Category Archives: Misogyny
Those Debates Aren’t for Everyone
I’ve watched many a debate between staunch atheists and rabid godfuckers of various flavours over the years. The debates are in and of themselves pointless in that there is no common starting point. When the two parties don’t exist on the same planes of reality – atheists base arguments (mostly) on facts and evidence, while godfuckers rely upon nonsense and use an incorrect definition of ‘evidence’ as argument support – you can’t proceed in a productive way. To even consider the positions equal is crazy because of this.
But I suppose the debates serve a few purposes. Myself? I wouldn’t bother. I don’t enjoy public speaking – although I formally train students of the debating arts. But for those skilled in oratory, with hidden depths of patience, and who enjoy the process of debate as an intellectual exercise, a few things can be achieved. First, those on the fence about their religious stance may be convinced by the logic, goals, sanity, and evidence supporting the atheist position. Second, neophyte-atheists can become familiar with the sad, tired non-arguments of the religious and learn how to defend themselves properly when under (sometimes literal) attack. Third, we can publicly remind the world of the evils that have been perpetuated and defended by the religious. And finally, the debates can be pure entertainment of the dark sort. There is amusement to be found (usually coupled with sadness, pity, and/or anger) in watching the religious defend bullshit. So while, for many, it is mostly a waste of time to bother arguing with idiots, the ignorant, bullies, and the fear- and hate-filled, there can be benefits in the exercise to the public.
The very same can be said for debates between radical feminists and dangerous misogynists (e.g., MRA’s, NiceGuys, Right Wing Religious Nutjobs, Porn Sick Left Wing Men, trannies, and Fun/Choice/Third Wave Feminists). The former argue from a position of human rights, freedom, and benefit to ALL women and men. The latter argue irrationally from a position of domination/submission, human rights abuse, privilege, individualism, and selective censorship. Like with the atheist/godfucker debates, there is no real common ground from which to begin the debate. It is a logic vs nonsense war. But I applaud those feminists with the bottomless patience an oratory skills to take on what are truly dangerous opponents. The debates are ultimately pointless and unwinnable, but they can indeed a) convince those on the fence about women’s status as human beings to join the side of logic and empathy and human rights for ALL, b) arm neophyte-feminists with the tools to defend themselves against dangerous and aggressive anti-woman, rape-supporting proponents, c) give misogynists a platform upon which to display the full extent of their ill intentions and past crimes, and d) give us something to laugh at cynically.
Those courageous, rational people (especially women) who stand up to and openly debate proponents of cultures of hate and oppression, whether they be Religion or Misogyny/Patriarchy, and who have won freedoms for us all, are brave souls who put themselves in danger for the benefit of the world. They (especially women) are on the receiving end of death threats, rape threats, censorship, and hate speech accusations, simply for speaking truth and calling upon criminals to defend themselves in public. The saddest realization for me is that so many people currently benefiting from the bravery of those who have stood up to religion and misogyny, have turned around to castigate these same crusaders.
Is it human nature to kill the person who unlocks the cage and extends a hand in friendship and compassion?
Equal Opportunity Religion Hating – Or Not?
Do you love online quizzes? Do you like the idea of contributing to academic research? Are you into social justice and personal bias? Well, head on over to Project Implicit, a collaboration designed to investigate “thoughts and feelings outside of conscious awareness and control”. They administer tests on race, religion, gender, age and more.
It’s pretty interesting. I’ve taken a couple of the tests. They seem to rely upon timed keyboard response to word pairings and categorizing, and dependent variables are the time you take to respond and the mistakes you make. The idea is that how we respond is not just a factor of our conscious processing – after all some people are good at consciously self-monitoring their behaviour. We have hidden biases that can come through despite being politically correct.
There were some follow-up questions after the quizzes I took that attempt to examine what I believe influences the way I think, but likely, most people have no idea why they unconsciously behave the way they do. Only when you make a true effort to examine your privileges and biases (through reading, listening, interacting, adopting humility, etc) can you even begin to understand what is going on inside you.
Anyhow, I took a test on views on religion, as well as one on gender stereotypes with regard to science and liberal arts. With the latter, I scored in (the top – my interpretation, haha) 1% of people who overwhelmingly associated science with women and liberal arts with men. I wasn’t surprised at either the misogyny of the rest of the population or with my atypical response. They asked me at the end for possible explanations for my results. In all honesty, having worked in both science and liberal arts, all the best scientists I’ve worked with have been women. Men tend to suffer from arrogance, inflated sense of importance, misogyny, and the need to confirm their own, often strange, beliefs. Women, I’ve observed, are more humble, less biased, and thus truer to the spirit of science. Good role models, in other words. So in my mind, I always associate scientists and properly done science with women. In all honesty, I also tend to associate women with liberal arts and anything intellectual, creative, interpretive, and artistic, as well. Men? I am more and more frequently associating men with porn and violent oppression than noble endeavours, creativity or rational thinking… Hey, once the scales fall from the eyes and you decide you aren’t going to suck the Patriarchal cock anymore, you begin to see things for what they really are. But there was no text input or radio button option to explain my thinking on that, alas. I’m sure the mostly male research team will just pass me off as an anomaly or as we research types tend to say, “an outlier”.
Regarding the test on religion, that one was more interesting and surprising to me. I hate all religions, for obvious reasons (misogyny, ignorance, magical thinking, control, violence, hatred, homophobia, anti-progress, and I’ll say it again, misogyny). The test looked at the four major religions: Hinduism, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. They had two lists of words. One consisted of ‘positive’ words (excellent, good, etc) and the other of ‘negative’ words (bad, terrible, etc). There was a series of groupings. In each, you were told to press one key if you saw a word from one of the religions OR a positive word, and to press a different key for all the other religions or a negative word. The test purported to tap your subconscious attitudes toward each religion.
At the end, I was given a relative placement of my negative attitude towards each of the religions, and as you can see from my outcome above, Christianity fell to the negative bottom of my personal religious shit-pile. Keep in mind that I believe that ALL religions are evil, which is my conscious attitude, but subconsciously, I suppose, I associate the most negative qualities with Christianity. I thought I was an equal-opportunity hater. I’m kind of disappointed.
* note for all dudes discovering their knickers suddenly in a twist at my audacity to associate science and competence with women, I am explaining my personal experience and thinking, not reporting on a scientific study I’ve done or treating my experience as a study. Chill out and stop getting so bloody sensitive and emotional, for fuck’s sake! Note also that women have tolerated this kind of bias from you for millennia. And you’ve been rewarded for it! At least I don’t rape or deny you employment!!!
Truth Will Out
You get to a point in your life where you realize you’ve heard it all before. Some women get wise earlier in their lives than others, and they are both safer and more heavily burdened for it. Cutting through the crap can save you time and peril at the hands of men, but it can also sand the fuzzy edging off what might be your positive outlook on life.
I’m referring, in this case, to the uber-dangerous Faux Male Feminist. Some feminists will tell you that ‘faux’ is implied and therefore unneeded in the title – that there is no such thing as a male feminist to begin with.
Male Feminists (or perhaps Feminism Supporter might be better) are those men who claim they believe that women are human and deserve to be treated as such. They acknowledge their male privilege and claim they make efforts to fight the Patriarchy!
But if you scratch the shiny surface of most of these male feminists, you’ll quickly realize that the shininess covers a hard turd of misogyny. And what has motivated the joining of the movement is usually just a simple desire to git laid and/or feed off of women’s bottomless capacity to praise men for ordinary things that one should expect from all humans and to give people (especially men) the benefit of the doubt. Simply stated, men often take on the appearance of supporting women because the benefits of doing so are many. Many men have a hard time doing things that don’t have immediate or apparent benefit to them (although feminism actually does benefit everyone). To men, there must always be pay-off. Nothing is for free, goddammit, unless it applies to a woman giving freely of herself (volunteer work, blow jobs, housework, childcare, etc.)
How can you reveal the misogynist turd that is at the heart of the majority of male feminists? It’s quite easy, actually. There are many techniques, but I’ve listed a few that will save you a lot of hurt, verbal attacks/threats, and sometimes even sexual/physical attacks by so-called male feminists. It’s probably best to have back-up around so that you stay safe during the unveiling.
- Don’t give cookies, ever
- Don’t allow mansplaining
- Refuse sex / rebuff the inevitable sexual advances
- Launch a verbal test attack calling out misogyny of the dude in question
- Make a sweeping statement about how shite men are
- Ask men to demonstrate how they help women they’re not sexually attracted to
Faux male feminists will get offended by lack of attention and acknowledgement, rejection of their advances, and the calling out of their personal behaviour or male bullshit in general. The majority of men will get defensive, then angry, and then lash out using the standard slurs (bitch, cunt, feminazi, etc) and then say something like “That’s exactly how you lose male supporters in your cause!” or something equally passive-aggressive, huffy and petulant.
It will hurt. This turn-about. Mostly, the hurt will come from realizing that you gave trust, possibly against your judgment, to someone from the class that traditionally hurts women, and who lied to you about their motivations and used you.
If you fail to unveil the turd, there may be hope. Myself, I still haven’t met a dude who is a feminist and who doesn’t have an underlying agenda for claiming that ‘women are people too, dammit!” I have met one man who claims to put himself in serious harm’s way to help oppressed women escape and recover from really, really evil male shit, but I only met him in passing and can’t confirm whether what he told me is true. The rest of the dudes I know and tolerate claim to be Nice Guys, but don’t actively do anything to help women, educate men, or smash Patriarchy in general. Their accomplishments amount to not being total shitheads. That’s it. Nope, after 43 years, I’ve still not met a male feminist. But I’ve outed several faux male feminists.
…
And by the way, real male feminist-supporters don’t spend all their time with women. They’re out there teaching men the errors of their ways and smashing Patriarchy. And when they are with women, they aren’t doing the talking. They’re listening and supporting.
…
Oh and as another by the way, I am practically hearing women reading this spouting knee-jerk, “but that’s not fair to the menz” arguments against what I’ve proposed. And I get it. As mentioned above, women are trained from birth to be nice and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, even when their spidey-sense is tingling and they are at the risk of being harmed. It takes years of practice to get over this conditioned response, and to learn to respect yourself and not take shit from those who have been trained from birth to deceive and oppress.
Otherfucker
Yeah, there’s cussing in this one, too. Delicate flowers, beware.
As American television and film degrades further and further into a moronucopia of misogyny, sensationalism, sexual violence, and self-centredness, I sigh.
Racism, homophobia and the disgusting slurs that go along with them are getting the attention and derision they deserve, and we’re removing them from media. That’s good shit! Still a ways to go, but it’s on the agenda.
But for women, the misogyny and the slurs that go along with that are getting worse. I can’t watch a mainstream American tv program without hearing someone call someone else a ‘woman’ as an insult. This isn’t 1950’s “girls can’t do math” bullshit. This is a constant stream of insults and ‘jokes’ that have at their heart a deep hatred of women. Yes, today we have a disgusting, disturbing, demeaning downward spiral of woman-hate normalized through popular media that the entire goddamn world watches (trust me – I live in China and people are learning the ways of English communication, and how!), internalizes and regurgitates. And women are signing on enthusiastically in order to get jobs and keep roofs over their heads. I sigh.
Anyhow, today, I’m talking about motherfuckers. Or rather, the term ‘motherfucker’ and how to replace it with something that makes more sense. You see, like most other overeducated Canucks raised by filthy-mouthed parents, I love a good cuss. Stalking off and swearing my head off has probably saved a number of people a good, well-deserved beating or murdering. But as part of my aggressive self-removal from as much Patriarchy as I can manage on my own, I’m analyzing the language I use. We’re all guilty of throwing hate around without thinking about it. Lifelong self-reflection is a good, good thing. And as I tell my students, language is at the root of everything.
Anyhow, I’ve never understood what ‘motherfucker’ actually means. The English language is filled with slurs designed to insult people, and the majority of them are based on the universal hatred of women. Want to insult someone? As I mentioned above, these days, all you need to do is call them a woman. Voila! It’s so simple, even a moron can do it.
And so, we have delightful terms such as ‘motherfucker’. I’m not going to get into all the origins of this shitty word – there is a nice little mansplainer over at Stack Exchange who does a fine job and I recommend taking a gander at his needlessly long explanation that begins deliciously with the mansplainy: “Most fortuitously for you”. Dinkus. But at least, if you are patient enough to wade through it, you’ll get the gist and I don’t have to do it here.
I don’t use the term anymore. Consciously. As I said, we’ve all internalized misogyny. And I don’t use it despite the fact that I despise my own mother as an individual for the constant abuse she heaped on me as a child, for teaching me to absolutely hate myself, distrust acts of kindness in others, and for her rabid misogyny, racism and homophobia. (Don’t worry, Dad’s a fucking asshole, too, but that’s a separate post). I don’t hate women or the general concept of mothers. So I’m not going to insult someone by using such a stupid fucking slur against women.
As I love wordsmithery and neologisms of the non-internet-meme sort, I’m test driving the word ‘otherfucker’. Lemme explain.
First, I’m very interested in the word ‘fuck’. I won’t explain my whole rationale here. A lot of feminists oppose use of the word, but I have to admit, I think it sums up male thinking just about right. And for the most part, I use it to mean exactly what I think it means (fuck off, Princess Bride-quote fappers!) I use fuck to mean: to do something self-serving to another person and often without their enthusiastic acquiescence. It started in the realm of het-sex (“Did you fuck that bitch last night?”), but it’s pretty spot on for many other arenas where someone exerts dominance over another and the other can’t avoid it. And of course, it has plenty of other uses that derive from this.
Which comes to ‘other’. I assert that it is pretty hard to fuck someone you don’t consider them an ‘other’. If you hold someone in esteem as an equal or better, it is usually someone you relate to and don’t consider to be ‘other’. And the idea of ‘fucking’ them whether in the sexual sense or not, is not within the realm of consideration.
Hence ‘otherfucker’. So if I call you an otherfucker, I’m saying that you are exerting unrequested dominance over a person you don’t hold in esteem and they can’t get out of it. And that’s not something you should be proud of, you otherfucker!
Damn! That felt good to get off my chest. No murders today!
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The Benefits of Gittin’ Older
On or around the onset of my 40’s, something wonderful and magical happened.
My ability to hear male voices declined.
All of a sudden, my auditory world became more peaceful and what I could hear increased in quality. I had hours and hours of extra time to devote to me and other people capable of listening and performing intelligent conversation. And I was dealing much less often with lies, narcissism, information NOT based on fact, misogyny, jokes that aren’t funny, mansplaining and endless, self-flattering, personal anecdotes.
All from being suddenly much less capable of hearing the male voice.
Men have often experienced a similar, but more nefarious, effects with the female voice. Many men claim that they don’t ‘hear’ when women talk. In fact, it has nothing to do with ability or physical failings. Men don’t WANT to hear women due to widespread socialized misogyny. It is completely self-serving and Patriarchy-sustaining. Magically, men can hear women if the latter whisper from miles away, “Who wants a blow job without having to reciprocate?” Magic, I say!
Similar to this male disability, my new-found inability to hear men when they yap isn’t neurological or tied to malfunctioning ear apparatus, but unlike the male situation, I do suspect it is related to age. With many women, with age comes wisdom, confidence, less energy, and an ‘elevator-pitch’ relationship to tolerance of bullshit. Frankly speaking, I just can’t bear to listen to most men spout off about nothing – aka ‘themselves’ – anymore. They’re just not interesting. What they say doesn’t enhance my world or my understanding of the world in any way, shape or form. Their privileged experiences are boring. Their blindness and inability to truly see the world and empathize with anyone other than men in their socio-economic bracket make me want to puke all over them. And as truly funny as puking all over them would be, I find it safer (for me) to just avoid them or cut them off once they start loudly and obliviously telling me how awesome they are.
I love gittin’ older!
A Timeless Classic: The Best Rape Prevention Tips Out There
Years ago, Colleen Jameson came up with an appropriate response to the bullshit advice girls and women frequently receive on how not to get raped. Other versions have been done by others, including this example over at IBTP.
This advice is ALWAYS patronizing, instills guilt/shame/fear in the readers (especially after they follow the advice and STILL get raped), and even worse, heaps the responsibility for not getting raped onto the women themselves.
Women are 0% responsible for the violence men do to them. There is nothing that women can say or do that causes rape. Nothing. Nada. (Well, existing – that’ll do it.) Men, on the other hand, are 100% responsible. FOR THEIR OWN SHITTY, RAPEY BEHAVIOUR. It’s a no-brainer. Sex crimes comprise the only set of crimes in the world where the victim is routinely blamed and shamed for what has been done to her, and where frequently the perpetrator is given the benefit of the doubt and absolved of all guilt. This can only happen in a system designed by and for those who routinely commit sex crimes. Sweet, huh?
I did my own little modifications on wording, plus I’m not tied to the idea of a top-10 list. Top-13 lists are fuckin’-A in my world. To some, the list may sound strange at first as a) it puts responsibility for rape squarely where it belongs: on men’s shoulders, and b) we have been conditioned for millennia to see women as moral gatekeepers in charge of behaviour that isn’t even our own.
Believe it or not, this list, unlike the ones that are routinely sent out to women, when followed to the letter, works 100% of the time. Forward to all your male (and female) friends.
Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work
- Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.
- When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.
- If you pull over to help a woman with car problems, remember not to assault her.
- Never open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
- If you are in an elevator, don’t assault her. Don’t look at her. Don’t get in her personal space. Don’t make suggestive comments.
- If you find yourself in a laundry room where a woman is doing laundry alone, don’t assault her.
- When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not assault her.
- Don’t hang out in dark, lonely places – especially alleys or parking lots – and assault women who might pass through.
- USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting women, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
- Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with a woman unless she is awake!
- Carry a rape whistle! If you are worried you might assault a women “by accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.
- Always be honest with your female acquaintances and female strangers! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
- Also be honest with your date. If your policy is that if you pay for dinner/drinks/movie, you get to rape your date, let the woman know it ahead of time. Again, if you don’t communicate your intentions to assault her later, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.
Hollywood Hates Women
I constantly lament the downward spiral our world seems to be taking with regard to female status and treatment. I really, truly don’t believe women are better off now than they were at any time in the past. In many arenas, women are much worse off.
What’s the problem?
We are still missing a proportional number of women at the helm in every single area of life. When women aren’t the decision-makers, women suffer. It is very simple, very obvious, and actually very easy to solve. But only if you are working on a rational playing field with rational people. With men, it is never rational. It is privilege. Entitlement. Not rationality or fairness. And therein lies the problem.
…
I’m not a tabloid or magazine reader, and I’m generally not ‘up’ on entertainment, but I ran across an article on one of the more fabulous female actors of our time: Emma Thompson. Talented, versatile and funny, Emma was an actor I grew up watching. Perhaps it was because she is British, but she didn’t bring to the table the pornulation that Americans force upon their female actors. She was just a pleasure to watch
And very recently, she has spoken out about misogyny in her line of work. Specifically, she talks about how things have gotten worse for women in Hollywood. She thought things were better and were moving in the right direction when she was starting out.
When I look at it now, it is in a worse state than I have known it, particularly for women, and I find that very disturbing and sad.
I’d been thinking the same thing – there is so little that is watchable these days – but it’s nice to hear confirmation from inside the penis, I mean, the industry.
Emma, who at 56, despite her great experience and talent, recently landed a part as a 77-year-old prostitute in a film. [Readers: don’t get sidetracked with knee-jerk defenses of prostitution and how I’m denigrating women everywhere – this is not what is at issue here, so grow up.] Why can’t a 77-year-old actress take that part? Why isn’t Emma landing spectacular leading roles?
Oh yes, the old intersection of misogyny and ageism. Actors who are 56-year-old women aren’t watchable (what???) despite being seasoned actors, experts in their craft.
Entertainment is a brutal industry. It’s very much a sausage club. Men’s voices show up in the writing (even women writers must conform to male points-of-view to get a job) and men control what gets produced. Not having women at the decision-making levels ensures that misogyny is only going to get worse and worse as porn-addled, privileged male viewers get bored with the current level of rape and violence they consume. The actresses get younger, more pornulated, and more violated both on- and off-screen. And the more violence and degradation there is, there is corresponding decrease in respect and humanization of women in the real world. Women are losing their voices more than ever before. And worse, they internalize the message and don’t question it (unless they don’t care about working anymore!)
My question is: where are all the viewers who have had enough and actually want to watch talent and have had enough of stifling misogyny? Misogyny makes life boring for everyone, and hurtful to women.
I teach university in China, and I’m getting an increasing number of questions and comments from undergrads to PhD students about the American obsession with sex. I tell my students that hatred of women exists in all countries/societies, and that men express their hatred in different ways. In the US, the current way for men to hate women is through hyper-sexualizing and degrading them. And further, American men give special pats on the head to women who have turned their subjugation into a fun, feminist choice. Basic psychological conditioning – it works!
In China, they show their hatred in other ways. It’s still all about sex, but it manifests in different ways. Hatred of women is universal – not just at Universal.
The Telltale But
“He’s a nice guy, but…”
If I had a dollar for every time I heard this… I’d be rich!!!
Girls (and boys, of course) are trained from birth to excuse every single shitty thing a creature with a penis does. It can be anything from lying, to stealing, to fighting, to some pretty heinous stuff. But boys will be boys, so it’s all good. And conversely, girls and boys are trained to criticize and mete punishment out for everything that girls and women do, innocuous or not.
As girls turn into women, they adopt a convenient little survival mechanism that a) helps them rationalize poor decisions they make about men, b) keeps them in the good books of compliance with men and handmaidens, and c) just makes life marginally easier on the surface and in the short-run.
This little mechanism is, “He did/does xyz, but he’s a nice guy.” In that single sentence, you immediately know the guy isn’t nice.
‘But’ is a contrast word. Sometimes, contrasts can exist harmoniously:
He is tall, but fat.
In this case, it is possible to be both tall and fat without being a freak of nature or a paradox.
However, when women start talking about men’s behaviour and personalities using ‘but’ in an effort to defend an asshole, excuse something that has just happened to her at the hands of an asshole, or to placate or dismiss someone who has witnessed or suffered at the hands of a Super Nice Guy TM, the contrast can’t possibly exist.
Nice people don’t do shitty things to others. Or conversely, people who do shitty things to others are definitely not nice folks.
So next time you hear a girlfriend, mother, sister, daughter, coworker or other woman tell you how the boyfriend who calls her a ‘fat bitch’ is actually a nice guy except for when he drinks and trundles out the misogyny that lies beneath his sober exterior, you know she is just trying to survive in a world where men hate her.
Oh how I’d love to say, “I’m a nice lady, but I use weaponry on violators of women” and be excused just like men are. Actually, I’d probably use ‘and’ rather than ‘but’, because I think nice women have a duty to carry out public service acts of niceness such as eliminating those who commit crimes against them and their sisters.
Real Logic is Gender-Neutral
I’ve never understood the male mantra, often spouted by Patriarchy-serving women, as well, that ‘men are logical and women are emotional’. It just doesn’t make sense in the face of reality.
Every time I see a man:
- freak out about nothing, especially imagined slights,
- verbally abuse people, especially women,
- act out physically because of frustration, jealousy, pride, fear, helplessness, etc,
- whine because of some minor illness,
- get distracted by lust in the workplace or other otherwise professional situation,
- or get pissy when he doesn’t get his way or has his privilege pointed out,
I see emotion. High emotionality. And more importantly, an inability to control his emotions. Exactly the opposite of the qualities I want to see in a leader or person in a position of power. There are men who can deal with emotion sensibly, of course. But to say that men aren’t emotional is a load of crap.
Every time I see a woman:
- negotiate her way out of a violent situation at the hands of an emotional male or Patriarchy-compliant female,
- diffuse a situation, professional or otherwise, where men are getting emotionally out of control,
- ensure that everyone’s needs are heard and met in a group situation,
- look for the least violent, most peaceful and satisfying answer to a problem,
- or sensibly evaluate an unpredictable or escalating situation as one from which she should extricate herself and then do so,
I see logic. Objective, fair logic, and more importantly, a sense of control and consideration. Exactly the qualities I want to see in a leader or person in a position of power. There are women who do things that don’t seem sensible, of course – and most of these instances have to do with complying with Patriarchy and the impossible-to-deal-with pressure that such a system places on women. Patriarchy isn’t logical, you see.
So why the gender-based stereotypes?
First, the positing. I posit that once upon a time, long long ago, a man noticed a woman being emotional about some human rights abuse or other – possibly her own abuse and slavery administered by said man – and thought to himself, “This won’t do. She is distracting me from my self-serving plan with her plea that I consider other people’s/her feelings. I must put a stop to this!” And from then on, emotionality became a bad thing. Calling out a woman for a display of emotion – regardless of whether there is actual emotion being displayed and regardless of whether it is ‘appropriate’ for the situation, would immediately discredit a woman’s valid words, and form grounds for preventing women from seriously participating in anything. This tactic has worked for millennia.
Okay, so the particular catalyst for this very misogynistic derailing tactic may not have happened in exactly the way I posited (although, I’d be tempted to bet money on a scenario such as that). But the point is that somewhere along the way, men defined their emotional displays as good and women’s emotional displays as bad. Further, they failed to understand what ‘logic’ actually is, and became adept at selectively noticing and ignoring behaviour to support their own emotion-driven illogic. And then called it logical to carry on this abusive way!!! Fucked up or what?
First and foremost, Logic is a branch of mathematics. Very few people in the world have a strong grasp of it and can use it correctly. I knew a couple of guys in college who took Logic with a female professor (holy shit!), had their asses kicked, failed, and had to take the whole course again. What I’m saying is that Logic isn’t a male thing or a female thing. It is just a thing. A tool. A field of study. And both women and men are capable of understanding and using it if they study hard.
The term ‘logic’, on the other hand, is more loosely defined, and very often used incorrectly by men to define ways of acting or not acting that are acceptable to them. Logic, as men define it, is more about socialized male behaviour, primarily: expressing negative emotions, suppressing positive emotions and empathy, and engaging in violence and oppression. ‘Logic’ actually has little to do with logical thinking processes, as men define the term. But in reality, logic is about thinking and reasoning, and has nothing to do with sex or gender. Further, logical thinking and emotion are not mutually exclusive. One can have an emotional response to a moral issue that complements one’s logical thinking on the subject, for example.
Bottom line. Tools, such as logic, are gender-neutral. They have no agenda. They don’t target groups of people for harm or help. The users of these tools, however, can be very gender-biased and agenda-driven. In the hands of a well-meaning user, any tool can be efficient and helpful and elevate our species. In the hands of an idiot with nasty, self-serving intentions, the tool can appear to take on the power of that bad person and be used to hurt others and take society several steps backwards in its evolution.
So, even if just using the term to apply to a way of thinking, rather than referring to the branch of mathematics, logic is still gender-neutral. Only when you use it in a negative emotional way (as men tend to do) to stereotype and hurt groups of people, are you moving away from ‘logical’ usage. Nothing affects one’s ability to think logically or misuse a tool than having a fear- or hate-based agenda. Right, dudes?
Why Repetition Matters
“Hasn’t it all been said before? I mean, we’ve heard all of this feminist crap before. It’s like a broken record…”
Okay, let me answer that initial question with a question (or five).
If it has all been said before, then why are women still the sex class, given value only for our level of fuckability? Why haven’t we achieved liberty anywhere, let alone worldwide, yet? Why is violence against women escalating? Why have MRA (Moron’s Rights Activists) groups sprung up all over the place? Why does rape still exist? And, and, and…?
If women were free and safe and thriving, we wouldn’t need to have the word feminism. Women’s liberation wouldn’t need to be a topic of discussion if we had the freedom that men have. This blog wouldn’t need to exist if I didn’t breathe in the toxic fumes of misogyny every single day of my life.
Here’s where I’m going. I’ve spent 23 years of my life in full-time study. And many more part-time years studying formally and informally, as well. I’ve been teaching on and off for the past 20 years. As a result of all of this education, regardless of where I stand on the giving-receiving spectrum, I’ve discovered a few things.
The more information is repeated, the easier it is to remember and the deeper and more long-lasting the learning is.
The most effective learning occurs when information is repeated in a consistent way, in different situations, by different people, frequently over time.
These principles apply not only to the classroom in any subject one might be studying formally, but also to human rights issues, such as female oppression. In short, more women need to speak up and out. And they need to repeat the message in a consistent way in different contexts, on a frequent basis.
The densest of people tend to be those in positions of power and those with the most egregious of abuses, so the message needs to repeated enough for even them to get it.
Ladies, if you feel like a broken record, brush it off. We aren’t speaking up nearly enough to be heard on the level we need to be in order to effect change. We don’t have a movement anymore. But unlike the 60’s and 70’s, we now have the internet. It is not used effectively, though. There is this idea that you shouldn’t bother blogging/writing online unless your goal is to become ‘famous’. Wrong. In my mind, it is better to have thousands of small, radical feminist blogs than one or two watered down ‘acceptable’ feminist sites. The more ways you can reach truth, and the more often it is repeated, the better. I don’t think I’ve read a single mainstream pseudo-feminist blog in my life, but I happen across smaller, more raw, feminist sites, and that reinforces my thinking and urges me to write. Again, it is all about repetition – different words, with a coherent truth – coming at us from all directions.
And men, if you truly support women – those in your life and women, in general – you need to speak up too. Not to women. We don’t need you to tell us what we should and shouldn’t do. We’ve had men talking at us all our lives. We KNOW what we need and want. Rather, speak up amongst your neanderthal buddies when they engage in verbal misogyny, pay for and/or support rape (aka hire prostitutes; watch porn; tell rape jokes), or otherwise hurt women. Staying silent is aiding and abetting. Luxuriating in your male privilege by remaining willfully ignorant of what women go through is unforgivable. Speak out the following truth: “Women are human and they owe us nothing.”
Wash, rinse, repeat.
Story Ending Never 
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