturbingly violent – content. And this is a big deal for women like myself, who run feminist content. What is bringing people to our sites? And we come back to circling the question of whose privacy is being protected by blocking access to search terms.
There was a really great, data-oriented site that was stopped in 2013, likely coinciding with Google’s male protection racket ramp up, that I still link to in my side bar – What Men Want to See Online – which collected search terms from women running feminist web sites. It was telling, even shocking, disturbing, saddening, and it supports the idea that search engines are most concerned about protecting male privacy. Men worried about being targeted/located and accused of what they euphemistically call ‘thought crimes’ have likely fuelled this enactment of online privacy. (It’s amazing how many men I run into who are obsessed with ‘thought crimes’ – why is that…?) It is very important that men can search for, access, and masturbate over and over to rape videos, woman-torture, child porn, sexist racism, and the like. The privacy – and safety! – of women and children is just silly to think about. This protection ensures that men can easily keep the rape, torture and other woman hate going both on and offline. If you hide a problem, then it keeps going, keeps building. And we well know that ‘thought crimes’ cannot be compartmentalized – even though men tell us that their fantasies about cutting women up is just that – fantasy – and has nothing to do with their real feelings towards half the population… yeah, right. Do you really thing that men sit at their computer jizzing over a woman being tortured and raped and then go to work and treat their female co-workers fairly? Get real. I am not actually sure which is more disturbing – that men can get off on rape, and then go back to business as usual (which is not fair treatment, by the way), which I would also call psychopathy. Or that men get off on rape and then bring it into the meat world, which is also psychopathy. Hiding it or letting it hang out. Which is worse? And they can’t really hide misogyny; not really. Men aren’t that smart or skilled, and like I’ve said before, they are terrible liars. They don’t have to be – every disgusting thing they do is protected.
Now, Story Ending Never wasn’t operating when WMWTSO was collecting data, so I couldn’t contribute my wealth of filth kindly provided by males from all over the world. When I ran into the site after the fact, I went a-digging into my own data, and I was surprised that so many men were looking for rape and somehow found themselves on my blog. The search terms available have drastically dropped off in the years since I started writing in 2015 – I almost never get specific terms anymore – but my 6+ years of data fall into a few major categories.
There is a shitload of racist (against white women) rape and porn search terms. If you are one of those willingly ignorant assholes who thinks white women aren’t major targets of serious, violent, racist, sexist, rape-hate, you can find the nearest cliff and lean over. No, just a little more. Go on, now. Racist sexism against white women is the most accepted and promoted racist-sexism (even among rapey white males who are happy for women to pay for male crimes, and shockingly, some self-hating, badly abused white females) in current times.
The racist bullshit co-mingles sex, fucking, raping, porn, erotica and romance. The focus is mostly Arabs raping white women, a few black rapists thrown in, but you get the picture (see my keyword list attached below). If you need more proof that men put everything from love to rape to revenge fucks to sexy fun to porn into the same bloody category, just look at search terms – oh wait, you can’t anymore. We are protecting men’s searches now. Anyhow, why do you think I started the Love = Hate series? They are the same thing for men. But you can look at my list because Google can’t erase what has already been recorded.
There is a second major category highlighting men’s obsession with being castrated. I swear men want this. They drool over it. They dream of it. And part of me thinks we should help them out… but I don’t get this obsession at all. I mean, I know men constantly think of hurting women in horrible ways, and I think they assume women do the same thing – dreaming of hurting men and maybe dreaming of being hurt. However, the average woman decidedly does not. She neither dreams of being a slave nor of acting like a typical male. But men need to think this is true to create insane justifications for what they do to us. Otherwise, how can you feel like you are righteous if your target is innocent…? This is how religion (another product of male thinking) has always operated – justifying horrific treatment of people by creating false reports of evil in their ‘enemies’.
The third smaller category of filth that men use to arrive at my site is prostitute humiliation. The first category of search terms, I get – I am white and female, so I will automatically be the target of racist, sexist hate. I don’t know why the castration fetishists come to me or why the prostitute haters come to me. I don’t really write about either – maybe an occasional mention, but nothing worthy of the scores of scrotes who find me through these depraved search terms.
Anyhow, those are my two cents on the internet today. I’m busy procrastinating on something I need to get done, so I’d better get back to it. If you’re interested in the list of search terms, I am including them here for download instead of including a really long list of filth within this post.
Search Terms Used to Find Story Ending Never
[Part of the Conversations with Men series.]
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Men Dream, Women Labour, Men Take Credit
A man with dreams needs a woman with vision…
Alternate verion: A man with dreams needs a woman who believes…
various scrotals take credit as their sex is wont to do, but original source unknown
Better and truer version: A man with dreams needs women’s unquestioning faith, undying and undeserved devotion, and endless free or underpaid labour to bring the dream to life… but it’s probably just better to put him down in the permanent sense, so that women can be free to pursue their own damned dreams.
Story Ending
Woman, I could get used to this quote reinvention thing! I might go down in history – kind of like Weird Al Yankovic with his song parodies! No matter. I’ll put this in the Conversations with Men series, although I’m writing of a general, repetitive, lifelong conversation that all women have with all men. I’ll give a few examples from my own life, but honestly, I see this form of male dominance in everything I experience. Women are just so used to it (and by my definition, exhausted by it) that they don’t realize all the time they end up devoting to men’s brilliant ideas and/or cleaning up after numerous failed experiments.
So the other day, after escaping from my most recent foray into exploitative work – wait, let’s call it what it actually was: work-based imprisonment of a foreign person through legal means – I started researching the country where I’ll be spending at least the next couple of months. Okay, let’s be honest here again, I was researching food because I like food, especially local specialties. And I noticed something. Most of these dishes and snacks and local basics that are must-eats when in this particular area have a man’s name attached to them. Men made famous by the creation of some spectacular edible. In the few cases where a woman was considered responsible for the dish’s creation, we have no idea who she was – some faceless, nameless wife. The story behind the dish often has the quality of a general myth: a woman wanted to please her new husband, sorta bullshit.
Anyhow, I started thinking about this, and it didn’t make sense to me. Given that throughout history, and continuing today, women have been the ones in the kitchens, the ones improvising dishes during hard times, the ones creating deliciousness out of 3 ingredients because hubbie has spent all the family’s money at the local watering or gambling hole or whorehouse – why is it that men are the only ones supposedly creating the famous, local, traditional foods? This doesn’t ring true for me. What I think has happened is that some opportunistic male who couldn’t get anything in his own life going, took his mother’s or his sister’s or his wife’s amazing creation and attached his name to it. Woman be damned. We’ve seen this happen countless times throughout history in the art world, in the scientific world – in every world and in every culture. Men steal. They steal from women. They steal their ideas, their labour, their inventions and discoveries, and they take credit in the form of recognition, money, future opportunities, and more. This is HIS story. She is erased. He lives forever. So I know the traditional foods I end up eating no matter where I go in the world have originally come from women, anonymous women.
I thought about the process of stealing. I thought about all the Great Men in the world, and the lesser men who have dreams. I thought about my own experiences with these ‘idea men’ thoughout my life. There have been so many. When I was younger and more naive and energetic, I fell prey to many of these guys. Sometimes, they have good ideas. But here’s the thing. Most of these men are not that bright, and are the laziest fuckers you’ll ever meet. They have grown up having their mothers do everything for them, and coupled with their inborn aggression and need to take, mom has nurtured and reinforced a sense of entitlement and deserving. By the time he reaches adulthood, the great man is well used to girls and women working for him to make his path easy, to make his dreams come true, to provide an endless well of ideas from which to take, and to give him some kind of legacy that they and he believes he deserves as a male.
You have, no doubt, encountered at least one of these guys in your life. It could be dad, but it could also be a teacher or mentor, a friend, a boyfriend/husband. You’ve been well-trained from birth to see males as insightful and brilliant, and you fall for male aggression or charisma really easily. Once charmed, you’ll do anything for them. They are soooo smart and creative and supportive of your desperate need to be a part of their crusade! Of course you want to sign on and help him realize his brilliant idea to change the world! See my post on friendship – specifically the section on Types of Friendship – to get some insight into how women get sucked into parasitical situations like this – hint: males see friendships with women differently than women see friendships with men…
I’ll give a few of my own examples. Note that I don’t fall for male bullshit anymore. I don’t give free labour to men anymore. Not that I’ve tried this yet, but I’d now go so far as to suggest that women steal men’s ideas and make them happen without sharing credit. Time to turn the tables, don’t you think? That’s for you to decide, of course. But I’m tired of promoting playing nice with our oppressors. We still aren’t free, but dammit, we’re ethical and sweet!
There is a male I’ve written about before. He is a standard lazy, useless, wannabe Great Man. He has spent decades generating ideas and then rallying gaggles of energetic and enthusiastic women to do his bidding. I was, at one point, one of them, until I saw the writing on the wall: I wasn’t getting anything but longer-lasting poverty from his project. And he got all the credit for the work I did. Not all of this guy’s ideas were bad, and he is actually aware he is a lazy user, and that it is women he almost exclusively exploits. But he talks about it laughingly, as all males do when they acknowledge bad parts of themselves (hahaha, I’m a womanizer; lol, I have a weakness for raping prostitutes for money; teeheehee, I just can’t help ogling women while you’re in the middle of telling me about your childhood incest). I eventually escaped this guy and moved on with other stuff. But I lost months of my life.
The most recent example of male dreams shaping the women they use and abuse came out of the recent job I accepted and just escaped from (alluded to above). Now, I was only able to escape because I’ve wised up to male tactics, because I don’t fully trust how Muslim males treat women (especially white women), and because I was put in a very dangerous legal situation that potentially could have seen me arrested, heavily fined and/or deported (yes, stupid liberal Americans, this shit happens to white people, too). Now, I’m not big on rules, as a rule, but I don’t actively fuck with governments. The school for whom I was working had told me weeks ago that they had finished the paperwork for my work visa, but had refused to take my passport – and you need the visa put INTO the passport to show legal status – even after I asked several times, and as the expiry date of my tourist visa approached, I wasn’t given any information about the status of my visa or the need for me to do a ‘visa run’ to a neighbouring country in order to remain legal. The only conclusion that could be reached was that a) they intended to put me into illegal status and thus control my movements since I couldn’t do anything without ID and proof of legal standing or b) they were holding my paperwork hostage, which was in fact finished, in order to control my movements. Without legal standing, one can’t leave the country, travel within the country on public transport, or even stay at a hotel within the country while on a school break. They were trying to hold me prisoner, in other words. This on top of the fact that I was forced to work 7 days a week, was faced with racism and xenophobia every day, and was dealing with growing anger and resentment from some of the women working at the school as I don’t act like a Muslim woman or even one of the non-Muslim hetero breeders or breeders-to-be. Needless to say, I was fucking depressed, constantly ill, and paranoid about being illegal.
But let’s get to the male dream – female slavery part of things. So the head of the school told me about his ‘dreams’ on a few occasions. He was thrilled to hire me as I am highly educated and experienced, and so, squarely on my shoulders, he placed his ridiculous and frankly impossible dreams about the future of the school. Honestly, I had better ideas for the school, but I wasn’t hired for my ideas – just my apparently endless female capacity for labour. So deluded and power-hungry as he was, he couldn’t believe it one day when he asked me if I had been out of the city to enjoy some of the beautiful scenery of the area, and I told him that it wasn’t possible as I was working 7 days a week, including nights. He looked at me suspiciously – I’m legally barred from working more than one job – and he asked where I was working. I looked at him incredulously and told him I worked 7 days a week at the school – days, nights, Saturdays, and full Sundays grading and preparing the hours and hours of lessons I had to teach. He ended the conversation right after that as reality is never part of a Great Man’s dream. He is responsible for ideas, and he doesn’t think about who has to suffer (women) in order to make these dreams come true. He had even admitted to me on a few other occasions that he was likely to move to a different school in the system in the near future, but he expected me to stay for at least 5 years to make his great dream for the program come true, and he definitely wanted to get credit for that!
Fuck that. I’m too old and open-eyed to fall for male abuse anymore. I almost wish I could go back in time and take back all the months and years of my life I devoted to furthering men’s careers and fattening their pocketbooks at the expense of my own career and bank account. All I can do now is to prevent it from happening to me again, and to put my story and warnings out there for younger women (or older women who haven’t figured out why they feel depleted and used and impoverished), so that they can avoid all the pain and focus on holding their own ideas sacred, and focusing on making their own dreams come true.
A woman’s dream should never be to let a man step on her in order to reach the top.
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Is it Hive Mind or Is There a Handbook? Males Penetrating Female-Only E-Space
So, I’ve been spending a little time over on Saidit talking with some truly interesting women from around the world. I like it. Different ages and cultures thinking about the same issues; I love it when a woman makes a comment that makes me think more deeply about something I’ve either not thought much about before or that helps me clarify my own position. You’re never too old or too experienced to develop… or change! There are some other women there too – they seem young, unfocused, and angry (justifiably so; I have zero problem with righteous anger) who are likely finally finding a place to voice their rage without being censored. But I like discussion of the calmer sort, if I’m up for interaction at all. Don’t get me wrong, I have rage, and I let her out for a stomp every once in a while, even though it’s blood she craves at times…
I’ve hung out on different forums at different times, very often as a lurker. I don’t often participate because what’s the point? Most places are run by men and heavily populated by men and their cockpuppets. You either get censored, ignored or attacked when you comment as a non-handmaiden. Pointless to waste your energy. But so far the saidit blackpill threads seem to be doing alright, if so far under-utilized. If you’re reading this and haven’t been over yet, give it a try. You might find a topic worth talking about. There are a few different, related threads. Just explore.
One thing you will find, however, no matter which forum you find yourself on, is that if there is a woman-only space or a woman-pertinent topic, males will come and jizz all over it. And no matter where they are from or what age they are, they are all exactly the same. It is a bit eerie actually, but as a result, they are completely predictable. I’m trying to figure out whether all males share a mind or whether they are all given a handbook at birth: “How to derail a discussion group of women in the most male way possible in 10 easy steps”. I’m going to ignore the Neanderthal infiltrator. He is the guy who just stomps in and announces that all women are bitches or that women have easier lives than men. And then he just waits for women to freak out (which they usually don’t because they’ve encountered this asshole a million times before). No, today, I’m focusing on the guy who saunters in and attempts a dialogue. There are a million of these guys too, but they are often a little more successful at derailing women. Here’s how it always goes:
- Male announces himself. “Greetings. I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi , but you can call me Humble Scrote. I’m just a simple, innocent male, and I wanted to ask a question to all you wise women. You can feel free to ignore me, but I would love it if you would educate me on X, Y, Z topic. I’m confused.” So, note a few things here: the male must announce himself – unlike any of the women in the group, even if they haven’t posted before. He usually tells everyone he is male and makes some self-deprecating comment to show women he doesn’t feel superior to them (ahem… that’s coming later). He also invites the women to completely ignore him, while at the same time plowing on with an endless paragraph that demands that they filter through the jizzy mess, unable to ignore him. In the humble paragraph, it is clear that despite what his actual words say, he does, in fact, expect the group to completely shift focus to him, and often the question(s) he has isn’t directly tied to the initial topic of the post.
- Reactions: Someone always reacts to the Nice Guy TM. There is at least one naïve and/or well-trained ‘nice’ woman who welcomes the penis to the group. He is being so sweet and humble, after all, so he can’t be one of ‘those guys’. (Not all men!) Women are expected to be nice and helpful, and most importantly, not to have boundaries. It is okay to interrupt women and demand their attention. Men don’t see this as being on the same spectrum as rape, unwanted touching, taking up more than one’s share of space on buses or shared seating, etc. But it is all part of the male dominance-female subservience system. Women don’t have boundaries. Men have the right to be everywhere. So you’ll get a nice welcoming woman, thrilled with the opportunity to help a male understand what women are about, who usually asks penis master to clarify something or to spell out his question, if he didn’t already do so upon flouncing into the e-space. You will also often get at least one awesome woman who will address the intruder by his real name, usually something like Scrote or Moid. Welcoming Woman is usually quicker on the draw, though, so by the time the Warrior Woman has responded, dick-for-brains has usually written at least 2-3 long paragraphs outlining his confusion or clarifying how fucking amazing he is (Not all men!).
- Then the scrote sees the unwelcoming comment, and he shows his real face. Holy shit! He isn’t a Nice Guy TM. Or rather, he is a Nice Guy, but the bitch who is biting his head off is making him respond like some rapey turd. How can you blame him? How else is he to respond to someone who is clearly a man-hating lesbian, and who likely has emasculating testicle shears hanging just inside the front door of her apartment? Is he supposed to just leave the forum? Hell no! He has every right to be in the women’s space derailing everyone from the interesting topic they were discussing and demanding all eyes turned to him as he spins in a testosterific cloud of confusion. Stop talking and just listen and learn by reading? Hell no! He has a right to voice his opinions and ask his questions! How dare these women attack him. He is suddenly a victim and he lashes out like all men know how to do (again, is it hivemind or is there a bloody handbook on this???) His initial response is usually along the lines of “What is your problem? / What did I do??? ” Totally eye-blinkingly innocent.
- Then it goes on. It becomes quickly apparent that the Scrotal Mess isn’t there to be educated. What he really wanted to do was to point out that feminists are misinterpreting the state of the world. Or most men aren’t what the actual data available publicly say they are. Or most men don’t hate women, and the men who do hate women don’t hate them 100%, maybe just like 25% or something (there is always a statistic in there somewhere). Or women have more power than men these days. Or, I mean pick something – it almost always has something to do with women being stupid or privileged in some way, and men are innocent victims suffering in this world because of mean feminists who are mean. Ruining everything! Waaaah!
- There may be some response from the ass-kicking forum defenders telling Sir-Masturbates-Alot to fuck off. The initially welcoming woman has usually kept out of things – she is probably confused. (Why are you attacking him…???) And the man then goes on to do at least one of the following: a) He deposits a man-turd in the form of a warning, e.g., “With this attitude, you will quickly find yourself with few allies.” “You’ll never make progress if you don’t include ME (and other Nice Feminist Guys) in your endeavours.” b) He reinforces his victim status, even though he was the one to penetrate the women, I mean the women’s discussion group. “Geez, bite my head off. I was just trying to learn/ask a simple (multi-paragraph) question.” or c) He’ll make threats and use hate speech. This is self-explanatory. We’ve all seen Nice Guys TM wish us dead or raped. They’ve all reported US for hate speech and tried to get us censored, often successfully. They’ve all called us cunts and bitches and feminazis and whores and TERFs and Karens and the list is endless.
- Scrote eventually fucks off. He is often banned if there is a moderator. But he may come back with a different user name. Sometimes it is hard to tell, they all sound the fucking same. And all women are left knowing that no matter where they are, whether it be online or in the meat world, they will always be attacked by men. Women are just not allowed to speak publicly without some fucking man policing the whole damned thing and thinking that his opinion is more important than women’s and that his demand for attention and service are vastly more urgent and important than the need for women to speak freely and without interference about the things that concern their lives most seriously.
And as a close, please note that I have lurked on blogs representing special interest groups, and you don’t see this level of infiltration and sense of entitlement by members that wouldn’t normally be included in that group. This seems only to apply to women as a class.
It is up to you to decide why all these guys sound the same. Are men born into a hivemind situation or are they handed a manual at birth that teaches them how to dominate women, including in e-forums? The only thing I know for certain is that it is just best not to respond to them. They hate it and will go away faster.
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This One’ll Be Different
If you want to be a good and effective feminist (jeez, I really need to let go of that word, as it is meaningless today), you have to let go of making exceptions for men. We women are trained from birth to forgive males all their trespasses, give males the benefit of the doubt, give males second chances (and then third and then fourth, ad nauseum), teach males how to be human and allowing them to make their mistakes on our bodies; be patient with their neanderthal ways; keep our mouths shut when they inevitably trample our souls, bodies, and rights into the mud; defend all the shithead males in our lives when they hurt some woman (including us); and most importantly, beat the living shit out of outspoken women who point out male abuses and who demand that something be done.
It is tempting to allow them into our lives because the basic and superficial benefits are manyfold. For most women, males allow a better standard of living than would be possible on one’s own as a woman. Males are also tapped into the Old Boy’s Network, and jobs can be had by orbiting this network as some males throw women a bone if they can’t think of a male who would be suited for the job. Males may also provide services such as moving heavy shit, fixing electronics or toilets (which women are fully capable of learning how to do themselves, by the way), intimidating unwanted outsider male advances or exploitation (aka ‘protection services’), and a whole host of other jobs that males made up to pretend they are absofuckinglutely necessary in our world. So most women keep males around simply because they have created a system and set of beliefs where women don’t do as well without them. Note that women do better psychologically without men, however. That point is never pointed out in the heterosexual world.
One of the other things that makes males more attractive to keep around is the fact that women gravitate towards men and servicing them rather than cultivating serious female friendships. It gets lonely out there and even if you want female friendships, they are very, very hard to achieve, especially as you get older, if you are not in a traditional workplace or school, if you’re are not straight, and if you don’t have children. Some women might consider interacting with men simply to have people to sort of talk to (if it is possible to have an equal give-take conversation with a male. It’s not, imo.)
I wrestled with this very issue the other day. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I am extremely socially isolated right now, despite living in a place where I have to share amenities. I barely socialize here, partly by choice and partly because nobody seems to be interested in the few middle-aged or older women living here. So recently, I got back into meetup dot com, which I had been using in the US before The Virus hit. There isn’t a heck of a lot going on for obvious reasons. I just joined a French convo group, although all meetings are online, which is less interesting. And I found a group specifically for people who deliberately don’t have kids. I contacted the organizer to ask whether they were holding any events. The organizer is a young male. We have a few similar interests, including language-learning. Upon writing back, he mentioned that people hadn’t showed much enthusiasm once The Virus was in full swing. And after some online back and forth about languages, he suggested that we could meet one-on-one for an outdoor coffee. I let a few days go by, my instincts, experience, and what I would consider a moral commitment to feminism (female separatism) wrestling with my need to speak to an actual human in person for more than a few minutes in a social context.
Here’s the thing. Males are soooo fucking hard to talk to, in general, once you’ve started deprogramming. Even the ‘nice’ or ‘smart’ ones can be so overbearing. I almost always feel soul-sucked, dominated, and that I have to spend so much more time listening than I get to contribute in the way that men feel they deserve to contribute. I reasoned with myself that it wasn’t worth it to risk being soul-sucked at a time when I am soul-hungry. And of course, sticking to the principles I’ve committed myself to as a female separatist is important. I know I am practically alone in this. Women sell out all time time and become collaborators in patriarchy and misogyny, and reason that they do what they do to ‘survive’ (most of which is usally absolute fucking bullshit, in my opinion). So I may suffer consequences in terms of brain atropy and potential connection-making in a town where I have no connections and barely speak to anyone, but I have to stick to my guns. For me. For women. For principles.
Long story short, after not responding to the invitation for a length of time bordering on rude, I slithered out of a coffee meeting with finesse and a believable excuse. I had learned from the best after all my years in China. The Chinese are expert excuse makers and contract-breakers, and constantly make excuses for not doing what they actually commit to. I think I’ll occasionally talk online with the group organizer about language and other innocuous things until the group feels safe in reconvening once more. Most of the group is actually female, which is inspiring and the only reason why I joined in the first place. One of the only good things about being in the West again is that you can actually meet women your age who are deliberate non-breeders. I didn’t meet a single adult non-breeder in China. They may exist, but they are rare.
Anyhow, before I devolve into an alcohol-fuelled rant about China, I’ll close with this: when it comes to males, it seems you have to weigh your pro-female principles against what you consider to be survival. On many levels, all males are the same – never forget that. The idea that ‘this one’ll be different’ is a fairytale we tell ourselves to justify the easy road we take. They will feed off you, even if it is subtle, and all benefits you think you are getting come at a cost. You make connections with them at your own risk. And of course, every single thing a woman does is political and affects the status and freedom of all other women. Collaborate with men, and you prevent anything from getting better for all women. Really simple, but hard to accept.
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A Is for Antagonism
Story Ending Never’s Alphabet Series is now on YouTube in audio form. Come get your dose of weird Canadian accent 😉 You can listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
Happy new year. Does it feel like a new year? In many ways, no. This effing Virus is well into its second year now, and many of us are bored, depressed, not too hopeful, wondering when things will go back to normal, or whether we’ve got a new normal. Some of us are seriously isolated. Myself, I haven’t had an in-person conversation with another human that lasted longer than 5 minutes in months – I’ve noticed that people, especially women, seem to have a serious aversion to speaking to middle aged and older women. We’re invisible. But it’s more than that. It almost seems like there is a discomfort and dismissal on the part of those with whom you are trying to engage. It is hard to explain. Strangely, everyone seems to want to engage with weird men of any age, even when they stink to high heaven, are narcissistic, talk too much or too loudly, are offensive, and add whatever you want to the list. Seriously. I just can’t understand why it is more attractive to talk to some repulsive, self-centred pervball, but not to a friendly female who isn’t gaming to rape you or suck your energy with unbridled egomania and scrotal tall tales of imagined accomplishments and prowess.
In addition, I’m finding it really hard to catch the eye of fellow sisters while out for a walk on the street or walking trails – something I usually try to do no matter where in the world I am. I get the distinct impression that there is this bizarre notion that connecting with fellow humans, even just through eye contact, somehow puts you at risk for contracting The Virus. I used to live in the place where I currently am, and it’s not an unfriendly place, generally. But it feels very different here than it used to. Paranoid. And no longer a community. Selective disconnect.
Anyhow, I’m totally off track, but my excuse is that it is my first post of the new year, so some preamble was warranted. I wanted to kick off an hommage – or perhaps I should say femmage, as I love franglais and neologisms, both – to Sue Grafton and her Alphabet series. Years ago, I fell in love with Kinsey Millhone, private detective, with her minimalistic lifestyle, low income, and creative tiny house living space. Her only fault was her constructed and frankly unbelievable heterosexuality – she really never came across as anything but asexual or lesbian to me, but luckily, you could just flip a few pages to skip over the luckily sparse sexual content (thank you 1980’s – it would be a different story today à la 50 shades of shit).
We’ll see how far I get. I’m kicking it off with A is for Antagonism. There is no recurring character, and this isn’t a novel. And jeez, there is no mystery in what I write, despite the fact that most women just don’t seem to be able to figure out why men do what they do and why they themselves just can’t stop spreading their legs for them. Mystery is not the same thing as willing ignorance and cognitive dissonance, let me tell you. Open your eyes to reality and the privilege you orbit is no longer possible. Case closed!
Now before I get into it, there are tons of A-words I could have chosen here. A is for asshole, assault, aggression, arrogance, affirmative action, ‘alleged’, abortion, and more. But I chose antagonism, a highy underappreciated word.
So let’s go. Very simply put, antagonism is active hostility or opposition. Think of someone who seems deliberately to disagree with everything you say, or someone who pokes at you, saying provocative things that seem deliberately geared towards riling you up or getting some sort of reaction (anger, tears, defensiveness, etc) out of you. Interestingly, in literature, the ‘antagonist’ is typically seen as a villain, nemesis or chief opposition to the hero of the story, designed to cause problems or allow for a plot to exist at all.
I want to talk about antagonism in two specific, but not necessarily unrelated, categories: Male communication styles and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
- Male Communication Styles
Let me draw from one of my ESL lectures on language and communication – I tell all my students that the purpose of language is to try to get what we want or need. It is one of human’s most basic and useful tools. If you don’t communicate, you don’t get what you need, from trying to find food or a toilet in a new place to trying to get a job. Now, to understand how males typically use this tool outside of toilets or getting directions, let’s cover a few truths. a) Males are both wired and socialized to believe that they deserve. Everything and anything they need or want becomes crucial and deserved. b) Males are also wired and socialized to be aggressive, so getting what they believe they deserve is best achieved through aggression of one form or another. c) Most males realize on some level that they aren’t important, have less to offer the world than females, and could be done away with without serious repurcussions in the long run (obsolescence). Most males can’t articulate that, but they know it on some lizard brain level and use aggression and a focus on ‘deserving’ to cover up their biological inadequacies.
But back to language. All of the above factor into the way males often communicate, especially with females they see as threats to their fragile egos in an attempt to prove that they are important, and better, and deserving, and not obsolete. An aggressive communication style is often used on perceived superior women (e.g., intelligent, educated, non-naive, older, uninterested, extremely attractive, and/or sexually unavailable women) and is usually manifested as antagonism. Now, some men use antagonism as a bizarre, but often effective (why? ask a hetero chick, cuz I don’t get it…) means of flirting. But antagonism is most often used by men as an attempt to disarm women, to steal their energy, and to divert their laser focus away from the inadequacies and flimsy lies and exaggerations of said male. Men will question and/or disagree with and/or dissect every statement a woman makes in a conversation. He will pick apart decisions she has made and is describing to him, and criticize everything about it in an attempt to make her defend herself or even fall apart. He will goad her to prove every detail she states, often expecting citations of studies or data. He will often ask her to recite lists of things to prove the extent of her knowledge on a subject and pounce on any error she makes as proof of her inadequacy, even a subject on the outskirts of the topic of conversation.
As I look back, I have have had sooooo many interactions of this sort with males through my life. Now, I’m not surprised – I am often a threat to men as I am smart, educated, well trained in pscyhology, sexually unavailable, I see through bullshit easily, and if I am feeling brave and devil may care, I can give better mindfuckery than I get. I am a massive threat to all insecure men who think they deserve and are used to most women giving them literal or figurative blowjobs for existing. Interestingly, the abusive male living in the house I was renting in when I first moved back to Canada spoke to all the women in the house using this style. I remember one specific conversation involving him, myself, and one of the cock-whipped hetero women, where the male kept picking at the latter over something she did that she was telling us about. She accused him of being jealous, but I countered with an accusation of being antagonistic. Only a month or two later, after he started making threats against my physical safety did I start putting the whole shebang together – which brings me to my second category of antagonist.
2. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
It’s important to note that while many males employ antagonistic communication styles with women, most of these guys do not have NPD. Antagonism can just be a way that males deal with their usually subconscious awareness of their inadequacy and obsolescence as males. Also, note that narcissism and NPD are not the same. You can be a narcissist (very self-centred, vain, selfish) without a personality disorder (ingrained personality pattern that disrupts your day-to-day functioning and relationships). Both males and females can have NPD and thus can be antagonistic, but there are almost double the number of male NPDs than females (likely more because we accept narcissism and abusive behaviour in males and thus may not suspect that a male is anything but normal), which makes sense if you understand the disorder and the biological reality of males. As an aside, published research shows that young people, males, blacks, and, to a lesser extent, other minorities have higher prevalence of lifetime NPD than do older people, females, and non-Hispanic whites. You can google all that if you are interested – myself, I’m not getting into the whys and implications of race or age relationships with narcissistic disorders here – my focus is, as always, on male bullshit and how it affects women and girls. I have a great deal of personal experience with NPD family members, and what I will say is that the abuse they dish out is worse and more damaging to the core self than physical abuse. Most survivors of narcissistic and physical abuse will also tell you that. I’ll write more about my NPD experience in another post.
Antagonism is a chief trait of narcissists, and specifically, those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The arrogance, constant arguing, and pathological need to exploit people are warning signs that you are dealing with a very dangerous and destructive person with a problem that is likely never, ever, ever going to change no matter how much you try to help them.
Conclusion
Regardless of whether you are dealing with a weak ass male with ego problems or a true blue NPD, my advice is to get away as soon as you can. If you are stuck in a relationship (family, work situation) with them, you have a decision to make: develop strategies that will allow you to reduce the effects of antagonistic attacks (or avoid them as much as you can), or get the hell out. I always do the latter, but it comes at a very high cost. Worth it to me, but you have to weigh your options according to your own needs.
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Better Seen, But Not Heard
I’ve never really understood why people get so obsessed with actors. They are basically glorified memorizers, some of whom are able to sell a lie. We worship this? Okay.
Well, once in a while, there might be someone with real talent; they are seldom recognized as a) we celebrate all male mediocrity, so the most famous male actors aren’t really that talented, b) women are chosen for their looks rather than acting ability, so most female talent never makes it to the big screen, c) most writers are male with a few male-identified women thrown in, so the roles for women are limited and usually supporting roles and/or caricatures. Female talent seldom gets to shine, even if they have been noticed.
But one thing is true, no matter the talent or lack of talent in the acting department; these folks aren’t really special in any other way. So why do their opinions on serious issues matter so much to the hoi polloi? I mean, most of them aren’t especially intelligent or worldly. Even if they’ve managed a university degree, intellectual work, thinking, analysis, etc., wasn’t the primary goal. Jobs geared towards fame and fortune tend to attract people who want attention, so the narcissism factor tends to run high. So I ask again, why would we place such value on the opinions of self-centred, out-of-touch, I lie-for-pay types? Does everyone really need a hero, and the loudest asshole wins the role?
Who is Daniel Radcliffe? Feeding-hand-biter. Misogynist. Mediocre actor. And bit of a tosser, really…
Again and again, we follow the uninformed political rantings of ridiculous screenies, and not to beat a dead horse, but the latest is the schlock coming out of the mouths of wand-wavers, Daniel Radcliffe and his cohort. [Jeez, I told myself I would never write on this, but the topic just won’t go away…] Please stop talking. Please stop attacking the woman who made you rich and famous. You aren’t even touched by the trannie issue. Women are. Let women who are on the ground dealing with this shit day to day take the lead and put the issue in its place (the toilet). Your opinion means less than nothing. Go back to your mediocre acting. I, for one, am boycotting all future films put out by tossers like this one.
So tired of the trannie issue, but it is far from being done, and the worst is yet to come for women who dare to trust established science and defy the crazies by speaking in public.
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A Tribute: To All the Boys I’ve Feared Before
I’ve travelled and lived around the world for more than 20 years, and pre-hetero-and liberal deprogramming, I dated and friended extensively among the non-white international male (and female) community. I can’t stress enough how men of all races and all stations of life terrorize, benefit from, and have immense power over women of all races and stations of life. Women, especially white women, who bleet on about how white men are the worst either live in very, very small worlds with limited exposure to the range of men out there, or they are in some serious denial of reality reinforced by current liberal ideology. Wake up, sisters. You’re speaking untruths. And worse, you’re hurting women with your propaganda.
Anyhow, it’s the end of the year and rather than make resolutions, I want to send out my gratitude to all the men and boys who’ve helped to shape my reality and to open my eyes to what all males are. I present a list of my firsts, the men and boys who first introduced me to an experience or concept and who chipped away at my innocence, confidence and naivité. Some of it I learned from you as a child, some as a teenager, and some throughout my adulthood. Thank you, boys. Collectively, you’ve rocked my world. Your behaviour makes feminism necessary, I hope you realize. And I know with certainty (unlike my liberal sisters) that not a one of you is better or worse than any other. You all capitalize off the fear and compliance you inspire in women and girls.
So here goes:
White French men introduced me to the idea that female prostitutes do what they do because they love to fuck, therefore, prostitution is okay. They also introduced me to the idea that if they pay for your drink or meal, you are not allowed to speak in public.
Mexican men introduced me to white female slavery as a modern reality, to female child abduction and to mouth rape.
East Indian men introduced me to relationship rape dressed up as ‘aggressive and exciting sex’, and to porn as sex education.
Native Canadian/American men introduced me to the idea of terrorism of girls and women in the workplace and the idea that all women, regardless of colour, will be punished if they react negatively to the terrorism. They also introduced me to the reality that men of colour have always done better and will always do better than all women in the workplace, and they are almost always rewarded for abusing female coworkers.
Jewish men introduced me to the idea that if men or boys can’t fuck you, they’ll cheat on you with your best friend. This kickstarted my thinking on the reality of coercive and manipulative rape as the most common form of rape and the single most common reason women (are forced to) consent to sex in relationships.
Cambodian men introduced me to the idea of paying a man to use me as a prostitute.
Muslim men (well before the recent events in Europe) introduced me to publicly conducted, race- and sex-motivated, group-coordinated attempted-murder of white women. They showed me that the Western world has no interest in preventing Muslim men from hurting, raping and murdering white women. They also introduced me to the Muslim male hate- and rape-fueling love of white woman porn; to violent relationship rape; to the treatment of my body as a non-consensual cum dumpster, and to the treatment of my body during my period as a filthy, untouchable, but still blow-job-giveable piece of garbage.
Taiwanese men introduced me to daytime, streetside sexual assault, and to daytime, unwanted racist propositioning for dick-servicing.
Chinese men and boys introduced me to racist sexual harassment and sexual assault of white female lecturers in the secondary and post-secondary classroom.
White British men introduced me to gang rape; to punishing rape victims; to violent rape-porn as a fun gift for one’s male mates; and to the idea that women should relinquish their names and the names of their children upon marriage.
Black men introduced me to racist and unpunishable stalking of white women for the purpose of rape, and to the idea of women only being allowed to have ‘sexual power’ – the power to inspire boners. They taught me that only men get access to economic and legal power. They also introduced me to the concept of military cock-servicing requirements when stationed abroad.
Homeless men introduced me to the idea that public libraries are extremely dangerous places for women and girls – workers and patrons.
Christian men introduced me to the idea that making Sundays into ‘holy days’ (non-shopping days) provides men with the perfect daytime opportunity to lay in wait for teenaged girls walking through deserted commercial areas trying to get to friends’ homes or libraries to study.
But it all started with my father introducing me to rape as the ultimate entertainment for male adults and male children.
What would life have been like if men and boys didn’t do what they do best – terrorize, enslave, and attempt to destroy women and girls? Unimaginable…
Happy New Year! I hope your holiday is rape- and fear-free.
[This is part of the Conversations with Men series and the Birth of a Feminist series.]
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It Ain’t a Party Until Something Gets Broke
Language Corners. Phenomena popular in, but likely not limited to, China, most often take the form of loose to semi-structured informal events where people gather to practise speaking a particular foreign language. I have years of experience participating in ‘English Corners’. For many years, I was forced to organize and participate in Corners at the places where I worked. They were horrible. Students would come to be entertained rather than learn and participate fully, and to ask me the same boring questions about whether I could use chopsticks and if I loved China. But I’ve managed to live in a few large places where locals organize Corners for anyone who wants to participate and that aren’t dependent on the attendance of native speakers. Nanjing, former capital of China, has a long-running (well over 25-30 years now) and excellent English Corner that meets in a local park at night once a week and is attended by people of all ages and abilities and walks of life. It is quite fabulous.
The city where I currently work has a number of language Corners. Some are held at universities and some at public parks. I’ve attended several, and as might be expected, some are better than others. I once attended one that seemed to attract aggressive and annoying men seeking to perv on the young Chinese girls who attended and to engage in antagonistic and exhausting ‘conversation’ with yours truly. Mostly though, if I attend an English Corner at all, I attend the private one held by the enthusiastic students at my own campus. They’re good kids, and I’m the first person to preserve and foster any natural desire to learn and better oneself. You can’t buy curiosity, and it is hard to find in this world in this day and age.
Recently, I’ve been motivating myself for a major life change. I’m really thinking about moving to France as early as next year. It is a work in progress. I speak passable French and I can think in the language, but I have to admit, I am far from bilingual and years of disuse has done a number on my grammar and vocabulary. Years in China hasn’t helped. But I recently discovered a local multi-language Corner. The bulk of the participants attend to practise speaking English, but there are small groups of people there wishing to speak Korean, Japanese, Spanish, and as luck would have it, French. Needless to say, I am ecstatic. I made a pact with a friend of mine to attend every week with her- she wants to work on having more intellectual discussions in her already excellent English. And I need to reawaken and tone my French muscles.
The other night had a decent turn-out. Some weeks, there may only be one other person wanting to speak French, but there were three native speakers from Africa this time in addition to a few regular Chinese attendees I’ve gotten to know. Unfortunately, they were dudes, and to my great surprise and dismay, they were part of a large international group of special forces soldiers in China for a year-long training program. Creepy, scary, and weird. China is training the world’s elite, state-sanctioned rapists and murderers now!!! Anyhow, I stuck with the group until the Africans started asking the locals why there is no young Chinese pussy available to them. Apparently, everyone has a boyfriend!!! These black dudes may be here for military training, but they are definitely also here to fuck local bitches and possibly to find one to marry. Barfo. I am so not interested in heterosexual female slavery or men of any colour (sorry, liberal feminists, it isn’t just white men) whining about not finding a line-up of women on their backs, legs spread waiting for them.
I left the group to look for my friend among the ESL’ers.
And I found her in a weird situation. It was a small group, and a Chinese guy was lambasting her in an aggressive stance jabbing the air with his finger in an accusatory fashion. You know this type and this move. Very male, very threatening. So he notices me approaching, turns on me, and with no preamble, salutation, or welcome, immediately gives me a task. “YOU are going to settle this for us.” Now, I don’t like being told what to do, especially by men, but as my friend was involved, I asked what was going on instead of just turning around. From what I could gather, they had been discussing ‘single life’, which I think was one of the topics of the evening. I am not sure what exactly my friend had said, but dickface had gone on the offensive. I think she must have challenged his heterosexual assumption that women’s bodies were the property of men and that to be single was a female crime against humanity. He was speaking loudly and started describing her as a ‘gentleman-lady’, which was supposed to be an insult, in addition to insulting her intelligence and existence.
I stopped him and concluded that she had won the argument hands down. That made him mad. He looked for ways to put his natural violence and anger upon me. He accused me of being American (classic move for many anti-Americans as if it is some sort of point-scoring argument), to which I suggested that he wasn’t very smart if he was making stupid assumptions that ended up not being true. I’m not American. Then he started suggesting that obviously we were lesbians and should kiss. He kept saying that over and over, which I think was at the root of his original anger at my friend. It was positively immature and scary behaviour. It was also clear that my friend, whom I later found out had been further attacked by the other males in the group for other incomprehensible reasons, was forced into a position where she was trying to defend herself. I’ve been there. When you’re 21, and for most women throughout their entire life, you are constantly forced by males and some male-focused females to defend your human status. A few of us manage to learn that self-defense is futile. You can’t win nonsensical arguments. And men love the fight. They gain energy. You lose yours to them. You are derailed, and often, your small confidence is further shaken. You shrink and eventually give up trying to be human. And there is always the fear that there will be violence. Not just verbal violence.
So I decided to start the fucking party. I’m not 21 anymore, and I don’t believe men can or even want to end their violence. Every second you give them is a waste unless you are taking them down with certainty. I have various strategies for dealing with assholes. You have to be careful, though. You have to know who you’re up against and how dangerous they are. Sometimes you can you embarrass them. Sometimes you can intimidate them. Sometimes, you just have to walk away and find a safe place. But regardless of douchebag type, I always recommend never entering a pointless argument where you’re put on the defense. It’s like arguing with a religious person – they don’t come from a place of truth or fact, and have massive power behind them that will put society on their side if things get weird for you. So this guy? Stupid, a coward targeting a very young woman, and possibly violent if alone with him. But in a group setting, he needed to be controlled and dismissed. So I took the upper hand. I pointed out that he was rude and aggressive and not very smart, and that I wasn’t going to join a group discussion with a shameful person like him in it, and I moved to take my friend with me. He put himself on the defense, trying to negate my statements about him, which was exactly what I wanted, and he soon realized he couldn’t win against me since I wouldn’t engage. He walked away with a buddy of his. Lack of easy prey made English Corner much less appealing, apparently.
Now what made me really angry was that no one would speak up against him. Quietly looking on as he destroyed a young woman was apparently just dandy. This is very Chinese. People do not defend or help one another here unless they are family. Everyone else is persona non grata. I’ve seen it in countless situations, myself. But it happens everywhere, every day. A Chinese will literally let someone they don’t know die on the street in front of them instead of help them. And I’m not making it up. Every month or so, some embarrassing cell phone video or news story shows up online shaming all Chinese because someone let a child hit by a car die on the sidewalk without help, or some homeless old person dies of neglect despite pleas for help, or a foreigner ends up saving some local person drowning in a lake as a heap of Chinese look on apathetically. So, I was angry, but not surprised that an entire group of adult people said nothing while this man got progressively more aggressive and abusive with a young woman.
The guy walked away, and the group re-formed. And suddenly, everyone was telling me that they had seen him at another English Corner behaving in the same way. Ha! And the best part – everyone was insisting that he was not from China!!! Excuse much? Of course he was from China. I’ve met a shit ton of Chinese dudes like this one. Domineering, argumentative, aggressive, and mansplainy. And all I could think was ‘why hasn’t anyone stopped him?’ as this particular Corner is generally known for having some sort of decorum and civility thanks to the volunteer organizers supposed vigilance. But this happens to a certain extent in all cultures. We make excuses for men. We allow them to dictate proceedings. We allow their violence, their aggression, their abuse. They can’t help it, you see. Especially if their targets are women. Women are expected to shut up and put up. And to keep the love and support flowing while pretending that nothing is wrong.
I’m perfectly happy to break an ego or abusive cycle if the life of the party is a homophobic, racist misogynist.
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“I’m a Visual Person”
How many times has a scrotum told you that he is ‘a visual person’? If you are female and some dude in your life has told you that – sometimes in all seriousness, sometimes with a smirk – he is trying to tell you a truth about himself and his approach to dealing with women. In all likelihood, you are going to choose to ignore that truth all to preserve the illusion that this dude cares about you and about women. Denial is easier after all. The world becomes a different and much more difficult place for women who truly listen to men’s direct and indirect messages about their universal truth. That truth is that despite layers of subterfuge, all men hate women. And once you decide to acknowledge that truth, process it and live your life according to it, shit gets difficult. Better in some ways, but more difficult in others.
The sentence “I am a visual person” actually translates to “I am a pro-rape rapist.” When a male says: “I am a visual person,” it has nothing to do with any special abilities involving his eyes, optic nerve or occipital lobe. It is not ability at all that he is talking about. He is referring to his privilege over you and all women – the privilege having a penis brings him. The context in which said scrotum will issue this pronouncement of visual proclivity or prowess is always one that demands women be placed in a subordinate, rapeable, and consumable position. He uses the phrase to account for abusive behaviour towards you or another woman. He can’t help himself, you see. He is a visual person.
A male is a visual person if he:
- is ogling another woman while you are talking, sitting or doing whatever with him,
- is distracted by another female while you are telling him about something misogynistic you are experiencing,
- sees pornography as an inalienable male right,
- requires that you wear clothing deemed ‘sexy’,
- can’t seem to have any kind of relations with you without visual aids that you don’t understand or feel comfortable with,
- doesn’t believe his bodily movements and behaviour with regard to interacting with women are within his control,
- can’t watch films unless they have female degradation in them, or
- believes that women must wear make-up in all situations
There are tons of examples, but they are repetitive. Being a ‘visual person’ for men basically translates into:
I am male, so my behaviour isn’t within my control and I am wired to hurt women. Women are meant for sex, therefore, I can do and request whatever I want from women without it being a comment on my character. I should not be held responsible for anything I do to women. I need female subordination and degradation to exist. Expression of my sexuality requires that women be degraded. Any attack on my misogynistic behaviour is an attack on my manhood. Besides… women like it, and if you don’t like it, there is something wrong with YOU.
A rape mentality, in other words.
Now here’s the thing. I know all this for a very good reason because I am actually a bona fide visual person. So, I know what it really means to be a visual person. It means:
- I love maps. I can read them easily. I am also really good at directions and recognizing landmarks. I can orient myself easily in a strange place and seldom get lost.
- I love designs and models and have no problem visualizing intention from these.
- I love colour. I associate different colours with emotions, flavours, etc. Colour tells a rich story for me.
- Patterns catch my eye, and I can lose time enjoying their intricacies.
- I often remember events through visual triggers. For example, I’ll remember something that happened 20 years ago first by what someone was wearing or what the sky looked like, rather than what day of the week it was or some other factual information.
- I love all aspects of math that require visual presentations of information. Geometry and visual depictions of data through graphs and tables are all fields of math and mathematical visual aids with which I feel very comfortable
- My spatial abilities are excellent. I am great at packing a car trunk, rearranging a room and imagining how a configuration will impact how something will work.
- I have an excellent imagination and create pictures in my mind to do everything from solving problems to turning a design or pattern into the finished product in my head, etc.
- I am better at recognizing faces than I am at remembering names.
- I am really good at reading body language and facial expressions. Part of this is being the survivor of childhood abuse, but a lot of it comes from being visual and depending on visual cues to understand a situation.
- I can look at a picture and easily create an entire story to explain what is going on. Photographs and paintings have a huge emotional impact on me. It also means that it is hard for me to watch violence because visuals are heavily loaded with emotion.
- I’d rather look at a political cartoon then listen to a political joke.
- I often need to see a word or sentence written down to fully understand what is being said or to discern an oral or grammatical problem.
- I don’t need graphic sexual displays to get the point. As a visual person, subtlety goes a long way. I find that if one needs graphic displays in order to feel something, one probably isn’t a visual person at all.
And on the topic of ‘sex’ or sexuality, being visual is in no way connected with respectfulness or the way one treats another person. Demeaning another person and calling it ‘being visual’ makes no sense. It is simply a standard example of male illogic and a typical way in which men abuse women and call it something else to legitimize and sanitize it. It’s laughable that so many men say women are illogical. The pot calls the stainless steel kettle black.
Given that so many men are ‘visual people’, I’d like to know why most of them don’t gravitate towards careers in the visual arts or janitorial services, or why most men aren’t able to see that a space is filthy or unappealing. If one is oriented towards visual detail, you tend to have clean spaces and pay attention to how you present yourself. Most men couldn’t give a shit about colour or cleanliness or couldn’t comment on the layout of a room to save their lives. That is visual stuff, so you know you’re not dealing with ‘visual people’ when you’re talking to men. Most of these scrotes are just trying to get away with abuse and to tell you a fundamental truth about themselves and how they view you and women in general. And you’d do best to turn tail and escape the abuse that will inevitably follow as you get sucked further into his web of hurt.
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Domestic Abuse on the Street – Foreign Woman Tries to Intervene, Fails
After a week of constant misogynist student comments, constant tit-ogling by my friendly neighbourhood construction workers, daily wonderment at how my male students were able to gain entrance into university and college (they are so fucking lazy and stupid, I can’t believe it!), daily racism and misogyny shit sandwiches by all and sundry – especially my neighbours and co-workers of three years, and on top of it all, 35°C (that’s 95°F to you, Yanks) every single day in both my workspace and home (no A/C!!!), the last fucking thing I needed was dealing with a commonplace street assault.
In China, it is perfectly acceptable to abuse your wife or girlfriend on the street in broad daylight. It is not quite as bad as South Korea or Thailand, where you can physical beat the bitch down to the ground with no repercussions (I’ve witnessed this in Thailand and tried to intervene once – a Japanese man stopped me – and a friend of mine lived in Korea and saw it all the time), but the Chinese-style woman-beat-down is an every day occurrence. I have a history of intervening in male abuse of women – moreso in my youth when I was stronger and dumber. No women have ever helped me (quite the opposite, actually), but that hasn’t stopped me from trying to help dumb-ass heterosexual women. I’ve learned, mostly. I don’t bother helping heterosexual women with their problems anymore. I fought for my own fucking freedom, and I continue to pay for my decisions because het women refuse to get on board in solidarity in the name of change and making female life better. Nothing has EVER in the history of the world been gained through waiting patiently – especially when it is waiting for people (men) to overcome their abusive tendencies and dumbassery. If you want freedom, you need to fucking fight for it, sometimes violently, especially if you don’t have money, or power in other areas of your life, or the right connections. So if you’re not going to fight, then you suck it up, and don’t whine about it. You only get to whine if you follow it up with action. So, I generally refuse to be sucked down into another woman’s problems for a number of reasons. Her boyfriend will try to hurt me – that’s a guarantee. She herself will almost always hurt me in response, she will usually choose the cock she is sucking and getting raped by over a friendly sister, and return to him after she uses me, and will end up supporting a system that *sort of* helps her (the cocksucker) and badly hurts me (the rebel). It’s the same philosophy I use in other areas of life, such as with my students. If students are lazy, selfish, and don’t give a shit about anyone (sometimes including themselves), I don’t bother with them. Only the ones who are willing to do the hard work get my support beyond what I am paid to do. My time and energy are fucking precious, so I bet on the winning horses. Blaming the victim? Well, fuck. At what point will we actually ask women to take some fucking responsibility, take some fucking risks? Men are not going to change until we force them to change, impose serious consequences for their actions, control them, kill them, or separate from them. Or some combination. Victimhood is real, but telling women to just accept things, or not to take risks, or not to self-examine is bullshit. Nothing will ever change until women take charge of their lives in serious and aggressive ways. If you need proof, look at the lack of change over the last several thousand years due to pussyfooting around the issue. I’m not an activist, but I don’t sit on my ass and wait for other people to save me while my self-serving, anti-woman actions end up hurting other women. I have some serious burdens that a lot of women don’t have, but I still take responsibility for my impact. And other women are in a better position to make positive change. But they don’t. So what the fuck?
But I couldn’t help it today. I just can’t fucking stand violent men getting away with their privileged bullshit. I came across the standard domestic abuse scenario on my way to the subway station. Two university students outside the gates of my school. The boy, twice the size of his girlfriend and much larger than me as well and less than half my age, had pulled her to the side of the sidewalk and had the ‘spiral fracture grip’ on her forearm that you see with sooooo many domestic abuse situations. He was lambasting her for something – probably he was jealous that she was talking to a friend or she didn’t wear the right skirt or something serious like that. She had assumed the submissive, childlike, head down pose that is recognizable across all cultures as ‘beaten, broken, abused woman’. It must have been the androcidal impulse in me that increases as the weather gets hotter. Men rape more in hot temperatures. I feel the urge to kill rapists much more in the summer. Go figure. But anyhow, I stopped and yelled, “GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF HER!” Didn’t even register to him. He was focused on his bitch. I moved more into his line of vision (I was walking on the road, not the sidewalk), and repeated my command. He turned to me in hatred and yelled, “FUCK YOU!” I yelled ‘fuck you’ back, but it was futile. He is the big man. And Chinese. So he has racism and sexism backing up his claim to power. I am just a white whore. Like an insect. My word means nothing. I have no power as a woman and especially as a white woman – a member of a powerless racial minority with a score of zero on the Oppressor Triangle™. He dismissed me with barely a look and returned to sexually abusing his girlfriend.
I walked on, androcide in my heart. There was nothing I could do. Not even the police would be interested in this kind of stuff. I know this well. I was dismissed before when I reported a black rapist racially profiling me, stalking me and demanding to come to my apartment to fuck (rape) me on our Chinese campus. My teaching liaison refused to contact the police. Rape and sexual assault are not matters for the police. I’ll be writing about China and its annoying mantra/euphemism on ‘harmony’ soon. Point is that women have no voice, no rights in China. But who are we kidding, women have no voice and no rights anywhere. In fact, it is getting worse for us in countries where women are supposedly ‘free’ (according to rapists, I mean men).
I managed to cool down some, gradually, but with racism and misogyny in full force over this past week, I’m having a very serious “I hate China” week and I am fantasizing non-stop of ramming chopsticks into male eye sockets. It brings me a little peace to think about it, but the fact that rapists aren’t dying in reality leaves me unsatisfied and frustrated.
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Out of the Mouths of Male Students
The majority of my students are males, unfortunately. So there is a lot of stupid-ass crap that I am forced to listen to when I teach communication classes. I stand by my years and years of experience teaching in four different countries when I say that males are not as hot shit as they think they are. I also say that I constantly see evidence of males being given an easier time in school because of misogyny. Males use louder voices; larger size; highly disruptive and sometimes intimidating, infantile petulance; and humour or class clown antics to mask incompetence or stupidity, distract, garner attention, curry favour, and ultimately pull in student, teacher (and later employer) support. Most males succeed, not because of superiority on any level, but because of the attention (positive and negative) they demand of everyone around them. These behaviours are rewarded starting in infanthood, and carry on all their lives. Quieter, but superior, female students seldom are rewarded for their competence and have a harder time competing for attention when they are drowned out by their privileged princeling classmates.
And so I’m almost finished lengthy rounds of interviews/examinations with all my students. I’m testing listening and speaking skills. I don’t assign grades for viewpoints or whether I agree with them or not. It’s all about taught skills. I’m a master test administrator and designer. I’m pretty aware of my biases and am well trained in developing tests to measure the skills I’m interested in. But I will say this. There are boys I’d love to fail simply because they are misogynist douchebags. I reason to myself that males have destroyed and continue to destroy girls’ and women’s careers simply because they are female. I have many horrible memories of my experiences as a student with male teachers. The worst experience was as a senior undergraduate and the best in my graduating class. My alcoholic male thesis advisor (for whom I also managed a research lab to support myself financially) tried to fail me because I didn’t ask his unreliable, malicious, drunken ass to write me a letter of recommendation for graduate school. He gave me a grade so close to failing that he prevented me from attending a top tier graduate school because of this academic anomaly. As the head of my department, he was untouchable and all the other profs knew what he had done to me. They wouldn’t risk helping me, other than to write me kick-ass recommendation letter. But the damage was done. Yep! Men destroy women’s careers for no reason other than being female and refusing to suck their cocks.
But of course, I would never abuse my power like that. I’m a woman. I have integrity. And hell, freedom of speech (aka ‘let the rapists speak!’) or something like that.
So I wanted to report a few of the gems I heard during my testing. Out of the mouths of wanna-be rapists. And all of this was on my fucking birthday of all days. Sitting there listening to rapey male entitlement on my fucking birthday. Fucking fuckety fuck!!!
#1 Awesome Comment
One of my more bizarre and asocial males came in and proceeded to fuck up his examination with poor grammar and unimpressive responses to questions. The highlight occurred when I asked him to describe a national problem. He decided to broach the subject of the scarcity of females in his age group (around 20). My favourite question is always ‘why?’ so I asked it. He said that many males will not be able to ‘get a girlfriend’. I hear this ‘get a girlfriend’ all the time from my male students, and it always reminds me of object acquisition – get a car, get a new cell phone, etc. So again, I asked ‘why?’ Why is it a national problem if you can’t ‘get a girlfriend’? Apparently, the problem is not that 40 million girls were killed simply because they are girls. Nope. That is not a problem. The problem is that many boys are going to have to ‘turn gay’. See, if you can’t rape a bitch, then you’re going to have to stick your dick somewhere. Dicks must be serviced. Sorry, I don’t see a problem. I wish all men were gay and would keep their dicks out of women. But I didn’t say that to dude. I hope he finds a nice boy in the future. He doesn’t have the social skills to meet one of the rare girls here.
#2 Awesome Comment
One of my better students whipped out his chivalry on me. No, that is not a euphemism. Chivalry is actually a thing in China. It’s like medieval Europe, except girls are allowed to go to school and wear trousers. But there are all sorts of weird ideas about how to treat a lady which I find repulsive. And of course, chivalry leads to all sorts of gross female behaviour too (e.g., feigned helplessness and treating fellow females like absolute shit). Anyhow, my male student was answering some question I can’t recall now, and he started in about having to protect girls all the time. Why? “Because girls are weak.” Now, normally, when giving examinations, I do my best not to react to what students say other than to ask follow up questions or to ask them to repeat something. But I guess I didn’t react at all to this bullshit. So the male student followed up with “Don’t you think so???” I decided to say, very simply, “Absolutely not. Girls are not weak.” And then I moved on to the next question.
This kind of bullshit thinking is extraordinarily harmful. And it is a common belief in China. It is blatantly untrue. But I hear it all the time. A male Masters student tried to argue recently that males were a better choice for graduate students because women have no stamina or strength and can’t do as much work or survive on less sleep. WTF? Speaking as a chronic insomniac with two masters degrees and a fierce work load, I’d beg to differ. Who are the people who nurse babies, sick children, weak, whiny males, and disabled or old people through the night for years without fail? Um, women. For millennia, who has always had to get up earlier and go to bed later in order to service males who do the ‘important work’? Women. And who is doing better and working longer and harder in school these days? Females. Yeah, so fuck that noise.
I firmly believe that the bullshit fairy tales males tell themselves in order to keep women from succeeding and seeking independence and separatism are a result of the deep and threatening knowledge that males have of their own obsolescence.
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Liquid Courage and Stopping a Dick Mid-Swing
Yeah, this is a rant. Not light, and not short. Warning given. Proceed at your own risk 😉
I don’t drink that much. Alcohol has long been associated with abuse, fear, and rape for me, so I stay well away from drunk men, drinking with men I don’t know or trust (which is, at this point, every single one of them), and places where people drink. In my experience, you severely raise the risk that not only will something bad happen to you, but also that you won’t have a leg of credibility to stand on when (not if) something happens to you. This is women’s reality. Alcohol provides men with an excuse for their criminal behaviour, and takes away from women everything including the slightest shred of believability or humanity.
I almost completely limit my alcohol consumption to the occasional bottle of foreign red wine (decent alcohol is very expensive in China), and I’m such a light weight that it can last me for 3 days. And it does the trick, it dulls my depression and makes me forget the worst parts of living in China. Temporarily.
But in the last few years, there is one other time that I have a few drinks, and that is the two or three times a year that I go out socially with this piece of shit, 61-year-old, white, British, male misogynist whom I’ve tolerated because a) he is a rare atheist, and b) he is a colleague and unfortunately, one of my few ‘allies’ (wrong word) where I work. I’ve described this douchebag before.
I was much less enraged three years ago when I first met DB (douchebag). I tolerated his mansplainy narcissism. And this is a topic for another post, but even though every country’s males have their own unique brand of misogyny, there is something I absolutely fucking hate about British men. I’m not sure if it is my perspective as a woman from the “New World”, but I find men from “Old World” countries (Western or Eastern) have a very deep-seated, centuries-old, traditional misogyny that you don’t see in places like Canada, New Zealand, Australia or even the US. It’s not specifically religious. It’s something else. A colonizer mentality. And there is some left over colonial, British Empire attitude that sits in the DNA of British men – the men who raped, conquered and held hostage half the world and left destruction in their wake. The somewhat subdued, historic pomposity of British men is, in many ways, more obnoxious than the loud, superhero, dumb jock, ‘we’re number one!’ ignorance of modern American men. It’s hard to explain. And I will say that I don’t see any of that in comparing the women of both worlds, except perhaps in how they rationalize their slavery. But of course, women don’t colonize. They don’t attack, invade, rape, pillage, kidnap, infect, kill, or any of that, in the name of discovery, conquering, ‘civilizing’, taming, nationalism, or claiming one’s birthright or cockright. I like British women just as I like American women and any other women from any place. Individual women may pose problems, but as a class, they are not the enemy.
So anyhow, after my first week swimming in Chinese semen, I had planned a strategic Saturday outing with DB. Not for fun. I needed crucial information related to my job. I figured I’d get this toxic event out of the way and be safe from further exposure for months – perhaps even for the rest of the semester.
When out with DB, there is alcohol. He is a fucking fish. An alcoholic (like most older men who come to China). He jokes about going to class everyday having to mask the smell of alcohol consumed the night before leaking out of his pores with his sweat. I usually have a few drinks while I’m on these outings with DB because it helps me suffer through his grossness.
But on this recent outing, I discovered a more practical and useful side effect. I found courage.
I am really good at defending other people – women especially – but I am horrible at defending myself or having general debates. I’m not an orator. I prefer to think, mull, and write, rather than have a verbal discussion. I’d also rather avoid men who disgust me than get into arguments with them about things they don’t understand and that involve my human rights and their male privileges. Once the insanity starts, I tend to close down and fantasize about killing them. But on Saturday, after a few drinks and in the feminist frame of mind I’ve been in, especially recently, I was ready for a fight of the verbal sort. I mean, I still sat there for much of it imagining a clean shot put between DB’s eyes. But verbally, I trounced that fucker, and did it using his own (and all men’s) low-blow and aggressive techniques against him. And those techniques mostly involved interrupting. Shutting down his irrelevant lines of thought before he could complete them. Dismissing his rebuttals. Derailing his derail attempts. Refusing to defend myself and my claims. Keeping on the attack rather than the defense. Basically, I treated him as he has always treated me – as men always treat women. And it worked. It didn’t gain me respect necessarily, and it didn’t feel ‘natural’ to me, but it shut him up. Instead of the male voice, I eventually got silence. Blessed silence. The male voice, silenced. He gave up trying to dominate me and forcing me to back down and agree to his misogynist viewpoint. He took on the pouty, abused, ‘is-is-is she saying no to me?’ look that some men get when women speak with authority or righteous anger. Didn’t stop me. I firmly believe that women can’t ever win or be heard or make men shut up unless they use the ‘master’s tools’ against the masters themselves. Men don’t understand anything but aggression. Reasoning doesn’t work. Appeals to logic or empathy or humanity don’t work. But a good beating, verbal or physical, coupled with shaming, do. It’s what they do to us. I get so tired of women refusing to see that taking the high moral ground will never, ever make men stop their abuse of us. Even men’s request for ‘educating’ aren’t true or real, but women fall for it every time. That derailing technique works every time. Women’s energy derailed and stolen.
Not until you become more self-aware do you realize how much woman-hate is organic to conversations with men. Almost everything men say smacks of misogyny. But we don’t notice, or we laugh along, or we get nervous, or we have already tuned out and are nodding and smiling in boredom. When you become self-aware, it is horrifying how nasty and ignorant men are. And they remain unopposed by all men and almost all women. Honestly, I should have brought a massive fucking misogynist bingo card with me. This guy hit almost every stupid point that men come up with when trying to assert their dominance and entitlement/’rights’. It was trope central. And standard to pretty much all British men, even the young ones, he kicked it all off with basic fighting words: “mankind“. And it went on from there. Here are only a few of the highlights:
Religion, not men, caused gynocidal events in history
DB is a history buff (male history) and he is both a China apologist and an atheist. China can do no wrong and is superior for not being a religious country (except that traditionalism is a form of religion – a topic for another post). DB loves dictatorships and censorship (as long as HE is free to do what HE wants, that is).
I had pointed out that the two worst events in the history of humans: 1000 years of footbinding in China and 300 years of witch burnings and torture of women in the West. DB immediately leapt in with a condemnation of religion. I cut him off. Nope. That doesn’t explain footbinding. I just kept repeating: “Men did it. Male hatred of women. Misogyny.” Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Dumb people need repetition. And you can list all the horrific gynocides throughout history – DUE TO MEN. The 6-week rape-fest in Nanjing, China by the Japanese. Not religion. Men. The perfection of what we now know as the ‘concentration camp’ by Winston Churchill and Lord Kitchener used on Afrikaner women and children. Not religion. Men. Cruise through time. Make notes. Men have done it all to women. Men. Men. Men. To women. Women. Women. And it seldom makes the history books or history class curricula.
Chimps trade meat for sex
Atheist men fucking LOVE LOVE LOVE evolutionary psychology as a tool to try to justify their love of rape and domination. Atheist men hate you too, ladies. This particular stupid douchebag doesn’t have a single course in science. He doesn’t even have a college degree. Through some weird British educational loophole, this idiot was let into a Masters program in something that was decidedly not science, WITHOUT an undergraduate degree. But he loves to try to school ME in science, a woman with post graduate education in science, published articles in science, research in science, and teaching experience in university scientific methodology and statistics. And like most atheist men without an understanding of science, he trots out debunked evo-psych bullshit based on male confirmation biased interpretations of animal behaviour (anthropomorphize much, rapists?) to support his love of rape and prostitution. Dumbass. Anyhow, I shut that fucker down before he could actually finish his first sentence as I saw it coming a mile away. I said, “Debunked. Non-science.” To derail me, he tried the male trick: where is your proof? I said, “Google it.” You prove it. Science, my scientific ass.
Good things always come from war
Nothing smacks of male privilege like dismissing the effects of war. History is basically the male masturbatory recounting of wars. It is also the dismissal of the female experience, the erasure of female existence. So men, when they start jizzing over how fucking awesome a battle was, or how fucking awesome the world became due to some war, they forget one tiny thing. Women are the overwhelmingly large majority of victims when there is war or civil unrest. I was reading a psychological site on PTSD in women, and they cited the statistics that during civil unrest and warlike conditions, women comprise up to 80% of the victims (general victims, not PTSD victims, specifically). Men can’t see this because they only see soldier mortality as victimhood. What they forget are the women civilians killed. And that victimhood isn’t just death. Rape is rampant during any kind of uncivilized event. Men don’t get raped. Women and girls are raped. And tortured and injured and killed. They are raped and killed by the enemies. They are raped and killed by the men on ‘their side’. Women are the largest group of victims during unrest.
As for the good things that come from war? WTF? Is the world a better place when war is concluded? Not for women. And no aftermath is worth all the loss and suffering. Any freedoms or benefits usually go to men and boys. For women, it is business as usual. The only war I can imagine resulting in something good is one where women stand up for their rights, physically fight, and win over men. Liberation for women is the only cause that makes sense for me because every current ill in society results from women’s oppression. Liberating women would help alleviate all human problems as well as environmental, animal, and food/water problems.
We then moved on to:
If we don’t do it, someone else will
Men are positively obsessed with progress and growth. This is the only way they define success. Progress and growth are seldom logical or reasonable and always come with a high cost. A cost that is paid by women and girls.
There is no such thing as creating something out of nothing. There is no such thing as ‘bottomless’ or ‘without limit’ when men seek success. The male demand for more and more is only possible if you tread on the rights and humanity of others – the least powerful. The least powerful are women, so they get less so that more is produced. So women are paid less for the same job. They work more in order to produce more. They are removed from their homes and made homeless so that buildings and structures they will never benefit from can be erected. They suffer through wars and environmental disasters and medical atrocities. Just so men can achieve ‘progress’ and ‘growth’. And I’ll add recognition and power to that list.
I suggested to DB that there are several lines that should not be crossed, whether it is in science or any endeavour. His answer? If we don’t do it, someone else will. We can’t let the other guy get there first! And I hammered him. “What a shitty, amoral excuse for evil behaviour.” This guy swears he is not a capitalist.
The world is safer than it has ever been
For men? Yes. Definitely. Not so much for women. Men don’t have a clue what safety issues are. And how much do you love it when men try to tell you that you are perfectly safe now. I mean seriously, fuck off. They have no idea what women think about, worry about, and have to do in order to get from Point A to Point B.
His measure of safety is that we have longer life spans. Yeah. That’s it. Longer life spans. What an incredibly nuanced way to look at safety. And I told him so. Did I also mention that I have worked in forensics as an analyst? I have worked with an FBI consultant on serial rape data. I have worked with police departments on workplace violent crime. I have also worked in the health field on medical errors research.
In what world does living a long life mean that you have lived free from danger? That you haven’t almost died? That you don’t suffer from fear or trauma or anxiety due to living in a crime-filled, corrupt world of danger for women?
They’re trying to criminalize johns and let prostitutes…!!!
We’d already covered the chimps, meat and sex bullshit, and the world is a safer place bullshit. So why not move into trying to shut down the male right to rape?
I jumped on this one before he even finished his sentence of outrage. There is nothing I hate more than men telling me that they have a right to stick their dicks into women, or that women ‘choose’ lives of rape and degradation over health and happiness. So I derailed him. I said, “Yes!!! Finally!!! The Swedish model is the best thing to happen in a long time. Finally, we can take away men’s right to rape and finally, we have a fighting chance in hell to reduce male violence against women, misogyny, and endless rape – all of which increase when women are jailed for prostitution and males go free in order to pay money to rape again. I launched into the cold reality that prostitution ONLY exists when men refuse to allow women the means to support themselves properly. We have prostitutes because women are poor. That’s it. Holding women severely economically disadvantaged positively ensures that women will be forced to sell their bodies and ensures that men have a constant supply of enslaved cunt to rape.
I didn’t allow any response from DB. There is no response to this issue that isn’t dripping in pro-rape, pro-poverty, male privilege and psychopathy. Did I mention that this guy is NOT a capitalist? Right. Unless it’s something he wants sold for his pleasure as a male.
But but but the Women’s Movement was successful
I mentioned that women-only social justice movements are never allowed to succeed. Only when men’s rights are at stake, do they succeed. And they do so mostly because they have women’s free labour supporting them. Women don’t receive the backing of men when it is their turn. And he came out with the ‘right to vote’ success. Most men don’t know anything about the herstory of women’s struggles. And of course, any successes that occur are assumed by men to have been the single purpose of the struggle. When women won the vote, that was not the whole point of the movement. It was actually a decades-long struggle for several legal rights, one of which was the right to vote. Following backlash from men and possibly exhaustion from that landmark achievement, the women’s movement lost some steam. They didn’t achieve most of what they had set out to do. Would I call the First Wave a success? Not entirely. It wasn’t a complete failure, but it wasn’t a roaring success in the way that all male movements have been – including that of black males in the US.
It’s time to start looking for a Chinese wife
Speaking of prostitution and male privilege… As an over-60, DB has overstayed his welcome in China. The Chinese who, in addition to being sexist and racist, are also ageist. They love Chinese old people, but the foreign people who stay for decades diligently and devotedly educating their youth? Nope. Once you hit 60, you’re tossed to the curb. There is no pathway to residency. There is no pension for foreigners. No ‘thank you’ for your service. You’re out.
Unless you are a man. Foreign males can find local pussy, convince them to marry (which is pretty easy to do), and then stay forever on the equivalent of a green card. This isn’t really an option for foreign women. First, Chinese men, like Western men, want subservient wives and baby factories. Besides, Chinese men only see us as whores. Something to fuck, but not to ‘respect’ in the form of a slave relationship (marriage). Second, most Western women who come to places like China are either already enslaved or they are the most independent women from what are independence-embracing countries. They aren’t looking for a slave-arrangement. So this dealio works well for men who have no problem owning a slave. But it is not an option for women.
The only other way to stay is if you are extremely well connected with someone in government who can ‘arrange’ an illegal visa if you have the money. This is rare. I think about all the people, including those from China, we let stay forever in Canada, despite having little or nothing to offer, and I think about devoting my education and talent to a place like China and their complete disrespect for my years of service and their abuse while I am employed with them. Mind-boggling. There is no reciprocal arrangement between our countries.
Anyhow, DB is 60 or 61 and he has been told that he will be kicked out of China next year. He is joking now that it is time to find a Chinese wife. Who knows, he might just do that.
—
There is actually a lot more here to tell, but this is long enough. My bingo card was full by the end of things. And I raged for days. Even though I put this douchebag in his place, thanks in part to the liquid courage of a couple of G&Ts, I spent the following week calming down. When it really hits you full force how much a dude you have known for a while hates women, and by definition, you yourself because you’re a woman, you rage. You rage. You rage. And just think, even your Nigels (if you have one) are the same. Maybe he has different words and tactics, but the woman-hate and privilege is in there. Waiting. Waiting for you to oppose him in some way. Deny him what he feels is his ‘right’ (but which is only a male privilege) and you’ll find out how much your sweetie ‘loves’ you. The truth is these assholes walk the planet taking what they want. They are not used to hearing ‘no’ and having to abide by it. They don’t respect ‘no’ in the way that women do. They are given more than you (more money, more respect, more space, more consideration, more understanding, more freedom, more safety) despite their inferiority simply because they have dicks. So, while I felt a victory – and it was important one, personally – it came with a price and it changes nothing about how the world works. I stopped a dick mid-swing, but unless it is cut off completely, it will live to swing another day, knocking down all women in its path.
Filed under the Conversations with Men series.
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Men’s Intuition: I Can Tell From Looking at You
[Part of the Conversations with Men series, but a different format than the usual post.]
If you’re a woman, chances are extremely good, likely close to 100%, that you’ve had a run-in with ‘men’s intuition‘. It’s not called this, but we’ll get round to that and what it really is.
Rather, we hear constantly about ‘women’s intuition’, which is a real thing, and which is disparaged, downplayed and used by men in their jealousy and fear to hurt women in a myriad of ways. Men define intuition as women’s unthinking, non-rational, knee-jerk, emotional response to everything, or sometimes the ‘neeeeeed to have baybees’ and being naturally good with baybees and unpaid labour. Scientists operationally define intuition as the “ability to discern what other people are thinking and feeling”. But neither are quite correct. I believe the male definition is just bullshit, as most male thoughts on things are. The scientific definition partially covers it. What women often report is that intuition has to do with being able to sense dangerous people and situations before ‘shit gets real’, or the ability to sense what someone is feeling without any information, or the gut feelings they get about things (positive or negative). It’s a hard-to-define, deep sense of the world that results from awareness and experience of how shit works coupled with a deep connection to nature and people. I believe it is strongly connected to empathy and to being part of the prey class. Some scientific studies (with questionable intentions, imo as a bona fide methodologist) posit that there is a partial biological cause for intuition – greater intuition is linked with lower exposure to testosterone in the womb, which explains why they see higher intuition in women. Who knows? Regardless of what the scientists think they’ve found, I see evidence of intuition in women every day, and unlike what men and many scientists like to think, it is unrelated to being rational, analytical or thinking-oriented. Amaaaazingly, people (especially women) can be intuitive AND analytical, as easily as others (especially men) can be unintuitive AND unanalytical. It’s not an either-or scenario. But men love black-white, either-or dichotomies that put women permanently in the shit house when one category can be labelled a ‘woman’s category’, and thus, ‘inferior’.
Let’s get to men’s intuition. First, let’s say straight off that nobody refers to such a thing called intuition when it comes to men. But I’ve done a lot of thinking and omg, analysis of a phenomenon that has happened regularly in my life and, without a doubt, happens regularly in the lives of most, if not all, women. And it falls under this category of intuition, at least on a surface level.
Men frequently have ‘intuitions’ about women’s wants, needs, personalities, states of being, place in the world, etc., and they never fail to let us know, either verbally in advance or eventually, violently, after it is too late to escape, what they’ve concluded from these intuitions.
Before providing some examples of men’s intuitions, I’ll say two things. First, the intuitions/conclusions men come up with and actually tell us about in advance of serious violence are almost always completely wrong. And they are wrong because the intuitions are self-serving AND dangerous to the woman/women in question. Second, men’s real intuitions – the ones they WON’T tell you about verbally – are almost always correct, and are also self-serving and dangerous.
[Note: women’s intuitions are often self-serving too, BUT and this is a huge but, the intuitions are not dangerous to anyone. Even when they are wrong, they are not dangerous. But they sometimes hurt men’s precious and fragile little feelings.]
Let’s look at the first kind of male intuitions. The ones that are always wrong and dangerous and self-serving.
The verbalized intuitions/conclusions men draw fall into two categories, but there is one underlying theme. You are a target. You are prey. And the two categories are these. Positive (for him) – he has ‘intuited’ that he can get something from you that he believes you are offering. Most of the time, it is sexual in nature, but it could also be money, support, free labour. He has spotted some kind of weakness to exploit, in other words. He will frame his intuition in a way to show he can help you. These intuitions are wrong because women don’t naturally serve men unless coerced through violence or brainwashing. Or negative (for him) – he has ‘intuited’ that you are the enemy. He has realized that you are not open to his exploitation and he is going to try to put you straight in some way, including: shaming, guilting, psychological abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and/or sexual abuse. He might end up killing you ultimately. While it might be true that you are not open to his exploitation, his intuition is wrong in that you, as a woman, don’t exist to destroy him. He is the destroyer. It is standard male projection that fuels this intuition.
Much of the time, when men choose to share these intuitions, they take a particular language form. “I can tell…” Man has looked at you, and he can just tell something about you from this cursory look. Whenever I hear one of these, I get very, very nervous, as through my REAL intuition and experience, I know that I have become a target for some kind of woman-hate-in-the-form-of-male-love-or-desire-or-need-to-help-me.
- I can tell from your face…
- I can tell from looking at your eyes…
- I can tell by the way you walk…
- I can tell by the way you are looking at me…
- I can tell from what you’re wearing…
- I can tell from the shape of your [insert body part here]…
I’ll give you an example. There are so many to choose from in my life. Likely, you can think of at least one of your own, and I truly hope, your own real intuition allowed you to get away as quickly as possible before, he acted on his incorrect intuition.
I can tell from your eyes, you are lonely and need a man.
Through 2009-2010, I once again found myself broke and almost living on the streets (yay white privilege!), and since a) I’m not attractive enough to be a prostitute/stripper, and b) I could never bring myself to do that anyway since I’ve had enough rape in my life, and c) I at least try to turn any indentured servitude I do into something beneficial learning-wise, I ended up doing a series of volunteer work/’internships’ within the realm of agriculture. The last one was with a beekeeper. I was seriously impoverished, and was forced to exchange some hard core physical labour for a place to sleep. Not actually a fair exchange. It never is for women, actually. Luckily, I liked the work a lot, but being really, really poor is a very scary place to be as a woman as you don’t have options and you can find yourself vulnerable to every single man around you with nowhere to run to.
And so it was when I answered the door to the ‘bee house’ where I lived and worked one day. I was expecting a delivery of all the pieces/parts to a massive greenhouse I was going to help assemble. The delivery guy was a middle-aged Russian or Eastern European. And he was an aggressive piece of shit who immediately started in with anger and accusations of things I couldn’t understand – just a general, underlying sense of violence filled the space around him and of course, me. I boldly told him: “I don’t understand why you are so angry with ME. I haven’t done anything to YOU.” This took him aback. It astounds me constantly how abusing women seems to be so many men’s natural state. It is so natural to them and unquestioned by the women they abuse that they don’t even notice it. And I have had endless problems with immigrant men OF ALL COLOURS who bring their extra abusive misogynist attitudes – which are accepted in their own countries – to the countries that welcome them and take it out on the local women they encounter. And the local women are expected to shut the fuck up since they are usually “privileged, rich, white bitches” of course, and let their ‘advanced’ cultures slide backwards into the Dark Ages. No fucking way.
Russian(?) fucker did make a switch in behaviour at that point, but it wasn’t any better. It was the same attitude, but coated with honey. He pulled the truck over to our driveway, and there was a fuck ton of really heavy shit to unload. I immediately began unloading it and carrying it the distance to a dry spot (it was pouring rain). And I tried to move quickly to get the ordeal over with and get rid of this asshat. He didn’t help other than to move the pieces to the motorized lift on the truck so that I could pick them up at ground level. And the rest of the time he spent just watching me. He commented, disbelieving, on how hard a worker I was. Um, yeah, I’m a woman. No fucking kidding, you piece of shit! I work harder than you. AND I’M NOT EVEN GETTING PAID! Like you are. In MY country. For doing nothing.
And then, it came. I was drenched, exhausted, scared, pissed off. It came. His magical intuition.
“I can tell from your eyes that you’re lonely and need a man.”
fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou
I said, “Nope. Thanks for your help. I need to get back to my work.” I was terrified that he would come back. He knew I was alone. And he thought he could fill some kind of need that he intuited I had.
~~
Now, let’s briefly look at the second kind of men’s intuitions. These are the ones they WON’T tell you about – are almost always correct, and are also self-serving and dangerous.
Men are actually pretty good at determining one thing. They can tell how easy a prey a woman is or will be. There is some interesting research on male psychopaths, the ultimate hunters. They are incredibly good at reading female body language. For example, they can tell by the way a woman walks, how easy it will be to overpower her. Scary, but it does suggest to me that all women and girls should take martial arts classes to develop the confidence they need to put off opportunistic predators reading their subconscious body language… Anyhow, as men are constantly on the prowl for easy prey, they have to be on high alert for all the signs that make their lives and ultimate purposes easier. I’d argue that all men are like this to some extent. Not all men are psychopaths, but they all have the self-serving hunter in them. And all women are prey. The better they are at determining the high return for low effort ratio, the more successful they will be.
Now is this ‘intuition’? I’m not sure about that. There are elements that are similar to how women determine how dangerous a predator a man is. But if you can call it intuition, it is not very deep. It is a ‘gut sense’, but it isn’t based on deep connection with people or the earth or anything in the way that some aspects of women’s intuition are. They read body language, and rely upon experience to determine how far they can go with a woman towards her destruction, and the risk involved.
Regardless, what we can say is this: men are not very good at understanding women’s thinking, feelings, needs, wants or states of being. But they are, indeed, good at determining how good a mark women are based on our verbal and physical cues. And it’s all about predation.
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Conversations with Men: You’re White, So Put Down Your Lunch and Give Me a Blow Job
I’m baaack. Not that it matters to online readers, since we all transcend time and place here, but I’m back in China after 3 incredibly long weeks in the US.
Get set. I’m about to drag another one screaming from the vault. While I have much to talk about that is more current or more recently on my mind or related to events during my travels, I think it was my trip back to Asia the other day via a Taiwanese airline, sitting beside a few Taiwanese folk on the long first leg of the trip, and then spending an exhausting 9-hour layover in the Taipei airport in the middle of the night, that stirred up some memories.
I lived in Taiwan for a couple of years in the early part of this century, and it was rough. As rough as living in mainland China? Jeez, that’s hard to say. China is probably worse in many ways. But Taiwan is no picnic either. I was younger, fresher, less apocalyptic than I am now. I still had so much to learn then. And learn I did. Taiwan was full of hard lessons that have helped shape me, helped turn me into the tough, middle-aged, jaded, hard-to-disappoint-further, been-there-done-that woman that I am today.
Before I get into the story, I want to talk a little about this thing called ‘white privilege’. First, I’ll just say that ‘white privilege’ is a thing, but I want to talk specifically about what it means and where it applies. You see, even though it is a real thing – for men – it is also a buzzword used by Western people to shut other people (mostly women, mostly white women) up. Westerners forget that they usually cannot apply Western socio-political models to non-Western countries. We are taught that in all cases and in all places, whites rule. But on the ground, in individual countries, it is easy to see that that isn’t actually true. Racism isn’t a black and white issue like misogyny is. The ‘white privilege’ trope is Western liberal-speak / non-think, and typically it is people who have never lived – and I mean, really lived – in a non-white-ruled country who scream the loudest about this non-existent, international white privilege, and also who point the finger at white women to shoulder all of the blame for what white men have done throughout history.
So, I’ll tell you how this works based on my experience living and working for about 8 years among the ‘real people’ (not staying in 5-star hotels working for international corporations and making 6, 7, or 8 figures a year) in countries with non-white rule. There is no such thing as ‘white privilege’ in a country where there are no white nationals and no whites in political office or policy shops. There are countries where white men came in and wreaked havoc on local populations (especially the women), ruled for a while, and then left. While there, they would have had white privilege, and now that they don’t rule, they don’t. The race that rules has to have political, legal, and economic power in that country. They don’t have to have to be the demographic majority, they just have to have the political, legal, and economic power. And extremely important, racial privilege is predominantly a male thing. Nowhere do women have political, legal or economic power to rival men. The only time a woman can have any claim to racial privilege is among women, and even then, the power isn’t that great. Women just don’t have much power. Period. And race does not win over sex. A woman of the ruling race does not have power or advantage over a man of the non-ruling race. That is true everywhere in the world. We see that with the recent horrors in Germany. Muslim men have relentlessly attacked white women in a country where there is ‘white privilege’, but the crimes are being hushed up. It’s as if they didn’t happen. The women have been blamed and controlled and continue to suffer and are terrified. The non-white men have been coddled and are allowed to stay and continue what they’re doing. People feel sorry for them. Penis trumps vagina, regardless of race. Always. Always. Always.
In Taiwan, there is Asian privilege, and it applies to the Taiwanese males of the country (except in groups of women, where Taiwanese women will have Asian privilege over non-Asian, non-Taiwanese women). White men may be given some respect or consideration because they are men and because their success and riches are envied by the world. White women are not respected, however. They will get attention, but it is not the enviable kind. The attention a white woman is given is based solely on what women everywhere in the world get attention for: their physical attributes – specifically, their fuckability– which is decidedly not power. ‘Sexual power’ – a term invented by men and lib-fems to mean attention from and ability to distract men due to being highly fuckable – is not power.
And so with that out of the way, I bring you another tale from the Conversations with Men series and White Girl series. Enjoy, enjoy!
~~~
Rewind to 2004: I had spent my first 14 months in Taiwan as a workaholic living in the small, over-crowded, and very polluted city of Taipei. I had worked 6-7 days a week. I had a primary job that secured me my work visa, and a whole bunch of little jobs on the side in publishing, editing, writing and teaching. Part-way through 2004, I decided to cut back on the work and started studying Mandarin formally and regularly. There were aspects of this life that I liked, but there was a lot that was unacceptable and that I wouldn’t put up with nowadays. Even with the work-focus change, and with the increase in free time that went with it, life didn’t improve that much, and that was 100% due to the racism-misogyny, white whore special that I was experiencing, but not quite seeing for what it was.
I had been living near Liberty Square (not the name when I lived there), which is a fabulous little park with winding paths surrounding three major monuments/buildings, including the National Theatre and the National Concert Hall. It’s a great place at any time of day for exercise, meeting up with friends, or quiet contemplation.
Or at least I thought it was until one day at noon.
With my greater free time in my second year there, I sometimes went to this park to find a quiet bench on which to eat my lunch and read. I was in the middle of doing just that when a man came up to me. He approached slowly with his wallet out. Without any attempt at verbal communication, he began indicating through body language that he wanted me to suck his dick, and that he would pay me for it. I noticed a male friend of his waiting in the distance to see what would happen. Was he offering me money for the both of them? Just him? I had no idea. I told him to get lost and used a hand motion to indicate I was sweeping him away from me. He persisted. Insisted. Took the (pitifully low amount of) money out of his wallet and started shaking it in my face. Pointed at his groin. Pointed aggressively at my mouth. Friend in the distance, laughing and looking eager, nervous, antsy. I couldn’t get rid of him. For some reason, he had decided that I, with short hair and no make-up, in my trousers and short-sleeved, men’s buttoned shirt and sensible shoes, sitting on a bench eating my lunch, with a book in one hand, was obviously on prostitution duty. I will tell you this. There could have been no mistaking me for a prostitute. It was simply this:
I was a white woman.
He was male and the dominant race.
I existed as a whore to service his cock, just like all white women in the world.
I knew I was in danger. Even though I was not yet clued into the idea that I was experiencing misogyny and racism on a daily basis, instead of just ‘bad luck’, I did know that I was in serious danger. I quickly left the bench, lunch and book in hand and ran. I ran like hell. Despite it being broad daylight with lots of people around, I wasn’t safe. And strangely, almost all of the ‘Asian man assaults’ I have experienced have been in broad daylight with people around and not giving a shit. Sometimes watching me be assaulted. Apathetically. White whore. Look at what they do in our country. They make trouble.
Needless to say, the park was ruined for me. Lunch never happened there again.
I’ve been talking to folks recently about the Burning Times and the whole thing about dicks in a box. And as I was writing this post, I thought wryly, when a woman orders a boxed lunch*, she definitely doesn’t want dick on the menu… Not related, but the mind does what it does.
*aka ‘packed lunch’ or ‘brown bag lunch’
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What Does It Mean if I Find You Neither Endearing nor Horrifying?
Still travelling, still stuck in Doodville. Two more nights. Like infants, the doods demand constant attention and to suck at the collective tit of Woman. Some more than others. Most women deliver. Fawning. Patiently listening with an interested look. Cooing, clucking, nodding. Reassuring. Building up their confidence and egos. Laughing at their rape and ‘dumb ho’ jokes. Tee hee, you’re right, girls are so [insert misogynist stereotype here]. For the pathologically narcissistic of them, you could be lying there, clearly dying, with a knife protruding from your throat, and they’d still keep up with their demands on your energy. Yap, yap, yap.
I’m puzzled and perhaps only slightly amused by a new dichotomy presented to me by an egotistical, but untalented, ‘travelling artist’. He fascinates himself. He is tickled by what a jerk he is and its effects on the women he comes across during his travels and the female students he instructs (apparently he teaches some art class somewhere – details apparently not necessary to the casual inquirer, I discovered). He fully admits with a scary, psychotic laugh, that he enjoys how he treats people. Disapproval, insults. He said it makes fledgling artists better and they usually thank him later. Who knows if that’s true. We live in a mandatory S&M world where abuse is seen as positive attention and even love. So maybe he’s right on a surface level.
But Artiste says that in general, women either find him endearing or they find him completely horrifying, both of which he enjoys, but he says he clearly prefers the former. This means he gets laid, although, I suspect, given how this world brainwashes women and as evidenced through every bloody romantic comedy out there (those misogynists are so damned sexy, aren’t they?), those horrified women let him fuck them too.
But where do I fit in? I’ve thrown this guy for a loop because I find him neither endearing nor horrifying. He is boring, typical, standard, an EveryMan. And my reaction, or perhaps non-reaction is the better word, to him clearly rubs him in a way that he is not used to. I’m waiting for Gowan to pop out of nowhere and sing the chorus to ‘You’re a Strange Animal’. Artiste waxes on loudly about himself to anyone who enters the room. I can see him looking at me from the corner of my eye. “Why isn’t she paying attention? I don’t understand how this reaction fits in to my schema.”
This morning, he sat down across from me at the breakfast table, and I didn’t look up from the newspaper and my coffee. Somehow, even as he loudly started announcing things about his newly shaved head and the reasons for doing so, and how often he does this, and how much time the hair takes to grow back in, I registered nothing. I mean really, who gives a shit? I was busy reading about a local firefighter who had taken a teenaged girl as a sex slave, raping her continually. She got away and is telling her story. She will be labelled as a whore. You can see the set up in the language. “She had sex with him many times…” I put the paper down before finishing. I left the table and the hair monologue. A woman from the room I was staying in came in as I was preparing to get up, an apparent ‘nurse’ with tracks and several healed, self-inflicted cuts on her arms and wrists. Ignoring me, she entered the ‘he’s endearing’ camp and was enticed out to Artiste’s van to look at his collection of masterpieces. He has enough groupies. I’m not one of them.
Look at my hair cut, I’m endearing/horrifying, pay attention to meeeee, trusted community protector rapes teenaged slave repeatedly, teenaged girl is a slutty whore, not a victim… its all on the same continuum of male domination and narcissism and violence, violence, violence against women. It’s the sea we’re all forced to swim in.
Can someone please make it all stop? Make men stop. Make them accountable. Take away the entitlement. There aren’t enough goddess sessions to counter it all. What does it mean that I’m bored and tired rather than endeared or horrified? I think it means that I’m opposing the social order. I’m behaving naturally, and it’s a very simple, but threatening, position to take.
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Conversations with Men: Liberal White Dude Explains a Main Difference Between Men and Women and How White Women Aren’t in Danger
Recently, Miep wrote a post talking about the difficult decision to remove a problematic male of long-term acquaintance from her life. I get it. I get the feelings and frustrations associated with making a decision like that. I’ve been going through some really difficult and similar situations of that nature over the past couple of years, and especially in this past year. Men are problematic, and it is really difficult to rationalize keeping them in your life as a feminist.
I’m currently visiting some uber-liberal friends, and already I’m being irked to no end by nonsensical, politically-correct, but misogynist, analyses and explanations. I discussed the MLK event dilemma in the last post. And less than a day later, I’m deep into conversations with a liberal white dude on how shit works (this ties in, don’t worry, you’ll see).
Over coffee, a liberal, white dude decided to explain to two white ladies, including a scowling me and an open-to-sexist-bullshit woman, a major difference between men and women. A difference that can be seen in young children! Apparently, boys want to know how shit works. Girls don’t. Girls expect things to work the way they want them to work without wondering or caring why they don’t. This explains why we get mad at computers when they malfunction. (Fucking what? That actually describes how males behave, in my experience.) So liberal white dude gave an example of how some three-year-old boy got super impressed with how some adult showed him how something worked and equated that knowledge with being smart. In fact, the conversation between the boy and the adult was generic and demonstrated nothing to me about the kid wanting to know how something worked. And in fact, if liberal white dude had told the same story, but substituted a girl instead of a boy, I’m sure the story would have illustrated how girls want to understand social communication or some sexist bullshit like that. It’s all in the interpretation and agenda. Always.
I continued to scowl at the stupid sexist story and completely invalid theory, and the other white woman contributed a story of her own about some ex-boyfriend travelling to some far-off land with her with a complete lack of interest until he bonded wordlessly with some foreign monk over some stupid tool. Then he was interested in culture. See? Men are interested in how shit works. It allows males to bond. How this explains all the women in science I know, and how talented women and girls are at building and using machines, I know not. But clearly this unvalidated theory achieves something for men. And I suspect it has something to do with men wanting a special domain of talent all to themselves. Unfortunately, women can do everything men can do, as well as create life. So nice try, but nicer fail, dude.
The funniest part is that liberal white dude then told an unrelated story about his wife, that was meant to be some kind of criticism of her, but was actually a really, really good example of how she was exceptionally good at trying to figure out how shit works. He didn’t see that though and neither did liberal white lady. I tried to point it out subtly “How interesting that she was so adept at quickly figuring out how that worked!” but no one picked up on the hint, sadly.
Bottom line, these bullshit unproven biological arguments, which have been used for centuries to keep women out of the sciences and maths and any domain that would gain them independence and public recognition, have no merit and make liberals look really stupid when they use them to prove something.
Next. The same liberal white dude started talking about how the poor brown and black dudes are getting all shot up by police. I pointed out that white women are increasingly being used as human shields and hostages so that these often CRIMINAL individuals can get away with the CRIMINAL acts they are committing. He tried to negate my statement, and I pointed out that I had just been reading another example of this happening. That didn’t fly. You cannot point out facts about men of colour. They are victims. White bitches are just white bitches. They have no voice, they have no valid claims to human rights. They definitely are not victimized by men, goodness no. I didn’t bother pointing out that white women are increasingly the victims of sexual violence and sexual-racial threats and attacks, and I definitely didn’t venture into the recent German rape crisis and the problem of Muslim men. Unsurprisingly, none of my liberal friends has said a single word about what’s going on over there. You. Cannot. Criticize. Men. Of. Colour. And they stick to that. Religiously.
I’m tired. So tired. How can I keep friends like this? They spout insanity. They subscribe to stereotype-based biological essentialism that looks a lot like determinism. And they are so filled with racial guilt that they are willing to overlook or explain away crime, negate real victims’ rights and exaggerate reality in order to feel better. They refuse to name men as the problem that women experience. And they refuse to see sex-based violence as a thing especially when it is commmitted by men of different SES, colour or religion, and a more common thing than say, occasional police violence towards males. Violence directed at women is a much more serious, and long-standing problem than anything else going on today.
I’m not sure how long my visit will be. I feel like I wear a mask in China where I pretend to be something I’m not. But I’ve realized the same is true in the West. And acting is exhausting. There is no place for a radical feminist to take off the costume and speak truth. Except maybe on her own blog.
How to Respond to Male ‘Feminists’
I’m going to enter this under my ‘Conversations with Men‘ series for obvious reasons, although I’ll follow a slightly different format than I usually do for posts in that category.
If you’ve been reading along, you’ll know that not only do I assert that male feminists don’t and can’t exist, but I really dislike men who apply that label to themselves. Further, I’m not too keen on the women, including supposed feminists (ffs!), who shower praise and blow jobs on these self-professed activist woman-lovers either, but I get why they do this even if it is enormously damaging to women.
I’ve written about these creeps before:
They Don’t Do It Because They Care: Where I talk about why men join the helping professions, activism, and volunteer organizations.
Is It A Necessary Concession? Where I talk about the hidden, selfish agenda underneath the male feminist costume.
Truth Will Out: Where I talk about how you can reveal the misogynist turd that is at the heart of the majority of male feminists?
Today, I want to demonstrate how to respond to a male ‘feminist’ who tries to ‘engage’ you in dialogue. The thing with most male feminists is that they always end up in the same place using the same set of tactics. Most of them, with their keen male predatory radar, will sniff out real feminists. What are real feminists? There aren’t many around despite the label starting to become fashionable again for pole dancers and identity politickers. Real feminists are those radical women who are consistent in their belief that men as a class oppress women as a class on the very basis of sex. Real feminists name the problem: men. Real feminists understand the interplay of biology and socialization, and that men are free to be their biologically violent selves and have created a society that supports this through socialization, while women are NOT free to be their natural selves and constantly fight against gender socialization and comply against their will to attempt to avoid male violence.
So having zoned in on a real feminist, the male feminist starts a conversation. It might start out in a seemingly innocent or friendly way, but it quickly devolves into antagonism. (Or he might just dive right in.) The dude just can’t help himself. You see, men, no matter how human rightsy they say they might be, are not on board with radical feminist theory because they don’t see themselves as part of class, male. They are special, different. And they neeeeeed to make you see that you’re doing feminism wrong. Your thinking is wrong. You’re mean. You’re rigid. You’re responsible for everything bad in the world. You’re not doing enough to help women less fortunate. You… you’re something. And whatever it is, you are wrong and you should feel ashamed and guilty. Luckily, he is there to set you on the right path. And if you want to help him out somehow to show your thanks, well, you are free (free!!!) to do so.
Where most women, even real feminists, go wrong is in dealing with these douchebags. Even the most hard lined feminists have been socialized from birth as females to be constantly on the defensive. Being a woman means constantly being under attack in many ways. So women will spend enormous amounts of energy trying to explain themselves. No, I’m not a man-hater. No, I’m not humourless. No, I’m not violent. No, I’m not… oh, please just stop. I’m sorry I’m alive.
It is endless, and even staunch feminists cave under this relentless apologizing, self-defense, and explaining. We’ve seen bizarre capitulations by women once seen to hold the flag of feminism. I’m sure you can think of a few.
Online, these dickheads are even worse. They’ll flounce into a women’s space like the king of the castle and pounce on a feminist. They’ll either ask short, snarky, derailing questions, or they will lay it on thick with multi-paragraph mansplanations. What is expected is that all interested women drop everything they’re doing to address the male feminist’s concerns, defend their positions, and answer his stupid questions.
I propose something different, and I’ll illustrate with a real example put in my lap a few days ago.
~~
I left a comment on one of the blogs I follow. I can’t remember the exact topic, but it had something to do with male ‘feminists’. My comment was:
“Just as there is no such thing as a woman with a penis, there is no such thing as a male feminist.”
A concerned penis-brain responded to me, quoted the second half of my comment “there is no such thing as a male feminist”, and then said “Really?”
I did what most women automatically do, I wrote a draft explaining my position and a few other choice things. And then I stopped. This asshole spent two seconds to write one snarky word that demanded that I defend myself. And I almost fell for it. I found that as I was writing my answer, my stress level increased, and my anger flared. And then all became clear.
I decided to respond. And I responded in kind.
“Yup.”
And it felt good. It felt right. And he didn’t engage me further, which was exactly the right thing to happen. Some people might include their blog address or specific posts, and let the dude know that the argument is laid out there. I don’t bother. This kind of guy isn’t interested in feminism, and he will definitely not take the time to read your blog or post. He is looking to antagonize. He is looking for followers and praise and possibly a liberal woman who will be feisty, but who will still suck his dick because he is so fucking awesome.
In other words, not a feminist. Feminism isn’t about individualism, selfishness, or men/male ‘needs’. It is about women as a class. And if men want to be feminist allies/supporters (not feminists), they should go educate men, not spend time on feminist blogs antagonizing already overburdened, harassed women.
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The Male Therapist (Post-Christmas Navel-Gazing)
I’ve never been to therapy.
I think I badly need it, but I know I won’t ever go. And I’ve come to realize why this will never happen.
I was raised and abused by a father who was a male therapist. I won’t (in this post) even touch on my even more abusive mother (who was not a therapist). Between the two of them, I grew up to be an emotionally paralyzed, very confused, silent, angry, socially anxious and awkward, depressed individual, and then was further abused by these parents for being emotionally paralyzed, very confused, silent, angry, socially anxious and awkward, and depressed. Exactly the kind of person who could use a little therapy to untwist the emotional twine binding her.
But as I said, I’ll never go. Even though I went on to formally study psychology for years, I kept to the hard sciencey specializations (statistics, neuroscience, psychometry) and kept all my clinical dealings as a sideline through clinical and forensic research projects, coursework and collaboration/friendship with the more interesting of the clinical (female) crowd.
Even in the thick of things, I still declined therapy while feeling I desperately needed it at the same time. Instead, I self-examined. I know exactly what’s going on with me thanks to years of this relentless questioning and probing. Unfortunately, therapists are useful creatures – you can self-examine all you want and still not make much progress towards balance or health. Therapists are guides, and they are supposed to support you when you are at your most exposed and vulnerable.
As I am an expert in mind-fuckery, I often think about therapy professions. That was what I wanted to be as a kid, and I discarded it in college. At the time, I thought my classmates were too wishy-washy, and hey, I was really good at math and experimental design, but looking back, I know that I left because it was too threatening. Part of me didn’t want to have to address the nasty truths in my life and thus become vulnerable. I knew what vulnerable was and the therapist I grew up with both made me vulnerable and exploited it relentlessly. Who wants more of that?
And as I’ve explored the therapy professions (social work, clinical psychology, clinical psychiatry, etc), I keep coming back to the same question or set of questions.
What draws men to this line of work? And more specifically, what draws men to therapy for female victims of sex crimes (rape, sexual assault, incest)?
Let’s come back to this and talk about female therapists first.
First off, not all female therapists are good and/or appropriate for your needs. The therapist’s professional orientation may not line up with yours. The therapist has been educated by the patriarchy and likely holds patriarchal views of women and their illnesses. Speaking from experience with clinical psych undergrad and postgrad students and professors, many therapists (male and female) are not the most stable themselves. People with problems tend to gravitate towards this profession and the field is sooo competitive that often, only the most obsessive and neurotic are given admittance to programs. I can’t speak for social work programs, but most of the practitioners I’ve met have been really weird people with weird agendas. But I DO believe that it is people with problems who are exactly the people who should be working in these fields because they understand first-hand what the patient is going through. It is important, however, that the therapist have worked out her issues to minimize the intrusion of said issues into her patient/client’s situation.
All said, there are tons of well-meaning women who gravitate towards the helping professions. Well-meaning doesn’t mean effective or correct, but it is a starting place. Men don’t often have even the correct starting place.
To speak more specifically about work with female victims of sex-based crimes (aka hate crimes against women), it is easy to understand why women get into it. Women want to help women. Therapists are often victims themselves. Oh who am I kidding, all women are victims of at least one sex-based offense and are exposed to male filth on a daily basis. Female therapists want to get in there and do some good. Are they going about it the right way? I don’t know. I don’t think most of women’s energy expenditure actually makes any progress towards ending male violence. But someone has to put on the band-aids, I suppose.
I’ve also known female therapists who’ve worked with rapists and men who sexually assault women and children. I can even understand why women gravitate towards this. The work is, of course, pointless. You can’t fix men, and you absolutely can’t fix a rapist. But again, women pour endless energy into trying to fix male problems that can’t be fixed. It’s a misplaced, erroneous belief in male ‘goodness’ (whatever) and a desire to keep women safe. *Sigh*
So we come back to men. I’ve written about men and the helping professions and volunteer work before. What could possibly bring men specifically into wanting to ‘help’ female victims of sex-based crimes? It boggles the mind. Men have little capacity for empathy, and I have never met a man who can wrap his head around the fear women live with daily as a result of forced proximity to men. So to deliberately be around and ‘help’ female victims isn’t a problem in their minds. The last thing women need after victimization by a man, however, is to be made even more exposed and vulnerable with a man controlling her aftermath. Male therapists must be looking for control or a vicarious experience or something. Perhaps they are invested in putting forth a male agenda in ‘managing’ female victims. Does he want to show that ‘not all men are bad’? How completely selfish and self-centred, if that is the case.
We have a new problem with aggressive MtT’s targeting battered women’s shelters and demanding to work there and be put into direct contact with female victims. They are becoming so self-centred and disrespectful that they are bringing law suits to fight for their right to access female victims. Why are they doing this? Is it an attempt to use women’s real experiences to build up their own sense of victimhood? Whatever they are doing, it is assault. It is disgusting. And it needs to be stopped.
Men also love to gravitate towards helping male sex offenders. I have personal experience with one of these creatures. I was taking a course in a form of counselling and was paired up by phone with a black, American, Christian man who headed up his own church and specifically helped rapists get on their feet after (unfortunately) being released from prison. He and I were to do ‘counselling’ sessions on the phone. He was controlling of me from the very beginning, and took advantage of my commitment to the course. He cancelled our sessions, let me do all the work, and would take other phone calls while we were in the middle of a counselling session. But he was smarmy, saying all the right things to smooth things over. If I were 20, I would have accepted the abuse and chided myself that as a WHITE woman, I supposedly was the privileged one. But I was older and well-versed in how all men have privilege over all women regardless of other group membership. Penis trumps vagina, regardless of race, every single time. One day, I called him on his repeated disrespect of me, and the truth came out. He attacked me mercilessly, and threw all the information I’d given him in my vulnerable state as counsellee in my face. And then he played the god card – he knew I was an atheist, and let me know I was shit because of it. Pure abuse. I suspect he was a ‘recovered’ rapist himself. I put my foot down, complained to the school, and only after my fellow student attacked the teacher was he thrown out of the program.
So, I suspect that sex offenders help sex offenders, and any man who gravitates towards therapy for female victims or male offenders is just there to perpetuate the system of abuse, keep the male agenda alive and well, ‘help’ women to put their experience in a compartment and not paint all men or the patriarchy as bad, and experience personal control and vicarious excitement over female victimization. I advocate for keeping men out of all professions where they have access to vulnerable women and girls.
Conversations with Men: The Cambodian
In my last ‘conversations with men’ post about the rape holiday, I mentioned that I would pull another experience from my Cambodian visit. In the former, I was an observer. In this story, I was an object.
Women are constantly divided and divided again. It is a male strategy to prevent women from joining against them in solidarity to fight back in a serious way. But scores of women get on board for a variety of reasons in order to show their sisters that the dissimilarities and points of disagreement are much more important than their common experiences and needs.
Despite being the violent and sadistic sex, there is a great deal of evidence that men of different races, socioeconomic classes, religions, and political leanings are always quite able to come together – and even bond – over a single common cause: abusing, torturing, terrorizing and destroying women and girls. It is a pity that women cannot come together over the single common cause of liberating themselves from men, their violence, and their parasitic tendencies.
And it is with this thinking that I present a conversation from several years ago. Reviewing my two experiences well after the fact made me realize that despite the many differences between me and the young, female, Cambodian prostitute, we both shared the reality that we were objects. We were both seen by men, first and foremost, as bodies to be used.
~~~
Rewind to 2003: I was in the middle of a two-week trip by myself to Cambodia. It is very common for travellers, especially if you’re alone, to hire motorcycle guides in the larger areas. These drivers are often connected to guest houses, and you can hire them for single trips or pay a flat fee for a period time. While in Phnom Penh, I hired a driver who was able to speak some English (I don’t speak Khmer, and those few Cambodians who speak French are quite old now). I did a number of things, including seeing some of the historic sites, checking out one of the riverside, local clubs for some live music (no other foreigners there), and on one of the days, spending an afternoon by the water in the shade eating durian.
Through conversation, I was able to get an inside look into the life of a typical, low-earning, young man. And I also was reminded of my place as a woman.
At that point in my life, I sported very short hair, so I had to provide an answer as to why. Surprisingly, I wasn’t asked why I never wore skirts or dresses. After many more years living in China, I’ve come to expect and hate this whole line of questioning about hair, clothes, husbandlessness, childlessness. But at the time, I was still in my first year in Asia.
But then we moved on to other things.
Dude took on an air of sadness. He said he was too poor to get married. he had to share a room with several other guys. And he had to go to prostitutes.
Yeah, he lost me there. One thing I do hate about traditional cultures is the mandatory marriage thing and the idea that you need to have X amount of money in order to live up to expectations and procure a slave. But I don’t feel sorry for the MEN. I feel sorry for the women. Being sold into slavery – which is exactly what marriage was and still is – is not something I agree with or think is part of a healthy society. And in traditional cultures, if a woman can’t get married, there aren’t a lot of other options for her to support herself. Further, she becomes vulnerable to all men when she isn’t owned by one man. It’s a racket that men designed. Women are screwed no matter what happens. But married men benefit, so who gives a shit, eh?
But the marriage thing wasn’t where dude lost me. It was the ‘had to go to prostitutes’ comment. Men believe they must have sex. And they believe that if they can’t get it from their personal whore (wife/girlfriend/family member), then they must get if from a public whore. And then there is outright, payment-free rape of strangers, which I won’t get into in this post. The thing is, nobody has ever died from not having sex. And I say this as someone who, for much of my life, has had a demanding sex drive that no man (or woman, for that matter) I’ve known could match. Ever. And yet, despite almost never getting what I wanted – quality or quantity – and then eventually just ditching men altogether when I came to my senses about ‘how shit works’ in both the greater world and in my own world, I never felt I was entitled to sex. And I haven’t died from the lack. Presto magic. So take it from me, men don’t need sex.
And then the conversation got worse.
Dude got it in his head that he should have sex with me. The suggestion was put out there. He didn’t actually offer to pay me for sex. No. The idea was that I could continue to pay for his driving services as well as the food we were consuming, and he could have sex with me. It was almost as if he were offering himself up as a prostitute (although he didn’t ask for extra money), except for one very, very significant difference.
This difference lies in the sexes of the people in my last story versus this current story.
Women generally don’t offer themselves as prostitutes because they like sex or want random sex with strangers. Prostitutes are generally desperate, vulnerable women with a history of sexual, physical and psychological abuse. Both men and sex are dangerous to women, and men generally don’t cater (let alone acknowledge) women’s sexual needs. Don’t believe me? Well there is a shit ton of evidence on all. I don’t need to provide statistics. Spend five seconds on Google.
Men seldom offer themselves as prostitutes to WOMEN. To men, yes. That is more common and I don’t really care about that dynamic. When a man, like in my scenario, suggests sex to a woman, he is looking to get off. And in this case, especially, a) he didn’t suggest a monetary exchange, and b) in most cultures, especially traditional ones like Cambodia, men don’t service women – they use them. And if they give something, it is never without the expectation of something in return. So this dude wasn’t offering me anything. He was expecting something.
Of course, I said, “No.”
Everything about this exchange was repulsive. There was fear that he would attack me because I said no (luckily, that didn’t happen – HIV rates were at an all-time high in Cambodia at that time – and nobody wants to be raped anyways). I realized that none of my ‘privilege’ could erase the fact that I was still a woman and thus was under the thumb and at the whim of this guy and every single man on the planet regardless of their status among other men. I realized that because he, a man, brought up sex, no matter how this guy had framed it, he was insulting me: to offer me money would be to tell me I was a piece of meat, but to not offer me money told me that I wasn’t worth paying for and I should give it away like (they think) all ‘free’ Western white women do.
I went away from that conversation with another piece chipped off my tiny block of female self-confidence and then added to the growing pile of evidence of male yuck.
Conversations with Men: The Rape Holiday
It’s not that I’m shocked when I hear about the horrific things men do to women and girls every minute of every day in every corner of the world. Nothing anyone could tell me would surprise me in the least. It can be disturbing and traumatizing, of course, to read or hear about men’s depravity. But hearing about is different than witnessing, however. When you actually witness stuff, as a woman, that is when you are stunned – sometimes momentarily, sometimes negatively affected for long periods of time. It is only if you find yourself immune or indifferent to the stuff you see, or that you rationalize it away to protect the poor, persecuted, precious penises in your life, that you know you’ve lost too much of your humanity, and accepted your place as a slave.
When you make the mistake of assuming the best of strange men you encounter, that is when you end up with reminders that you are being naive. It is always best to err on the side of caution – all men are potential rapists. All men benefit from rape culture. Most men jerk off to rape (porn isn’t sex, it’s rape), and actively seek out depictions of rape. And all men are rape apologists. If they accept that rape exists, they see it as one of two things: 1) a very, very narrowly defined thing and anything that falls outside their very, very limited, accepted ideas can be waved away as lies! or just the way things are, sweetie, what’s your problem? or you’re paranoid/too sensitive/a manhater; or 2) a very, very broadly defined thing that ends up taking needed focus off of the crime of rape committed by men against women and putting the focus onto men as the main or most important or equally affected victims. Broad definitions of important words are men’s new tactic to erase women’s realities and put themselves in the spotlight, where they feel they belong.
Bottom line: rape is a crime perpetrated by men against women and girls. It comes out of male entitlement. It is done by more men than the world wants to admit. And all men benefit from it whether they directly rape or not.
~~~
Rewind to 2003: I was in the middle of a two-week trip by myself to Cambodia. I was working in Taiwan at the time. All of my Western male colleagues a) told me to be careful in Phnom Penh (which I ignored – I had a great time with locals there), and b) regaled me nostalgically with stories about their rape vacations – on which they strangely didn’t bring their Taiwanese girlfriends. It was gross. These entitled white fuckers thought it was the best deal ever to pay a couple of dollars to rape enslaved, impoverished teenaged girls. Many of these girls were victims of the Khmer Rouge regime and many young girls, having lost their entire families to rape, torture and death, had nowhere to go but into prostitution. Young boys were often taken in by monks and raised in monasteries. I met a few of the latter while visiting. They were quite well off and educated given the recent history of the country and their personal situations, and had a lot of freedom to pursue ambitions. The girls? Not so much.
For a few days, I travelled with an Australian postal worker who was in the middle of admitting to himself that he was gay. So we were talking about that a lot. And while in Sihanoukville, we went out for coming-out talk over a simple dinner at a very small local eatery with a few outdoor tables along the dirt road. I noticed a good-looking white dude sitting silently near, but not with, some local people running the shop beside us. It was kind of a strange scene. He wasn’t eating. Wasn’t drinking. Wasn’t reading or talking to anyone. Just waiting. I caught his eye at one point, by accident. Couldn’t tell anything from that. There was no expression on his face. Nothing in his eyes. Just a bland, but good-looking, dude.
And then a motorcycle pulled up. A local man driving, of course. And off the back of the bike hopped a small, pretty, young girl – 15 at the most. Huge white dude stood up, wandered over for some brief negotiation. I sized it up immediately and stared at him in disgust. He did his best to ignore my gaze. Then the girl and the human stain wandered off a little ways out of sight.
The dude came back alone not long after. Could he have raped her that quickly? Well, duh, of course. Men only need about 30 seconds to get the job done in my experience. It could have just been a mouth rape. In my experience, that doesn’t take long either. And less fuss. And I figured, since he knew he was under scrutiny, he couldn’t take the time to punish her or torture her for that long as many men like to do to what they see as cheap, filthy whores. Had it been more private, he could have beaten her and raped her over a longer period of time, multiple times. Maybe killed her, if he wished. Cambodia is a very, very poor country, and white dudes, for the right price can buy whatever they want. What’s the life of an uneducated, girl child to a rich, white guy likely to go back to his girlfriend or wife in Japan or China or Australia or wherever?
The guy didn’t look my way when he got back. Probably went off to get a beer and a smoke and to relive the rape. Or possibly just to head to bed to forget the child he just abused.
Me? I had lost my appetite, and I felt both dead inside and that I wanted to gut the rapist who was sauntering back to the town. End his rape career. That’s the least he deserved, in my opinion. But I said nothing. And I didn’t say anything to the male person who had had his back to the scene the entire time. It was my private window (albeit partially curtained to the worst of the interaction) into the world of male rape holidays and the complete lack of shame and disgusting privilege that comes with having a penis.
~~
Note: In another post from this trip, I relate a conversation with a local Cambodian – a bottom of the totem pole dude (but much higher than all women) who felt just as entitled as this white guy with regard to buying female flesh – and what his thoughts of me were…
Note 2: White dudes are not alone in rape tourism, even though it is seen as a ‘Western thing’. It’s not a ‘white thing’ and it’s not a ‘Western thing’. It’s a ‘man thing’ and not limited to cocks of specific colours. Plenty of men from all over the world travel to rape. However. White dudes would do well, as the primary economic power, to stop this kind of travel and provide an example to the world. But they won’t. They’re too busy blaming white women for not doing enough to end the suffering of women of colour. Oh and white men are also too busy raping/jerking off madly to rape, of course. And they also like to mansplain that being raped for money is an empowering choice for women – if only they could do it tooooo. Yeah, right. Useless human garbage.
Note 3: I am absolutely not going to use the euphemism ‘sex tourism’, because using a prostitute isn’t sex. It’s rape. Calling it sex tourism takes away men’s responsibility for what they have freely chosen to do, and takes focus away from what girls and women have not freely chosen to do. Prostitution is very, very, very seldom a free choice (if you use the actual definition of free choice and not the liberal feminism definition).
Scribbles on Liberal Feminism
My girlfriend used to just swear and give guys the finger if they harassed her. now she shows them who’s boss by flashing her tits with an angry face.
Conversations with Men: You’re White, So I Get to Fuck You
Eventually, I’m going to do a whole post on purported ‘white woman privilege’ that every single group (sometimes including self-immolating white lib-fem women) on the planet likes to shout to silence a white woman when she tries to speak. [Update: I went ahead and created the White Girl series to address this huge problem.] White women are still women, and there is the shit heap of hate and violence that goes with that. A white woman doesn’t have anywhere near the advantages that a white man has, and in many cases that a man of colour has, yet has to be held accountable for all the sins of the white man – her lord and master. But know that penis always wins over vagina, no matter the colour. Sex is the original, longest-existing, and most disregarded or pooh-poohed oppression in human history – all oppressions derive from it. Being white doesn’t erase woman-hatred, and can bring with it, in fact, a set of unique problems. But that discussion is for another post. I’m writing today about a recent conversation with a man that falls into this category of penis trumping vagina, despite colour. A man of colour targets a white woman for sexual assault based on sexual stereotypes of her.
~~~
Rewind to six months ago: For those who aren’t regular readers, I live in Southern China. I work at a university that has a handful of campuses. I live on one of the smaller campuses in the staff housing. I am the only white person here. There are a few Filipino teachers and a handful of mostly black students here too. The bulk of the foreigners live at the main campus. I’m a bit lonely. I don’t know many people in my immediate area save a few of my better students who occasionally have lunch with me. While I’m open to meeting new people, I don’t actively seek it out. I’m quiet and a loner and I’m a-okay with that.
The night in question, I had gone into town to meet up with a Chinese friend, and I had arrived back at my campus mid-evening after a truly lovely day. It was starting to get dark. As I was entering the campus gates, a man sidled over and began to walk with and talk to me. I thought he must have been one of the black students who live at our campus. It turns out he was a French-speaker, which immediately piqued my interest as I seldom get to practise my French, so we switched languages. He said he was from Paris and taught French at our school. I was a little surprised. We have one woman from France here and she usually teaches Business English, not French. And we lost our Italian teacher after they started forcing her to teach English. But whatever. The school doesn’t inform me of new staff hires. So we chatted, and when we got to the fork in the road where I went off to staff housing, and he was going off to the dorms where he said he lived, we exchanged phone numbers. I was happy to have a new French-speaking friend who was an adult and had world experience. I like students, but I find there is always a teacher-student boundary that I don’t like to cross with regard to conversation topics. Sometimes, I just want friends – and here, I don’t meet a lot of adult women. Sometimes, I let my guard down and allow the possibility of a male friend. Usually a mistake. Men don’t become friends with women without there being a self-serving purpose. Women are there to be used in a variety of ways. I feel very stupid every time I forget that.
So, I went off on my way home.
Being female, I did what I always do when interacting with males. I checked behind me a few times. No matter how nice a dude is, you want to make sure you’re not followed. It had nothing to do with race (I can just hear someone screaming ‘YOU DID THAT BECAUSE HE WAS BLACK – WAAAAAAAH!!!!!’ Nope. I’m wary of ALL men. Men of all races have attacked me. No one gets a free pass. Penis = justified suspicion. I’d given him my phone number, yes, but no dude can truly be trusted, and I don’t let men know where I live. Ever. So I looked back. I was safe. No one followed me.
About half an hour after I returned, I got a phone call. It was Dude. WTF? And immediately, he aggressively started in with demands to come over and fuck me. Talking over me as I tried to say no. Repeating the demands over and over. At first, I fell into the typical girl thing and said I had a boyfriend. Didn’t matter, he said. He just wanted to fuck. Don’t be so serious. I asked him why he didn’t have a local girlfriend. He said he didn’t like Chinese girls. I knew what that meant. You can’t just fuck Chinese girls – they are more conservative here. I didn’t bother asking about the other African students – men who go abroad often don’t like women of their own race (white men never approach me here in China since they are after Asian pussy). So that meant he targeted me because I was white, and every man of every race knows that white women will fuck anyone. We’re ‘easy’. And that’s when I got really pissed. Like all men, a woman’s ‘no’ doesn’t mean a thing. And the racial component, which I’ve experienced soooo many times before, sent me over the edge. I switched to English to regain a slight feeling of power in the situation. I told him off. Made my position as clear as possible. He was being disrespectful of me. I was angry. And I was not interested at all in sex. I told him he lied to me. I was adamant that he not call me again.
And he called me again. And again. And again. Over the next few weeks, he called several times. I never answered. And I decided not to block him because I wanted to keep a record of the harassment in my phone log.
I went into the Foreign Affairs Office of my university, which unfortunately was at the main campus – not mine. I reported the guy. I only had a first name and a phone number. There was no record of him as a student. And he definitely wasn’t a teacher either. All I knew was that he was a potential rapist who had targeted me because I was a woman and white. The Foreign Affairs Officer said there was nothing that could be done. I asked if we could call the police (our campus is, in fact, beside a police academy). He said no. Apparently, in China, sexual harassment, stalking or even sexual assault aren’t police matters. What??? I think the guy didn’t want the reputation of the university to be tarnished by a sexual harassment complaint. The Foreign Affairs Officer (a man) suggested that I not go out at night. For fuck’s sake! So, this is MY problem. There is a rapist on the loose, and I have to alter MY behaviour.
I was terrified walking around on my campus. What if I ran into him? I am easy to pick out since I am the only white woman around for miles. What if he followed me? The guy was huge. There was no way I would be able to fight him off. And if I managed to hurt him, I would be imprisoned thanks to misogynist Chinese law. Rape isn’t taken seriously here.
Well, I mostly didn’t go out at night for a long time. I lived in terror knowing that no one was on my side. Eventually, the calls stopped. Maybe he found someone else to rape. All of this became just another of many similar dealings with men and yet another reason not to trust them or interact with them unnecessarily. I’m tired of being threatened and feeling terrified and having to alter MY behaviour and routines.
This is an example of my white female privilege. Are you jealous? We are targeted by men of different races because we are seen as the epitome of whores. The crème de la crème. All women are whores, and all women should aspire to be as light-skinned as possible. The whiter you are, the more of a prize fuck you are. And we are open to it, so the stereotype goes. We will fuck anyone and everyone. We are public property. If you can fuck a white woman – and of course, according to American TV and films (written and produced mostly by white men, many of whom are Jewish), all white women do is look for opportunities to get naked and fuck, so it must be true – then you score big time. You can check it off your list of things to do before you die. This is what happens when men define female freedom. Female freedom = happy for every many to fuck her. For free. Anytime. Anywhere. The word “no” isn’t in her vocabulary. And some white women (e.g., see the slutwalk brigade) have taken men’s words to heart.
I haven’t. Liberation means something very different to me. It means freedom from men’s desires, demands and crimes (which are all the same thing). It means freedom from fear. Fear of men and what they do and get away with. Adopting the dictates of slavery as your own does not free you. It just opens you up to more abuse. And all men know this and try to take advantage of this. So black men, Asian men, Arab men, aboriginal men – all men – have now proclaimed an open season on white women. Mark my words, white girls. By accepting your boys’ definition of (sexual) freedom, you must service all men free of charge. Rape is not possible when men believe you want it 24/7, and all they hear you saying is, “yep, I’m a slut”. I see you as brainlessly complicit in the shit that happens to me. Not the masterminds, but dangerous sheep-accomplices, nonetheless.
And though I’ll cover this in my future post on the intersection of race and sex, I’ll just be clear here since I know reading this will make people uncomfortable because white women aren’t supposed to experience systemic problems or talk about them. I am not negating violence against women of colour or their unique problems resulting from sex and their particular race and location in the world. I am saying that we are not responsible for what white men or men of colour do to them, though. Every group of women experiences a combination of racial and sexual stereotyping and punishment at the hands of men of all different groups. Including white women. The truth is that it is not all fun and games for white chicks despite what you might need to tell yourself to feel at home in your own particular oppression-group or to feel righteous when you attack the white women you feel obliged to ‘other’. We make much easier targets than men of any colour, and it is widely believed that hurting us, the property of white men, is the best way to sock one to the male masters.
Update on the Chinese Stalker
I just posted on my interaction with a young Chinese male potential stalker. I tried to talk him down for two reasons.
- First, and most important, I was concerned about the woman he was interested in stalking. If I can prevent harm to a specific woman or girl at the hands and dicks of men, I’ll do it. We are constantly in danger from both male strangers and especially the males we know. Men act, first and foremost, for selfish reasons, and if a woman is destroyed in the process of a man getting what he wants, nobody gives even half a shit. I give a shit. I give the mother lode of shits.
- Second, if I can shape the thinking of a single man, I stand the chance of saving scores of women and girls from future harm. It’s along the lines of that old proverb: “Give a person a fish and she’ll eat for a day. Teach a person to fish and she’ll eat for a lifetime.” Big picture. Strategic thinking. Preventative medicine. All that.
Anyhow, I do keep in touch with many of my students through a Chinese-based chat program and I heard from young dude last night. There were some positive things said, but I am not clear about whether he still intends to stalk his ex-girlfriend. There was some ambiguity at the end. Here is the exchange:
Dude: Today you said that happiness comes from our inside heart. And I half agree with that as I believe that our beloved ones are the source of half our happiness. Sometimes we still have to lay half of our happiness on the outside world like our beloved ones
Me: It is important for each of us to decide what it is that makes us happy. And then to set out to achieve it.
Dude: Thank you for teaching me that “if one side wants it, but the other side doesn’t want it, then the relationship cannot happen.” It gave me courage. And I have finally decided to let go of my ex-love.
Me: That is difficult, but good news. It is hard to see things when you are feeling pain. But with time, you’ll see that something better will happen for you. You are making a good, strong decision by letting go.
Dude: If possible, I still hope I could have a chance of reunion with her.
Me: That may just be a dream. But I would suggest letting it go. When a woman says no, she must be respected.
Dude: Thanks
—
Argh!!! I was feeling positive about him letting her go until I read his last statement. “if possible” “I still hope”.
Fuck! Let her go man!
Well, I tried.
Conversations with Men: Talking Down a Wannabe Stalker
In China, stalking of women by men is a standard and highly accepted part of the romantic narrative.
I’ve (unfortunately) been privy to countless examples of this. The wearing down and terrorizing of a woman by a man in order to ‘prove’ he loves her is more common than you might realize.
I can still remember back to 2003 and acquiring my first data point. A Western (male dickface) colleague chuckling over having his adult ESL class interrupted by a petulant Chinese man who had been harassing and stalking a female classmate with whom he was in love. He interrupted the class to throw a tantrum since the woman had not yet submitted to his displays of (immaturity, misogyny, entitlement) love. I was disgusted by the whole thing – had it been my class, heads would have rolled.
And over time, I’ve heard more and more stories. Sometimes from the lovelorn themselves looking for advice on why their stalking behaviour was not working as planned. I think most of the time it works. The poor young woman is beaten down through relentless unwanted attention and forced to give in. Yeah! A boyfriend! How long can one be terrorized and remain sane in a place where stalking and violence against women isn’t taken seriously?
And so today, it happened yet again.
I had parked myself in a huge mostly empty classroom reading Andrea Dworkin of all things, waiting until it was time to make my way to my own classroom in another building. I suddenly became aware of someone sitting beside me, but across the aisle. It struck me as strange as the classroom seated about 200 and I was one of maybe 4 people in the room.
I realized it was someone who wanted to talk to me.
Okay, what the hell. I was tired and having trouble focusing on reading. It turned out I had met the student before about 6 months previously. I could barely remember, to be honest. There are 45,000 students at my university. Luckily, it was a business English major, so he had better English, and thus was able to have a higher level conversation with me. And we talked about a variety of things which were actually interesting to me.
But one of the topics we covered was how he could ‘persuade’ his ex-girlfriend who had broken up with him that she should take him back.
I tried to tie my answer to one of his previous questions, “How can we be happy?” I could have said, “Overthrow Patriarchy,” but most dudes don’t have the capacity or intelligence to begin to comprehend what that means. But, to be honest, I haven’t a fucking clue how to be happy. I think we obsess about it too much, and spend too much time trying to find and force happiness, which, in my opinion, is the surest way to be thoroughly unhappy.
So instead, I delved into the idea that trying to get, take, or receive things is not the way to be happy. But that is what most people (especially men) try to do. We try to get a partner in love, we try to acquire money and possessions, and we want people to give us their loyalty, love or respect. None of that really works. What I suggested is that he stop focusing on taking or getting or expecting, and just try to give. I said that happiness comes from inside ourselves and when we give without expecting something in return, we are more likely to feel happy and free.
And I waited for it… He jumped in with: “But I want to give love to my ex-girlfriend.” And I countered with: a) Don’t give people what they don’t want or need. If the girlfriend broke up with you, she doesn’t want your ‘love’ (I suspect he wasn’t giving love, but rather, control and unreasonable demands). And b) you can’t give something and then secretly expect something in return. You’ll never be happy if your motivation for giving is ultimately selfish.
That gave him some stuff to mull over. I am not sure if it will sink in. Most guys can’t comprehend the notion of selflessness or understanding others’ (especially women’s) needs and wishes. But he seemed to think about what I said.
And then again, I might be completely full of shit about all of this happiness nonsense. But I hope I at least put a damper on his stalking potential. I am pretty sure that is where his obsessive thoughts were taking him. I’ve seen this a million times before.
Conversations with Men: The Belt
I kicked off a new topic last month: conversations with men (first post in that category). These posts will consist of interactions I’ve had willingly and unwillingly with men. These are the interactions that have cumulatively led to me gradually pulling away from dubious friendships, support of, and even chance encounters in public with men. I’ve become much more selective and self-protective in deciding who stays in my life and with whom I’m willing to cross paths. Women are not always so lucky in being able to select. We often find ourselves in horrible, damaging or life-threatening situations with men who want us to know where we stand with them. Often we have no control over what happens to us.
The conversations I will recount will be both verbal and non-verbal. A lot of the time, men convey very important and dangerous messages through their non-verbal conversations with us. Words don’t need to be exchanged for information to be delivered in a loud and clear way, you see.
~~~
Rewind to 1996: Pre-9/11 Belgium. Pre-hysterical-Islamophobia-obsession. But not pre-gynophobia among Muslim men – they’ve hated women for millennia, and they have a special, violent hatred for Western/Westernized women.
I had taken a short trip to Europe prior to starting graduate school in the US. I tend to travel alone, and often meet interesting people as a result. I’d met a few travelling German women, and together, clothed conservatively in jeans, t-shirts, and our hiking boots, like most budget-travelling women, we went out to enjoy some music.
It was a lot of fun for me. Until I was unwillingly entered into a frightening conversation.
One minute, I was dancing in the crowd, and the next, I was lifted backwards off the ground by the neck. I couldn’t breathe.
After struggling for my life – no one had noticed or helped me – I managed to break free. Or had I been released…? A group of Muslim men had gotten it into their heads to engage a white whore in conversation and remind her that her life was in their hands and that she was garbage. Disposable. The ring leader had taken his belt off and put it around my neck, and jerked me backwards off the ground, dragged me over into his group in the corner – a thoroughly effective way to bring me into their conversation on male dominance, Islamic superiority, and Western whoredom. I screamed at them afterwards, once I was able to breathe again. They laughed. A good joke.
I don’t know if they had intended to kill me or whether being in public had stopped them short, and the conversation was enough for them. If I had encountered them in the street while alone, would they have raped me? Beaten me? Killed me? Like in the club, they would have gotten away with it. Especially now, they’d be home free in our post-9/11 world where associating Islam with violence is a no-no – especially violence against women.
I am terrified of men. I am terrified of religious men. I am especially terrified of Muslim men (although apparently, I subconsciously hate Christianity more). According to many liberals, me writing about this true event in my life is likely to be seen as hate speech. But what those men did to me wasn’t hate, wasn’t crime. Still isn’t. Racially-motivated crimes against women are not hate crimes.
There is a reason I stopped going to clubs after that. I realized that I had done nothing wrong. I existed. In public. I was a woman. I was white. Apparently, that is enough to sentence me to death. And the message from that conversation came through loud and clear. There is nothing I can do about it save avoid going out.
And I have complied. And I still remember the feel of that belt around my neck nearly 20 years later.
That’s Some Arsenal You’ve Got There, Gentlemen
Part one: That’s Some Toolbox You’ve Got There, Ladies.
In the previous post linked to above, I talked about several of the tools and techniques women have at the ready in order to survive as slaves in a patriarchal system. These are the mechanisms that lead women to:
- accept abuse, rape, heaps of discrimination without complaint;
- seek out and stay in romantic relationships with men where anything can and does happen (keep in mind that no relationship between men and women is equal);
- comply and perpetuate Patriarchy by attacking potential allies (non-compliant women/feminists) and indoctrinating children in the ways of gender; and
- fail to notice the millions and millions of daily messages, large and small, direct and indirect, aimed at women to let them know that they are members of the sex class, meant to serve men, and undeserving of freedom or respect.
That post was about defense. This one is about offense. I want to talk about the tools and mechanisms – or weapons – men have in their arsenals to reinforce their supremacy by keeping women in line. Note that ALL men are given starter arsenals as boys, and most grow up to add more vicious and effective weapons as they get older – even the liberal, so-called ‘Nice Guys’.
I’m not going to talk about physical weapons like guns or knives or physical violence like rape or beatings or BDSM torture. These are obvious. Instead, like in the previous post, I’m going to talk about psychological warfare and what men do to mindfuck ‘loved’ ones, acquaintances, and strangers.
In case, you’re prepared to jump in with a standard, knee-jerk “But women do it tooooooo!” whinge-fest, please note that a) this post is not about individual women attacking individual men as DOES happen, but is not a systematic problem, and b) this post is about class warfare – by men as a class against women as a class. There has never been a war waged by women against men. If so, there’d be millions of dead and maimed men out there. As it stands, the only ones killing men in any number are MEN. So zip it and read on!
Offense Mechanisms
Note that some of the defense mechanisms talked about the the previous post can be used by men as attack mechanisms. Projection, for instance, can work the following way in the hands of a man on the attack. As a rule, men have a socialized, underlying hatred of women. Many men will project their hatred of women onto the women themselves claiming that women actually are the ones who hate men. This is the current chant of the MRAs (morons’ rights activists), and is why terms like ‘feminazi’ and ‘man-hating, lesbo feminist’ exist without evidence for them. Men’s hatred is turned into women’s hatred to make men feel justified in issuing rape threats, actual rape, beatings, and psychological warfare.
Gaslighting
This is a form of denial, but it is denial used to attack or manipulate. By refusing to admit that something is true, often repeatedly, the attacker causes their victim to begin to question their perceptions and lose confidence. The more off-balance a victim is, the more likely she is to remain in thrall to an abuser. The victim is increasingly likely to overlook often outrageously bad behavior, especially if they are in a relationship.
Example: On an individual level, imagine a newbie to the BDSM scene. She feels like what she is experiencing is abuse, but her dominant repeatedly says it didn’t happen or reframes her experience as something entirely different – submitting isn’t abuse, it is freedom, it is love. It is actually she who has the power. He invalidates her perceptions and she comes to doubt herself. She becomes primed for a deep commitment to submissive status.
We also see this in the low incidence of rape reporting – we can apply gaslighting to women as a group. Women are almost never believed when they dare to speak out about being raped. As a result, women as a class, often doubt their own experiences of rape and don’t bother to speak out. Women are not believed, so most women believe their experiences aren’t real.
Infantilizing
I’ve devoted a post to this topic, so I’ll keep it brief here. Infantilizing is the treating of woman as if she were a child or as less capable or intelligent than she actually is. You can also infantilize girls by treating them like younger children and over-protecting and denying confidence and agency. Infantilizing goes really well with gaslighting. Imagine being treated like an idiot over and over, and then if you dare to complain, you’re told that you’re imagining things or are oversensitive. You eventually come to believe that how you’re being treated is perfectly normal and you become an ineffective and relatively useless adult with no confidence and always second-guessing yourself.
Pathologizing
It is common for those who don’t conform to mainstream expectations to be pathologized. If someone doesn’t meet expectations, there must be something wrong with her. She needs to be fixed, medicated, given therapy, subjected to surgery, controlled and brought to heel.
Example: The current craze in pathologizing is, of course, centred on sexuality. These days, women need to be ready for sex and thrilled about it 24/7. Of course, sexuality and sex are still defined by men for men, so the perfectly reasonable avoidance or lack of desire on the part of women to engage in something that will not benefit them in any way (and is actually dangerous in many ways) becomes ‘a problem’. Instead of seeing and accepting it for what it actually is – a normal response to sexual slavery and erasure – women are labelled ‘frigid’ or ‘depressed’ or something that indicates that they aren’t fulfilling the expected role. Out come the drugs, sex therapy, psychological abuse, demands for polyamory, and porn.
Shaming and Guilting
Very simply, the act of inspiring feelings of guilt or shame in someone to get them to do something they don’t want to do or to back down on requests for fair treatment.
Example: Men love to push women to the edge and over it in relationships, and inspiring shame or guilt – some of the first powerful feelings young girls experience in all cultures – is a very effective way for men to get what they want. Men often play the victim. Their lives are so hard, and according to them, women make their lives even harder with their nagging and unreasonable demands for respect or consideration. It is these techniques of shaming and guilting that inspire the following: “If you loved me, you would…” and the demands almost always entail some demeaning, degrading, brutalizing, unfair sexual performance or concessions on the part of the woman.
Shaming and guilting (in addition to spreading lies and misinformation) are the key tools in the Pro-Choice movement’s assault against women who need abortions.
One-Upping
A tool used to silence another person by claiming greater victimhood status.
Example: This has recently become a very effective tool in our modern age of oppression status. Everybody is being oppressed. It is a common tool used by men of colour against white women who rebuke their rape or harassment attempts. These men will scream ‘racism!’ or society will do it for them if the rape attempt becomes public knowledge. It is one reason I didn’t report being violently raped by my Arab Muslim boyfriend 8 years ago. ‘Islamophobia’ is a buzzword right now, and current Liberals can get enthusiastically on board with the idea that a white woman is using her poorly suppressed Islamophobia/racism to make a false rape claim but have an incredibly hard time believing that a man has raped a woman.
Some of these men know exactly that is what will happen when they scream racism – it is a joke and a get out of jail free card since racism is taken seriously, but misogyny and violence against women are not. For others, they truly believe they are being oppressed when a woman refuses or fights against their violence. Men of all colours (and SES, religions, etc.) are taught from birth that they are entitled to pussy any time they want it.
Others argue that this is also what is happening with some of the male-to-female trans community trying to silence women by one-upping them on the oppression scale. By using male tactics of aggression and claiming status as ‘women’, actual women are forced into silence. Again, some of these folks know exactly what they are doing, while others may wear oppression as clothing and truly believe everyone is hurting them personally.
The most egregious examples of one-upping occur when a white dude with no true difficulties in life claims victimhood status that is more important than a woman – any woman. This happens CONSTANTLY (see MRAs, for example).
I truly can’t count the number of men – white and non-white – who have silenced me by shouting me down with examples of how they perceive themselves to be the most unfortunate victims on the planet. It has been especially effective when coupled with guilting.
Hope / Manipulated Forgiveness
Hope, is probably one of the most powerful forces out there. Giving someone the impression that things will get better can erase the effects and memories of an incredible amount of abuse.
Example: The most common scenario is that of the battered spouse/girlfriend. Despite the well-known mantra of psychologists and statisticians that past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour, the battering male will erase this idea by promising that he will change. And he seems to… until the next time he beats and rapes his wife/girlfriend. It helps that women are programmed from childhood to forgive.
Bestowing the Backhanded Compliment of ‘Otherness’
I have an entire post devoted to the concept of ‘other’, and there is a section on how men psychologically manipulate women into enabling them and accepting misogynistic abuse through a sort of backhanded flattery: they are not like all the other girls. Women can feel special and ‘loved’, but eventually may come to realize that this status can change immediately if they dare to question the flatterer.
—
There are many more psychological attack devices that men use against women to keep their system of dominance firmly in place. This is just a taste.
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A New Topic: Conversations with Men
I spend a lot of time – too much time – wondering why, as a society or even a global community, we aren’t further ahead than we are. I wonder why we still don’t have basic human rights for the majority of people in the world. I wonder why we still have so much war and violence. I wonder why religion still has a stronghold despite the development of real tools of knowledge development. I wonder why there is still so much opposition to the simplest social and technological advances.
And I find that it really boils down to one major roadblock. Men.
Under a male system based on dominance, which all societies are, we can’t truly advance. Any real advances are made at a snail’s pace. You see, you can’t truly advance when the underlying motivation is greed, power, sex and dominance, rather than peace, unselfishness, and the betterment of ALL people. The former tends to fuel the male quest for ‘advancement’.
If I want a reminder of why things are the way they are, I just sit down and have a conversation with a man or group of men. I’m often disappointed, disgusted, unhopeful about the future, or some combination. There is a reason I have fewer and fewer male friends as I get older. They tell me nothing new, make me feel sick, and waste my very precious time.
So I figured I’d dip into my deep vat of slime in the form of conversations with men I’ve known, and record them here for… posterity? A personal warning? A reminder of why I mostly dislike talking to men?
~~~
Rewind to 2011: an outdoor table at a small Muslim noodle shop in Haikou, the capital of Hainan province in China. I was having lunch with a middle-aged Spanish dude from my Chinese class.
For some reason, dude was pontificating. Don’t they always? He had gone through some blah blah blah about the sweet young Chinese thing he was fucking, and then moved on to the pontification – he was seriously trying on an air of wisdom and depth, and failing miserably. He said: every time I ask an older person what they regret most, they always say the same thing. They wish they’d had more sex.
Sigh. Of course they did. I’ll bet you money he always asks men, and men are typically obsessed with their virility, their legacy, and their conquests. If his poll were true – and it either was, or he selected the answers he liked best in order to affirm his own personal reckless abuse of women – it is a sad thing indeed.
I like to ask people ‘deep’ or introspective questions too. Women tend to say things like: I wish I’d not gotten married. I wish I’d not had children. I wish I’d had the confidence to [insert career-related action]. I wish I’d done more to change the world.
When men look back on their lives and wish they’d done more fucking, I know why our world sucks so much. Power and pleasure, rather than true selfless impact, is what fuels the privileged class. And it’s why we’ll never truly advance as a society.
I Love Asian Women
Men. They’re all different, but they’re all the same.
That doesn’t make sense now, does it? Well, what I mean is that when, as all women are, you’re forced to listen to the constant stream of stupid shit straight men say, you notice that they all have their different sexual fetishes and proclivities. But, at the root of all of these delightful differences is a deep-seated hatred of women. Men reduce women to their body parts (I love tight pussy, big tits, long hair, etc), race/skin colour, and culture. By culture, I don’t mean the proper definition of culture, I mean cultural stereotypes – male fantasies aren’t based on deep meaning or understanding. So while they ‘love’ certain exploitable things about particular women, they actually hate women as a class. Love of women’s junk or affiliations does not translate into love, or more importantly, respect, of women.
I’ve spent the past few years removing men from my life. It’s depressing, but stress-releasing and self-preservational. Depressing because I’ve realized that the wiser and more self-respecting I’ve gotten, the less able I am to endure men. And being around men, I’ve also realized, is about enduring, tolerating, bearing – in essence, negating/erasing myself and my self-worth. I’ve never felt this in the company of women. I’ve not felt that women hang around with me because of anything other than shared interests or compatible personalities.
Coming to Asia for Pussy and a Sense of Power
The most recent batch of men that I’ve had to offload or detour around once I encounter them are ones that have come out with the all-too-common: “I love Asian women.” and the complement of that: “I hate Western women.”
Unfortunately, I have lived in Asia off and on for the last 13 years, so I hear this shit all the time from non-Asian men. Many of these dickfaces come to Taiwan and China (and other Asian countries) so that they can score Asian pussy. Some of them just want to use and fuck, but others want the whole wifey-wifey deal. Part of it is so that they don’t have to learn about the country they’re in or learn the language – if you pick up a local woman, she will navigate for you and make your life easy.
My favourite comment thus far came from a South African dude who smirkingly told me that he’d finally scored a ‘rice-powered bed-warmer’. Classy. And yet, I didn’t reward him with a high five.
The other thing that foreign men like about Asians is the whole subservience thing that they believe is built in to Asian women. Asian women will cook, clean, let you rape them regularly, and will never complain about anything you demand of them. They are also femininity-compliant and believe that the man is the head of the house. Oh, and you can be old, fat, ugly, stupid, and have a personality disorder and still score a hot, young Asian babe. There are many online discussion groups devoted to this “Asian bitches are better. They know their place” phenomenon. These men are vomit-inducing. Thank goodness they have the internet so that they can get together and circle jerk.
I worked with one obnoxious, stupid and really ugly Australian guy who had scored an accomplished, employed Taiwanese woman. I remember her rushing to our place of work with the lunch that he had forgotten. I watched as he upbraided her for some transgression in the middle of our populated staff room. She stood there, head down, like a child. She was in her 30’s.
One thing is always true though, I’ve noticed: these guys are big losers in their own countries. Women can smell the rot within them and won’t give them the time of day. I would bet money that they have raped at least once. I used to wonder why these dudes didn’t just join the fucked up BDSM scene, but I suspect that most of them don’t see themselves as kinky or alternative – they just want subservience. BDSM is lame and gross, but probably too weird for the “I love Asian women’ crowd. Control, without perversion.
The average Western woman (outside BDSM or strict religious communities) is ‘uppity’, ‘demanding’, and is vocal about having some semblance of human rights. We don’t like to be raped. We have the word ‘no’, which we like to use. In Chinese, there is no distinct word for ‘no’ – or for ‘yes’ for that matter. You can say ‘don’t want’, ‘don’t have’, ‘am not’, but there is no resounding ‘NO!!!!’ Once you own a Chinese girl, you can do whatever you want. No one will stop you. Foreign men love this.
But You Can Love Asian Women at Home Too!
But these dudes don’t even need to leave the homeland to enjoy what the world has to offer. Luckily, Asian women are everywhere.
I recently had to dismiss a former boss-turned-acquaintance from Canada (originally England). After one relationship had gone south with a Canadian woman, he found himself living alone on a farm. He started taking on WWOOFers (World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms) to help out as volunteers with the work. He was particularly taken with some young Korean girls in their late teens who were travelling and volunteering. Dude (who is about 55) told me he had a hard time keeping his hands off them, and then announced to me that he hated Western women. He then told me he was using a dating site matching up Asian women with Western men (mail order bride site?), and he wanted my help in procuring an impoverished Filipino woman who was working as a slave/house cleaner in China to support her children back in the Philippines. Prostituting herself to a Western fucker instead of a Chinese fucker looked like a better option, apparently. I suspect that will change as the average Chinese, despite what racist, ignorant, white, liberal Americans will tell you, are much richer than the average white person these days. And China is the new power, still growing – white guys are less and less of a catch in comparison. Things are a-changing.
Anyhoo… I told British-Canadian-immigrant to fuck off, that I wouldn’t participate in his rape fantasy-turned-reality, and I haven’t spoken to him since. Piece of shit.
A few years back, I went back to Canada for a spell to get my health back after a horrid, demoralizing stint in the Chinese countryside. I ended up working for an abusive Turkish immigrant who sexually and psychologically harassed me on a regular basis, starting on day one when he told me that I was older than he thought I would be (I arranged the job online and via phone before I got back to Canada).
We had a number of Japanese women working for us that he appeared to leave completely alone, unharassed. At one point, after I showed myself to be an uppity Western bitch when he wouldn’t leave ME alone, he told me that he ‘really liked Asian women’ working for him. They never complained. Of course they didn’t. Asian women don’t talk back to male bosses who are hurting them. AND they had WORK VISAS. If you have a work visa in foreign country, you are well aware that the visa is tied to a specific job. If you lose the job, you must leave the country until you can find another employer to sponsor you. To stay would get you deported and banned. The best way to get fired is to complain.
Conclusion
One thing I want to make clear. I’m not lamenting the loss of these nutsacks to more compliant women. I wouldn’t touch these fuckers with a 10,000 foot pole. Rather, I’d prefer to live in a world where women aren’t reduced to their parts, and where men aren’t given universal permission to treat women as acceptable or unacceptable based on how much abuse they’re willing to take. As it is, this little ‘rating’ system does convince many women that there is something wrong with them if they can’t catch a man, and that wrongness is directly tied to having to give up their humanity.
First, women don’t need men. Ever. Second, if you really must be with a man, it should be someone who sees you as an equal deserving of respect. But that, of course, isn’t what heterosexuality is or can be. It is, despite what you say (fuelled by your Stockholm Syndrome and programming from birth), based on inequality and dependent on women hating themselves and accepting (even subconsciously) the male rule of law that females are inferior in all the ways that matter.
My First Week of the Semester or White Whore Put in Her Place by Male Students
As I’ve mentioned before, I am a university instructor of writing, academic English, and general speaking classes in China. I’m 43. I don’t practise femininity, although everyone easily knows I’m a woman cuz I have tits. You’d think that I’d become a little more invisible because of my age and androgynous clothing, but sadly, that is not the case. I’m reminded on a daily basis that I’m a woman and that I exist as sub-human, a sexual object, and there primarily for male use.
When you teach in China, unless you are teaching at an all-female school or are teaching non-science or non-technology majors, you are stuck with classrooms full of dudes. Female students still face many barriers to entry into these ‘male professions’ here, and of course, China is missing millions upon millions of girls because of selective abortion resulting from the One Child Policy. I teach at a technology university, so you know what I’m stuck with. Wall-to-wall dickitude.
Last semester, I was fortunate to have a lot of English-major classes (almost completely female), tourism classes (female-dominated, male minority) and business grad students (equal gender divide). I knew I should cherish that time, and that I would be unlikely to be so fortunate again. Having predominantly female students is a very different experience from having a predominance of male students. It’s a more pleasant, non-aggressive, and intellectual experience. You get more questions about real issues. And all of this matters even more when you’re a female instructor trying to preserve your safety, sanity and dignity.
After such a positive semester of academics and womanhood, this new semester began in stark contrast. Aside from having to tell classrooms full of young men to shut the fuck up and listen every five seconds like they were out-of-control toddlers, misogyny reared its ugly immediately.
First, there were endless comments from the males about what a shame it was that there ‘weren’t enough girls’ in their classes. (I think there were five women in total out of 140 students.) Now, the concern wasn’t because these young men wanted to see equality in science and technology, or that they wanted to do something to rectify China’s history of gynocide, or that they wanted more opportunities for women, in general.
Simply, they wanted more and convenient access to pussy.
To all men in the world, these Chinese boys included, women exist to be looked at and used sexually. So, I wasn’t fooled. These privileged dudes weren’t feeling sorry for women. They were feeling sorry for themselves. It was all about their entitlement.
I watched the faces of the few girls in the class when these comments were made amid the snickers of fellow male classmates. The young women’s faces reminded me of those being victimized in porn or in violent scenes in film/tv. Checked out. Blank. Knowing full well they had no escape from the misogyny of the four years of their degrees or the lifetime following graduation. Knowing that speaking up and defending themselves would unleash the hate and violence that lives in all males. They were trapped and according to Chinese culture, had to accept their fate as objects. It is rare that women speak up for themselves in China, and I’ve only ever witnessed it in one-one-one discussions or in my classes where women predominate. I feel for these young women, and I’ll stand for them as much as I can in class.
And then there was the misogyny directed towards me.
Keep in mind that both elders and teachers are *generally* still given respect in China – unlike in the West, where both older people and teachers are constantly criticized and regularly disrespected, even by small children. So when you see disrespect in China, it is a big fucking deal.
Respect in China, I’ve learned over the years, is meted out differently to men and women. As a woman, and especially as a foreign w̶h̶o̶r̶e̶ woman, I can be easily and justifiably disrespected. And I am constantly disrespected. Out of three classes I conducted during this first week alone, there were three notable instances of disrespect that no man, Chinese or foreign, would experience. Chinese women are not on par with men in this culture either, but I guarantee they are not on the receiving end of unwanted touching or solicitation in a university classroom. So upon first meeting of their university instructor, my classes of dudes gifted me with the following:
- My ownership status was questioned. In an introductory exercise meant to get students thinking about asking questions, I had my surname put on the board. They were meant to come up with: “What is your family/last name?” But no one thought of that. One dude immediately came up with “What is your husband’s name?” (I have to justify my non-married AND childless status every goddamn semester. My male counterparts don’t.) Instead of a justifiable, but unprofessional “FUCK YOU” directed at the student, I decided instead to let the boy know that the name was mine (technically, my rapist, wife-beater grandfather’s…) and that neither was I married nor did women ever need a husband. The class laughed. Of course they would. Women’s words and needs can’t be taken seriously.
- One male student tried to hug me. China is not a cross-sex touchy culture. And you definitely don’t touch strangers, even of the same sex. And no Chinese student over the age of 5 would EVER attempt to touch a teacher, especially on the first day of class. But I am a foreign woman. Thanks to misogynistic Western media (primarily American film and television) and thanks to Chinese misogyny, white women (not black or hispanic or other women of colour) are seen as sluts who are not only obsessed with sex, but who are open to being touched and fucked by every single interested male on the planet. “No” isn’t in our vocabulary. ‘Sex in the City’ is frequently watched here, and provides a model of the typical white, Western woman as public fuck toilet. As a woman who is personally well-acquainted with assault in many countries, I am hyper-vigilant about men, regardless of colour, when they are near me. Nevertheless, I’m frequently surprised by men trying to objectify me, touch me or otherwise assault me in this country. When it happens in the classroom, I get really pissed off because I am not some random, nameless stranger men can rationalize abusing by ‘othering’ me, but a teacher who, according to culture, should be automatically given a modicum of respect. One of my quite young (24), white, female colleagues has told me that the sexual disrespect from males in her classes is quite frequent. She doesn’t know how to deal with it, she admits. I would have thought that being 43, authoritative, very confident, and not overly thin or super attractive would have done the trick, but alas, it appears no woman can escape misogyny. I don’t have a lot of advice for her other than to maintain as much professional distance as possible. She isn’t paid to be either their friend or fuck toy.
- I was asked either as a joke or in seriousness (I’m still not sure, to be honest) in front of a class of 40+ young men whether I could go on a date one of the student’s room mates. I can’t even imagine such a disgusting and disrespectful question being asked publicly of a female prof in a Western university classroom setting. So experiencing this in a Chinese classroom was an incredibly huge insult. Again, no Chinese teacher or foreign male teacher would be so disrespected here.
So in short, that was my first week of teaching. I’ve accepted that every time I leave my apartment, I am at risk. I’m constantly ogled, sometimes assaulted by local men and laughed at when I vocally oppose the assault. But even in my classroom, I’m disrespected and have to be very careful about the actions of my male students towards me.
A white, British, male colleague of mine can’t for the life of him understand why his health thrives in China, but mine is actually worse than when I live in the West. (I suffer chronic depression and anxiety, and I get sick frequently as a result.) He is a white male, the ultimate symbol of power in the world. White men here, as everywhere, are on the top of the heap. Unless rich, they do have fewer rights than Chinese men, of course, simply because working foreigners have fewer rights than say, Chinese tourists in our own countries, but foreign men can walk around in safety in China.
I, on the other hand, have discovered through years of experience in China, that I represent the universal whore – the white woman. Valued for skin colour, seen as animals rather than humans because of our varying eye and hair colours, viewed as sexually insatiable and omni-available thanks to American entertainment, and not taken seriously in any professional way whatsoever. My male acquaintance and I have had very different experiences. Women of other colours are also treated very poorly, but in different ways. Race and sex interact in different ways in different parts of the world, but one thing you can count on – women ALWAYS lose.
Story Ending Never 
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