Category Archives: Violence
R is for Risk or R is for Russian Roul-het
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
Back in the late 1930’s, Swiss-American pulp fiction writer, Georges Surdez, first popularized the term ‘Russian Roulette’ to describe a very risky game of chance involving a single bullet, a gun to the head, and the precious and fascinating male brain in the throes of excitement, fear, and stupidity. The writer had indicated in notes and interviews that the practice he had put a name to had begun with the Russian army, but like with many beliefs, especially about history, there is no irrefutable proof of origin. There are however, references to similar gun-to-head practices in Russian literature, namely in 1840 by Mikhail Lermontov and later in 1913 by Alexander Grin (Grinevsky). Following the American popularizing of the game in books and film, Russian Roulette became both a proof of masculinity and a frightening and strange method of male suicide. For the purposes of this article, the history is rather unimportant as is listing and crying about all the dumb-ass males who died as a result of engaging in gun-play. The take-away here, in my opinion, is that risk-taking, and especially high-stakes risk-taking, are seen as a mark of masculinity and even bravery. Russian Roulette is only one of many practices that males, including male children, concoct and carry out in order to prove they are male. They do it without a thought to outcome, especially that of cleaning up the mess in the aftermath, paying the bills for any damages, and taking care of them in a wounded or permanently disabled state when things go wrong. You just don’t hear stories of women and girls doing the kinds of dumb shit that men and boys do unless they are influenced by males and end up along for the ride to prove loyalty or love. Males risking their lives by doing dumb shit or even doing socially-approved dangerous stuff will often end up rescued and taken care of by females, so they don’t actually need to think about potential outcomes for their dumbassery. Women usually aren’t so lucky, though and perhaps that is part of why we don’t see them playing Russian Roulette, setting their farts on fire, or jumping off roofs into piles of leaves or snow, etc.
The assumption is that females are not risk-takers of either the stupid or the potentially big pay-off varieties, and females are almost never seen to be brave or heroic – the one major exception being engaging in pregnancy and motherhood, which is actually neither brave nor heroic. We just say it’s brave in order to keep women in their assigned roles as breeding machines.
But I’m going to argue here that women are, in fact, bigger risk-takers than men, that their biggest risks are far dumber than men’s risks because there are mountains of data to back up the odds of death and destruction, and that the biggest risks they take are part of their own special version of what I’ll call Russian Roul-het. The major difference between male and female risks is that males make up their own games, while females continue to engage in survival behaviour that used to be forced on them throughout history, but that isn’t actually required to survive anymore. And the fact that the risk-taking is no longer forced makes it the dumbest risk-taking of all.
So what is female Russian Roul-het? Well, it is the heterosexual contract that outlines the transactional exchange of female sexual and domestic services for male money and protection. The perpetual transaction underlies an entire lifestyle that today’s women willingly seek out, sign up for, and refuse to give up even after it goes horribly wrong. Men designed this forced contract long ago, and as a result, it is so ingrained in all societies that even as times have changed, this area of social and economic traditions has remained relatively intact. In the past, girls grew up knowing that they had no choice but to marry and essentially become a domestic prostitute, servicing one male. A paltry few might somehow find their way into spiritual and psychological prostitution to a god. And a significant, unfortunate minority ended up in public prostitution, servicing any and all males. And of course, there were anomalies every so often who didn’t fit into a lady-category and escaped all forms of prostitution. But of the three main categories, all but the first option usually led to poverty and the occasional rich courtesan doesn’t negate this rule, by the way. Marriage didn’t guarantee wealth and security, but the false belief was created that it did and that it allowed women to fulfill their true purpose – breeding – in safety. And of course, despite the complacency and acceptance of many caged birds all over the world, history is also filled to the brim with women trapped in dangerous, inescapable marriage prisons, unable to earn their own money; dead at the hands of husbands or in childbirth; or thrown into poverty after the untimely death of their owner. The stories and statistics have mostly remained untold and thus erased from history. It is easy for all to pretend it didn’t exist and that the heterosexual contract was largely good for women.
It is only recently that in most places, women have achieved the freedom to reject it all, live as adults instead of dependent halflings, and actually contribute meaningfully to society through paid work. Of course, despite this relatively new freedom and the ability to support themselves, most women still choose one of these paths deeply rooted in female slavery. It is the mark of the continued and very successful colonization and brainwashing of females that women haven’t come to understand their shared and tragic history and run screaming through the open doors of their cages. Many women do realize that is it harder in many ways to live separately from men and to reject the trappings of femininity, and will rationalize their lifestyle choices in a variety of ways in order to reap the benefits of heterosexuality and fit into mainstream society. Some will even pretend that women are equal now and will choose to financially support male partners while still providing the sexual, domestic and emotional services that women traditionally offered in a heterosexual transaction. So if you think about it, many men are getting more out of marriage now than they ever used to, except perhaps the ego boost or power trip of having a woman fully under his control in all ways.
Yet despite these changes to the fabric of society, female Roul-het is probably the riskiest and deadliest game around. It is confusing and frankly, a little boring to talk about domestic abuse statistics because no one is actually interested in understanding what they really mean or changing the system that supports male power. Yet, they are talked about constantly. Everyone knows what a women’s shelter is, even if they’ve never visited one. Every one of us has known an abused woman. Many of us come from families where violence, psychological, or sexual abuse occurred. And everyone accepts it. If we didn’t accept it as a society, we’d obliterate heterosexuality and marriage and perhaps even men themselves. Instead, we pretend male violence happens to ‘someone else’. Mothers pretend it won’t happen to their daughters and dream of weddings and grandchildren, and daughters can’t imagine that their future husbands would ever do something horrible to them. There are handfuls here and there around the world of mostly heterosexual women who call themselves feminists who pretend that male violence can be somehow eliminated through education and correct parenting and government programs. And then we continue to fund shelters, and rape crisis centres, and anger management programs for violent men. And magically the statistics never go down. Girls keep dating boys and women keep marrying men. And the police, doctors, and social workers are kept in business dealing with the outcomes of male love.
Let’s put this in perspective. If you play the male version of Russian Roulette, you put a single bullet in a gun’s 6-bullet chamber, give it a spin, put it to your head, and pull the trigger, you have a 17% chance of doing some damage to your head and perhaps even dying from it. If you play the female version of Russian Roul-het – in other words, get with a male though dating, common-law partnership or marriage, there is at least a 27% chance and upwards of a 44% chance (if you include more types of abuse) of experiencing physical, sexual and/or psychological violence in that relationship. Male partner violence is the leading cause of injury to women – more than car accidents and violent crimes committed by strangers combined. Now personally, I haven’t met a practising straight woman who hasn’t experienced abuse from a male, and included in this mountain of women are highly educated, highly independent, and highly intelligent people. It doesn’t make a difference. Myself, if I were a betting woman, and I’m not, AND I could separate the ick factor from the odds in both situations, I’d feel safer putting a gun to my head than I would getting intimately involved with a male. Them’s the data. You cannot argue with raw crime data, and even with self-report data that I believe are very low for obvious reasons. Regardless, they are available on numerous websites for any and all women and girls to see. But women stubbornly hold the false believe that they are safe with men, thanks to a lifetime of brainwashing through family, school, and entertainment.
Now you tell me, who takes more unnecessary and stupid risks: men or women? And here is an added bonus question. If you were to consider investing in the stock market, would you plunk your life savings down without doing research into the history of the stock, the rate of return on investment, whether the stock is high or low risk, etc? No, of course not. So why would you enter a potentially fatal and very possibly dangerous and soul-destroying situation without doing your research – or even worse, knowing and ignoring the risk based on years of historical data? It boggles the mind, but you have to admire the fact that the heterosexual lifestyle was one of the most successful schemes cooked up by men to this date.
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Yes, he hit me
And it felts like a kiss
He hit me
And I knew I loved him
And then he took me in his arms
With all the tenderness there is
And when he kissed me
He made me hisHe Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss) written by Gerry Goffin and Carole King for the Crystals in 1962
R is for Rape – Part V – Fat Girl
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
Police officer to his colleagues: “She says he didn’t rape her.”
Anaïs: “Don’t believe me if you don’t want to.”The last lines of the film ‘Fat Girl’ by Catherine Breillat, 2001. An interesting twist on what women and girls have always experienced when they report a rape.
Since I was old enough to be out and about on my own, I’ve always gravitated towards art house and repertory cinemas – quirky and sometimes grubby little movie theatres with mismatched and uncomfortable seats, cheap tickets, low-cost nibbles or even the possibility to bring in your own snacks. They usually have a single screen, maybe two if they are a little posher, and they show classic films, less new or less popular films, foreign films, cult films and sometimes just weird-ass stuff chosen based on the whim of the cinema’s manager. This is my kind of place. I hate blockbuster venues and multiplexes and happily ever after films starring the same overpaid, plastic bimbos and himbos. And I almost always go to these rep cinemas by myself, and I usually sit in the back row with my smuggled-in munchies and relative anonymity. I’m not sure how I got into these kinds of places or how I found the one and only in my hometown tucked away on a side-street near the university, but I suppose it was inevitable given my father’s devil-may-care, close-your-eyes-and-pick approach to choosing films that I mentioned in a past post. Nevertheless, I remember, with fondness, my favourite little cinemas from various places I’ve lived, and during periods of my life involving intense workloads and insane schedules, these solitary outings even became a highly enjoyable escape ritual.
I remember an early educational experience in cinema when I was 19 that gave me food for thought at the time. After writing the third ‘R is for Rape’ post, I recalled a film I had watched in a repertory cinema back in 2001, and decided to rewatch it to see if what I recalled actually tied into this post’s topic. Several times, I’ve returned to books and films I consumed in my youth, frequently to find that my recollections were coloured by inexperience or naiveté. It’s not really a surprise, and this is an interesting and separate topic that I want to write more about as it is extremely relevant to the female experience of sexuality and relationships. Suffice it to say that after watching the film in question, I decided that despite my more mature, analytical, and critical eye, I still agreed with the core of my 19-year-old assessment of the content.
This film in question was the 2001 French film: À ma sœur! which was strangely named Fat Girl for American audiences, despite the fact that the title could easily have been translated to To My Sister! and still would have made sense. But sociopolitical agendas were likely at work in this rebranding and refocusing, and thus the point of the film was likely at least partially lost to most American viewers.
The film was written and directed by Frenchwoman, Catherine Breillat, known for her controversial works on sibling rivalry and female coming-of-age stories, with a heavy focus on the politics of sex and sexuality for girls. For some, especially liberal feminist types, this might automatically indicate that she is feminist – having a female protagonist, especially one exploring her sexuality, means the content is feminist, right? Well, not really. There is nothing positive or liberating about her girls’ stories – they’re just depressing and extremely limited in their truth. And while I prefer truth to lies, I find it sad that all of girls’ and women’s truths are such downers. There isn’t the rich range of character-building experiences that boys have available to them when they are approaching adulthood. So while Breillat is a truth-teller of sorts, I personally find her very male-identified as well, and indeed, she has indicated in interviews that she was heavily influenced in her youth by writers Georges Bataille and the Marquis de Sade, both of whom saw sex and violence as inseparable and wrote extensively on the pleasure taken in violating and destroying women. I’ve read many of de Sade’s works, and I felt, like I do after encountering so many of men’s creative endeavours, that they have waaay too much time on their hands. But at the same time, I think these are some of the most honest men on the planet, and they depict male sexuality accurately. Males do have a death drive and cannot separate sex and violence, and you mess with them at your peril. Unfortunately, in order for women to get any attention in the arts and literature world, they need to espouse the male point-of-view, even if they think they are liberating themselves or putting themselves on equal footing with men. The problem is that, like I’ve maintained throughout this mini-series, females don’t have the upper hand in heterosexual sex or any dealings with males for that matter. In the violence that is heterosexual sex, females have so much more to lose, and I don’t think girls can achieve anything positive from exploring sexuality through dealings with males. And this truth makes for very limited and disheartening female stories – perhaps why we have so few of them and so many princess fairy tales. Boring as shit.
À ma sœur! or Fat Girl is about 15-year-old Elena and her 12-year-old sister, Anaïs. Both are suffering various delusions resulting from living in a patriarchal society and a dysfunctional family, and are well-prepared for the ravages of heterosexual life. They both have worrisome obsessions with losing their so-called virginity. The older one, classically pretty, is looking for a love and respect that doesn’t exist, and the younger, overweight and a little strange, wants to get the whole virginity thing out of the way as she mistakenly believes that experienced women have more value. Anaïs spends time talking to herself and her imagined future lover and spying, with much derision, on her sister during her sexual pursuits. Elena ends up with an Italian man who employs every consensual rape tactic in the book to get what he wants, and Anaïs ends up forcibly raped by a stranger, which she twists to fit her fantasy of giving it up to a man who means nothing – sort of a fucked up consensual raping. So, ultimately, both girls get what they want, but don’t make out well. Sort of anti-princess fairy tales – or, more basically, versions of reality that most girls end up with.
Now, at 19, despite plenty of exposure to the nastiness that the male-dominated world had to offer, I was still very inexperienced and completely untrained in critical thinking. Thus, at that time, I could easily sit through offensive content without experiencing the knee-jerk moral outrage of, say, a biologically mature, but intellectually immature religious person, but I wasn’t well equipped to dissect it and offer a deep analysis. Rewatching this film at 52 was interesting. First, I found it extremely cringe-worthy and difficult to sit through, partly because I have lost patience with and tolerance of heterosexual female problems, which I now consider to be almost completely avoidable, but are endlessly talked about as if they are not, and partly because Breillat’s depiction of what girls go through in negotiating with straight males is so completely spot on. Second, I realized that I’ve been thinking about the issue of consensual rape for over 30 years, although I didn’t have a name for it until recently.
There was apparently a feminist uproar after the film came out. I don’t recall all the details, but I was a budding feminist and didn’t feel the same way as they did. Likely, some women got mad that it was the fat girl who needed to be forcibly raped in order to achieve something sexually, and that she accepted that. Perhaps some were opposed to the graphic depictions of sex with a minor, although neither actress was an actual minor. Whatever the opposition, I find that the vast majority of self-proclaimed feminists do not like the unveiling of truths. While Breillat is decidedly not a feminist, she baldly showed us the truth about how girls are formed into what male-dominated society wants them to be. I think many feminists want to think that males and females are equal, and not all men are rapists, and that heterosexuality can be healthy and good for women. But that is just not how things work. It never has worked that way, and it never will. So you either have to go along to get along, or you create a different path for yourself and model it in a way to offer better options for girls of the future. And by different path, I mean separatism and forging better relationships with women and girls. We no longer have to accept violence to survive.
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R is for Rape – Part IV – Valley of the Dolls
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
But my life would be so sublime
If I bought a robot girl online…
My robot girlfriend
The best relationship I’d ever be in…from ‘Robot Girlfriend Song’ by Rhett and Link, standard liberal white male internet ‘comedians’ and songsters
I know, I know. I said I’d write three posts on R is for Rape, focusing on issues of consent rather than cut-and-dry forcible rape, but there is so much juicy stuff here, and I just couldn’t help myself. At this point, I’m mulling over a fifth and final one, but I need to re-watch a film I saw waaay back when I was about 19-20 in order to see if my recollections are accurate and relevant to the topic. Anyhow, in this post, I plan to talk about a moral quagmire that only exists because males exist – oh ffs, what moral dilemmas aren’t the result of men and their insistence that their privileges and perversions are actually rights?
I’m going to kick things off by asking you to consider something. Have you ever done violence to a machine malfunctioning in your life? You know, you get a flat tire on your bike or car and you kick it as you’re now going to be late for an appointment. Or your computer fan starts making a weird noise, so you bang it a bit to shake loose any dust or to jolt any lose mechanisms back into place. And after some initial satisfaction gleaned from a moment of frustration and aggression, did you later feel bad, thinking to yourself, “Shit, it’s not my car or computer’s fault. Why did I have to act out that way? How would I feel if someone knocked me about if I didn’t perform correctly?” Likely, if you have abused one of the machines in your life, you never gave it a second thought afterwards. It’s a machine after all. We own them, and they exist at our pleasure. We can trade them in or even discard them in the nearest toxic, earth-killing landfill if they stop working or we want a newer, better model, right?
But do our feelings and actions change as our machines become more intuitive or integral to our lives? We’ve entered a stage in technological development where inventors dream of designing machines that will approach and even surpass human intelligence and capability. Ready to serve our every need and protect us from dangerous, strenuous, and/or boring work. But what will be our relationships to them? What will be their various purposes? I think the answers to these questions will be very different for males and females. We are, after all, very different creatures biologically and socially, and as a result, intellectually and ethically.
It is a well observed and even documented fact that males are more violent, more emotionally volatile, more illogical in their thinking and actions, and have behaviours that are much more dangerous to the earth and to society in general, and particularly, women and girls, than females are and have. Men try to argue that this is not true, and predictably, blame and responsibility are the only things they are willing to share with women. But the proof is in observation, anecdote, and collected data across time and place. And remember: single, aberrant cases don’t negate large-scale truths. Propensity for dominating, controlling, and doing violence is vastly different depending on biological sex, in general. The same is true of our creative endeavours. So much of male creation or invention is rooted in violence and domination. Think of how much of what is attributed to males comes out of trying to create weapons, trying to control various groups of people, or trying to satisfy male sexual perversions through harming women but dressing it up as ‘a basic human male right’. Even when males steal ideas and inventions from women, they inevitably transform them into something beneficial to the violent male nature and harmful to females as a class. There are millions of examples – you just need to open your eyes and look around you.
Humans have been designing and implementing machines and technology for thousands of years. For most of this period, inventions have been simple, but life-changing, but we’ve only fairly recently entered a period of accelerated development. And with that development have come ethical debates. Personally, I think those debates have only come about with the allowance of women into the public intellectual forum as women, as a rule, tend to think more about the impact of actions and processes on life and to question the value in what is called ‘progress’, while males tend to be motivated by recognition and wealth accumulation and don’t seem to be bothered by a ‘progress at any cost’ mentality.
Valley of the Sex Dolls
The latest multidisciplinary realm of tech-related ethical debates is that of AI or Artificial Intelligence and Robotics. It seemed logical following human periods of intense agricultural labour, and then the Industrial Revolution – both periods involving heavy and dangerous workloads, especially for the poor, and plenty of injury and death because of survival, public demand and competition to meet that demand. Given that we likely won’t slide back technologically unless there is some kind of extinction-level event, AI and robots seem like a good idea to take on dangerous and repetitive tasks. This is a whole separate and massive topic that I’m not going to dive down into in this article. What I want to talk about is the fact that in the hands of men, all technology end up being used for other purposes that have nothing to do with making life better for humankind. And with regard to AI and robots, I’m talking about the ‘sex industry’. Of course.
Now, I was a kid in the 1970’s and ’80’s, and we all sort of knew about blow-up sex dolls. Not that we had ever seen one, or totally understood why this kind of thing might be appealing, but somehow, kids always find out about the shit that males claim they need to exist. To this day, I’ve never seen one of those simplistic man-toys in person, although I’ve been to a few sex shops out of morbid curiosity where I’ve seen slightly more sophisticated and expensive items that men like to stick their dicks in, like severed female pelvises with fillable holes. Sexy shit, man… I also remember sometime in adulthood – maybe when I was living in Taiwan – hearing about a bunch of Chinese teenaged boys who got together to buy a plastic sex doll and ended up spreading syphilis or something equally gross to each other after failing to clean their shared plastic girlfriend’s holes. But we live in an advanced age now dammit (!), and blow-up dolls seem so crude and cold, and require too much work to inflate besides. We’ve managed to develop very life-like sex dolls and even sex robots – or sex androids might be the more accurate term – that can talk and are warm to the touch. And it is very difficult to imagine that in the not-too-distant future, AI will develop enough to convince males that they are dealing with a real live human female, until she rips his dick of with superhuman strength, that is! Just joking. I’ll get into this a bit later.
There has been a surge in the openings of sex doll brothels around the world: Canada, Russia, all over Europe, Japan, and plenty more. The demand is definitely there, even in countries that ban imports of sex dolls or that make prostitution illegal, and somehow, I don’t think the interest is just a simple interest in a novel experience. If that were true, we wouldn’t be seeing a surge in the purchase of private units. While there may be several reasons for males’ vacant inner lives venturing into this new territory of sexual depravity, I think there is an overwhelming underlying reason:
In an age where men have to worry a little bit about the legal system, unlike for most of human history, they want to be able to do whatever the fuck they want to a female body without having to worry about consent or any kind of repercussions. In other words, they want to have a rape experience (otherwise known as heterosexual intercourse) without it ever becoming an issue to defend against, let alone think about in an ethical way.
What About Advanced AI Androids and Superintelligences?
I’ve made a little flow chart below showing a possible convergence between humans and machines and you can click on the pic to enlarge it. On the human side of things, I list general groupings of humans in order from highest value to lowest value. And on the machine side of things, I list technology in order from most simplistic to most complex, and perhaps their value to human society also increases with advanced capability. The nature of patriarchy or male-dominated society is hierarchy. There is no such thing as equality. Males of course, sit at the top. I’ve talked about female hierarchy in past posts, noting that females who fulfill their dick-sucking and breeding duties are the most highly valued, and I’ve noted that at the bottom are both prostitutes and lesbians. It is really hard to say which is valued the least. In some cultures, lesbians can be both imprisoned and put to death legally, whereas prostitutes may just be jailed. Perhaps this is just because prostitutes are of more use and value to males while lesbians provide men with nothing except a target for hate and blame. Regarding machines, I argue that as technology approaches some kind of human ‘intelligence’, it is valued more by male society. My question thus becomes: if a prostitute faces off against a superintelligent android, who wins?
Well, let’s think about superintelligence and the future of AI and whether one of these entities can fool humans or replace humans completely. I am not going to go crazily in-depth on this topic as it has been discussed to death everywhere and there are sooo many academic theories on what constitutes artificial intelligence and the defining features of consciousness. But I’ll say a few words with regard to rights and consent as that is the issue here.
Very, very basically, to be conscious means to be self-aware. It involves having emotions, independent subjective thoughts, desires, inspiration and wisdom. At a more advanced level, it means being able to understand motives and intent and to adapt and respond accordingly, and it means to be able to experience empathy. At the most advanced level of consciousness, an entity surpasses human intelligence, and can override human programming to serve its own needs. Many believe that AI will never reach this state, but one never knows. Currently, our technology can make decisions and predictions based on data and do difficult computations and classifications, but that is not human-level consciousness. So if an entity is not technically conscious, is it deserving of rights? At what point would a machine be deserving of workers’ or just existential rights in the way that humans are supposed to be? And in the case of a technically conscious sex robot, would she require the protection that consent pretends to offer to human females, and more importantly, would she be able to override her programming that causes her to allow males to rape her by default in order to consent to that rape on a case by case basis?
Are These Ethical Issues Worth Thinking About or Do Sex Robots Solve Anything for Women?
The ethicality of sex robots and what they mean for womankind is a frequently debated topic and of course, nothing ever gets solved – much in the same way that debates on whether prostitution should be legalized hasn’t solved anything for women in the big picture. One side argues that sex robots increases the dehumanization of females and leads to more sex-based violence and disrespect, and the other side argues that sex robots rescue women from having to work in prostitution, thus saving female lives and decreasing suffering. Some idiots even argue that sex robots provide an opportunity to teach males about consent, like males give a shit about how they treat women. No, the problem is that, when debating issues that pertain to global female well-being, almost no one understands or is willing to admit they understand the true underlying issue. The underlying issue isn’t male miseducation, or poor definitions of consent or sex crimes, or making prostitution legal. The underlying problem is males themselves. They are weaponized humans with both an inbuilt drive to dominate and commit violence and an easily learned feeling of deservedness when it comes to their freedom and behaviour and how others should treat them. They universally enact double standards when it comes to dealing with females and don’t see a problem with it. Until you solve the problem of male existence – meaning you eliminate them altogether, you reduce their population to about 5% of the total, and/or you control their movements through a system of surveillance – women and girls will always suffer the consequences of male existence because males run the world in a way that benefits them and causes degradation, poverty, and suffering for females. So any debate about what males create or do that causes problems for the world is all a bit silly because you can’t solve it. Unless you name the real problem, you solve nothing. Sex robots or no sex robots, you solve nothing for females.
One Final Note: Retaliation – What If They Turn Against Us?
You’ll notice that this is ALWAYS a question that men ask when talking about other groups: racial or ethnic groups that they have enslaved, aliens coming to our planet from outer space, and now AIs and superintelligences. You never hear women voice concerns about this. Why? Well, males are generally unable to see things from others’ perspectives because they are the entitled predator class, and predators’ automatic behaviour is to see all others as threats and to neutralize them through assault, enslavement, abuse, and destruction. They justify this by telling themselves and the world that if they didn’t do it, then they themselves would be destroyed. We’ve all been at the receiving end of soldiers and veterans – and I’ve witnessed this many many times in the US – who attack their critics by telling them that if not for soldiers and the shit they do, we’d all be victimized and lose our ‘freedom’. But soldiers are specialized predators, and they and males in general, can only foresee that another group would seek to act as predators too, even if there is no evidence to support that motivation.
Interestingly, but unsurprisingly, men are more testerical about robot retaliation than they are about female retaliation. Of course, you get a segment of the male population obsessed with supposed female power, envisioning being kept on farms and having their sperm harvested by angry lesbians in the near future, complaining about the rapid onset of the pussification of society, and even believing that matriarchy is a done deal – females already ruling the world and all systems supporting female power. Laughable of course, as this is clearly a simple and infantile example of the Freudian defense mechanism: projection. All men know on some level that they are the oppressors. In fact, women have never risen en masse against men, despite millennia of being treated as prey and even slaves, including repeated and documented atrocities against them and the widespread suffering that still exists, but that is written off as separate, one-off experiences that have nothing to do with males as a dangerous predator class. In fact, still today, the vast majority of women have been successfully programmed to seek out, accept, and even enjoy their addiction-driven and fear-based subservience to men, and thus have no power as a class. The few women who do speak out or rebel are quickly destroyed in a variety of ways, even by fellow females, so they pose no threat. At the end of the day, the average male sees future female retaliation in about the same way that he fears retaliation from say, his refrigerator. Women are not predators, but controlled things, in other words.
Rather, average males, in addition to the testerical ones mentioned above, are far more worrried about losing control of robots, specifically those with AI capabilities that allow them to learn beyond their programming. It’s interesting. All males with these kinds of persecution complexes tend to be those who know on some level that they deserve punishment for the evils they have done in their lives. Despite many women’s willing ignorance, we are all extremely aware of how much violence is done to women by males. The data are there for all to see. We also know that consuming violent pornography is linked with greater violence against women. And men also know that women won’t retaliate. But data are coming in regarding male violence done to female sex dolls and robots. Around the world are examples of violence, including molestation, mutilation and decapitation. Males might try to write this off as fantasy at this point, just as they do in their writing, stand-up comedy, television and films, but there will come a day where sex robots will become advanced enough to have rights and perhaps the right to give and withhold consent. And I think that is part of the male testeria about robot retaliation. Human women won’t do it, but maybe sex robots will.
I want to thank you and spank you upon your silver skin
Robots don’t care where I’ve been
You’ve got to choose it to use it, so let me plug it in
Robots are my next of kin.from ‘Go Robot’ by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
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R is for Rape – Part I – The Pen & The Sword
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
Rape is a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear.
Susan Brownmiller, from her 1975 book, Against Our Will
I’ve written a lot on rape over the years, so I’m going to draw from some of my old articles and add some new material to the following. My plan is to make this a three-part post addressing the trickier and more-guaranteed-to-offend aspects of rape as follows:
Part 1: Here, I’ll talk about the effective partnership between language and violence, and how men have used both as weapons to keep safety and justice out of the reach of women.
Part 2: Here, I’ll discuss the slippery definitions of sex, rape, and consent, and I’ll delve into the scary concept of consensual rape.
Part 3: Here, I’ll continue to forgo euphemisms and get into the world of modern slavery, rape visas, and rape tourism.
Let me start with a simple statement – a simple truth: if men didn’t exist, rape wouldn’t exist. Let’s think about that for a minute. I can hear all the background clamour that typically follows a truth statement such as this: Not all men! Men can be raped, too! Women can be rapists, too! I’m just going to tune that out as so much noise, and keep going because those protests are neither accurate nor useful, and can derail feminist pursuits. As an example, I did a little survey years ago and to my dismay I found that even staunch feminists who were regular readers of my blog didn’t agree on what rape was and were adamant supporters of men’s rights even if they wouldn’t normally come out and say that. You have no foundation on which to build if people can’t even agree on the basics. That is what typically happens with most of the feminisms, with the exception of gynocentrism, and why most feminists spend more time fighting each other instead of achieving things for females as a class. But it’s not a surprise despite the word having been around since the early 13th century. The word has changed meaning over the years, and it is still changing, even today. I think the fact that it still doesn’t have an agreed upon definition is because men control language and because rape is a crime that only males commit and only females experience. To acknowledge the latter would be to hold men accountable for what they do and are. And we can’t have that.
Let’s dig into language a bit.
Humans vs. All Other Creatures
In considering the differences between humans and other mammals or any creature for that matter, there are some significant differences that set us apart. And note that this is in no way a comment that humans are superior to animals, as I don’t believe that for a second. Each species has its strengths and weaknesses, which makes hierarchy-development a rather stupid and pointless endeavour. In considering humans, language and the capacity for deep and complex self-awareness set them apart from all other living things on earth. Other creatures may have systems of communication and a limited ability to reflect on simple behaviours, but none rivals human capacity. That is not a judgment, just a fact. Dolphins don’t conjugate verbs and chimpanzees don’t chronically and masochistically self-sabotage or even commit suicide over lack of purpose or meaning in life. Non-humans also don’t develop systems of ethics or morality – even misguided, faulty ones. These are uniquely human ‘achievements’ and are only three of many, many examples of the complexities of human language and self-awareness.
Humans are also the only species capable of malice. Now, note that I am not talking about survival instincts. Men and silly women who defend men often argue that male violence is just a reflection of the instinct to survive and is comparable to the killing that any other species does. This is classic male logic designed specifically to try to justify violent male behaviour. Some of my Chinese male university students will state without blinking that we ‘live in a jungle’. Now, I do believe that males are naturally violent. They are wired for it. But as I’ve written before, as humans, we also have self-awareness, and it is this unique and incredible ability that allows humans to override violent impulses. But, as humans are also uniquely malicious creatures, instinct and deliberate cruelty frequently play off each other. No creature other than the human (male) kills for pleasure. And no creature other than the human (male) tortures other living things. There is no evolutionary or ‘survival’ purpose for killing for pleasure or for torturing. I’ve met a lot of men who try to argue with seriously twisted logic that there is a need for these things. This is when I back away, and wish I had a weapon at the ready in order to do like all other creatures do out of instinct – remove a dangerous threat to one’s survival. But, alas, human females are the only creatures on earth who are NOT allowed to defend themselves.
And this is where language enters the scene.
The Role of Language in Power, Control and Hierarchy
The pen is mightier than the sword.
Language is one of human’s oldest tools. Like all tools, it can be a beautiful mechanism or system used to do wonderful things and inspire the best in all of us. But like all tools, it can also be used to destroy everything in its path. In the hands of men, language is frequently used to express male ‘love’ and ‘creativity’, which as most women eventually come to find out, are dangerous things and not at all what female love and creativity are.
As human males have come to realize, weapons alone will not get you sustainable power. Sure, you can overwhelm a perceived enemy, but it is really difficult to maintain that victory for any period of time without a much more powerful weapon. That weapon is language. Language is, in fact, a much more powerful weapon than any ‘sword’. But they work together. Just as it is hard to sustain control with only swords, it is also difficult to gain and keep power with only words. We’ve all heard that common description of successful evil dynamic duos: ‘You have the brawn and I have the brains’. Well, that is an apt description of the sword and the pen. Employ the brute force, overwhelm the enemy, enact the mindfuckery of the brutalized population that only language can achieve (e.g., “War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.”), and then all future brutality just becomes an accepted part of the system. Those few who see beyond the language mechanisms and refuse to believe have no leg to stand on, and find themselves very much alone and often questioning their own sanity.
Whoever Controls Language Controls the World and The People Who Live in It
As a tool and building block of control and power, it is safe to say that if you aspire to megalomaniac status, you need to master language. I don’t mean that you should learn to speak several languages. I mean you need to learn how to use language to manipulate people and situations, and to obscure facts. You need to weaponize language. You need to see where language has its greatest influence. My Oppressor Triangle discusses a few major centres of influence, but there are other arenas. Language has had its greatest influence in the areas of politics, law, economics, academia, and the health care system (industry). These areas don’t function separately. There is much overlap. The language enacted in the political sphere can and does affect all other spheres of power, for example.
The question becomes: who controls language? And the answer is: men. Men have always controlled language. And they control it as much today as they have in the past. It’s not a race thing, as much as some people might wish it to be so. It is a MALE thing. If you are a big picture thinker, if you think internationally across time and place – and really, you have to be if you are ever to hope of ending oppression – you have to accept the truth that males control language, and as a result, they control everything. If you get bogged down on other group affiliations, you’ll change nothing. Only the truth can set you (and everyone else) free.
Language and Rape
Men have been raping, torturing and killing women since they realized they could. It has nothing to do with evolution or survival or necessary to the continuation of the human species. Any man who tells you that it does is dangerous and you should get away from him before he hurts you.
Male control of language has had its greatest impact on the one thing that has allowed them to maintain control over women. Rape. Without rape and the threat of rape, men don’t have a hold over women. Control the language surrounding rape, and you control the crime itself – or whether it is even considered a crime, or who can commit it, or who is responsible, or who can be raped. We know that women have no power, and certainly have no control over language, because rape is so rampant and that they are on the receiving end with little ability to avoid it or seek justice for it.
It is only relatively recently that rape was even considered a crime, and only extremely recently that rape was considered to be a form of torture. In Western cultures, the rape of a woman was considered to be a crime against the man who owned her. And it could only be committed by a male who did not own her. She herself, as a rape victim, was deemed filthy, rendered an embarrassment, offered the choice to marry her rapist, or else tossed out like so much garbage from family and community. Even today, rape victims often end up in prostitution or suffering from mental health problems that leave them unable to self-actualize, let alone take care of themselves properly. The propaganda and brainwashing campaign that all societies provide to women to get them to accept rape as reality, as normal, and even as ‘not rape’ often succeeds in neutralizing female protest to unlivable conditions. Rape is a crucial part of Western entertainment – drama as well as comedy – although Western men are not alone in their enjoyment of female torture. Many women will suppress their experiences or deny that rape even happened. Rape victims who don’t follow the rules are often punished by society, and frequently by other women who prefer to lash out at other women than to name the real problem.
In non-Western countries, rape has gone through equally horrible control by men. In some countries, raping girl children isn’t considered rape. Elsewhere, rape cannot occur within a marriage or family. In others, rape has only occurred if a woman can get a handful of male witnesses to support her claim. No, women aren’t in control of language at all. Anywhere in the world. I mean, no woman would ever set up the linguistic, social and legal hoops/barriers to proving rape that are currently in place in every corner of the earth. We aren’t that masochistic or stupid of our own free will.
Men Can Be Raped, Toooooooo!
Likely, in response to women calling more attention to rape and violence against women, men retaliated. Men always retaliate. They are allowed. There are always repercussions to women gaining even an ounce of freedom or power or justice. And language is always at the centre of any retaliation. And there is always violence to back it up.
So recently, men decided to change the language surrounding rape. They decided that rape no longer meant ‘male forcibly entering a female through her vagina using his dick’. Suddenly, males could be raped! And further, women could be rapists!
These revelations served a very, very important purpose. You see, if you can show that a crime or negative circumstance ALSO affects men, it is no longer a sex-based inequality or a hate crime. Men no longer are forced to be held responsible. Men are no longer predators. They are no longer deficient in some way. If you can show that they suffer tooooo or that women are doing the same evil deeds tooooo, then men no longer will be examined as the sole source of a major problem or epidemic. Once males can name themselves as victims, all focus can ‘justifiably’ be removed from women and recentred on men and boys. All we need is one male victim to negate the suffering of millions of women. And all we need is one female predator to negate the predation of millions of males. That is the male control of language at work. Change one word or one definition, and you can change the lives of millions. Control is regained.
Predictably, women got on board with the rebranding of rape, as they usually do when males find new ways to name themselves as victims, to detract from female victims, and to blame women for something. Women are usually the first ones on board with helping men hurt women. And men are experts at painting themselves as victims and martyrs.
Rape, in the minds of many, now also means a woman ‘forces’ a male to pop a boner and stick it to her. And strangely, rape now also means a dick forcibly entering an anus. But the thing is this, even if the former is forced, it is not rape. It may be a sexual assault, and if so, it needs to have its own label. The latter is NOT RAPE. It actually already has its own label. It is called forcible sodomy. Women are also frequently forcibly sodomized by men, more often than men are forcibly sodomized by men, and often in addition to being raped. But ignoring and/or broadening existing definitions has achieved its goal. We’ve taken the focus off what men do to women. And sex crimes are no longer seen primarily as the domain of male perps. Congratulations men and the dangerous women who support them. Rape is inclusive!
Conclusion
Regardless of what is going on, one thing can be said for sure. We need better, woman-controlled and defined language concerning different kinds of sexual assault, and we need a complete rethink of the concept of consent as it pertains to an oppressed group of people. We need acknowledgement that there are some crimes that only females experience – rape being a prime example of that – and that the reason these crimes are perpetrated by men and boys against women and girls is both sex-based and sexual in nature as well as power or violence-motivated. We need separate language for different crimes that are dependent on the sex of the victim and the perpetrator. Inclusivity has no place in the language of crime.
In the next post, I’ll get into the most common and least acknowledged kind of rape: consensual rape, which includes manipulation, coercion, the nagging-giving in game, duty- and pity rape. All of these are otherwise known as sex in the straight world.
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Rapetainment
This post is part of the ongoing Birth of a Feminist series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
As children, we all grow up thinking that what happens in our families and/or households is normal and that everyone pretty much has the same kinds of family relationships and rituals that we do. Over time, exposure to other children, especially when visiting their homes, teaches us that no two families are the same, and even the most mundane of activities may be done a little differently in other households. Your family, for example, might have dinner around 5:30 every night while your friend’s family might eat around 7:00 pm. Or you might have a lot of chores, but another friend might not have any. There are a million variations on how families operate, and it is a function of parental values and experience, and the personalities and dynamics within the family. But despite all the little differences, the average family is more similar than different.
But then, there are families that operate a little differently. Families where the practices and relationships can be downright weird, unethical and even abusive. Now, I think that all families are harmful to girl children – family is not a natural or healthy grouping, but a patriarchal construct designed to give men power through ownership. Patriarchy, by definition is about male domination and female slavery, so all institutions and systems designed by men are harmful to girls, a risky endeavour for adult women if they choose to support and engage with them, and almost universally beneficial to males. But there are degrees of harm to girls in the patriarchal system known as ‘family’. There are families whose practices and relationships are much more abusive and harmful to the female children than those of the average family. But the girl children in those households still grow up thinking that what they are living is normal. Some of these girls may, at some point, come to realize that what they are experiencing is not normal and definitely not healthy, but it can take years for this to happen. Given the nature of some of these family practices and relationships, many of these girls may not actually come to their realization through discussion with others, but completely alone through observation and analysis. After all, what they are living is usually either taboo or extremely embarrassing to even broach with others, and discussion can get them socially tainted, blamed, and even further victimized by their family or patriarchal society.
My own family was a weird one, but I didn’t really understand the extent of the harm they did until I was much older. I was stuck in a household with two strange and damaged parents: an ever-present, NPD housewife-mother who had two modes – antagonistic or stand-by, like a computer in sleep mode waiting for a button to be pressed; and an enabler, narcissistic, psychologist father who was seldom around due to workaholism, but who I later came to realize, probably did more damage in the bursts of time spent around me than my mother did. I’ve written before that women tend to inflict tons of shallow cuts on fellow females, but men inflict stab wounds or else fly in, drop bombs and then leave. For some reason, we tend to pay attention to what other women do to us while conveniently forgiving and forgetting male atrocities enacted on our bodies and psyches. I believe we are well trained from birth to do this. Anyhow, I did eventually come to see my father for what he was – a horrible, entitled, sex-crazed, liberal misogynist. But it took my parents’ divorce and leaving home and developing my own goals separate from wanting to please my hero-worshipped father in order to accomplish this.
There were many forms of harm in my family, but I wanted to get into one daddy dearest was responsible for and that didn’t start to make me question things until I was 19 years old.
My father liked movies. I still remember the first time my family rented a VCR machine in the early 1980’s, invited some family friends over, and watched Star Wars. Not long later, my dad bought a VCR for the family, and began bringing home rented movies for the family to watch together. We were never asked what we wanted to watch. It always seemed to be ‘Dad’s choice’, and that never seemed to consist of anything considered to be kids’ content. And so began my exposure to explicit violence on television (and films). I have a specific pre-adolescent memory burnt into my brain of a scene from one of Dad’s films consisting of a violent beating and rape of a young woman. I also remember standing up shortly after that and going to my bedroom. I can’t remember what happened after that, but I know that I was not spoken to about what I had seen. I am not sure what had gone through my mind other than discomfort. And there were other experiences like this. Other violent films, some weird films. Dad also had taken a lot of pleasure in choosing films randomly – and that is actually something that I have done all my life as well, although I make sure to avoid films advertising explicit violence against women.
I also have a distinct memory of going to the movie theatre with a friend of mine when I was about 14, and for reasons I can’t for the life of me remember, we decided to sneak into another film. I am not sure how we chose the film, but we ended up in Casualties of War, an R-rated film with multiple very graphic and violent scenes of a squad of American soldiers raping and torturing a young Vietnamese girl. It was terrifying, but neither my friend nor I could move – I think we were afraid we would get caught where we weren’t allowed to be. I still remember that horrible film so many years later. It is hailed as a ‘masterpiece’ by men, and they refer to what the soldiers did as a ‘moral quagmire’. Yes, men often say that rape during war is an inevitable moral conundrum. What to do, what to do? But it sure makes for super fantastic cinematography, don’t you think? My 14-year-old self did not think so.
It wasn’t until I was 19 that all of this violent film-watching at home and in public caught up to me and led to a significant realization, and it was likely due to my age coupled with other trauma going on in my life at the time. The previous year, my best friend had gone missing while walking home and then had been found dead a few weeks later, the circumstances surrounding it never released by the police and are still a mystery to me today. In the very same horrible month, my parents decided to announce a surprise divorce leading to my mother’s increased insanity and the longest and most convoluted divorce court case my father’s lawyer had ever profited from. As well, at the time, there had been some high profile abduction, rape, torture and murder cases of teenaged girls in a community near where I lived – this ended up being the famous case of the Canadian serial killers Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka. Needless to say, I was beginning to be very sensitive to violence at the time.
Following my parents’ divorce, my siblings and I would visit with my father on Sundays, stay for dinner, and sometimes watch a film – like old times. I remember one particular night, it was just my father, brother and me, and Dad put on some video. And it wasn’t long before I was presented with a scene of a woman at night in her home preparing for bed. A man was watching her from outside the house and then decided to break in, and start beating the shit out of her and raping her. I started crying. It hit me that most to all television and film entertainment was not for women and girls. It was for men. It is rapetainment. We women and girls sit there watching representations of ourselves being dehumanized, violated and destroyed on a continuous basis and we are expected to accept it and laugh along. How is this entertainment??? For women and girls, that is? I can understand that men might like it and get turned on by it or feel powerful because of it or possibly feel nothing at all. If I decided to write a television or book series centred on the terrorism, torture, mutilation and killing of men and boys, I guarantee you I’d be censored, or I wouldn’t sell anything, movie studios might reject me, and likely a horde of women would descend on me and call me every name in the book. I’d be a ‘misandrist’. And to question the escalating misogyny, slurs and violence against women in entertainment is met with derision, gaslighting, ad feminem attacks and excuses of “it’s art”, “it’s free speech”, “it’s just fantasy”, and “don’t be so sensitive, sweetie.” Would this argument work if the tables were turned???
Anyhow, back to my 19-year-old self. The accumulation of years of vulnerability and experience and fear and confusion resulted in my tears, and finally my father noticed. He stopped the film, whisked me upstairs and left me in the bedroom. Then he went back downstairs to rejoin my 15-year-old brother and to enjoy the rest of the rape movie. It was never talked about again. I felt alone and raw and so utterly hurt and disappointed and confused and angry. Remember that my father was a psychologist. He had trained as a child psychologist, but then went on to specialize in sex therapy. I almost want to say, “Ha, classic!” But that isn’t quite the right way to put it. It is so much worse than that.
There is a profound sense of hurt and betrayal that you feel when you realize a parent has harmed you in a deeply disrespectful way. It is natural for children, as they grow up, to begin to see their parents as regular humans with all the weaknesses and vulnerabilities that all humans have, but it is another thing altogether to realize a parent doesn’t respect you or see you as human worthy of consideration or care. This is even more significant if you are female child as we are all in a process of realizing that we aren’t respected as full humans by society at large. To have it come from your parents as well hits you really hard. I think this was the beginning of a long end for me with regard to my father. I began to see him as a misogynist, and there were countless examples after that to support my suspicions. And I became more vocal over time. He definitely didn’t like me pushing back against what he believed was his right to enjoy women’s degradation and subordination in entertainment form. But still it was confusing. He did respect my superiority to him in math and science, and he was the only one to tell me that it was perfectly fine for a woman NOT to have children. But where so many women would see this as a sign of a ‘great man’ or a ‘good dad’, his harm to me outweighs anything good he said or did. I think any person can have something in common with the worst people on earth, but it doesn’t mean you have to see them as good people or that they have redeeming qualities. Honestly, I don’t know how one can have a daughter and still find rape and violence against women to be entertaining. I just can’t get past this, but I will say that when women say “every child needs a father”, I couldn’t disagree more. Men know what men are, but they have no ability to feel empathy for women and girls. And empathy is the bare minimum you need in order to be a parent.
A last note on rapetainment.
Without getting into what will be a separate post on entertainment as patriarchal propaganda, I’ll just say here that even children’s media is designed to instill a docility and acceptance in females where it concerns how girls and women are seen and treated in the world. As a child moves into the consumption of adult material, the level of graphic and linguistic hostility and outright violence towards female people escalates – and with absolutely no added value, I might add – and thanks to what we consumed as children, we are well prepared to view it as entertainment, sitting happily with the males in our lives and pretending that the material is designed with us as a co-audience alongside men. In fact, the material is designed for males primarily as entertainment and ego-boosting, and then secondarily for females both as a threat, instilling justified fear, and as a confusing reminder that we are supposed to want and need males to protect us from their fellow males. The violence and slurs are normalized through repetition, and entertainment can be seen as a form of education as it works in the same way, burning it into your brain so that it becomes part of how you think and act. As a result, most females, by the time they reach adulthood, don’t even notice what is going on. They sit there with family members, husbands and boyfriends, laughing along to the rape and dead hooker jokes, feeling afraid and then safe when the alpha male slips an arm around them to let them know that they’ll protect them in exchange for docility and other services. And then women go back to their lives where they can pretend that this so-called art that they’ve consumed isn’t actually a reflection of what goes on in the world or that it has larger implications for and effects on women’s lived realities.
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P is for Pedo
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
Whoa, oh, oh, young girl
So hard to choose just one… lyrics from one of many classic pedo-fantasy songs. This one, Young Girl, is by Gary Puckett. A common element to all pedo songs is that some to all of the responsibility for the rape fantasies is placed on the child herself for being a deliberately tantalizing slut… And notice that there isn’t a celebrated playlist of female pedo songs, despite female pedophilia being a ‘thing’.
Get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run, girl
You’re much too young, girl
Back in 2017, the beginnings of a wave rippled on the surface of the internet. From the depths, had come wild claims of political and criminal wrong-doings. It quickly became a movement, with a rapidly growing body of wild suppositions and predictions, and garnering wackadoo men from across the US and even abroad. And once claims of there being an elite international cabal of pedophiles was put out there, women started joining. A lot of women will get caught up in completely batshit crazy male-driven movements because of a superficially altruistic message or mission and/or because they have been scared out of their wits – in this case, protecting children from sex predators. Men tend to be more motivated to join groups in order to gain power and wealth, for the opportunity to mete out extra-system violence and revenge for imagined transgressions, and/or to get recognition or gratitude.
So anyhow, this was QAnon, and as quickly as it was built up, it has since lost much of its steam. Personally, I think it wasn’t a genuine conspiracy theory, but rather what inevitably happens when you have the perfect storm of capitalism, the internet, testosterone, and religion. The best conspiracy theories – or, rather, the most worthwhile to consider, if you’re interested in such things – have actual plausibility that can be fact-checked, and QAnon really had little going for it other than a call to violence appealing to political extremists.
Now the pedophilia focus of the group was strange. It may just have been a ploy to get women involved, because really, you can’t take any men seriously when they start accusing other men of sex-related perversions and crimes. Pot meet kettle, etc. etc. Pedophilia is an everyman phenomenon, not the domain of the rich and famous. It has nothing to do with wealth or education or race or culture, and it has been going on since human time began. And it is perpetrated most often, not by faceless strangers waiting for kids in a swimming pool change room, but by the men and boys a child knows: family members, teachers, community religious leaders, and family friends. This is the same mistake that everyone makes about rapists of adult women: they are more likely to be a friend, family member, co-worker or other male you are familiar with than a complete stranger. But believing in the evil stranger props up the myth that good men exist, that women and girls should trust and get involved with at least some men and boys, and that one’s own male family members are innocent by association with you instead of enabled and given sexual carte blanche by you and other females.
So I want to get into a couple of things here. I’ve touched on related issues in other posts in the past (see the links in the post throughout). First, I’ll get into male chronophilia, and pedophilia specifically. I’ll briefly talk about women who molest children. Then, I’ll talk about how women aid and abet male pedos through self-feminization as well as the grooming of their daughters for heterosexuality. And although these seem like opposite-purpose behaviours, they actually work together unintentionally.
Chronophilia
This was a term used by creepy Kiwi sexologist, John Money, to refer to male sexual preference for and fixation on specific age groups. Philia is Greek in origin, meaning a friendly affection type of love, and sometimes, it is just that. Think of the word Anglophile, for example, which refers to someone who really likes the UK and everything British. But not all philias are safe and innocent, and those involving what men’s minds and dicks get up to are anything but. Personally, I think male sexuality, regardless of how socially acceptable or undisordered it is, is the root of all of women’s and girls’ problems. I see the penis as a weapon of mass destruction with the capability of killing and causing great suffering. And you can disagree all you want, but you can’t argue with the statistics on rape and its myriad physical and psychological damage, unwanted pregnancy and its various outcomes, venereal diseases, PTSD, and a whole host of other problems resulting from females having to deal with males’ dicks.
There is some debate about whether all males are chronophiles. Personally, I don’t think this is that important, but if you’ve read my sexuality series, you’ll already know that I consider males to be omnisexual. In other words, all males have at least a tickle of attraction to all sorts of stuff, including children. What they choose to act on and what they choose to suppress and even repress depends on a whole host of factors. There are males who’ll do anyone or anything, anytime, anywhere regardless of age, species, or animate status without a distinct preference. And there are other males who exhibit a socially acceptable range of age attraction, and others still, who have a very narrow range of targets whether socially acceptable or not. The problem is that many males are attracted to age groups that are under 18 while they themselves are adults. While all male-female relationships are inherently power imbalanced, and are thus not truly consensual, it is much worse when there are age differences and one of the parties has an underdeveloped brain and body. Men don’t seem to see a problem with attraction to teenaged girls, otherwise known as ephebophilia, and have built an entire rape-based industry called pornography and prostitution to legitimize this belief. I have a problem with it, of course, as I think intercourse causes physical and psychological damage to females regardless of age, but especially when young. And then we enter the realms of hebephilia and pedophilia – attraction to early teens and pre-pubescent children, respectively. Hebephilia was acceptable for most of human history, and still is in some cultures, the reasoning being that if a girl is menstruating, then she’s fair game for ownership and raping. These days, you still see online discussions among men about whether it’s ‘okay’ to be attracted to a 14-year-old girl. I don’t personally understand adult attraction to teenagers and children. It is really hard for me to get into the headspace of a male that sees this as desirable. But if you understand that everything that men do is about power and control, then you can see why dominating the helpless might be desirable. And with that, I’ll get into the next topic.
What’s a Pedophile, Anyway?
Now, I learned a few things here as I was digging into the boner-brain connection. The most interesting, but perhaps unsurprising, thing to me was that only about half of males who sexually molest children can be diagnosed as pedophiles. Pedophilia, unlike most of the other chronophilias, is a clinical diagnosis of a sexual preference disorder. In other words, being attracted to children is kind of a problem. Yet 50% of child molesters aren’t sexually attracted to children. At first, I reread this finding and thought, WTF??? But then I remembered that the penis is a weapon and that, for men, sexual activity is inseparable from acts of violence, hate and degradation, and a means of exerting power and control, and on some level, ALL males know this. I don’t think that any sexual act that a male carries out with unequal parties – meaning women and children – is devoid of power and control and hate and degradation, even if he dresses it up as love. So after that initial WTF? moment, it made sense. Males assault children to get off and feel power even if they are not attracted to them, just as men sometimes rape adult women they aren’t attracted to, but to get off on punishing them for being female and a threat to their ego in some way.
Researchers tell us that about 5% of the male population are pedophiles, but these data are based on surveys, so I would have to assume that the figure is higher as some men aren’t going to admit what they like if it is criminal. Likewise with rape. Survey-based studies of college age males indicate that a quarter of men would rape a woman if they knew they weren’t going to get caught. That number is likely much higher because a lot of men aren’t going to admit to something criminal in nature. The message here is that it is impossible to know how disgusting and dangerous men truly are because we rely upon incarceration data and self-report data. And only a minority of sex offenders are actually caught and convicted. I remember visiting a friend in L.A. once time, and for kicks, I decided to look up the neighbourhood on the sex offender registry to see how many rapists and pedos lived around me. It was shocking how many red dots appeared on the streets around where I was staying, and then I realized that those dots were only the convicted and released men. Remember only about 5% of male rapists are ever convicted. Anyhow, liberal men have criticized society for pedo-hysteria, and have even created entertainment – the British animated series, Monkey Dust, is an example – that pokes fun at those who worry about what men do to those with much smaller voices. While I don’t believe in persecuting people without cause, I think women and children should ideally have the option of living apart from males.
Of the men who molest children – girls and boys – over 80% of them live heterosexual lives. Some LGB researchers argue that you can’t really identify sexual orientation in pedophiles, but I don’t agree 100%. Girls are much, much more likely to be sexually abused than males, and that difference would not exist if pedophiles did not have an orientation. It may not be an entirely sexual orientation – sex and harm go hand in hand for males – but it is certainly an orientation that involves hurting girls. Twenty percent of girls are molested, compared to 5 percent of boys. I think it’s probably higher in females as girls are groomed from birth to accept sexual attention from males, so they are less likely to see what is happening to them as a crime and to report it.
While homosexual men are not the group to worry most about, there have been a few gay male pro-pedophilia groups, such as NAMBLA in North America and the Krumme13 (or the Crooked 13) in Germany that have advocated for adult-child sexual relationships, decriminalizing child porn, and the like. They are not embraced by the gay and lesbian community, but have perhaps made an impression on simple-thinking right-wingers who may possibly be more likely to be pedophiles than the people they demonize 😉
There has been some effort by left-wingers in recent times to increase the publicity of and search for female child molesters. They are really hard to get a grasp on though for a few reasons. They are far, far less common than male sex offenders, the entire world protects mothers from being seen as perverts and abusers, and child victims are less likely to report sexual abuse from their mothers and female caregivers. So, sample sizes are generally small, and typology models are still under development, but from the data available, two primary types of adult women sexually abuse pre-pubescent children: the male-coerced type, where women assist a male partner in the sexual assault, and the intergenerational predisposed type, where women abuse their own children or children close to them. And these women appear to be almost universally heterosexual mothers or care-givers, although they sexually abuse females more than males. The behaviour seems to be less sexually motivated, and more a reenactment of sexual and physical abuse they themselves suffered as children. Interestingly, female sex abusers tend to be more physically brutal with female victims in addition to the molestation, and serious injuries are much more likely with girls and with youngers victims than with boys or pubescent and teenaged victims. Although, researchers seem confused about why this might be, I have a strong suspicion that this is a direct expression of the internalized misogyny that all women grow up with, and women trapped in unwanted caregiving roles with girl children are possibly tapping into repressed rage from their own childhood abuse. It seems logical that female abusers would see a young girl as a proxy for the hated self, and punish the girl accordingly.
Admittedly, much more investigation is needed to understand the prevalence of and motivation for female sex abusers and the damage they do to girls. Generally speaking, I think mothers are far too protected as it is, and I am no fan of seeing breeding as a human right. I think being born to a sane and loving person is the human right we need to be more concerned with. If you are a severely damaged person, you have no business being around children, let alone creating your own punching bags and fuck toys. I still remember back to my time in China, and I saw plenty of public child abuse, but it was only ever mothers slapping, punching, kicking, and using make-shift weapons on their small girl children. It was shocking, and I was the only one who seemed to notice. Never once did I see anyone — mother or father – hit a boy. Of course, I saw plenty of adult males physically abusing adult females in public. But not children. We see from crime data that males are much more likely to abuse and sexually abuse children, especially girls, but perhaps they save it for the privacy of the home since they are seldom out and about with children on their own, unlike women. And although fathers aren’t as protected as mothers from suspicion of abuse, society generally accepts male violence as the way things are. If we put a few token male rapists in jail, we can all feel like we’re addressing the problem, even though we’re not. But maternal child abuse, including molestation, needs to be addressed in a more serious way.
Aiders and Abettors
I wanted to briefly address a more common female contribution to pedophilia and that is feminization, the pursuit of youth, and the grooming of daughters. I talked about much of this in my 2017 post Thanks for Supporting Pedophilia. My theory is that instead of aging naturally and normally, adult women engage in a whole host of practices – aka practising femininity – designed to chase youth and cater to male pedophilic, hebephilic and ephebophilic proclivities. Women remove their body hair, try to stay thin and unmuscular, dye their hair, coat their faces in make-up to look younger, and dumb down the tone and content of their speech in an effort to look more childlike and to keep men’s attention. And increasingly, mothers groom their daughters for male attention by allowing them to dress age-inappropriately and femininely, to wear make-up, and they tend to punish assertive and aggressive behaviour. Consequently the lines between adult and child are increasingly blurred, and all of it is for male attention. Without males, females have no need to engage in any of this feminizing and infantilizing behaviour.
I’m going to conclude with the following. If I had a daughter, and I feel thankful every day that I don’t have children, here is my list of threats to her safety in descending order:
- Straight and bisexual men – despite entertainment propaganda that they are the only protectors of the weak that we can rely on, they are actually the greatest threat to women and girls, and you engage with them at your own and your daughters’ risk.
- All teenaged boys – in some ways, they are worse than adult men simply because they are more likely to target children than adult women for victimization. But their worlds are smaller and their access to people is more limited and they may be marginally more monitored than adults. It’s a fine line, though.
- All boy children – many are sadistic with impulse control problems, but are uber-protected by boy-moms because of their supposed innocence. You’d be surprised how often little boys commit sex crimes though.
- Straight and bisexual women – while they are much less likely to commit sex crimes than men, as I mentioned, straight women who sex offend tend to be much more physically brutal with girls in addition to molesting them. In addition, straight women are male pedophile enablers, especially if they are boy-moms or women in committed relationships with men. Straight women will sometimes participate in molestation with their partner, but most often will just cover up or pretend the crimes aren’t happening. In some cases, women will trade their daughters’ bodies for a place to live despite there being lots of help for single mothers in Western countries.
- Gay men – they are not so much a sexual risk to girls, but gay men are misogynists too. I’ll bet they’re probably less dangerous to girls than, say, boy-moms.
- Lesbian and separatist women – the only risk they pose is any internalized misogyny they have from growing up and living in a toxic anti-woman world. But by and large, they are the safest people for girls to be around.
So, like the right-wingers of QAnon and various religious groups around the world, do we need to lose our shit in the quest to root out pedophilia in all tribes but our own? No. The sexualization and abuse of children, especially girls, is part of a much larger problem called male domination. And separatism is a more logical place to put your energy and a better investment for your daughters.
This post is part of the Alphabet Series.
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L is for Love
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
It’s a thin line between love and hate…
from the 1971 song of the same name by The Persuaders
Now, it’s a funny thing. This song was written by a couple of dudes and one of their complicit females warning other dudes that women can be crazy bitches. The gist is that women are happy to be used by men because that’s what women were designed for – but only up to a certain unknown point. And if you manage to reach your woman’s limit, watch out! She might maim or even kill you! This is a tired variation on the ‘hell hath no fury as a woman scorned’ theme. And most men and many women believe this stereotype to be true. But the reality is that women seldom, if ever, take revenge upon men, even if revenge is the least that men deserve after committing relationship atrocities. If women take any action in an abusive relationship, it is most often just fleeing – with a suitcase, if she’s lucky. See the craziest thing that women actually do is not taking revenge upon men, but bothering to get involved with them at all.
The song title, in actuality, is a much more appropriate description of the male approach to relationships with women, but with one major difference. Males don’t need to be abused or even have any kind of real excuse to snap and get violent. So often their love is violence of one sort or another. All women know this on some level as we are all told as girls that boys show us that they like us by antagonizing us or hitting us. But there is this expectation that they will somehow grow out of it – maybe after death – and besides there is a good one out there somewhere, right? So, women end up accepting that male love can look a lot like hate, and an expression of male love can turn into an expression of hate as if at the flip of a switch. Male emotionality is shallow, but intense and volatile. Let’s just say that male love is to human emotion as azidoazide azide is to chemistry. Personally, I think that ‘crazy bitch’ is a much more apt description of a man. And PMS actually stands for Permanent Man Syndrome. You see, Man, not Woman, is the wildly unpredictable, violently hormonal, nutjob breeding machine. And it isn’t monthly and temporary, but constant and forever. And in my tradition of mutating scrote-quotes, I say “Hell hath no fury as a man in love.”
Anyhow, despite the beginnings of this post, my purpose here is not to scratch the surface of heterosexual dynamics to reveal in shock and horror the countless examples of how men express their love for women. I have a whole Love=Hate series for what men do inside and outside relationships with women. And to be honest, straight woman problems are not only completely preventable, but their repetitiveness is boring as is women’s insistence on going back for more and more. I’m sick of hearing about them, and likely, some of you are as well. I think it’s very easy to become psychologically addicted to suffering – living it, complaining about it, reading about it, and ultimately doing nothing about it because pain has become your constant companion and what would you ever do without it? But that is a different, although related, topic, which I won’t get into today.
What I want to talk about is why humanity seems to be obsessed with love and pretending it is something other than it really is. It is treated as though it is the reason for our existence, and it seems to be much more of a distraction than even happiness or scheming to get rich. Why do I say this? Well, look at what passes for entertainment in the human world. There are more novels, songs, poems, fairy tales, artwork, and films about love than about any other topic. And of course, the bulk of this entertainment is created by males. But while it is superficially aimed at women and girls, everything is ultimately designed to serve males. I remember back when I was a teenager when it struck me for the first time as I was watching television that I was not actually the intended audience, and the messaging was not intended to lift me up as a female. I gradually came to realize that all creative material was that way – mostly designed by men for the male gaze and the male brain, but also designed to distract and brainwash women consuming the content. None of this entertainment, including television, is supposed to be analyzed from a female, let alone feminist, perspective. Even analysis of literature and poetry seldom gets feminist critique, and in this way, deeply misogynistic work, even if it is pretending to be empowering to women, can still get two thumbs up and win literary awards. Love ends up being defined by men, but obsessed over by women, even though men and women experience love fundamentally differently. I find that so many of our vaunted love stories would be more aptly categorized as ‘hate stories’. Yet women embrace them, and men profit from them.
Despite love being the central theme in entertainment, and thus making us believe that love is the most important thing in life, you need only to look at works of non-fiction to see what men really believe in. I’m going to borrow from the American experience to illustrate this, because as leaders of the so-called Free World who fought so hard for their liberation, what they say matters and often guides fledgling democracies. And besides, after dictatorships, no country does sloganeering and propaganda like the US.
If you go back to American beginnings, men define what is important in their Declaration of Independence: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. This is the foundational American slogan, and men still quote it today when outlining their rights as men and as Americans. Note that there is no love there. It’s not important. The inclusion of ‘the pursuit of hapiness’ was actually a replacement for the right to own ‘property’, which Jefferson did out of respect for black Americans (although remember that men could still legally own women), and is thought to have little meaning other than a subjective one. Male happiness could include drinking whiskey with abandon in a saloon, raping a prostitute and then going home and raping his wife, or killing animals for sport. And all of these could technically fit the definition of male love as well, I suppose, as vice, violence, glee and love seem to get twisted in the male mind. Women weren’t included in these important life elements – property, by definition, has no life, no freedom, and may not define their own happiness – but we know that males have always defined female love as sacrifice, devotion, loyalty, service, and suffering in silence. These are the themes of love stories, the propaganda men design to define female existence.
I leave you with this question and my opinion. If women, and I mean female separatists, of course, were ever to write their own declaration of independence, would they include ‘love’ in the list of rights? I think not, and I’ll tell you why. Under patriarchy, love is a tool of manipulation designed to keep women in line, distracted, focused on fantasy and hoping, and constantly feeling off-balance and insecure. Only patriarchal women cling to the pursuit of love and obsess over it, puzzling over the fact that expressions of male and female love look very different. Outside of patriarchy, I think love would be an outcome of female freedom, not a pursuit. Without men in the picture, love would not need to be listed in the rights and demands of women because it would just exist outside of context and wouldn’t be a bargaining chip used in power plays. I think relationships would look very different, as would artistic expression. And it certainly wouldn’t have any connection with violence.
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K is for Kin-Keepers
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
To be honest, this is a term I have never before used in my life, and I hadn’t even heard of it until a few months ago when I read an article that referred to it. My plan here is to introduce the term and how it pertains to women briefly, and then to take on a part of the article that inspired the post. You can find a link to the article here. Please note that it is not a feminist article, even though its topic certainly warrants a discussion from that perspective. In the conclusion, the author even tries the whole ‘suffering makes us stronger’ and ‘patriarchy-compliant women are strong’ bullshit that is force-fed to today’s women to shame them into silence about real problems, and that I talked about in a previous post. It amazes me how often women dance around disturbing issues without actually naming the problem that underlies the entire mess. It is amazing, but not surprising. If women allowed themselves to truly see and acknowledge reality, their entire world would collapse. They’d lose the perks that they get from supporting men, and they’d become social outcasts with all the negative consequences that arise from not sucking cock literally or figuratively. To be honest, most wouldn’t survive, as heterosexuality strips women of their natural strength, and most women don’t realize what exactly is being exchanged when they engage in pro-male lifestyles.
So, what is a kin-keeper? Well, it is apparently a social role that exists within a family that is taken on primarily by women. It is thought to involve three primary duties: carrying out family rituals and traditions, organizing family reunions and protecting family relationships, and maintaining family records and narratives. Basically, I call it it glue. Without a kin-keeper, you don’t have a cohesive and loyal unit with a group memory or sense of history.
Now, women typically take on the role without necessarily being asked or forced, and I think they do it for a number of reasons. On the whole, a) women tend to have better social skills than men, so it is natural for them to put work into relationships, b) they need to have social relationships both to feel human and to make up for the fact that traditional het relationships strip them of valuable social connections and outlets, c) they need to do these activities to maintain the lie of happy and successful female heterosexuality, and d) if they are housewives, they need to find a way to justify their existence and to fill their abundant free time once children are of school age and older. For some reason, liberal feminism has started trying to pass off the role of kin-keeper as ’emotional labour’ deserving of pay, and that is probably why I haven’t taken much of an interest in it. I’m sick of being pressured into fighting for the privileges of women who wholeheartedly want to maintain patriarchy and who fear and hate lesbians, the child-free and female separatists with a passion. For me, true feminism is about the prevention of women’s oppression and especially of the punishment of rebels of patriarchy, not slapping bandaids on problems so that women can continue complying and forcing their daughters to comply and submit. It is the latter mission, however, that takes up most of the limited feminist money and labour available. And of course, this ensures that women will never be free or healthy.
The Family Who Suffers Together, Stays Together
Now, before I get into the third duty of kin-keepers, I just want to say that many, if not most, kin-keepers are enablers and expert liars, and I discuss both topics in other posts in the Alphabet Series. These are crucial skills for practising straight women so that they can successfully live up to their end of the heterosexual contract. Basically, they agree to take on a particular role in the patriarchal institution known as ‘family’, and a woman absolutely cannot do this well without being able to enable men and boys and to lie as if her life depends on it – and it usually does.
The sole purpose of family is to triumph over other families. You know – that survival of the fittest type of thing that people tell themselves, especially when they screw over other people. And to do that, a family needs a narrative. Every semi-functional family has one. The kin-keeper, as protector of the family memories and records, is key to maintaining the narrative. They hold the grudges. They appoint the scapegoats. They cover up the crimes and dirty secrets, unless it is advantageous to reveal them. They dole out emotional rewards and punishments. And they take photos, maintain their collections, culling when necessary. Family, as a patriarchal institution, is about the male journey to power and female support of that journey. So the narrative, for the most part, ends up being the history of the males of the family. We all know this is true. We see it in the records kept through the ages. And we also know that male stories and success depend upon the suffering of women and girls, and that this suffering must happen in silence. No one likes truth-tellers. They ruin the narrative and upset the balance of power. Revealing that a male family member is a rapist, for example, can ruin his life, and possibly the trajectory of the family. He probably just made a mistake – there’s no need to make a big deal out of it. The female victim, however, will build character and strength through her silent and required suffering.
Kin-keepers also like to hide facts about drug and alcohol problems, incest and domestic abuse, sluts who have children out of wedlock, gay aunts and uncles, extramarital affairs, humble economic origins, and really, it could be anything that might bring embarrassment to the family and destroy relationships.
Digging into the Past
While most wives and mothers tend to take on informal emotional labour following marriage and breeding, once traditional women are faced with having almost nothing to do, they often turn to doing actual research into family history, often with the help of genealogy services. And this is where the article I referred to comes in. The article asks whether digging into our families’ DNA pasts should come with a trigger warning. Basically, as I interpret it, most women’s stone cold realities are depressing as fuck, but they are so well covered up, we all grow up not knowing the horrors that women go through. We ourselves think we are alone in our suffering because we are not allowed to talk about it. So facing the sheer amount of collective female suffering can cause cognitive dissonance – or what the author of the article calls ‘distress’. On some level, we all know we are rape babies. There are different kinds of rape, but unless we are test tube created, we are all rape babies. But no one wants to acknowledge that, so it can be distressing to find out that family members have been raped or were disowned because of rapes. We may also find out that male family members were pedophiles or rapists. There are all sorts of skeletons that can be unearthed when one goes digging in one’s family’s past. Whether you can handle it is another story.
In my own family, we had a ton of skeletons involving rapey men and abused women, and I didn’t even do any research or take on the role of kin-keeper. I found out that my paternal grandmother became pregnant out of wedlock and her parents disinherited her from the family fortune and married her off to a poor salesman who ended up beating her for her entire life as if punishing her for her first bastard child and general whorishness. He raped three more children out of her, but he refused to buy her a wedding ring as an additional insult. She was an unusual woman and had a full-time job outside the home during what was a generation of housewives. She bought her own wedding rings with her own money, and today I have those rings. But she became an alcoholic and died a very broken woman. Her second son ended up being a chip off the old fatherly block and molested his younger sister, my aunt, for years. He luckily died in a motorcycle accident at the age of 18, but as a further slap in the face to my aunt, he was turned into the young, dead hero of the family. My aunt went on to marry an abuser, but became a social worker focused on battered women as well as helping incarcerated men. She would bring ex-con boyfriends to family gatherings. We’d find out later that the boyfriend of the moment was out of the picture after robbing her or something like that. My aunt’s second son ended up a classic abuser like his father. He got his wife pregnant and then left her to be with some American woman he also got pregnant at the same time during one of his business trips south of the border. My father, the youngest child and a psychologist, refused to let my aunt speak of the molestation and would belittle her in front of me when she tried to talk about it. My father himself was both a child psychologist and sex therapist who used to bring home movies filled with violent rape scenes for my mother and I to watch with him. I learned about male entertainment at an early age…
Interestingly, on that side of my family, there was an official policy that women weren’t allowed to be the family record keepers. After I put the whispered stories of abuse together with my father’s pro-rape approach to child-rearing, I understood why this was so… I also understand why I absolutely hate the concept of family, and was inexplicably anti-marriage from a very early age.
I leave you with this thought or question: what does the modern kin-keeper do with the shit she unearths about her own family? She is uncovering the true stories of women, the truth of heterosexuality, the truth of what men do to women. How does a straight, male-supporting enabler deal with her cognitive dissonance? Does she re-bury it in order to keep the peace and to maintain her comfortable life, denying knowledge to the girls of her family, and instead slathering her conscience with a healthy layer of hope? Or does she wake the fuck up and actually do what adults are supposed to do – protect girls from the shit men and boys have been doing to women and girls since human time began?
I think you and I both know the answer to that question.
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E is for Emasculation
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
Forgive the backtracking with another E post (I’m currently on the O’s at the time of this writing), although really, this is my blog and I can do what I damn well please. It is because I am in the throes of preparing my audio upload to YouTube of the reading of my 2021 post E is for Enabler. It might sound easy to some – just read the damn thing while recording and then throw it up on YT, but no. Actually, I take a serious look at the written post beforehand. What I didn’t appreciate on the level that I do now is that not all posts meant solely for written consumption are 100% translateable to audio. For example, I noticed a while ago that, for some reason, I developed a bit of a weakness for parentheses, and I’ve been trying to weed myself off them in my writing for a lot of obvious reasons. So since starting to record audio, I’ve been taking a closer look at my existing posts and have been doing a little editing to make the writing more ‘readable’. A long time ago, I published an academic book in Taiwan with the help of a major publishing company that ended up screwing me financially, but I learned a lesson: everyone needs an editor. But when you’re writing for free as a hobby of sorts, you are both the writer and the editor. It’s an imperfect system, and all writing needs fresh eyes to improve.
Anyhow, as I’ve been going through the E is for Enabler post, I realized that I really needed to write something about an absolutely fabulous E-word that is near and dear to my heart, probably because of the special shears that I keep by my front door to enforce my separatist principles. Just joking! Or am I…? Oh, don’t be so sensitive.
So, what was I saying?
E is for Emasculation
Now, apparently, I wrote and published what should actually be a companion piece to this one back in 2020, and I’ll include bits and pieces of it here. In that article, I ask whether there is a female equivalent to emasculation. Hint: the answer is no. So, read on, explorers!
What the hell is emasculation? I know, it seems a bit obvious, especially because men are constantly moaning about their feelings and how everything is women’s fault.
In the most literal sense, it means castration – full on twig and berries removal. Men are very emotional when it comes to their junk – they take their feelings about their genitals as seriously as they do actual harm to their bodies. It is not an exaggeration to imagine a physician asking a wounded male: “Should we remove the bullet from your brain or save your partially severed left nut first?” with most men responding by looking south. You get the ‘special shears’ joke now, right? Male testeria is kinda hilarious and absolutely begging for satire – but also really dangerous as their insanity is always backed by the law.
But males don’t mean literal castration when they speak of emasculation. As with everything, it is always about their unstable psychology, insecurity and hair-trigger feelings. So, within the realm of male sensitivity, we’ve got the following definition of emasculation:
the reduction or removal of a man’s sense of masculinity, as by depriving him of a culturally sanctioned male role or the exercise of male privilege.
A few things here with this male definition. First, the use of ‘depriving’. The implication is that there is fault on the part of the other party – the one not experiencing the feelings, and that party is always female. Women and girls don’t deprive males of ANYTHING; they can’t as they are of the prey class and ALL males are historically and currently part of the oppressor/predator class. Saying ‘no’ to what amounts to misogynistic treatment by the male, is not deprivation in any way, shape or form. The second missing thing is that, following feeling deprived by women and girls, men believe that what is warranted is violent vengeance against their target. So basically, male becomes unhinged of his own doing, finds a female target to blame, and then victimizes her in a self-sanctioned rage. Sound familiar? We’ve all been at the receiving end of some form of violence because of some male’s glimpse into his own obsolescence and inadequacy. Let’s talk about the triggers of feelings of emasculation and then a bit about punishment.
The Triggers
Words
I’ve written about the selective censorship of women in a past post. Generally, women and girls are only allowed to speak if they are upholding male descriptions of reality and belief systems. Men don’t like hearing things that challenge their world view or even worse, oppose their domination and control of females. Any attempt to uphold an opinion or argument, to correct errors or lies, to assert or reclaim power or control over her own life are dangerous for a woman when dealing with men. Even the word ‘no’ can send men into a spiral of rage. We’re seeing frightening proof of male power and insanity these days among men pretending to be women. They are destroying the lives of countless women throughout the Western world for very logically and simply publicly speaking unassailable biological truths that males cannot be female. It defies understanding in what is supposed to be a ‘progressive’ world, but it is more proof positive that males are still male, no matter what they are feeling or wearing. And in all situations, it comes down to this: in the male mind, women’s words strip him of his perceived right to do whatever the fuck he wants to them. Often, women have no idea what they have said to inspire the insanity that inevitably results. But in truth, they have said nothing wrong and don’t deserve punishment.
Actions
A woman doesn’t even need to open her mouth to offend the fragile emotional state of a man. Males, even liberal males, believe they are owed deference and respect by all women and girls, although what this behaviour actually entails differs from male to male and from culture to culture. I’ve experienced male attacks numerous times for not acting correctly or being adequately submissive or deferential, although most of the time, I think I, and most women, are attacked because of the last two categories. Most women are too afraid to say or do ‘wrong’ things when it comes to males. The other two categories are passive in that you don’t even have to be aware of doing anything specific to be targeted for causing feelings of inadequacy in males.
An example of emasculating behaviour may include looking at a male with disgust or derision or fear. I think of the complaints of black males or of homeless men who get super pissed when women act like they are afraid of them. The women are attacked with accusations of racism or classism and the like. Of course. However, women should be allowed to be afraid of males for obvious reasons and without having to justify their behaviour. Every one of us is assaulted by a male at least once in our lives. But showing that justifiable fear, can for some men, take opportunities for power and control away from them. The retaliation can help reclaim this lost power. And male feelings are always more important than women’s human right to be and feel safe. And we are seeing similar backlash against women who have stood up to men trying to use women’s bathrooms and change rooms. I really believe that these men don’t truly believe they are women; they are just getting off on forcing women to accept having their boundaries and privacy and human rights destroyed. The utimate male power and control. And nothing a woman does to ‘inspire’ male insecurity and the inevitable backlash is wrong or deserving of punishment.
Reflecting
One of the objects men turn women into is that of a mirror. We exist to let men bask in their own reflections. The problem is that sometimes, men don’t like what they see looking back at them. Looking to a woman to validate them, in other words, doesn’t always work, epecially if she isn’t applauding enough, or smiling enough, or if the male in question isn’t feeling good enough about himself to believe the lie of his amazingness. He sometimes just looks at the woman and sees her completeness, which reflects back his own incompleteness as a male. He feels a loss of standing or power. It’s enough to inspire his rage at her. She has done nothing wrong and doesn’t deserve punishment.
Existing
Most men don’t even need an excuse to attack or punish women. All men are misogynists, even if they claim that they’re not, and all men benefit from misogyny, even if they don’t see how. Some men are more dangerous than others and may even believe that females deserve to be punished for existing or that the punishment is just the ‘suffering’ that seems to be part of what all major religions proscribe for females, and as males, they must do their part to enact their god’s plan. So for some men, it goes like this: see woman, feel the existential male insecurity, feel the rage burn, direct the rage to woman, enact the rage. Repeat ad nauseam.
In various times and places, we’ve seen men’s rights groups start up that seem to be fuelled by this notion that female existence is a threat to masculinity. Not that they want to get rid of women. First, masculinity would no longer be a thing, as it exists as a social construct only because there are two sexes. Likely, if women disappeared, men would still follow their biological wiring to dominate and control and create a caste system, with an underclass, among men (discussed in this post here). It wouldn’t be peaceful.
Black American men have an expression – walking while black – that actually is a much more appropriate, serious and pervasive thing for women and it exists on every inch of our planet instead of only in select areas of the US. Walking while a woman (WWW) can end up in your death, your rape, your beating, your sexual assault, your stalking, and more. And much of the time, these 3W experiences are the result of males feeling emasculated because of your existence, your presence, the way you are dressed, the way you do or don’t look at them – ANYTHING. What you do or don’t do doesn’t actually matter. You have no control over men’s feelings, but they project their anger and insecurity on you. You, as a woman, are responsible for everything wrong in their lives, and your very existence highlights their inadequacy and incompleteness.
Every single female on this planet has experienced this at least once, and usually thousands of times over her lifetime. We are used to it and most don’t even notice it. And many learn to deal with this constant threat by developing the skill to placate, to coddle, to make excuses for, to self-harm, to enable and to act as a ‘flying monkey’
Existing does not equate to doing something wrong and no female deserves punishment for being alive.
The Punishment
There is always punishment. I’m going to say one thing here, and I’m going to bet that most if not all women would agree if they were honest with themselves. With one or two extreme exceptions, I’ve never seen a woman act as batshit crazy as a man. I’ve never seen a woman overreact like a man does. I’ve never seen the kind of emotionality and rage in a woman that I’ve seen in so many men – and women actually have real reasons to be angry, and even burn-the-city-down rageful. Standard male behaviour is a sign of their sex-based immaturity, lack of control, irrationality, instability and insanity, and it is incomprehensible that males are allowed free reign in this world. They have projected their own flaws onto women, and then have used them as the ‘rational’ basis for keeping women out of all areas of public life and power. And I say this to men, if women truly behaved as you actually do and chose to act on injustices done to them by you, you’d all be dead, and by your standards, the homicides would be justifiable. Think of how men act when a woman denies him something. Then think about all the times men have denied women a human right. If we acted like men do, all males would be dead. Every. Single. One. But we are female. We are the mature ones, the controlled ones, the rational ones, the stable ones, and the sane ones. Males exist to punish and women exist to be punished. The punishments can entail anything that the creative male mind can conceive of, and in the Western world, women are even being sold the idea that being punished is sexy.
Conclusion and a Note on Male Privilege
The claim of emasculation is a statement of privilege. The sheer number of privileges and advantages that males have over females is astounding, especially when you consider that so many people believe that males and females are ‘equal’ now and some people even believe we live in some kind of ‘matriarchy’. It is even crazy to think that any other oppression can even compare to that of females by males. It partially explains why so many other oppressions are championed these days – there isn’t that much to fight, comparatively speaking. I strongly suggest that you have a look at this massive, but incomplete list of privileges that males enjoy. There are 79 of them – and I can add another one to make a round 80. The privilege to be praised for supporting feminism, or perhaps more succinctly, the privilege to own feminism. Women are attacked for pointing out misogyny, and even for devoting their lives to liberating women. The list I’ve provided (a pdf hosted on my site, but with an attribution to the ‘original’ poster) was compiled by a man and published on his popular and applauded ‘male feminist’ website (including linking to one of my articles outlining the hate that leftie atheist men have towards all women). All of the material was taken from or contributed by women and feminists, and all of these women have been criticized and attacked and worse for writing this material. And this male gets a big fucking round of applause for supporting feminism, even though he is just listing the work that WOMEN have done. Please stop sucking these men’s dicks. Please support women – the actual women doing the difficult work that helps us all.
So, a conclusion to the conclusion: male feelings of emasculation are not oppression. They are infantile and they are borne of misogyny. When a man feels emasculated, he believes you are taking away his millennia-long right to hurt, dominate, and control you as a member of sub-class female. You never need to be sorry for speaking, acting or existing.
This post is part of the Alphabet Series, and will also be included in the Conversations with Men series.
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When A 5-Year-Old Boy Creeps You Out
Yeah, I know. I disappeared for a while. I’m not gone. It has just been a shitty past half year. Things that should normally be good have ended up being strangely stressful. Perhaps, I’ll get into it at some point. Perhaps not.
For now, it’s just a short post to check in, wish you all a better 2023, and lay some male creepiness on you. Um, sorry? I do have several things in the queue, but I couldn’t resist sharing an experience concerning a very young male that was strange and a little disturbing. I’ll admit that in the past couple of years, I’ve been morbidly fascinated by people’s willing ignorance about little boys and by the shit the boys themselves pull even at a very young age. I’ve written about innocence before, although not specifically addressing boys. I don’t find innocence to be a useful concept. I’m not religious and I don’t like how the concept is used and abused by males and brainwashed females to lift up males and destroy females. Having said that, I don’t believe any male is truly innocent or even born innocent. Males are born weaponized (nature) and then through the system they have created and that women haven’t fought hard enough against, their destructive natures blossom and wreak havoc (nurture).
Background
So, I managed to get a low-paying online EFL teaching gig, and it is a massive source of stress. But it is money, right? I am good at it, and I get some satisfaction from it, but I’ll admit, I wouldn’t be unhappy if I never had to teach again. Too much time and energy and too little pay.
So one of my students is a 5-year-old boy. His English is pretty decent for his age. When his father sits in on the class and helps out, the kid behaves, but lately, Grandma has been supervising. All hell breaks loose. Yesterday, we had an especially shitty class, and the boy didn’t like how I handled his brand of noncompliance. I probably don’t react how the other females in his life do. As I’ve mentioned before, males thrive on antagonism of women and girls and their eventual submission. It’s a game to them. Cat and mouse. Predator and prey. Yeah, I don’t respond ‘correctly’ to that kind of shit. With older males, my behaviour ’causes’ males to make death threats. With the young ones? Well, you be the judge.
After the class, the boy started sending me text messages through the teaching app. It was bizarre and disturbing and not something I would have ever expected from a 5-year-old – until I did a reality check. I know better, as do all females deep down. The attempt to dominate through threats, violence and squishy emotional manipulation starts very, very young. It must live in their DNA and become triggered by the male-female dynamics they witness in day-to-day life. Here is the set of comments he sent. I can’t make this shit up. And by the way, I didn’t respond. Not sure if there is a point to telling the parents. Breeders tend to gaslight and then protect their little angels. And the lifetime of defending their behaviour begins. I didn’t change anything in the text other than to remove identifying information. Note the insults, the threat of violence and then the fake remorse – a pattern we see in males across time and place. It’s the rule, not an exception.
I’m posting this in the Conversations with Men series.
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Sexual Assault: The Quintessence of Femalehood
We’re taught not to catastrophize. Well, I’m going to have to qualify that, as simple statements, while desirable, usually aren’t true – or are partially true, at best. So, we are generally taught not to catastrophize. But. As females, we are mindfucked from birth, so there are times when we must catastrophize and call it truth and other situations where we must erase or minimize to pretend true things are false, or are part of a non-existent conspiracy, or don’t exist at all. Objectively speaking, catastrophizing is viewing an event or situation as worse than it actually is, but as females, we learn the following. We are supposed to catastrophize minor bad things (or even just neutral things) that happen to males in order to highlight their suffering and then to pour all of our time and energy into helping them survive, overcome, live and thrive. And to serve the same ultimate purpose, we are supposed to minimize even the truly catastrophic things that happen to ourselves and to other females. We are told that shining a spotlight on the bad things that happen to women is hysterical, unfair (to males, to perpetrators), hypersensitive, delusional, insane, over-serious, vindictive, straight up lying – you name it, our truths are not what WE say they are.
It is part of the intentional system known as patriarchy, where males must be allowed to unnaturally dominate and females must suffer and serve and pretend we like it – and to support males no matter what they do to us.
The number one problem for females under patriarchy is male violence. There are many, many problems that women and girls encounter in this system, but it all stems from male violence. None of the other problems female endure can exist without male violence and the threat of male violence. If you are a self-proclaimed or aspiring feminist and you are fighting to accomplish things that won’t put an end to male violence, then you are wasting your time. That is the truth.
Most of male violence consists of sexual assault. There is, of course, physical violence and emotional/psychological violence, but sexual violence is the cornerstone of patriarchy. It is something males do to females simply because they are female. It is a source of control and domination, as males seem to be extremely threatened by women, but also a source of enjoyment for males. Sexual assault is about BOTH power/control and sadistic pleasure, despite what liberal feminists say. Now, females typically don’t engage in this kind of behaviour towards males. Females can be violent towards males and especially towards females, but taking pleasure in sexual violence against anyone really isn’t a thing for the vast majority of women. And an aberration here or there does not negate this rule. Women certainly have never dominated the world or any documented society where males exist through sexual violence or any other means, for that matter. Oh and for the record, despite the desperation of equality feminists to assert it exists, there is no proof anywhere that females have existed in peaceful, equal bliss with males. If males exist in a society, there is sexual assault against females. We know it. We see it. That, we can prove. And I can’t imagine it being otherwise as there is no tangible evidence to suggest it is even possible. And women have tried. Oh, have they tried. But trying to ‘educate’ males out of raping and assaulting us is a futile pursuit.
So, despite a worldwide and millennia-long history of sexual assault against females by males, we still can’t really agree on what it is. Women and girls, for much of history, and still today, have had few to no rights compared to males. We don’t yet have full body-autonomy. We still are not allowed to say ‘no’. Our bodies are used against us in so many ways. Most of us, whether conservative or liberal, still buy into our male-defined slave categories, while trying to pass them off as duty, liberation, or some other such nonsense. If you can’t acknowledge reality, then you don’t really get anywhere in defining crimes against female bodies, nevermind prove that a crime has happened. I’m not even sure that we can define sex crimes against women as we a) still rely upon legal systems where men define the crimes they commit against us, and b) all of the crimes that fall in this category are completely dependent on the presence or absence of ‘consent’, which is a massively problematic concept. Consent is such a flimsy thing. It’s not tangible. It’s kind of a tree falling in the forest kind of scenario coupled with a serious vulnerability to manipulation, use of substances, coercion, post-assault threats, desperate circumstances and more. How can you prove consent, in other words, especially when it can be so fleeting and manipulatable and entirely defined by men?
Myself, I take out consent and ‘legal’ aspects of the definition of sexual assault. I consider the burden of proof to be upon the male, not the female. I think females should exist in a default state of ‘no‘. And assault should include the entire range of things males do to females from ogling and catcalling, to sexual touching/contact to outright rape (another crime that people have trouble defining, apparently). Oh no! Am I taking the spontenaity and fun out of heterosexual ‘play’ between males and females? Tough shit. What would be the more serious problem: out of control fear of and actual sexual assault (the current state of things) or males not being allowed to do whatever the fuck they want coupled with loser females’ feelings of being ignored and unmastered by potential manly men? I want women and girls to feel and be safe, first and foremost. This is what we call ‘human rights’. Feelings of deservedness are not human rights. I think these feelings wouldn’t exist if we didn’t brainwash girls into being completely dependent on having their very identities validated by misogynistic male attention. As it is, in the system that we have, girls figure out who they are because of the cumulative psychic weight (trauma) of the sexual assaults that make up their personal herstory. We are wrapped in our own – and our foremothers, through DNA inheritance – tapestries of sexual assault.
Apparently I’m Still Female
So anyway, three days ago, I was reminded that I was female. I was sexually assaulted. Again. For the hundredth? Thousandth? Millionth time? It is impossible to keep track of how many sexual assaults a female experiences in her lifetime – as mentioned above, partly because there are so many occurrences, partly because sexual assault is so poorly defined, partly because it is a female experience and thus is not taken seriously even when it is acknowledged that we were assaulted, partly because it starts before we are able to recall memory of our sexual assaults, and partly because we are generally not allowed to see what we experience as sexual assault. To do so would be to catastrophize. Or in plain and real English: to do so would be to tell the truth.
Three days ago, I finally moved into a real live apartment for the first time in over 3 years. It was momentous. I’ve spent so much of my life as one of the ‘hidden homeless’. My new landlord was going to pick me up and bring me to the apartment to give me the key and note all the things that needed to be fixed. I arrived at the meeting spot early – still light out, early evening, busy streets – and it started to rain hard. Luckily, it was a bus stop with a shelter. A construction crew stopped nearby and some of the guys got out to take care of a road issue. One of the guys came over to talk to me. I didn’t speak his language, and he couldn’t speak English, but it was clear that he wanted my phone number. I said ‘no’ repeatedly in the local language, and it was met with a laugh and ‘okay, okay’. And it started again. And then again. And again. Still pouring rain, and my landlord was supposed to arive in a car at any moment. Then all of the sudden, the man’s arms came up and he came at me, grabbed me and tried to kiss me. I went rigid and turned my head, with the kiss landing on my ear. It was puzzling and horrifying. I’m 50 goddamned years old and I look 50. I assumed this shit would die down. But even to a grown ass woman, no still doesn’t mean no. Luckily, the construction crew came back and off they went. Broad daylight… ffs.
Now the aftermath was weird. I knew I had been assaulted, but some old patterns from my early brainwashing kicked in, unexpectedly. I talked to my good friend in China later that evening, and it was she who brought me to my senses. I was sexually assaulted, she said, correctly. My mind had automatically labelled it a ‘fucked up experience’. I was reminded that even a female separatist who has been hating men officially for years for the rampant sexual assault forced upon sex class, woman, still second guesses herself and hesitates to label her experience correctly when she is inevitably sexually assaulted. And I was reminded of several other things. The assault reminded me that your age doesn’t matter. What you look like doesn’t matter. The time of day or location doesn’t matter. It reminded me that all women are damaged and even when you start on the path to recovering from heterosexual and patriarchal brainwashing, it may take you a lifetime to heal. It struck me that I will likely die still trying to heal. It also brought home that it is so important to have clear-thinking female friends with whom to speak frankly about our suffering and experiences because as recovering women, we can fall into self-harming patterns – the endless self-doubt and questioning about what is real. Our friends keep us on the path of truth and recovery. We must help each other with this. Most of us just don’t have it, or enough of it. Most of us just have people who gaslight us and tell us we are catastrophizing. We have a victim mindset.
Conclusion:
I’ve come to see sexual assault as the quintessence of constructed womanhood and girlhood. I think ALL females are sexually assaulted at least once in their lives, and most of us, thousands of times. The stats are BULLSHIT. We are taught to accept our assaults as part of life, part of womanhood. So we say nothing. Males need us to base our identities on being assaulted, to normalize assault, so that it isn’t assault, but identity. Life. Then we can’t and don’t even bother to try to separate sexual assault from who we are or who we could be. It is hard for me to imagine a life where I don’t feel threatened or fearful and where I am not regularly assaulted by males. I do know that I am likely one of very few women who thinks about sexual assault and how it limits my life, how it has destroyed huge parts of my spirit, and put me in a sort of psychological cage. And no lib-fems, I am not ‘allowing’ it to control me or labelling myself as a victim. I am stating a truth – I would be a different person if sexual assault weren’t a significant part of my life history. And I dare say you would be too, even if you don’t acknowledge (or even recognize/realize) what has happened to each and every one of you. You don’t have to identify as a victim (I cringe at those words) to acknowledge a lifetime of assaults and how they have impacted you. Stating truths, acknowledging reality is not catastrophizing. It may be one of the bravest acts you can commit to as a regular, average woman or girl living a regular, average life.
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Cry Like a Boy vs Cry Like a Girl: An Observation
Not one of my standard lengthy posts, but rather an observation. And it’s an observation that transcends race and country, and likely time, as well. I say this as I am now in another country and culture that are completely foreign to me (I’m on the brink of finally getting another job, though). And yet again, as I observe daily life and goings-on, I realize that no matter where I go, people are all pretty much the same. There are differences in language and customs and the manifestations of misogyny, but the biologicals are reliable.
And so I come to male and female children, and an example of behaviour that I see over and over no matter what culture I find myself in.
First, let’s get one thing straight. Unless there is something wrong or abnormal with the kid, ALL kids cry. Biologically, this is a truth. Males have tear ducts, but their ducts are larger, so it takes longer for them to fill up and spill over. So males and females may ‘cry’ the same amount, but we might see clearly observable evidence of it in the form of tears more in females. So the slur against females: “Cry like a little girl.” is not quite accurate in the way it was intended. And of course, in all slurs against females (which are all inaccurate), there is an implied weakness – this one being that females cry more than males. Which, we know is not true. In my observations, little boys seem to cry as much (if not more) than little girls, AND they also make a hell of a lot more noise. Seriously.
Now, here is my added observation based on something I first heard and then saw out my window the other morning. The little boy next door and his dog were ‘interacting’. I’m not sure how it started, but by the time I feasted my eyes on the sitch, the boy was busy kicking the dog in the head. Repeatedly. Not something I’ve ever seen a girl do, by the way (although I have a great animal abuse story about my mother, but she was NPD, so not a normal woman). The dog then decided to bite the boy’s hand. There was no blood. No skin was broken. He wasn’t injured, physically. But. And this is what it always comes down to with males regardless of age. The dog committed a crime. It fought back. The boy immediately started crying and screaming bloody murder. A girl (who probably wouldn’t have been kicking the dog in the head to begin with) would have just cried and tried to get away from the dog. But the boy, like most boys and men, decide to retaliate against the dog, who, let’s face it, was just defending itself. He launched a vicious attack on the dog that sent it scurrying off. Disgusted enough, especially as it was nothing new in my 50 years of observing males, I decided that was the end of the entertainment.
This type of male behaviour applies in many situations, and most of you female readers can likely relate to the dog. Males antagonize us, emotionally, sexually, physically, psychologically, and if we don’t accept it like good little bitches, and especially if we fight back in kind, but in defence, they go at us harder. “How dare you fight back!” “I’m male, I can do what the fuck I want to you, and you have to take it.”
So, I’d prefer that you cry like a girl. Crying is normal and natural. It serves a number of purposes. If it weren’t normal, we wouldn’t have tear ducts… But abusing, then crying (with screaming and gratuitous noise), and then more vicious abuse – in other words, crying like a boy – forget it. We don’t need that shit. Ever. As I think about this scene, I consider that in liberal North America, the dog in this scenario might be put down for the crime of fighting back. I’d argue, though, that it’s the boy who needs to bite it. Way too dangerous, and he is only 7. It’s only going to get worse…
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I Can’t Report it in a Place That Matters
I’m in the middle of spending money I don’t have trying to change my shitty life. I’ve never really had the resources to change my life for the better, but I have depression and cPTSD from living in constant exposure to racism and sexism and the violence and threat that accompanies that. I see myself sinking, so I’m getting desperate, and I know, as a single, childless woman, things get much, much worse for me with each passing year. Further, I belong to a silenced segment of the population who has no voice when it comes to violence. Female, middle-aged, non-man-fucking, white, childless, and unfeminizing. In other words. I’m not human, and most of the world, sadly including liberal, white faux-feminists, wants me dead or disappeared or just plain old silenced. My reality is not a story the world wants to hear. Because it destroys the narrative of the ‘evil white male’ as the sole problem on earth and the ‘rich white bitch’ as the most powerful creature imaginable. The former isn’t true any longer, and the latter never existed. But they are convenient caricatures.
We’ve entered a new, very fucked up age where oppressed women are being told they are privileged and should therefore shut up and that the very people who are oppressing them and threatening them most are somehow the most in need and should therefore be supported above anyone else. It’s ass-backwards in a way we’ve not quite seen before. Yes, the world is actually quite different than what we read in the papers. And you’d know this if you listened to real people’s experiences in an unbiased, unselective way or lived as an unprotected (unpartnered, childless, white) woman yourself.
I have also noticed something else, and it is happening in tandem with or possibly even as a result of this brave-new-world turn of events. Inter-racial, sex-based crime is on the rise. And we are pretending it doesn’t exist. You see, it’s not white guys doing it, so of course, no one wants to focus on it.
I experience a lot of violence and general racist sexism in China. Not just from the Chinese, but from those I encounter from other places too. I can only remember one verbal assault by a white male while living in Taiwan 14 years years ago. That’s it. White guys are douchebags, and they talk too much (like all men), but they are not the biggest problems on the violent crime front. In multiple countries over the years, I can’t begin to count the assaults and threats committed by non-whites against me. It’s not just men who hurt me, but they are the more threatening group, obviously.
As recent as two weeks ago, I was assaulted by three black male immigrants on a subway in Paris, very early one morning. They weren’t ‘young ruffians’, just in case you automatically started to make excuses for them, but closer to my age. Presumably, they had wives and families. And they saw me, and physically assaulted me, and tried to prevent me from escaping. I had to yell and get physical to defend myself. The train wasn’t full, but all other passengers were black or Arab, so of course, no one helped me. (I’ve experienced this phenomenon in L.A. as well. Let the white bitch die, kind of thing.) So I couldn’t report it either for obvious reasons. White. Middle-aged. Female. Poor. Dressed very shabbily. Resourceless. Foreigner. And the perps – protected black male immigrants. They won. They always do, I’ve discovered this universal truth through all my years of victimization by non-white men. And this is the new running theme, especially in Europe, but increasingly elsewhere. White men used to be the problem. They aren’t any longer. Not in the way that non-white men are now. The latter have a get out of jail free card. They are ‘oppressed’. And the targets are increasingly, lone white women. We all know that women always have to pay for what men have done or are perceived to have done. Am I targeted because I am white and female? Black women have always told white women that they aren’t ‘women’ but ‘black women’. White women have always protested because if they said ‘we are white women’, it would be racist or elitist, but finally, after considering black women’s words very seriously, I think they are 100% right. White women need to start seeing themselves in the same way, especially in light of our reality. We are being targeted for our race AND sex, they can’t be separated, and mark my words, the violence is going to escalate, especially for those of us who are not of the protected class (I.e., women who are usually in the company of another person, such as male owner, lesbian partner, children, or who have enough money to remove themselves from the racist violent hordes). Solitary women are in danger. And we can’t always choose to be unsolitary. Some of us just end up that way, sometimes simply because we’ve been the sole minority in a racist, sexist culture and community and work environment for years on end.
Although not superstitious, I’ve been terrified that this year that I’ll be raped. I was violently raped by a Muslim Arab when I was 35, and gang-raped when I was 25. I’m 45 now. It’s a decade rapeversary that I had started dreading an entire year before I turned 45. So far this year, I’ve been assaulted sexually and physically several times by Chinese, Arabs and blacks, but I’ve managed to escape rape. Not going out much has likely helped. But the time spent in Europe, especially in France and Germany, has been terrifying. And violent. The sheer number of traditional, uneducated, violent, non-white males let into those countries without a criminal record check has been a recipe for trouble. (Although, really, what they do would never show up were record check ever done…) The women aren’t really a problem except for the religious bullshit, but the MEN are. In whose mind is letting in masses of pro-rape, anti-Western-female, uneducated, religious fanatics a good idea? It doesn’t hurt local men, but it is a massive threat to women. Telling women they have to accept and respect yet another anti-woman culture, and to shut the hell up if something bad happens to them since they probably deserve whatever comes is just no good. I find it is protected, liberal white women who scream the loudest about foreign rapists’ and anti-woman-terrorists’ rights. It is shameful to shame the true victims, the unprotected women who aren’t fucking men in exchange for improved lifestyle and resources and relative safety.
I don’t participate in the whole ‘MeToo’ thing mostly because I don’t think any heterosexual endeavour can ever make a difference to women as a class because mixed messages don’t work, but I wonder if any women have been brave enough to speak out against non-white assault of white women. It isn’t just me going through this. That I know from the hushed conversations with confused, self-hating, but angry, white females I’ve talked to.
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A Tribute: To All the Boys I’ve Feared Before
I’ve travelled and lived around the world for more than 20 years, and pre-hetero-and liberal deprogramming, I dated and friended extensively among the non-white international male (and female) community. I can’t stress enough how men of all races and all stations of life terrorize, benefit from, and have immense power over women of all races and stations of life. Women, especially white women, who bleet on about how white men are the worst either live in very, very small worlds with limited exposure to the range of men out there, or they are in some serious denial of reality reinforced by current liberal ideology. Wake up, sisters. You’re speaking untruths. And worse, you’re hurting women with your propaganda.
Anyhow, it’s the end of the year and rather than make resolutions, I want to send out my gratitude to all the men and boys who’ve helped to shape my reality and to open my eyes to what all males are. I present a list of my firsts, the men and boys who first introduced me to an experience or concept and who chipped away at my innocence, confidence and naivité. Some of it I learned from you as a child, some as a teenager, and some throughout my adulthood. Thank you, boys. Collectively, you’ve rocked my world. Your behaviour makes feminism necessary, I hope you realize. And I know with certainty (unlike my liberal sisters) that not a one of you is better or worse than any other. You all capitalize off the fear and compliance you inspire in women and girls.
So here goes:
White French men introduced me to the idea that female prostitutes do what they do because they love to fuck, therefore, prostitution is okay. They also introduced me to the idea that if they pay for your drink or meal, you are not allowed to speak in public.
Mexican men introduced me to white female slavery as a modern reality, to female child abduction and to mouth rape.
East Indian men introduced me to relationship rape dressed up as ‘aggressive and exciting sex’, and to porn as sex education.
Native Canadian/American men introduced me to the idea of terrorism of girls and women in the workplace and the idea that all women, regardless of colour, will be punished if they react negatively to the terrorism. They also introduced me to the reality that men of colour have always done better and will always do better than all women in the workplace, and they are almost always rewarded for abusing female coworkers.
Jewish men introduced me to the idea that if men or boys can’t fuck you, they’ll cheat on you with your best friend. This kickstarted my thinking on the reality of coercive and manipulative rape as the most common form of rape and the single most common reason women (are forced to) consent to sex in relationships.
Cambodian men introduced me to the idea of paying a man to use me as a prostitute.
Muslim men (well before the recent events in Europe) introduced me to publicly conducted, race- and sex-motivated, group-coordinated attempted-murder of white women. They showed me that the Western world has no interest in preventing Muslim men from hurting, raping and murdering white women. They also introduced me to the Muslim male hate- and rape-fueling love of white woman porn; to violent relationship rape; to the treatment of my body as a non-consensual cum dumpster, and to the treatment of my body during my period as a filthy, untouchable, but still blow-job-giveable piece of garbage.
Taiwanese men introduced me to daytime, streetside sexual assault, and to daytime, unwanted racist propositioning for dick-servicing.
Chinese men and boys introduced me to racist sexual harassment and sexual assault of white female lecturers in the secondary and post-secondary classroom.
White British men introduced me to gang rape; to punishing rape victims; to violent rape-porn as a fun gift for one’s male mates; and to the idea that women should relinquish their names and the names of their children upon marriage.
Black men introduced me to racist and unpunishable stalking of white women for the purpose of rape, and to the idea of women only being allowed to have ‘sexual power’ – the power to inspire boners. They taught me that only men get access to economic and legal power. They also introduced me to the concept of military cock-servicing requirements when stationed abroad.
Homeless men introduced me to the idea that public libraries are extremely dangerous places for women and girls – workers and patrons.
Christian men introduced me to the idea that making Sundays into ‘holy days’ (non-shopping days) provides men with the perfect daytime opportunity to lay in wait for teenaged girls walking through deserted commercial areas trying to get to friends’ homes or libraries to study.
But it all started with my father introducing me to rape as the ultimate entertainment for male adults and male children.
What would life have been like if men and boys didn’t do what they do best – terrorize, enslave, and attempt to destroy women and girls? Unimaginable…
Happy New Year! I hope your holiday is rape- and fear-free.
[This is part of the Conversations with Men series and the Birth of a Feminist series.]
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It Ain’t a Party Until Something Gets Broke
Language Corners. Phenomena popular in, but likely not limited to, China, most often take the form of loose to semi-structured informal events where people gather to practise speaking a particular foreign language. I have years of experience participating in ‘English Corners’. For many years, I was forced to organize and participate in Corners at the places where I worked. They were horrible. Students would come to be entertained rather than learn and participate fully, and to ask me the same boring questions about whether I could use chopsticks and if I loved China. But I’ve managed to live in a few large places where locals organize Corners for anyone who wants to participate and that aren’t dependent on the attendance of native speakers. Nanjing, former capital of China, has a long-running (well over 25-30 years now) and excellent English Corner that meets in a local park at night once a week and is attended by people of all ages and abilities and walks of life. It is quite fabulous.
The city where I currently work has a number of language Corners. Some are held at universities and some at public parks. I’ve attended several, and as might be expected, some are better than others. I once attended one that seemed to attract aggressive and annoying men seeking to perv on the young Chinese girls who attended and to engage in antagonistic and exhausting ‘conversation’ with yours truly. Mostly though, if I attend an English Corner at all, I attend the private one held by the enthusiastic students at my own campus. They’re good kids, and I’m the first person to preserve and foster any natural desire to learn and better oneself. You can’t buy curiosity, and it is hard to find in this world in this day and age.
Recently, I’ve been motivating myself for a major life change. I’m really thinking about moving to France as early as next year. It is a work in progress. I speak passable French and I can think in the language, but I have to admit, I am far from bilingual and years of disuse has done a number on my grammar and vocabulary. Years in China hasn’t helped. But I recently discovered a local multi-language Corner. The bulk of the participants attend to practise speaking English, but there are small groups of people there wishing to speak Korean, Japanese, Spanish, and as luck would have it, French. Needless to say, I am ecstatic. I made a pact with a friend of mine to attend every week with her- she wants to work on having more intellectual discussions in her already excellent English. And I need to reawaken and tone my French muscles.
The other night had a decent turn-out. Some weeks, there may only be one other person wanting to speak French, but there were three native speakers from Africa this time in addition to a few regular Chinese attendees I’ve gotten to know. Unfortunately, they were dudes, and to my great surprise and dismay, they were part of a large international group of special forces soldiers in China for a year-long training program. Creepy, scary, and weird. China is training the world’s elite, state-sanctioned rapists and murderers now!!! Anyhow, I stuck with the group until the Africans started asking the locals why there is no young Chinese pussy available to them. Apparently, everyone has a boyfriend!!! These black dudes may be here for military training, but they are definitely also here to fuck local bitches and possibly to find one to marry. Barfo. I am so not interested in heterosexual female slavery or men of any colour (sorry, liberal feminists, it isn’t just white men) whining about not finding a line-up of women on their backs, legs spread waiting for them.
I left the group to look for my friend among the ESL’ers.
And I found her in a weird situation. It was a small group, and a Chinese guy was lambasting her in an aggressive stance jabbing the air with his finger in an accusatory fashion. You know this type and this move. Very male, very threatening. So he notices me approaching, turns on me, and with no preamble, salutation, or welcome, immediately gives me a task. “YOU are going to settle this for us.” Now, I don’t like being told what to do, especially by men, but as my friend was involved, I asked what was going on instead of just turning around. From what I could gather, they had been discussing ‘single life’, which I think was one of the topics of the evening. I am not sure what exactly my friend had said, but dickface had gone on the offensive. I think she must have challenged his heterosexual assumption that women’s bodies were the property of men and that to be single was a female crime against humanity. He was speaking loudly and started describing her as a ‘gentleman-lady’, which was supposed to be an insult, in addition to insulting her intelligence and existence.
I stopped him and concluded that she had won the argument hands down. That made him mad. He looked for ways to put his natural violence and anger upon me. He accused me of being American (classic move for many anti-Americans as if it is some sort of point-scoring argument), to which I suggested that he wasn’t very smart if he was making stupid assumptions that ended up not being true. I’m not American. Then he started suggesting that obviously we were lesbians and should kiss. He kept saying that over and over, which I think was at the root of his original anger at my friend. It was positively immature and scary behaviour. It was also clear that my friend, whom I later found out had been further attacked by the other males in the group for other incomprehensible reasons, was forced into a position where she was trying to defend herself. I’ve been there. When you’re 21, and for most women throughout their entire life, you are constantly forced by males and some male-focused females to defend your human status. A few of us manage to learn that self-defense is futile. You can’t win nonsensical arguments. And men love the fight. They gain energy. You lose yours to them. You are derailed, and often, your small confidence is further shaken. You shrink and eventually give up trying to be human. And there is always the fear that there will be violence. Not just verbal violence.
So I decided to start the fucking party. I’m not 21 anymore, and I don’t believe men can or even want to end their violence. Every second you give them is a waste unless you are taking them down with certainty. I have various strategies for dealing with assholes. You have to be careful, though. You have to know who you’re up against and how dangerous they are. Sometimes you can you embarrass them. Sometimes you can intimidate them. Sometimes, you just have to walk away and find a safe place. But regardless of douchebag type, I always recommend never entering a pointless argument where you’re put on the defense. It’s like arguing with a religious person – they don’t come from a place of truth or fact, and have massive power behind them that will put society on their side if things get weird for you. So this guy? Stupid, a coward targeting a very young woman, and possibly violent if alone with him. But in a group setting, he needed to be controlled and dismissed. So I took the upper hand. I pointed out that he was rude and aggressive and not very smart, and that I wasn’t going to join a group discussion with a shameful person like him in it, and I moved to take my friend with me. He put himself on the defense, trying to negate my statements about him, which was exactly what I wanted, and he soon realized he couldn’t win against me since I wouldn’t engage. He walked away with a buddy of his. Lack of easy prey made English Corner much less appealing, apparently.
Now what made me really angry was that no one would speak up against him. Quietly looking on as he destroyed a young woman was apparently just dandy. This is very Chinese. People do not defend or help one another here unless they are family. Everyone else is persona non grata. I’ve seen it in countless situations, myself. But it happens everywhere, every day. A Chinese will literally let someone they don’t know die on the street in front of them instead of help them. And I’m not making it up. Every month or so, some embarrassing cell phone video or news story shows up online shaming all Chinese because someone let a child hit by a car die on the sidewalk without help, or some homeless old person dies of neglect despite pleas for help, or a foreigner ends up saving some local person drowning in a lake as a heap of Chinese look on apathetically. So, I was angry, but not surprised that an entire group of adult people said nothing while this man got progressively more aggressive and abusive with a young woman.
The guy walked away, and the group re-formed. And suddenly, everyone was telling me that they had seen him at another English Corner behaving in the same way. Ha! And the best part – everyone was insisting that he was not from China!!! Excuse much? Of course he was from China. I’ve met a shit ton of Chinese dudes like this one. Domineering, argumentative, aggressive, and mansplainy. And all I could think was ‘why hasn’t anyone stopped him?’ as this particular Corner is generally known for having some sort of decorum and civility thanks to the volunteer organizers supposed vigilance. But this happens to a certain extent in all cultures. We make excuses for men. We allow them to dictate proceedings. We allow their violence, their aggression, their abuse. They can’t help it, you see. Especially if their targets are women. Women are expected to shut up and put up. And to keep the love and support flowing while pretending that nothing is wrong.
I’m perfectly happy to break an ego or abusive cycle if the life of the party is a homophobic, racist misogynist.
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Can Anti-Woman Slurs Be Eliminated?
I seek to address problems that make people uncomfortable, and I talk about issues that even most feminists won’t address. I plan to do the same here. I’ve been wanting to write this one for a long time. It is an exploration. Stuff to think about. Impossibilities, likely.
The Question:
Is it possible for women to achieve what racial and religious groups have – to make discrimination a no-no; to achieve federal human rights protections; to have crimes against them designated as hate crimes; to eliminate group-targeted slurs from daily public, media and entertainment usage; and to legally make language used against group members into hate speech?
Men Succeed, Women Don’t
Unfortunately, the group we call ‘women’, despite being the largest and longest oppressed group on the planet is missing something crucial that every single other group has had and that has worked to their advantage. Men. All oppressed groups in history, except for women, have had male members. And note that men who think they are women – trannies – are not women, but oppressors of women and mentally ill men. They don’t count among us despite what they force us to call them, and they should never be included in the class known as women. They are a class of men, and they are oppressors, not the oppressed. We know they are men because of their XY chromosomes, of course, but we also have evidence that they are men because we see how quickly they have changed policy to destroy and further oppress women. No group of women ever has achieved or ever could achieve what trannie men have. In fact, no actual oppressed group that includes men has ever stayed oppressed for long. We know the ‘why’ (because men have power and women don’t), but it is not entirely clear ‘how’ (how do men exert power so effectively?) this can be. We can consider some of the following possible explanations for how men succeed in overcoming oppression while women don’t.
1) Men tend to resort to violence to get what they want. Women tend to cower and submit when they are threatened. Programming from birth ensures that boys’ aggression and violence is deemed natural and acceptable, especially when acting in self-defence, while girls’ aggression is punished and any self-defence is absolutely NOT allowed and often turned around to appear as unnatural, and even persecutory aggression.
2) Men are more respected, in general, regardless of group affiliation, and it is easier to get what they want because of the normalized and universal respect for cock, even oppressed cock. Having a cock automatically gives you a voice in public. Vagina is universally hated – you can’t respect what you hate, and consequently, most believe on some level that you can’t oppress what you hate because they deserve what they get, and so women’s progress is barely measurable. It further helps that male hate is often called and accepted as ‘love’, so they can argue that their oppression of us is actually a demonstration of love. Note that having a vagina automatically disallows you a voice in public unless you are a cock proxy – directly supporting a male dominance agenda, in other words.
3) Men are very good at getting on board with self- and group-serving agendas and can achieve a sort of strength-in-numbers kind of situation when they perceive themselves to be oppressed. Women, on the other hand, very seldom support one another, let alone push for policy that would benefit themselves as women. Feminists have never achieved a critical mass, as a result. It is hard to win freedom from men when some of the most aggressively opposed are women themselves. It has nothing to do with an inability of women to organize en masse. No, women are actually better able to plan and get organized than men are. Rather, women are programmed from birth to support males and hold females under suspicion. Women will fight to the death to keep men doing the horrible things they do with impunity. But ask a woman to support a feminist? Get ready to have your head cut off and paraded on a pike. Even some feminists eat their own.
4) Men tend to expect others to sacrifice for them, are very protective of their own perceived rights and freedoms, and have a very strange conception of compromise. Women tend to compromise easily. They also tend to sacrifice, but instead call it compromise just as they have been taught by their male-serving mothers and male culture, in general. In this way, rather than stand up for themselves, women are more open to propaganda, guilt-tripping, and oppression. Expecting rights and freedoms as women is seen as selfish and greedy and uncompromising.
5) Oppressed men, with very little effort, tend to collect numerous fawning women to support their cause, doing grunt work, sacrificing their bodies in violent situations (cannon fodder), acting as warning systems, spies and saboteurs, providing free food and cleaning services, bolstering and building male confidence and egos, and acting as free prostitutes to service the troops. Men, on the other hand, don’t support women’s fights. Superficial supporters always have their own agenda (getting laid, scoring political points, etc.). Most actually tend to suppress any female efforts to liberate through violence, threats, abandonment in relationships, denial of free speech through no-platforming and refusal to publish, and denying female activists a place in academia and other influential areas.
6) Giving men rights and freedoms doesn’t hurt other men or affect economies detrimentally. The world economy we have known throughout history has, on the other hand, been completely dependent on female slavery. Male freedom (which isn’t an ethical freedom, but debauchery and inhumanity) requires female slavery. Capitalism cannot exist without female slavery and neither can communism as men have envisioned it. To give women rights and true freedoms and an escape from male tyranny would require a complete rethinking and reconstruction of the world economy. This scares men of all colours, who for all of history, have called their male privilege their god- or nature-given rights.
Personally, I believe that as long as males rule within the system we call ‘patriarchy’, a group that doesn’t contain males cannot succeed in achieving human rights and freedoms or be taken seriously politically, legally, socially and economically. But while lack of male membership is a major factor in continued female oppression, there is one other significant contributor: any oppressed group that supports, colludes with, and literally sleeps with their oppressor will never be set free. And no group save women has ever done this. I mean, can you seriously imagine blacks joining a neo-Nazi group and calling it freedom and equality and contentment – the natural order of things?*** And there isn’t a single underprivileged group, save women, that would be denied the right to live apart from oppressors in their own community. These days, even women’s associations and events are attacked and forced to accept either infiltration or disbandment. But women are brainwashed from birth not only to ignore the dangers men pose to their well-being and contentment, but to embrace rape and slavery and humiliation and call them something else entirely. For those few who reject male domination, there is absolutely nowhere on the planet that is safe and free of men, male influence, male violence, male domination, and of course, the colluding, cock-sucking henchwomen who attack them for saying ‘no, thank you’.
***I did know a super-scary black dude in high school who joined the local skinheads, but that was only so he could beat the shit out of gays and lesbians as part of a cowardly group at every opportunity instead of as an individual – it wasn’t to support a white agenda.
In short, as long as the majority of women agree to unequal rape-based relationships with men and to breeding male children – and note it that isn’t true agreement since they are oppressed and programmed, and thus don’t come to the table on equal footing with men – ALL women will be oppressed by men. And it is this fact that keeps male power in place. If men can argue that women agree to their circumstances, then there is nothing wrong with it at all. To men, and to brainwashed women, agreement means free will/choice. And of course, no two things could be more falsely equated. Remember that brainwashing, programming, and social influence are powerful tools, especially when they are implemented at the most vulnerable stages in one’s life, such as in childhood or in desperate situations involving poverty or serious illness/injury. [Brainwashing, programming and social influence within the patriarchy will be dealt with in another post.] Those who manage to escape their programming, such as separatist, asexual or lesbian, non-breeding feminists, are very threatening to the system, and so the silencing of these opponents through several means is swift and brutal.
Lady Slurs Are on the Rise
If you listen to music, watch films or television, tune in to any kind of hard or soft news outlets, read magazines or other material – basically live in the world, in other words – you *may* have noticed that brutal language attacking women, including slurs (i.e., bitch, cunt, slut, whore, pair of tits, broad), denigrating comments (i.e., run like a girl, acting like a woman, bitches be shopping), and callous jokes (the various iterations of the 10-dollar whore joke), are on the rise. More than likely, like the majority of people, you’ve just become desensitized to it. It’s much like not noticing that the violent, sensationalized content of public materials has escalated. Interestingly, racism in the media is on everyone’s radar – racial slurs produce a very physical ‘cringe factor’ in most people – but the woman hate has not only escalated, but has become business as usual, accepted and parroted even by the targets of the hate. And the abuse comes from people of all races. In music, blacks are the worst perpetrators, but in television and film, everyone participates. Interestingly, but not unexpectedly, the targets of the violence and hate, especially in television and film, are more often than not, white women.
Blind as most are to escalating woman-hate, many people might respond to valid observation with something like:
- what’s the big deal?
- they’re just words – they don’t hurt anyone
- women are too sensitive
- women use them tooooooo!
- you’re exaggerating (crazy, bitter, stupid, or some standard dismissal of female truth-telling)
- you’re a man-hater, obviously
And my response is: if it really is no big deal, then why are slurs against all other groups termed ‘hate speech’ and have been removed from all public media and entertainment and can get you into serious trouble if you’re caught using them in public? Why is it legal to use a female slur in a business name, but not a racial slur? Why do some American television stations bleep out the F-word, but not the word ‘bitch’? What might it mean that women have internalized woman-hate and use the hate-speech themselves against themselves and other women? And why is pointing out real examples of woman-hate itself an example of women hating men??? Logic fails, all.
See, slurs are a big deal. Words have meaning and power, and a tool of control. Those who control language, control everything. And throughout time – and today is no different than any other time period – men control language and thus control women. Male hate speech against women poisons every aspect of women’s lives. Hate in language translates into hate in behaviour. When hate is condoned or written off or normalized, women suffer. Do you want to be interviewed by some man who sees you as a bitch and a cunt and masturbates to violent rape-porn? Do you think he compartmentalizes? No one is capable of separating the messages they internalize from how they treat others around them. And the fact that the hate is escalating, as evidenced in the language we hear and use, is very worrisome for women, indeed. It is a very big deal.
What’s on TV?
Media and entertainment are important propaganda machines existing under the guise of relaxing fun-times. People are much more likely to absorb messages, if they are delivered with humour or drama.
I was just watching a British television show that had been recommended to me by one of my more advanced Chinese university students interested in socio-technology (or techno-sociology, you pick). In the very first episode, the man who is playing the Prime Minister calls one of his white female employees a ‘stupid bitch’ and then proceeds to try to strangle her and then punches her in the face in front of a male employee. And I thought American entertainment was bad. Nope, woman-hate comes from all countries, all races, all religions, all ages. Some of my weirdest memories of blatant sexism during my childhood hetero-bitch programming years came from horrible British television (The Benny Hill Show, anyone?). But they are not alone.
On the American side of things, in the 2017 season of Veep, a political comedy starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus (whom I enjoy as an actress, but who saddens me in this role), was an episode entitled “C–tgate”. The episode partially revolved around the female president trying to figure out which of her staff had called her a ‘cunt’. In 28 minutes, the word cunt – probably the worst, most demeaning, single-word slur in today’s usage and possibly in the history of slurs – is used 15 times. Note that never once in the 6 seasons of this show has the slur ‘nigger’ been used, nor any other racial slur. Liberal, or conservative for that matter, television doesn’t use the big bad, notorious, racial slurs. Never once is the Chinese-American presidential candidate ever referred to as a ‘chink’. Never once is the Mexican-American woman who eventually becomes president ever referred to as a ‘spic’ (or even a bitch or cunt, for that matter). Cunt and bitch are words to use against women, primarily, but not exclusively, white women. And it is hard to imagine an entire television series devoted to a bumbling black president who is constantly undermined and continually racially slurred. Can you imagine an entire episode called ‘N-rgate’? It would NEVER happen. On the rare occasion that a racial slur is used, it is to call attention to racism and to use it as a teaching point about respecting men and women of colour.
Go back a few years, and take the American series ‘Boston Public’ which followed the work and personal lives of a bunch of teachers working at an inner city high school in Boston. In the first season, the white female teacher is called bitch constantly by everyone, and a violent, racist, misogynist, black male student spray paints ‘bitch’ on her blackboard, calls her bitch in public and then SPITS DIRECTLY IN HER FACE, none of which he is held accountable for. But the woman – the actual victim – is called racist, of course, and she spends the rest of the series feeling white guilt and accepting abuse and slurs from all the black characters as well as the white males on the show. Misogyny, which is more common on that program, is never addressed as a ‘teaching point’. It is just what women should accept. And white women are expected to accept abuse for what white men have done in past generations. THAT is the teaching point. Men are violent. Women pay the price so that men can continue enjoying the good things in life.
If you want to get your ‘bitch’ on in an older, but immensely popular series, watch the 15 seasons of ER like I did during a short, but intense period of boredom and misogyny research this summer. It was brutal. I don’t think I’ve heard the slur, ‘bitch’, used so frequently in a television series. Interestingly, there was only 1 official racial slur used in the entire 15 years of programming. A white supremacist used a Latino slur ONE TIME. For jokes, everyone was fair game, but the bulk of the jokes were about women, then gays, and a few racial jokes tossed in here and there. There was a shit ton of sexual harassment as entertainment. If you think women don’t internalize this hate, you are dead wrong. Now that my own eyes are open to patriarchy and brutal misogyny, every time I hear slurs, rape jokes, and sexual harassment, it is a slap in the face. It blows my mind that every single girl grows up swimming in this shit. And most girls and women never understand why they hate themselves so much, why life seems so much more difficult than men’s. Why they have no confidence. Why depression and PTSD occur much more frequently in women than in men. Why they are afraid and feel like they need protection. The propaganda serves to weight the chains around our necks and bodies and primes us to accept abuse from all men around us, and even to call their hate ‘love’.
The Slurs and What Men Mean When They Use Them
A little while back, I wrote a post on where the bitch and the whore came from. Let’s explore a little further to find out what men mean when they use the most common slurs. Note that anti-woman slurs are often used to insult men. The men aren’t really being victimized – simply being called a woman is a bad thing. Even men who ‘love’ women hate to be called or compared to a woman. That’s love and respect, right?
Slut
Honestly, this isn’t a word that I have much connection to or use for. I don’t recall ever hearing the word used when I was in high school. Skank, yes. But I never heard the word slut used. My parents never used it either, despite their frequent use of colourful language. The word has supposedly been around since 1450 to, very basically, describe a woman who behaves exactly the way men always have and always will without consequences. It is the essential representation of sexual double standard. I’m not sure there is a another word that captures the double standard like ‘slut’ does. Use of the word has led to ostracism, poverty, rape, beatings, and death for millions of women across time. While men designed the word to hurt and control women, it has also been used to drive a really fucked up wedge between women by essentially putting them into categories of ‘good’ (marriage-rapeable) and ‘bad’ (prostitution-rapeable and the unmarried stranger-rapeable). The term has been applied by men even to ‘virtuous’ women out of revenge or sadism to serve the male agenda. And even women themselves have used the term against other women, sometimes out of jealously of a perceived, but false, freedom or power of another woman. The simple application of the term to a women has had, in the past, the power to destroy her life completely. You really can’t say that about any racial slur. No one has ever been destroyed by words quite like women have.
Sadly, when women embrace this word, it changes something in the brain’s logic centre. Women who see themselves as sluts, proud or not, suddenly don’t know what to do when they have been raped. Can a slut be raped??? What is rape? Does he have to hit me since I seem to fuck anyone who expresses interest? Am I allowed to say ‘no’ since I have embraced the word ‘yes’? There is no handbook for women trying to navigate the liberal male agenda.
Every once in a while, you hear the word applied to men. ‘Male slut’ pops up once in a while, but it really has no impact on men, their reputations, their relationships, their jobs, or anything. Men might even laugh if they hear it, and it is doubtful they would find it offensive. It is a clear demonstration of who holds the power when you cannot reverse the offense with the same negative outcome.
Personally, I don’t see any use for this word, even if redefined or attempts at reclamation are made. I think we focus too much entirely on sex and sexuality, and would love to see this word fade away because of lack of use rather than repurposing. But after nearly 600 years of use, that ain’t gonna happen any time soon.
Whore
Prostitute is a rather recent and slightly more narrow term for a woman who sells her body to men. ‘Whore’ has been around in several languages (e.g., hore, hora, hoer, huora) for centuries (likely 16th century) to describe prostitutes, sluts, and women with very apparent sexual desires. The shortened ‘ho’, most likely from black American male slang, has been popularized as a way to refer to women, in general. It is most often applied today in the way that slut is. You also sometimes get constructions used to insult men, such as ‘son of a whore’. It’s actually still an insult to women, but men love playing the victim whenever they can.
Bitch
This slur is used so often, I’m beginning to think it is a new replacement term for ‘woman’. In fact, I think the trannie dudes have taken over the word woman, and actual women have now become ‘bitches’. Black American men did a great deal of damage in repopularizing the word as a slur to use against women (circa 1990’s).
Bitch has a lot of usages. You can call anyone a bitch, yet it is still an insult to women. The term comes from female breeding dog and it was specifically used to insult women, dehumanize, and to designate one of her few allowed roles. Today, it can mean:
- woman or girl, in general
- woman or girl you don’t like or have anger towards
- a woman or girl who has stood up to a man and pointed out his privilege, unethical dealings, crimes, etc
- a woman or girl who is confident and does something that a man or boy might do but would not be insulted for, or even would be commended for
- a female boss, or woman in any kind of position of power
- someone forced to do your bidding and who will remain under your control
- (in prison) a weak male who will be forced to submit to sexual assault
- a man who displays emotion and who makes other men (and sometimes women) uncomfortable (e.g., “Stop crying like a bitch.”)
- ‘son of a bitch’ – used on men to mean something like asshole, it is still a slur on women above all else
- (verb) to complain – the implication is that women complain and should not, even if it is warranted
- ‘bitch slap’ – physical abuse to be used by men on a woman who is not acting the way he wants her to
- a thing you don’t like (e.g., “That was a bitch of an exam.”)
Cunt
Probably the worst thing you can call a woman. It is not as popular (yet) as bitch, but it is on the rise. It is an abusive slang for vagina, but when used as a slur, it has similar meanings to that of bitch. It is generally not used on men as a female slur, however. Less commonly, it can be used to describe a situation that isn’t liked (a cunt of a meeting). The British and a few of their colonies unfortunately use the word, but in a non-negative way to refer to one of their dude-bros, as they might use ‘mate’ or to a random dude.
As mentioned above, the American series, Veep, will likely have a normalizing effect on this slur, thanks to devoting an entire ‘humourous’ episode to calling their first female president ‘cunt’ over and over and over and over…
Like a Girl
If a girl or woman is behaving naturally, then there is nothing wrong with what she is doing. There is nothing wrong with how girls run, throw, speak, walk, think, etc. If they are acting naturally (i.e., not gender-programmed into looking stupid or under-performing or trying to be ‘sexy’), then their actions will be efficient and effective. With behaviours that require skill, both boys and girls might perform poorly without training. The thing is that more effort is put into training boys. When equally trained, both boys and girls are effective. So the insult to males about performing like a girl is more about the very female-hate that prevents girls and women from being trained or even accepted as different than male people than any kind of natural ineptness. It also highlights the universal insistence that male performance is the default and thus the correct way, even if it isn’t correct at all.
Note that many of the ‘like a girl’ or ‘like a woman’ insults are actually projections. For example, ‘stop crying like a little girl’ (or screaming or tantrumming) doesn’t make sense because boys cry as much, if not more than girls. They also throw bigger tantrums and make more fucking noise than any girl I’ve ever encountered anywhere on the planet. And plenty of other claims like failing to use logic, or being bad at math – all of these are projections as well. Women tend to be better at logic than men and are equally good, if not better at math.
Body Parts and Animals
Female slurs are the worst in the world simply because women tend to be dehumanized more than any other group. They are reduced to their body parts, and they are referred to as animals. It is how women are treated both verbally and non-verbally in daily life and the workplace and in marriage, and it is how women are represented in language. Women are referred to: ‘a pair of tits’, ‘tits and ass’, ‘broad’, ‘cunt’, ‘pussy’, ‘fish’, ‘twat’, ‘legs’, ‘sugartits’, ‘piece of ass’, ‘cow’, ‘bitch’, ‘sow’, ‘heifer’, ‘filly’, and much more.
Black Men Succeeded
Some time ago, black men reclaimed the term ‘nigger’ and made it their own. The slur, rooted in Latin, Spanish and French from the word for ‘black’, lived for a short spell in a limited geographical region as a negative term for black people. It is no longer accepted or acceptable for use in public or in entertainment. It tends to be used only when a racist character is portrayed or when black dudebros are talking to each other. I won’t attempt to explain who gets to use it, or how, or why, or in which circumstances. I’m not a black dood, and mostly, I don’t really care about the intricacies of what men do to and with each other. All I can say here is that black men successfully got ‘nigger’ removed from the entire Western consciousness except as a term with punch-in-the-gut impact and out of mainstream derogatory use, with the support of the liberal white community. That speaks of some pretty serious social, legal, and political power. You can’t claim you lack power or status if you are able to get a slur thrown out of the public consciousness and usage. I mean, seriously, do you truly understand the implication of this? Controlling language is the ultimate evidence of power. But we’re talking about men here. And likewise, there isn’t a single racial or ethnic group that hasn’t succeeded in getting racial or ethnic slurs put on the chopping block – in Western cultures. But those groups contain men, and all men have power. Women of these groups benefited as well, which is probably part of why women of colour seldom side with white sisters under feminism. On some level, they understand they’ll achieve more power hitching a ride with men, even if those same men are making their lives miserable, acknowledged or not. White woman have no power, and neither do women of any other race, so gravitating to male people makes sense to those who don’t think, won’t think, or can’t think in more than a limited, short-term, very concrete way. If women could get over cock and band together, they’d be a force to be reckoned with in their discovery that unified female power can conquer anything and is a long-term solution to rape and the threat of rape. Why do you think hetero-brainwashing is so intense…?
So we come back to the question: is it even possible for women to eradicate female slurs from public usage and consciousness in the way that all racial and ethnic slurs have been tarnished and banned? Women are universally hated and feared – even by themselves! What would have to occur to instill the same cringe factor into even hearing (nevermind using) the words bitch, slut, whore or cunt to take down a woman? As it is, hearing or using those words generally brings power to the user, and I would argue, a feeling of smug satisfaction at denigrating a woman who is the recipient of those slurs. I would further argue that the power and satisfaction are even greater if they are hurled at or heard directed at a white woman.
But let’s get one thing straight. There are more slurs directed at women than any other group in history. And the slurs against women have a longer history than any racial/ethnic slur. Further, slurs against women have carried more damage to women than any racial/ethnic slur has ever had on a racial/ethnic group member. And another thing, all slurs – racial, sexual, religious, anti-gay – were designed and defined by men, the controllers of language. Not women. The origins of all harm lie in men. Use of slurs can bring satisfaction to women, but they benefit men most of all by their continued use.
Possible Solutions?
1) Eliminating Usage of all Slurs and Offensive References
As I said, those who control language hold the power. To be able to change an entire culture’s treatment of your group speaks of massive social, legal, and political power. It is actually quite impressive and astounding how completely racial and religious slurs have been completely removed from English-language entertainment and public usage. I’m so often puzzled at those anti-racism warriors who speak of their lack of power. They live in far-off decades or centuries, methinks. They haven’t performed a modern-day reality check and taken a look at who really has power. And just as important, who really doesn’t. Women of all colours are the powerless. And so many of those ‘oppressed’ men hold massive power over women of all colours. They are often some of the worst perpetrators. How could women possibly go about removing from public and common usage an entire vocabulary of hate that is larger than that any other oppressed group has ever been attacked with? I suspect it is not possible. No group of women has ever had the political, legal, economic, or social power to control language, let alone achieve basic human rights. And I doubt they ever will as long as women keep sleeping with men – those creatures who slur them, demean them and hurt them in the name of love.
2) Criminalizing Usage of Slurs and Offensive References
Men tend to get their pubes in a twist when women even hint at criminalizing male bad behaviour. The idea of women defending themselves and forcing men to be held accountable for their actions is taken as some kind of irrational attack on male ‘rights’. All men believe they have the right to rape, demean, threaten, slur, harass, molest, objectify, and kill women and girls without anyone batting an eye, and to live freely to do it all again the next day. Actual cops have been known to admit that if they prosecuted men for all the horrible things they do to women, most if not all men would be in jail. Racial, anti-gay, and anti-religious crimes are easier to deal with as they are much less common, because men belong to those groups, because these groups are ALLOWED to live separate from oppressors, and because men fight back, while women don’t (and aren’t allowed to anyway). Crimes against women happen all day, every day, to all women. They are so frequent that even the victims accept their victimization as ‘just another day’ or ‘business as usual’ and trudge on burdened by fear, depression, PTSD, and other psychological problems that manifest as pain and debilitating disease. And while sticks and stones break bones, language is still the most powerful weapon out there, able to dehumanize and demoralize. If language didn’t have power, hate speech would never have been created to protect the religious, the non-white, and gay males. As it is, women will never succeed in achieving enough power or respect to warrant protected legal status with regard to hate speech, let alone bodily autonomy.
3) Redefining the Offending Words
I think it is safe to say that anti-woman language isn’t going anywhere. I’m curious to see whether women can achieve what the all-powerful black man has achieved: to take possession of offensive language, redefine it and keep it within their own group, likely to eventually fade away with increasing educational opportunities. To successfully take control of lady-slurs, we’d have to do something to the language to give it the cringe-factor that, say, the word ‘nigger’ produces in all people. For women, this is a near impossible thing to achieve, I believe.
Slut: A small, but vocal, contingent of liberal, white women in Western countries (and the men whose dicks they suck) has tried, but failed, to reclaim the word. While their basic premise is correct – women should not be judged differently from men when it comes to how many or few partners they have – the way they have gone about it has served to hurt white women (not women of colour – white women) and to keep the liberal male agenda securely in place and with more ammunition. You see liberal men, who also want to control women, have told us that our freedom lies in fucking as many of them as possible, and for free!!! The shame lies not in eschewing virtue, but in withholding our pussies from the world, from being prudes! And this small group of young, brainwashed, white women has enthusiastically swallowed this self-serving male agenda and proudly call themselves sluts. And by embracing this male philosophy, men can say that ‘well, women don’t seem to have a problem with the label, so I guess it’s okay, yuk yuk yuk.” Notice that more men will support a slut walk than an anti-pornography protest, and the reason is that a slut walk is as pro-male as the very problem these women think they are fighting, while the latter protest is pro-woman, anti-slavery, anti-violence and at its very core, feminist. I’m not sure that this slur can be repurposed as it cannot be separated from it’s original meaning and to do that, you’d have to end heterosexuality, which would effectively render the slur meaningless and it thus wouldn’t require reclamation.
Whore: Like the word ‘nazi’, this word has become overused and misused through people’s ignorance, rather than effectively repurposed or redefined. ‘Whoring’ yourself in order to get ahead at a traditional job just sounds wrong, and smacks of ignorance and dismissiveness of the sexual slavery women have had to endure since time began. The slanging of the word, thanks to black American men, into ‘ho’, has not helped women at all, but rather, increased its casual, demeaning usage in everyday life. The word, like ‘slut’, was created specifically to hurt women through classification and shaming. I’m not sure that it can be redefined. And when men make demeaning changes or redefinitions to words designed to slur women, it achieves nothing for women. Often quite the opposite.
Bitch: This word wasn’t originally created to slur women, so there may be hope there. There has been some redefinition by women that I would argue isn’t that effective. Calling oneself a ‘bitch’ in a proud sort of way has sometimes come to mean ‘badass’. [Here is a prime example of this usage – skip down half-way through.] I can’t imagine calling myself a bitch in order to convey bravery or guts. Whenever I hear a women use that term to describe herself, there is this weird implication of sluttiness or sexiness that goes with it that is really repulsive. I think it is also a bad idea to retain the word ‘bitch’ to describe a woman who stands up to men because it can still be used by men easily to slur women for behaving normally (i.e., unprogrammed).
I think a good repurposing or redefining of a slur should have at its goal, the fading out of its usage. It should have a definition that men don’t really understand as it isn’t connected to them in a simple and concrete way. If they don’t understand it, they will be less likely to use it (one hopes). And it should also feel bad to women if they use it to describe themselves. It shouldn’t be a source of pride.
The way I understand a bitch (I have redefined it for my own understanding) is as a woman who serves men and male agenda, and who hurts women. The former is actually one of the less common male definitions (a submissive object), but what should be stressed is that a bitch hurts women. These are the women who ditch their female friends for the boyfriend or husband. Women who give birth to sons and make sure they grow up to know their privilege. Women who feminize themselves and their daughters. Women who support marriage. Women who blame and/or don’t believe rape victims. Women who oppose lesbians and asexuals. Women who hate the feminists who fight for their rights. These are bitches.
Most women don’t really think about how they treat other women. They probably can’t articulate that they hate their sisters – except for those clueless, but dangerous, women who say ‘most of my friends are male, and I’ve never really gotten along with women – but they are trained to do so from birth, despite it being a completely unnatural thing. I really believe that if women were made aware of their woman-hate, they would be shocked and might be motivated to self-examine and to change their outlook on sisterhood.
Cunt: This word is much less used than bitch, but it is on the rise. I think it can be repurposed in the same way that bitch can. It is a more extreme version of bitch. A cunt is a woman to purposely tries to hurt other women and girls. A cunt is a mother who abuses her daughter. A woman who turns a blind eye to a daughter-molesting husband, boyfriend or relative deliberately or in willful blindness. A woman who defends a rapist son or family member and heaps blame upon his victims. A woman who holds a girl down while her clitoris is cut off in the name of Allah. A woman who calls herself a feminist, and then in her personal definition of ‘woman’, commits ideological genocide when she tells us only women of colour are women because the percentage of white women in the world ‘isn’t large enough’ (try using that argument with Native Americans when defining ‘person’ or ‘human’ – their percentages are lower than that of white women). Women who physically attack the women their husbands are cheating with instead of getting rid of the husband. These are cunts. Is there any help for these women? Unlike bitches, they are likely aware of their actions and their actions are often deliberate and cruel. There is no excuse for hurting another woman unless she is physically trying to kill you. And I believe in holding attackers accountable. Change has to happen in the language and cognitive processes of all women first. Perhaps, if women become more self-aware, we can eliminate newly-defined words altogether. But really, who knows if women can ever transcend male hate and the internalized woman-hate they are inundated with from birth.
4) Juxtaposition as a Tool to Highlight Misogyny
This is especially relevant for media and entertainment, but can be used in every day conversation. Now, this one would be hard to implement in media simply because it opposes the male and liberal agenda, and thus won’t be allowed to happen. Women don’t run media or entertainment outlets for the most part, and those few that do tend to be liberal and completely on board with male-defined ‘female freedom’ policies. Implementing this experiment in daily life would prove hard and would likely get women killed because misogyny is an accepted part of how the world runs. But just to explore the possibilities, here goes.
For every anti-woman slur or reference made, a racist slur or comment or violence against men must also be made. So when you hear “run like a girl”, which is a nasty way of putting a male down by calling him some sort of subhuman, you must also use “run like a chink”. Or, for example, when the black male character says to the white female police officer, “hey, bitch cop”, she can respond with “hey, nigger rapist” and then shoot him in the head. The anti-black slurs are probably the best to use because blacks have been the most successful oppressed group in gaining political, legal and social power. Slurs against them will stand out immediately in juxtaposition to every anti-woman slur that is used. Where no racial slurs can be used, violence against men can be used. For example, a slur against a woman is used, and a man or boy gets kicked in the head or balls. The point of this exercise is to pair every denigration of women with denigration of a highly respected group (racial, religious, male) to question the necessity of the anti-woman material.
The big risk here is that people are too stupid to get it. Non-whites are respected infinitely more than women and girls. All races and cultures hate women and girls and embrace patriarchy and misogyny. All cultures have only flourished by enslaving females, forcing heterosexuality, and making sure that female persons learn very early in life to hate themselves and to accept abuse. To use racist slurs (or religious slurs or violence against men/boys) to highlight the frequency of anti-woman slurs may not work because stupid people or willfully blind liberal people would likely see the contrast as evidence of racism, anti-semitism or ‘islamophobia’ or ‘manhating’ rather than a highlighting of how much women are hated. Never underestimate how stupid and/or ignorant people are.
Conclusion
Will women ever control language or, at the very least, have enough power to stop male abuse of language and subsequent control of women’s lives?
Upon a great deal of consideration, I conclude that it will never happen as long as women accept and practise heterosexuality. You can’t be pro-women and sleep with the enemy. And if you need evidence, look at how every other oppressed group on the planet has broken free of their circumstances. They don’t live with, sleep with and fuck their oppressor, have their children, coddle their feelings, and support their policies. It really is that simple.
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A Special Welcome Back – Chinese Style
Unlike in English and other languages spoken in Western countries, there is no word for ‘racist’ or ‘racism’ in Chinese. There is a cobbling together of characters to form the following phrasal options:
种族主义者 – which roughly translates to one who righteously serves as lord and master breeder of one’s race/clan. If you plug it into a translator, you get ‘racist’ on the English end. But it is not clear for me whether this has a negative connotation if used to describe someone. Whereas ‘racist’ in Western languages has nothing other than a direct, negative meaning, in Chinese, I would strongly suspect that it doesn’t. Race supremacy is strong in China. It is something to be proud of. They do not like mixing the gene pool, but they often barely tolerate physical proximity to non-Chinese (unless they are sexually assaulting a white female) or mixing outside their cultural circles when they emigrate.
民族主义 – not a single word, but a phrase that refers to the first important principle of the thinking of Dr. Sun Yat Sen (the father of modern communist China). It is kind of like nationalism, but it also can be roughly translated as something like racism – an equation which makes sense in a monoracial, monoculture or country as race and culture are kind of inseparable. Nationalism can exist in multiracial countries, but it isn’t so much race as culture that is being used as the prejudicial segregation or exclusionary criterion.
The lack of a single word to designate ‘racist’ as a negative term also makes sense to me having lived in China for the better part of a decade and learning early on that there isn’t a single shameful or monstrous behaviour or event in Chinese history for which they take responsibility or over which they feel shame/guilt. Seriously, over the years, I’ve had numerous conversations with people of all ages and parts of the country, and there is no shame or guilt for anything. Depravity is swept under the carpet and not talked about, or there is fierce denial. I was once ganged up on by a group of educated Chinese who mansplained and Chinasplained to me that a) the racist-sexist violence I have experienced never happened, and that b) Chinese people aren’t racist – they are shy and curious. Um, yeah…
There is one major exception to the feeling of shame and guilt – it is that which is present in most young people thanks to their parents and that is a crucial part of the brainwashing into the version of mandatory heterosexuality and breeding that you see here today. It is standard procedure to make sure one’s children know that they are a huge burden on their parents. Most young people are wracked with tear-producing guilt (seriously!) about their very existence and know full well that the pound of flesh will be taken when they are older. But that is it. Individuals may have their own specific neuroses, but as a culture, the Chinese have clean hands and consciences. Conversely, though, they are the most impressive faux-victims I’ve ever met (except for men from any and all cultures and ages). In all of the disputes they have with a whole pile of countries, they are the victims. Righto.
It’s mind-boggling to me as a Canadian, to be honest. I’ve had Western shame hammered into me all my life for things I haven’t done, that didn’t happen in my lifetime, that didn’t happen in my country or by my compatriots, and that men from eras past have initiated, maintained, and forced women to participate in via hetero slavery. There is also the shame all women are brainwashed to feel from birth about being female, guilt for being female and having needs, and that lady-shame-and-guilt can often co-mingle with the general Western shame to produce a paralyzing, messy mindfuck of a state. Shame and guilt, for me, are truly second nature and have actually become so psychologically crippling that I’m finally trying to deprogram myself. It’s quite fascinating once you start examining brainwashing mechanisms and how they have turned you into a person who has learned how to negate true, personal victimization experiences because you have been told over and over that everyone absolutely has it worse than you, apparently, and it is your fault somehow, and this manages to diminish your pain and injuries and serious tragedies. It also turns you into a woman who feels she deserves nothing good in life because everything is your fault, and you end up sabotaging opportunities as a way of punishing yourself. Your life ends up being a lot worse than those of so many of the people that supposedly have it worse than you. So, my point is to meet people who don’t have shame and guilt beaten into them for things that have nothing to do with them (and often even for things they are directly responsible for) is truly bizarre.
~~~
So, the last two months have been incredibly busy and risky and expensive as I am actively on the look out for somewhere to move and work next year. Somewhere that is not China, and not Asia. I visited four countries to talk to immigrants and local people, find out about job markets, and just get a general ‘vibe’ of the places. It might sound unscientific, but my gut and inbuilt vibe-detector seldom steer me wrong. I can sense, underlying societal misery, nastiness, violence or aggression, happiness, carefreeness, community, civility, etc, etc, usually within a day of being in a place – sometimes within moments. And it is not often that my first impression of a place changes with more experience. Occasionally, there are surprises, but not usually. But I won’t get into that so much here. There really is much more to write about, and some of it will make it into posts. I want to mull on the fact that AGAIN I was assaulted by a Muslim Arab male – luckily, not a rape or an attempted murder like my other experiences (although I could have easily been maimed or killed through his actions – and all of this while his lady-slave looked on apathetically) , but it was still aggressive, racist, sexist, and shit-scary. And I want to talk about it because of course, we are not allowed to talk about Muslim racist-sexist terrorism against white women. We have a serious problem, and nobody wants to address it, name it correctly, and do something about it.
As well, during my time away, I met a few, although not quite enough sadly, excellent people who were thought-provoking. But, it was a hard journey all in all, and although I was dreading to return to China, I actually felt ready to get back to my regular job and have started trying to line up some possible part-time job interviews so I can earn slightly more money, scrimp and save, and get the hell out of here for good.
I got back and what was waiting for me? Well, the brutally hot weather first and foremost. Then there was the aggressive, and sometimes violent, over-crowding conditions on public transit that you only really see in overpopulated places like China or India. But what was it I missed the most?
The racism.
And I wasn’t disappointed. I got back to my campus where I live. It was 37°C (about 99F), and I was dressed for about 20°C (about 68F). I was exhausted and carrying some moderate-weight gear. I’ve lived at this campus for over 4 years. I am the only white female there. I stand out and not in a good way. I experience a lot of racism every time I step out of my apartment. Neighbours still cringe against the wall if they have to pass me in the stairwell. I cannot go out in anonymity. Ever. So when I got to the gate beside the staff accommodation, all I could think about was stripping down, dumping the gear and guzzling cold water. But no. The guard at the gate wouldn’t let me in. Demanding to know who I was. Yelling. Now, notice that I am a resident there. Frequently, people who DON’T live there enter and walk around our campus, never checked or turned away. Delivery dudes on motorcycles sometimes have to sign in. But generally, if you are Chinese, you are free to do as you please. And none of these Chinese was accosted today either. But I am not Chinese. Not human. I was treated like a criminal instead of a university lecturer, which, although seriously underpaid, still demands some respect in this country.
I ignored that racist fucker – mostly because I was too hot, tired and overburdened to defend myself in the step-and-fetch / dancing monkey way that all Western people are expected to adopt in order to keep the mood light and let the Chinese know they are in charge and can continue to feel superior. I also wasn’t in any mood or state to consider that he could physically attack me and no one would defend me. I just kept moving, and I think it was the fact that he was just not used to that kind of defiance and didn’t know what to do that I got away and headed quickly to my residence without looking back. I don’t know what I’ll have to deal with tomorrow as I go out and come back from a small shopping trip to the market. He might be more prepared to deal with the ‘white devil’ (racial slur used here). I really don’t want to have to deal with violence.
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The Pen and the Sword: Best Mates for Life
This post consists of some background to my most recent survey on rape, which is still open to participants (click the button below):
The survey was designed to explore people’s understanding of and beliefs about rape. The content of the survey was drawn from collected data and research, a wide range of reported personal experiences, news stories, and myths and propaganda propagated through various entertainment outlets. If you plan to take the survey – and it would be immensely appreciated if you did – please click through before reading further. My personal views are not important to the survey, and I don’t wish them to colour participant responses.
After years of thinking and examination of the number one influence on and limitation to my existence as a girl first, and later, a woman, I have to conclude that any discussion or consideration of rape must begin with a discussion of language. Indeed, any thinking on hierarchy, power dynamics or control mechanisms (which is where rape finds its roots) must take into account the role of language.
Humans vs. All Other Creatures
In considering the differences between humans and other mammals or any creature for that matter, there are some significant differences that set us apart. And note that this is in no way a comment that humans are superior to animals, as I don’t believe that for a second. Each species has its strengths and weaknesses, which makes hierarchy-development a rather stupid and pointless endeavour. In considering humans, language and the capacity for deep and complex self-awareness set them apart from all other living things on earth. Other creatures may have systems of communication and a limited ability to reflect on simple behaviours, but none rivals human capacity. That is not a judgment, just a fact. Dolphins don’t conjugate verbs and chimpanzees don’t chronically and masochistically self-sabotage or even commit suicide over lack of purpose or meaning in life. Non-humans also don’t develop systems of ethics or morality – even misguided, faulty ones. These are uniquely human ‘achievements’ and are only three of many, many examples of the complexities of human language and self-awareness.
Humans are also the only species capable of malice. Now, note that I am not talking about survival instincts. Men and silly women who defend men often argue that male violence is just a reflection of the instinct to survive and is comparable to the killing that any other species does. This is classic male logic designed specifically to try to justify violent male behaviour. Some of my Chinese male university students will state without blinking that we ‘live in a jungle’. Now, I do believe that males are naturally violent. They are wired for it. But as I’ve written before, as humans, we also have self-awareness, and it is this unique and incredible ability that allows humans to override violent impulses. But, as humans are also uniquely malicious creatures, instinct and deliberate cruelty frequently play off each other. No creature other than the human (male) kills for pleasure. And no creature other than the human (male) tortures other living things. There is no evolutionary or ‘survival’ purpose for killing for pleasure or for torturing. I’ve met a lot of men who try to argue with seriously twisted logic that there is a need for these things. This is when I back away, and wish I had a weapon at the ready in order to do like all other creatures do out of instinct – remove a dangerous threat to one’s survival. But, alas, human females are the only creatures on earth who are NOT allowed to defend themselves.
And this is where language enters the scene.
The Role of Language in Power, Control and Hierarchy
The pen is mightier than the sword.
Language is one of human’s oldest tools. Like all tools, it can be a beautiful mechanism or system used to do wonderful things and inspire the best in all of us. But like all tools, it can also be used to destroy everything in its path. In the hands of men, language is frequently used to express male ‘love’ and ‘creativity’, which as most women eventually come to find out, are dangerous things and not at all what female love and creativity are.
As human males have come to realize, weapons alone will not get you sustainable power. Sure, you can overwhelm a perceived enemy, but it is really difficult to maintain that victory for any period of time without a much more powerful weapon. That weapon is language. Language is, in fact, a much more powerful weapon than any ‘sword’. But they work together. Just as it is hard to sustain control with only swords, it is also difficult to gain and keep power with only words. We’ve all heard that common description of successful evil dynamic duos: ‘You have the brawn and I have the brains’ (cue the Pet Shop Boys here…). Well, that is an apt description of the sword and the pen. Employ the brute force, overwhelm the enemy, enact the mindfuckery of the brutalized population that only language can achieve (e.g., “War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.”), and then all future brutality just becomes an accepted part of the system. Those few who see beyond the language mechanisms and refuse to believe have no leg to stand on, and find themselves very much alone and often questioning their own sanity.
Whoever Controls Language Controls the World
As a tool and building block of control and power, it is safe to say that if you aspire to megalomaniac status, you need to master language. I don’t mean that you should learn to speak several languages. I mean you need to learn how to use language to manipulate people and situations, and to obscure facts. You need to weaponize language. You need to see where language has its greatest influence. My Oppressor Triangle discusses a few major centres of influence, but there are other arenas. Language has had its greatest influence in the areas of politics, law, economics, academia, and the health care system (industry). These areas don’t function separately. There is much overlap. The language enacted in the political sphere can and does affect all other spheres of power, for example.
The question becomes: who controls language? And the answer is: men. Men have always controlled language. And they control it as much today as they have in the past. It’s not a race thing, as much as some people might wish it to be so. It is a MALE thing. If you are a big picture thinker, if you think internationally across time and place – and really, you have to be if you are ever to hope of ending oppression – you have to accept the truth that males control language, and as a result, they control everything. If you get bogged down on other group affiliations, you’ll change nothing. Only the truth can set you (and everyone else) free.
How do we know that males control language, and as a result, the world? It’s pretty easy. You have to take an overarching look at lifestyle and living conditions and determine who overwhelmingly benefits and who overwhelmingly is denied choices and freedoms. Look at any country. It is the same no matter which country you look at and no matter which race is being considered. Who is the poorest group? Females. Look at any field of research: who is studied meticulously and who benefits from the research? Males. Look at entertainment in any country. Who makes the most money, and who is hired based on talent rather than physical attributes? Males. Who is human trafficked most often? Females. Whose social justice complaints actually make progress? Males of all races and orientations. Who receives the poorest health care, and the most needless and harmful surgeries? Females. Who has been hurt most by the field of psychiatry? Females. Whose bodies and decisions about bodies are controlled by the state and institutions like religion and marriage? Females. Who is barred from politics, employment, education, and safety on a regular basis? Females.
And more. So much more.
There are data to back up each of these. Easy to find. Google, government web sites, academic journals. I’m not doing that here. This is not an academic journal article. And it is tedious to state and restate everything that has been said by women a million times before. What I find important here is the theory that it is language and the control of language that facilitates control on every other level.
Language and Rape
Men have been raping, torturing and killing women since they realized they could. It has nothing to do with evolution or survival. Any man who tells you that it does is dangerous and you should get away from him before he hurts you.
Male control of language has had its greatest impact on the one thing that has allowed them to maintain control over women. Rape. Without rape, men don’t have a hold over women. Control the language surrounding rape, and you control the crime itself – or whether it is even considered a crime, or who can commit it, or who is responsible, or who can be raped. We know that women have no power, and certainly have no control over language, because rape is so rampant and that they are on the receiving end with little ability to avoid it or seek justice for it.
It is only relatively recently that rape was even considered a crime, and only extremely recently that rape was considered to be a form of torture. In Western cultures, the rape of a woman was considered to be a crime against the man who owned her. And it could only be committed by a male who did not own her. She herself, as a rape victim, was deemed dirtied, rendered an embarrassment, and often tossed out like so much garbage from family and community. Even today, rape victims often end up in prostitution or suffering from mental health problems that leave them unable to self-actualize, let alone take care of themselves properly. The propaganda and brainwashing campaign that all societies provide to women to get them to accept rape as reality, as normal, often succeeds in neutralizing female protest to unlivable conditions. Rape is a crucial part of Western entertainment – drama as well as comedy – although Western men are not alone in their enjoyment of female torture. Many women will suppress their experiences or deny that rape even happened. Rape victims who don’t follow the rules are often punished by society, and frequently by other women who prefer to lash out at other women than to name the real problem.
In non-Western countries, rape has gone through equally horrible control by men. In some countries, raping girl children isn’t considered rape. Elsewhere, rape cannot occur within a marriage or family. In others, rape has only occurred if a woman can get a handful of male witnesses to support her claim. No, women aren’t in control of language at all. Anywhere in the world. I mean, no woman would ever set up the linguistic, social and legal hoops/barriers to proving rape that are currently in place in every corner of the earth. We aren’t that masochistic or stupid of our own free will.
Men Can Be Raped, Toooooooo!
Likely, in response to women calling more attention to rape and violence against women, men retaliated. Men always retaliate. They are allowed. There are always repercussions to women gaining even an ounce of freedom or power or justice. And language is always at the centre of any retaliation. And there is always violence to back it up.
So recently, men decided to change the language surrounding rape. They decided that rape no longer meant ‘male forcibly entering a female through her vagina using his dick’. Suddenly, males could be raped! And further, women could be rapists!
These revelations served a very, very important purpose. You see, if you can show that a crime or negative circumstance ALSO affects men, it is no longer a sex-based inequality or a hate crime. Men no longer are forced to be held responsible. Men are no longer predators. They are no longer deficient in some way. If you can show that they suffer tooooo or that women are doing the same evil deeds tooooo, then men no longer will be examined as the sole source of a major problem or epidemic. Once males can name themselves as victims, all focus can ‘justifiably’ be removed from women and recentred on men and boys. All we need is one male victim to negate the suffering of millions of women. And all we need is one female predator to negate the predation of millions of males. That is the male control of language at work. Change one word or one definition, and you can change the lives of millions. Control is regained.
Predictably, women got on board with the rebranding of rape, as they usually do when males find new ways to name themselves as victims, to detract from female victims, and to blame women for something. Women are usually the first ones on board with helping men hurt women. And men are experts at painting themselves as victims and martyrs.
Rape, in the minds of many, now also means a woman ‘forces’ a male to pop a boner and stick it to her. And strangely, rape now also means a dick forcibly entering an anus. But the thing is this, even if the former is forced, it is not rape. It may be a sexual assault, and if so, it needs to have its own label. The latter is NOT RAPE. It actually already has its own label. It is called forcible sodomy. Women are also frequently forcibly sodomized by men, more often than men are forcibly sodomized by men, and often in addition to being raped. But ignoring and/or broadening existing definitions has achieved its goal. We’ve taken the focus off what men do to women. And sex crimes are no longer seen primarily as the domain of male perps. Congratulations men and the dangerous women who support them.
Letting Victims Define Crimes
I wrote a short piece in the past on the problem of letting perpetrators define their crimes. Interestingly, it is only with male violence against women that this is allowed. As in my example in that previous post demonstrates, it sounds ridiculous say, to allow a thief to define his crime. But we don’t bat an eye when men get to define crimes against female bodies.
Women need to be allowed to define the crimes against them. As it is, so many victims fall through the cracks because currently, men define what happens to women. Men control women’s and girls’ bodies, and that is a serious issue.
There are several problems with how we deal with rape and sexual assault – besides our unwillingness to name men as the primary perpetrators of sex crimes and the sole perpetrators of rape. One is that we don’t have enough clearly defined categories of crimes. We also have too many barriers to victims coming forward. And finally, our punishment system is inadequate and doesn’t take into account that a) crimes against women are hate crimes, and b) men who commit sex crimes are more likely to commit again than any other type of criminal, even after being ‘punished’ (i.e., no man ever, ever, ever rapes once). Personally, I want all rape, sexual assault, torture and murder of women/girls by men punished by death. This has nothing to do with deterrence (which we know doesn’t work), or revenge (which is a male ‘logic’ thing), but everything to do with protecting future victims. It does not make sense that victims and potential victims have fewer rights and considerations and access to safety than hate-crime-sex criminals. In other words, only a dead rapist can’t rape again.
Other things to consider:
- Many women don’t report rape if their attacker is seen as ‘at risk’ or ‘vulnerable’. This includes non-white men, immigrant men, homeless men, disabled men, unemployed men, etc. It is a mixture of fear and compassion that drives women to negate their victimhood and protect their attacker.
- The burden of proof should be on the perpetrators, not the victims. Men should have to prove that they did not rape. In no other crime is the burden of proof on the victim. This exists ONLY because rape is a sex-specific hate crime committed by MEN against WOMEN, where males, who are in control of language, get to define the crimes they commit. Rape is the only crime where all the perps are male and all the victims are female. And men don’t want to take responsibility or stop raping. This needs to change.
- Consent has always been a problematic issue. It is rooted in property disputes. Bodies should not be seen as property. Further, in no place on earth do women come to the table on equal footing with men, and as such, they cannot give free and equal consent in any agreement with a male.
- Orgasms are erroneously seen as evidence of consent thanks to 2-dimensional male thinking on sex. Females are trained from birth to see servitude as a duty and a pleasurable activity. Orgasm has nothing to do with acceptance or lack of coercion.
- Many people believe that rape must involve weapons or threat of bodily harm in order to be considered rape. I’d argue that most rape is of the coercive or manipulative variety. I’d bet all of Donald Trump’s money that almost all women have ‘sex’ with the men in their lives (including husbands) because they fear abandonment, rejection, cheating, emotional and physical beatings, etc. All women know on some level that male love can turn on a dime if they don’t live up to the constantly changing expectations.
- Male children are born with a weapon – their penises. They learn about how to weaponize their dicks early in life thanks to parents, television/film, porn, and school. I’d argue that if they are using their dicks as weapons, then they need to be treated as dangerous. Sex predators never stop. I don’t have a problem with killing sex predators who are children – innocent child, my ass. And I also have no problem with holding mothers and fathers responsible for the crimes of their boy children. Rape destroys girls’ lives. No girl ever ‘gets over it’. I know I’m nearly alone in wanting boy sex predators eliminated from existence, but you’re deluded if you think predators are ‘born’ in adulthood out of nothing.
- I think statutory rape needs to be rethought. It’s not that I believe that girls are capable of free and equal consent with a boy the same age. No female of any age is ever on equal footing with a male of any age. This one is a hard one for me though. It saddens me that children are fucking. I truly wish girls were kept separate from boys for the duration of their childhoods so as not to have opportunities, educations and futures destroyed by the straight mandate and public school crash course in fuckholery and blowjobbery. One final note: Adult males who fuck girl children and teenagers need to be shot. Period.
- ‘Sex workers’ / porn actresses – paid sex is rape as far as I’m concerned. There is a lot of disagreement on this. And people get mighty pissed when a feminist suggests that sex work is abuse, not work. Abused people often lash out and get defensive when they feel attacked (even if they are not being attacked, but rather someone is trying to help them). All I can say is that women would not sell their bodies if men didn’t exist. It is almost always done out of desperation and/or resulting from childhood sex abuse. These are the conditions that make rape easy peasy to dress up as legit in a capitalist, male-serving society.
- Drugs and alcohol are convenient get-out-of-jail cards for men, and eternal damners of women. It is no coincidence that males joke about helping women relax with a drink. ‘No inhibitions’ is just man-speak for ‘no credible defense’ in a rape trial.
This really is a huge issue. So much more could be written. But it is some background to my survey. Again, if you wish to participate and let your thoughts be known, it would be very much appreciated. The link to the survey is below.
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My New Survey on Rape – Participants Needed
Preamble to the Survey
In the past, I designed and offered up a Super-Fun Quiz™ on feminism dilution, which remains open to this day (read the prelim post first and follow the link at the bottom after). It was casually designed, and not intended for serious data analysis. The tool itself was inadequate for design/measurement purposes, and besides, I didn’t vet or validate the quiz first. But it is certainly useful for introspection or further thinking on topics. At least it was for me. And it was from the results of this quiz, that I got to thinking about designing a second, more specific, survey. It became apparent to me that people have some really disturbing or unclear ideas about rape. The quiz wasn’t designed to look at that specifically, but there was one question that addressed one element of the most serious issue facing every single woman on the planet. I mean, really, rape is the single-most important and influential reason our planet is speeding towards death on several levels. Without rape, things would be unimaginably different. Rape affects not only the lives of women, but trickles down to affect every aspect of human life, animal life, and the environment. It is hard for most people to understand that, and see the connection between the primary mechanism of female subjugation and the destruction of the planet, but examination with open eyes and honesty shows that it is true. Anyhow, I wanted to explore ideas about rape.
So, out came my methodologist’s cap, and I’ve set to designing prodding questions on this single topic. It is a survey, rather than a quiz. You won’t be scoring yourself on ‘rape knowledge’. I’m collecting data for further thinking and further writing, that’s all. In the past, I did work professionally in research on serial rape and workplace violent crime, but this survey is not destined for publication other than on my blog.
If you intend to take the survey, the link is below. I’m going to discuss my own views in the next post as I’d prefer your views not to be coloured by my opinions. I’d appreciate your participation. I was thrilled to have had a great turn-out for the last quiz, and to be honest, I’m much more interested in this current survey, so your opinions are of value to me. Please be assured that the survey is anonymous. Polldaddy collates country respondent information, but that’s all that is provided to me.
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The Ultimate Blow Job
I swear I have a larger male readership than a female one. My most popular post is the one I wrote about the Muslim rapist, and most of the search terms that bring (men) people to my site involve porn, Arabs, blacks and Muslims raping white women, and similar concepts. Apparently, men love the idea of white women getting what’s coming to them – and they want to see it – because white women are hated more than most, I suppose. This blog has also made it onto a few hate sites set up by men – you know the kind of dinkus I’m talking about – the two-brain-celled rapists who like to call themselves ‘rational’ (LOL!) so that they can dismiss threatening, reality-based feminist writings. Banal, boring, funny if it weren’t backed by very real violence. Men hate women – what’s new? So, to celebrate my male readership, I devote this next post to them and their tiny, whiny male egos and the bottomless jealousy that goes with it. Love you, boys 😉
Background
One day in school, when I was in my early teens, the teacher gave our class some busy work in the form of math problems so as to leave the classroom for some teacherly business. I got to work. What can I say? I love math problems. But of course, boys don’t do well when unsupervised. I firmly believe in sex-segregated education. Girls just don’t ‘devolve’ when the tiniest of opportunities arise. Indeed, my male college students can barely handle sitting, paying attention and learning in a supervised classroom. Based on my extensive experience in multiple countries, I think males aren’t really cut out for education (probably better suited to manual labour, imo). So, anyhow, upon my high school math teacher leaving the room all those years ago, of course one of the douchebags sitting near me whipped out a pack of cards and started building a house. It stole my attention away from what, in my opinion, was much more fun and productive, but mostly because all I could think about doing was letting him make some significant progress only later to lean in and blow the fucking thing down. But I hadn’t yet become a bitch♥ at that point, so I let him be and went back to my math party.
♥ Defined by society at large as ‘a woman who interferes with or even just points out the rules governing male privilege’. Note this is not the only definition of ‘bitch’, and it certainly isn’t mine. That is for another post.
Now, this post isn’t about education or math problems or even nifty things to do with a pack of playing cards. It is about fragile, unnatural, male systems that can easily be blown down if we can see past whatever distractions and roadblocks have been set up to protect them.
In order to have this discussion, I need to talk a bit about the natural and unnatural. Determining what is natural and what is unnatural has always been a confusing thing for us humans. Males define things and force females to believe them. And males have never, despite their insistence, been rational beings. So, for now, fuck the male definitions. I like to use behavioural evidence to suggest reality in many situations. So here, a general rule of thumb can help us discern the difference.
The more human interference that is required to force something to happen or exist, the more unnatural that something is.
And the converse:
The more human interference that is required to prevent something from happening or existing, the more natural that something is.
We need some neutral examples first, before I show myself to be the bitch♥ that I am.
Forcing the Unnatural. Think of dams. Men have destroyed entire geographical areas by building self-serving, short-sighted dam projects. Proponents have called them “the cornerstone in the development and management of water resources development of a river basin“, but really, any male can put a positive spin on even the worst things on the planet. Just listen to them. They mansplain all the time about how destruction = progress. In a more rational (i.e., non-male) world, one would always to do a cost benefit analysis (or more basically, a pros and cons list), and actually pay attention to what a cost is. The pros of a dam are completely human-centric – forced water supply, flood control, irrigation, navigation, sedimentation control, and hydropower – and are designed to serve human gluttony and laziness and the rape agenda of men (specifically, over-breeding and over-population due to enforced heterosexuality). But the negatives of such an unnatural act as creating a dam are not really worth what is gained. Dam projects, especially large ones, destroy local and not so local environments by causing widespread erosion, deepening ground water tables, decimated complex ecosystems, extinction of species, and encouraged migration of predatory humans to areas where high-volume human life is not naturally sustainable. Dams are not natural and they force conditions that are not natural with catastrophic consequences, many of which aren’t immediately seen. But males gleefully call this kind of stuff ‘progress’ and ‘achievement’.
Preventing the Natural. Think of what we call ‘weeds’. Weed is a relative term. Kind of like calling a woman ‘crazy’ when she opposes something men are doing. Unlike women, weeds are insusceptible to the variety of punishment women are given, and require much more effort to control as they can grow quickly and take over an area where humans are trying to grow something unnaturally. So, a weed is basically a normal plant that some human doesn’t want in his or her environment because it interferes with his or her agenda. Cyperus iria, for example, are weeds that Asians don’t want interfering with their rice fields. And dandelions are weeds that North Americans don’t want in their lawns or in their veggie gardens. (Note here that I’m not talking about invasive species that mostly arise due to humans fucking up the environment and opening the door to species that shouldn’t be there in the first place, but that take over once there.) Once a human male decides that something natural is inconvenient or gets in the way of a selfish human need or desire, it is labelled as bad, evil, crazy, etc., and most importantly — unnatural. And it is eradicated. Often the eradication causes further problems (see this post where male solutions are, in fact, ways to create more problems and justify male existence). With weeds, we’ve got a whole host of herbicides that were created and that wreak more havoc than just destroying innocent plants.
Unnatural Systems Are Fragile Systems
One thing you might notice about forcing the unnatural and suppressing the natural is that it is really hard to maintain their constant forced or suppressed state, and there are usually negative repercussions for not allowing nature to do what it is supposed to do. [*Note that what men call ‘natural’ is usually quite the opposite. Again, men define things to serve their agenda.*] Dams need constant maintenance and we are even now still learning about the negative impacts of individual massive dam projects. And weeds? They aren’t happy to stay away. You get rid of them once, and they come right back. Weeding, as a chore, is a constant thing – the bane of a gardener’s life besides natural pests and unpredictable weather.
But let’s think about the natural and unnatural on a level of human control. Men control and poison every level of life in the name of power and their own insecurity. All living things fall under his purview. And one of his favourite things to control is the lives of women. There is much more sadistic pleasure to be had from controlling the life, behaviour and body of a woman than there is from weeding a garden, doncha know.
Here’s the thing about controlling human life, though. All unnatural systems require violence and hard core propaganda to force them to remain in existence. I mean, all forced unnatural systems and all suppressed natural things require a level of violence, but when it comes to human control, there is one variable of complication. Unlike weeds, humans can and do fight back when they are backed into a corner. Humans, especially women, also generally respond well to violence and threats. So in order to force women to do unnatural things or live in unnatural ways, they must be threatened with violence. The threat must be constant, reinforced with examples of the threat coming true, and the threats and violence must be bolstered by all sorts of mythology, idealizations, romanticization, slogans, cautionary tales, and various other punishments for curiosity, boundary-testing and outright deviation or rejection of the control. Wonder whether a human system, regardless of culture, is natural or unnatural? Look at what holds that system in place. Are people punished in some way (socially, economically, physically, sexually, legally, etc) for deviating? Is one group of people treated differently than another group in the same system? Is fear a massive component in the compliance of at least one group involved in the system? Do the rules make sense for everyone if you actually delve beneath the surface and question them? How much resistance do you get from adherents if you question their devotion to the system?
These systems might seem rather tried and true. Rooted in hundreds or thousands of years of history. In fact, many people within the system will cite the long history of a system as proof that ‘it works’. But in actual fact, unnatural systems are quite fragile things. If you take away the many support beams (propaganda, violence, punishment for bad behaviour, etc), the system falls apart. Like a house of cards. Like a house of straw. Without the violence and related support, the system doesn’t work. Isn’t meant to work. Cannot work.
Heterosexuality and the Control of Women: A Fragile System
Women have been controlled by men for thousands of years. Unlike what most people will say, it is not natural. Heterosexuality, which I have posited is not natural at all (both in Part I and Part II), is in fact an unnatural and fragile system that has been forced and is enforced through sustained violence and the threat of violence and a shitload of propaganda. It fails all the tests of what is natural.
- Are people punished in some way (socially, economically, physically, sexually, legally, etc) for deviating? YES
- Is one group of people treated differently than another group in the same system? YES
- Is fear a massive component in the compliance of at least one group involved in the system? YES
- Do the rules make sense for everyone if you actually delve beneath the surface and question them? NO
- How much resistance do you get from adherents if you question their devotion to the system? TONS (for example, I’ve written about some of women’s coping mechanisms here, but there are so many more )
If the violence were taken away. If the threat of violence were taken away. If women were allowed to deprogram and detoxify. If the complex and seriously impressive propaganda machine were shut down, there would be no heterosexuality. No female slavery. The male system, which runs on indentured female energy and service, would collapse. Men certainly won’t allow that. And most women are too brainwashed and cock-whipped to allow that collapse and their ensuing freedom. Freedom can seem very threatening when it is, as yet, undefined.
Some men do realize how fragile their house of cards – their system of dominance – is and that their lives on easy street (compared to women’s) would end if they were to reject the system they currently uphold and reap the benefits of. But it would come undone so easily if even a fraction of the world’s women just stopped, took the actual cocks out of their mouths and other orifices, and proceeded to give the best blow job of their lives. A different kind of blow job. The one where our fragile male system of dominance blew down and away like I imagined that high school douchebag’s house of cards would have had I been less interested in math.
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Danger Pay
When I was 17, I did my time at McDonald’s. Working at Micky-Dee’s is a rite of passage for Canadian teenagers. I stayed for 6 months, and left for another job after a) they raised my shitty pay at the same time that minimum wage went up in my province and called it my ‘scheduled wage increase’ which I was supposed to get after 6 months probation (funny how my ‘raise’ still meant that I made minimum wage…), b) they refused to give me training on other stations than the standard ‘chick position’ of ‘window’ (taking orders inside the restaurant) despite multiple requests, and c) one of my fellow employees terrorized me one night during closing, for which I got in trouble. I came to learn with time and experience that making a fuss when being attacked by a male will always result in you, the female, getting in trouble from others in addition to the trouble resulting from the assault. Always. Always. No one will ever convince me that men are held accountable for terrorizing, hurting, raping or killing women. It’s always a joke, an accident, a mistake, a misunderstanding, and the best one, her fault (she wanted it; I thought she was playing around; I didn’t realize she was serious when she said no/stop; I’ve held a knife to her throat before and she liked it…). Morons. Privileged, violent morons, supported by men and their female cocksuckers.
I think we need to raise the pay of all girls and women of all positions, ages, education levels, and experience. And we need to do this in the name of danger pay. Males have suggested to me before that if workplaces are too dangerous for women, then they should get married and stay at home. Yes, great solution. Really gets at the issue here. The problem is a female one, not a male one. I believe men, not wanting to be shown up by more capable women, deliberately threaten women in workplaces in order to force them back home and under the ‘protection’ of their own personal rapist/slave-owner. It’s quite the scheme.
Well, I like the danger pay idea better. I’m also in favour of the death penalty for all hate crimes against women, but we can start with higher pay. People receive danger pay when their lives are put at risk in the line of duty, and I think as a woman, working with and among men is much more dangerous than say, working on an oil rig. And an oil rig or a polar bear won’t rape you or force you to look over your shoulder every time you come and go! Women are in danger even when they have desk jobs.
So what happened at McDonald’s, that paragon of human rights in action? Well, I was forced to work ‘close’ every weekend. That meant that the restaurant closed to customers late at night, and a handful of staff were left to close down operations and clean the place. I didn’t love late-night duty, but such is the schedule of a part-time female worker. One night, I was on with an aboriginal guy from my high school. I didn’t know him. We worked different stations. We didn’t travel in the same circles at school. And he was scary-weird. My friends were ‘weirdos’, but the harmless kind. This dude had what you could only call ‘crazy eyes’. I’ve never met anyone with quite the same dead, but scary, dark pools that said to me, ‘I want to see your intestines spill from your abdomen while I eat potato chips and masturbate and hum in a high, off-key pitch’. I’d had plenty of bad encounters with boys and men by the age of 17, but I’d never before met and known I was in the presence of a bonafide psychopath. My psychologist father frequently talked about psychopaths at the dinner table, so I knew all about them and realized the truth when I finally met one.
Anyhow, I was doing my thing, trying to finish up my work as quickly as possible, when the aboriginal psychopathic teenager decided he was tired of cleaning and wanted to have some ‘fun’. This fun took the form of a long, sharp knife; crazy, dead eyes; and the pursuit of me around the restaurant.
Have you ever had the misfortune of watching a standard horror movie – you know the ones that provide masturbatory material for males and scare the shit out of females so much that they believe even more deeply that they need a ‘good man’ to protect them from all the psychos out there wanting to rape and kill them? You know, male-designed propaganda that does its job well? Well, there is always a scene in these types of films where the psycho finds the girl, and she runs. And she screams. And the crazy thing is that no matter how much she screams and how fast she runs, the psycho, who is actually just walking in a relaxed, but anticipatory, sort of way, always manages to catch up to her and corner her before killing her in some gruesome way.
Minus the killing part, this is EXACTLY what happened to me. He ‘chased’ me around the restaurant. But I was the one running. He was walking. Dead, crazy eyes pursuing me slowly. He had the butcher knife in his hand. And I screamed. I couldn’t get away. I will never forget the terror for the rest of my life. And feeling completely stunned that this was happening in my workplace of all locations (!?!)
We had a manager on duty. Yeah, we did. Really. And he yelled at me to stop screaming. Did he ask the psychopath to put the knife down and stop terrorizing me? Fuck no! Why would he do that? Women are to blame for everything that happens. They force psychos to pick up knives, to chase them, to do horrible things to them. Men can’t help themselves, you see. Women bring it out in them. Men have no control, and thus must be coddled. Women must be blamed. And the men around these violators will support their pursuits, because deep down inside, all men want to to this kind of shit. Not all go beyond their masturbation over the idea or the actual witnessing of horrors, but THEY ALL SUPPORT the terrorizing and destruction of women and girls. If your special hubby isn’t a rapist, terrorist, woman-beater, whatever, just know that a) he will never do anything to end the male privilege and feeling of superiority that comes out of males terrorizing women, and b) he secretly loves how vulnerable it makes you. When you are vulnerable and scared, it means you need him. When women are empowered and unafraid, they just don’t need men for anything whatsoever. Get it? It is a racket, and all men are in cahoots whether they are the perps or the beneficiaries of the terrorism. No one is innocent. And when you praise your big, strong man for protecting you or for being so big as to not beat you, you reinforce the lie. The lie that women need men.
Anyhow, after getting in trouble that night, after no repercussions for the psycho, after my faux pay raise, and after repeated denial of training to advance my skills and increase my pay, I left for another shitty restaurant job where I was at least allowed to make tips. The aboriginal dude stayed on and was promoted to manager (yes, aboriginal males have privilege and power over ALL women regardless of what myths and lies feel good on your tongue). Can you fucking believe it??? Kudos for the psycho, and another female is forced out of steady employment and establishing some workplace longevity due to fear and discrimination.
Think about how many women leave jobs due to threats from male colleagues, bosses or customers/clients. It’s much more common than we think, yet Human Resources Departments are oblivious to why women’s work histories look different than men’s, even when they have equal or more education. We wonder about all the factors involved in women’s increasingly diminishing pay, especially that of white women (ALL races of men as well as Asian women make more money than white women with the same education these days). We wonder why men tend to stay longer at jobs and have more success in their careers. Men don’t face sex-based threats at work. Ever. Fear is almost never a factor when men choose to leave or change jobs. Men can stay, increase their skills, standing, and pay, while benefiting profusely every time a woman is forced out due to harassment, fear or other sex-based harm/threats. And women can’t cite this kind of thing during interviews as the reason for leaving jobs or for short stays at companies. You won’t get a job if you seem like a trouble-maker. And as I said earlier, women are considered trouble-makers when they voice dissent when they are being terrorized or threatened. The punishment continues long after the actual incidents are over.
Danger pay. I want it. And I want it retroactively for my 30-year work history.
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Why Men Should Not Be Allowed to Teach
It was Germaine Greer who said, and I paraphrase, that it is women who teach and men who ‘train’. I thought the statement interesting and did a little reflection on what it meant and whether it might be true. Teaching, at least from my perspective as one who has taught on and off for over 21 years, is a symbiotic relationship. The teacher is a guide, whose role and scope depends completely on the student or students under her responsibility. The students depend on the tools, information and guidance given by the teacher and use it to grow and learn. Despite the interdependence, it is also a power relationship. The teacher does indeed have more power than the student(s), and the level and shape of that power depends on the age and sex of the students and the sex of the teacher.
What does it mean that ‘men train’? Well, training is completely rooted in a power imbalance. The trainer shapes (even forces) the mind and behaviour of the trainee into the desired form. The trainer is not expected to learn from the trainee. When I think of male teachers that I’ve had, this sounds familiar, with the often added component that that male ‘teacher’ or trainer takes from the trainee and gives little in return. The training or controlling mentality is natural for men. For the most part, higher education is based on this model. But it is applied differently to male and female teachers.
And indeed, when you look at expectations that institutions and students have for male and female teachers, women are given harsher standards. Women are expected to give, nurture, understand, coddle, and be compassionate as well as be knowledgeable. Oh, and they are very much expected to be fuckable or beautiful to have any kind of legitimacy as a teacher. Age is a weird thing for women. If you are young, you are not taken seriously (especially at a university), but there is a magical, unknown point where you are deemed too old to be taken seriously too. Men are expected to be cold, distant, sometimes charismatic or humourous. Attractive? Not required. Because what does attractiveness have to do with imparting knowledge? None! Age? Ditto. Doesn’t matter. If a dude teacher walks in, lectures at students, doles out punishment, and then leaves, he is doing his duty as a ‘teacher’. Same behaviour from a female teacher, and she gets called a ‘bitch’ (the misogynist equivalent of ‘nigger’ or ‘kike’, except that the latter are verboten and taken seriously as slurs, and can get you into serious trouble if you say them). Personally, I like strict teachers who tailor their instruction to the student(s). I don’t want to be coddled. I don’t want a friend. But I want a flexible teacher who will change the game plan if she sees that something isn’t working and who doesn’t believe in one-size-fits-all lessons. I certainly don’t want to have a sexual relationship with a teacher. But males, whether teachers or students, seem to have very blurred lines when it comes to what is acceptable.
And that brings us to the one added component that we often see in male ‘teachers’. There is frequent abuse and sexual abuse of female students. It happens in all countries at all levels of education. All men benefit from rape. Some men rape. All rapists are men. Some teachers are men. Therefore, some male teachers will be rapists, and all males – teachers, students and the general public – will benefit from female terror in the classroom. And the data show this. Many men see rape as a ‘training tool’ or a job perk, and indeed even in these modern times, women have been trained by rape and the fear of rape to fall in line and allow men to continue to wreak havoc on the world and gain unfair advantages in the classroom and workplace. I am against having men in the helping professions, because a) the helping professions (teaching, medicine, law enforcement, etc) are based on power imbalances by definition, and b) men seek out and abuse power relationships by definition. The only way you can minimize abuse in relationships where power abuse is possible is to disallow those who are most likely to abuse that power to have access to it. To do otherwise is to invite heaps of trouble, and we see that this is true every day, everywhere.
All of this is prompted by another real world example of stuff girls and women deal with every single day. Today, I was talking to a former student of mine from about 5 years ago. He asked me if I’d heard the news about our former college. I said I hadn’t. Honestly, I don’t like to think about my former employer. It was a horrible place where I was locked into my staff accommodation at night (photo in this post), and a lot of other horrible stuff happened that badly hurt me physically, psychologically, and financially. It was such a bad place to work that they have to fire all the foreign staff every couple of years in order to bring on a fresh, naive batch to abuse. They cleaned house the year I finished there and relocated for a better job. Anyhow, my student told me that the college made the news recently. Graduation just happened, and a female student returned to the college to receive her diploma. One of her male teachers refused to sign off on her graduation unless she let him rape her. LUCKILY, she complained or told the right person. Shockingly, they took her seriously, and fired that ‘teacher’ (trainer/rapist). Rape is not talked about very much in China, and I’m guessing it is even more poorly reported than it is in ‘free’ countries where women are more vocal, but are still very much unequal and enslaved. As it is, we female students around the world must put up with all sorts of weird male teacher abuse, sexual or otherwise. Myself, the best letter of reference I got as an undergraduate was from a male professor who enjoyed frequently squeezing and pinching my upper arms so hard it left bruises. Did I say anything? No. I needed that letter of reference. And he was my only ally against another male professor who tried to fail me on my senior thesis and who psychologically abused me for two years. Couldn’t say anything about him either – he was an untouchable full tenured professor. And I was dependent on him for my part-time job (I solely supported myself) and my final grade. I guess I should be thankful none of them tried to rape me. It was only physical and psychological abuse. And guess what? No male students had to go through that. I laugh when males try to tell me how hard their lives are… Try living as an object aspiring to be human and see how much fun you have…
So, I wonder about two things.
- How often do male teachers actually rape (forced rape, coerced rape, etc) female students? It is much harder for girls and women to report or rationalize reporting assault when it is committed by someone they know and/or someone with very clear and socially/legally accepted power over them. My guess is that it happens all the time, and it is often reframed by the teacher-rapist, the student-victim, and by society at large as a ‘relationship’, a ‘mistake’ made by the student, a misinterpretation, one of those ‘that’s life’ events that seem to always happen to girls and women, or it just didn’t happen.
- How sensationalized and overblown is female teacher abuse of male students? It is a rare thing indeed and gets more play than any male crime ever would. So rare, they make documentaries on the same few deranged female teachers. Keep in mind two things:
a) women who abuse power should be punished (and yes, women abuse power too – one of my current excellent female students in China is physically KICKED and yelled at by a female professor every time she is forced to meet with her), and
b) women cannot, by definition, be rapists; and males, by definition, cannot be raped. The language has been deliberately confused by liberals in order to downplay what men do constantly to women and to falsely play males as victims. New language should be created by women to accurately define crimes.
Suffice it to say though that virtually all sex crimes are perpetrated by men, and the vast majority of sex crimes are forced on female victims. Given these overwhelming data – you’d be stupid to argue anything else – it is in the best interest of the entire population to keep men out of the helping professions and any professions where abuse of power (male against female) is dangerously possible, and dog help me, oh so very tempting. We (not I) argue that men have brains so they can both control their behaviour and learn from their mistakes. But they don’t. They don’t because they aren’t forced to. And men won’t change unless they are forced to. There is no better nature to appeal to. We’ve been waiting thousands of years for this better nature to magically appear. Keep men away from tempting power abuse situations with females. Female health and safety are more important than hurt male feelings. Any day. One day, I’ll talk more about false positives and why they don’t matter when it comes to female health and safety. For now, for all of you out there saying “Not all men…” or “That’s not fair to men…”, how about the current sitch, where we already operate on these get out of jail free philosophies? We already operate on the “Not all men” principle. It doesn’t work. And what do you say to all of us who have been abused by men in the helping professions? You negate my (your mother’s, your sister’s, your daughter’s, your) right to safety and living free from threats and fear when you give men the benefit of the doubt. That’s not fair to women and girls. It’s not okay to take away from us in order to let men do as they wish.
[This post is part of the Wolves in Women’s Clothing series.]
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Male Existence: Creating Problems to Stave Off Obsolescence
A long, long time ago, men realized something.
They are next to useless. Essentially obsolete. There is almost no reason for their existence. And as scientific knowledge has progressed, we can correctly say that now, there really is no purpose for men. Women have the capacity to breed with other women. We don’t even need freeze-dried spunk or the jizz of farmed or jailed males to replicate anymore. Men know this, and especially lately, we are seeing backlash against women in all corners of the world by men and sometimes by women on behalf of men. Male violence increases as their self-awareness and fear of reality increases. Infantile violent backlash: classic male modus operandi. But it is not to be disregarded in the way that you might the temper tantrum of a toddler.
This male realization isn’t a recent one. Backlash has been coming in waves for eons. Early on, men realized that in Woman, all capacities existed. Unlike in themselves, nothing was missing. Any and every task could be completed by women, usually in less time, in a smarter fashion, and more efficiently. AND with less violence and cruelty. Men realized they were not creative beings in several senses.
Men have, more recently, called this natural, female self-sufficiency and strong capability ‘emasculation‘. In other words, the fact that women don’t need men at all is construed by men to be some sort of attack on maledom, itself. It is nothing of the sort. Women are women, and without intention or crafty malice at all, we are just capable of anything and everything. Without male interference. Sorry, dudes. We just don’t need you. You are obsolete. But you knew that and have known that for a long time.
How do we know men have long known this fact? By the sheer violence that they first unleashed upon us a long time ago and continue to unleash. By the continued enslavement and forced fear they imposed on us early on. By the current state of our sagging, wheezing, dying world. By the currently (male) defined and accepted definitions of what is good and what is bad.
In short, men try to deny and counter their obsolescence by creating reasons to exist. And the only way they can craft a pseudo existence is by creating problems. When there are problems, men get to work trying to ‘solve’ them (aka, create new problems). Don’t be fooled. All male solutions are new problems. To truly solve a real problem, no new problems would be created. And then the reality of male obsolescence would come crashing down again. By continued male existence, we absolutely guarantee that the world will continue to smoulder. Male creation is actually destruction. It is the only way they can be. Signing on to support males ensures that you support destruction – especially your own as a woman.
Problems men have created out of nothing to ensure their continued ‘worth’
Designing things and systems that defy Nature and the natural order and then trying to force them to work against all odds is the male form of creation (destruction). All of the following work together to ensure that men feel they are useful.
Overpopulation is the single worst thing to happen to the planet and to humans and ensures a male purpose in the quest to ‘solve’ the resulting problems. It is the most direct and most easily predictable outcome of female slavery by men. ‘Free’ women (no woman is truly free) in a male-dominated world tend not to breed at all or at very low rates, as having children in a male world is a form of slavery. A ‘free’ woman realizes that. So domination and indoctrination of females has always been the number one priority on men’s list of things to do. Slavery leads to forced breeding and over-breeding. And it is men’s proudest accomplishment in that it leads to a multitude of other created problems that men can pretend to work on and thus use to justify their existence. Overpopulation leads to overcrowding, unemployment, poverty, famine, conflict/war, health crises, pollution, poisoning of the world, lack of education, and a whole hell of a lot more. It is a juicy morsel of problems that can employ men on several levels as they create non-solutions (i.e., more problems). None of these problems can truly be solved until women are liberated from men – physically and mentally. Until then, they will continue.
Capitalism – or permission to abuse in name of self-interest – the ultimate reflection or manifestation of the immature, selfish and violent male ego, defies the natural order of human existence and creates a host of problems that allow men to create purpose for themselves. Capitalism absolutely CANNOT exist in the long-term unless some humans are enslaved. The longer it goes on, the more twisted it becomes. Capitalism cannot exist in a world that is equal or fair. In a capitalist system, a great deal of unpaid or underpaid labour must be performed in order to make it ‘work’. The point of this system is to create monetary wealth, and there is no such thing as monetary wealth if everyone has the same amount. Wealth is a relative term dependent upon what everyone possesses. Thus, you can’t be wealthy unless some people have little or nothing. In this case, the vast majority of the enslaved and those who possess little or nothing are women. Capitalism requires that a large number of people (women) live in poverty so that a minority (select sociopathic men of all races) can live in excess, and a larger minority (also mostly men, regardless of race) can live in relative comfort. Versions of capitalism exist in most parts of the world and transcends race, religion and culture. It is an economic system that pits male against female. It requires that ALL people believe that this is a natural thing, a natural order. It also requires ALL people to believe that it is possible to become one of those at the top. It is kind of like religion and the concept of heaven or nirvana. If you do the right combination of things, you can live the good (after)life. But it is a (male) fantasy. Many must suffer needlessly so that a few can self-indulge on a shameful level. But it is not natural. It is male-created. Men can only conceive of hierarchy and suffering. The idea that any person could live free of domination is beyond the male mind, despite the fact that freedom is actually the more natural state. Even male conceptions of equal societies (e.g., communism à la Marx) can never be realized as equal systems because they have been conceived by men and have been carried out by men. Men don’t allow equality or freedom to all, no matter what they say. Someone must always be enslaved to satisfy the male need to dominate.
Violence is a mandatory part of male existence, and paired with female enslavement and forced breeding, war and conflict are a constant. This is exciting for men because war creates jobs and a false sense of male purpose. There is absolutely no incentive for men to end conflict. 1) They lose a massive supply of rape fodder (‘enemy’ women and forced prostitutes in devastated areas). 2) Natural male bloodlust is satisfied. 3) Money is made off of war through the creation and fake-solving of problems. Take away conflict and men become useless. Look at the aftermath of WWII in North America. Women like my grandmother easily held down the home front. They found new purpose after being freed from mandatory rape and other wife/slave duties. They had jobs. They took over sports and entertainment. They renewed friendships with other women without men getting in the way and making demands. When men came back from war, they were lost with no purpose. They saw that women had easily gotten on without them. Men were not needed at all. So they solved this problem by displacing the women, brainwashing them once again, putting them back in the kitchens and laundry rooms, and forcing them to spread their legs and believe in ‘romance’ (hello Baby Boom – aka post-war-rape-babies).
Another part of mandatory violence is that men have created a protection racket. By legally allowing men to destroy women through rape and violence, men can sell their protection services to women as ‘love’ and ‘respect’, thus ensuring continued female slavery through marriage, and ensuring male jobs in the military, police force, and prison system. Take away the male right to rape, and women are free from violence and thus don’t ‘need’ men to protect them. Male-dominated society falls apart and men become obsolete when you take away women’s fear. But this will never happen. Men know this. War will continue. Rape will continue. Fear will continue.
Religion is the psychological glue that holds everything together and provides a justification for domination, violence, ignorance, poverty, female slavery, and every other problem that men create out of a need to feel needed. Religion justifies the creation of problems. Religion gives men validation and a sense of the right to exist despite evidence to the contrary. Religion is a male-created problem in and of itself. In the absence of or rejection of religion in a male’s life, he will naturally look to elevate other systems to that of religion. Science is a good example of this. While science is an objective and useful tool for acquiring knowledge, in men’s hands, it becomes a weapon against women and nature, and takes on the role of religion as the great justifier for violence through non-thinking and subjectivity (e.g., look at the fanatical zeal with which atheist men have elevated a non-science such as evolutionary psychology in order to justify rape).
Male thought patterns that help men deny their obsolescence
The concept of ‘doing something because it can be done‘ – also a male concept, and one that I hear constantly from the mouths of men – is anti-Nature and unethical. There is such a thing as crossing the line when it comes to human action and the pursuit of goals and knowledge. Harm tends not to be something that men consider – unless it is harm of oneself, and even then, the thought doesn’t always register since a slave woman is always there to pick up the pieces and make sure he survives and lives in comfort. As a result, most men don’t hesitate in crossing lines of harm in the pursuit of knowledge glory, money, etc.
Competition – a male concept that men have tried to build into an argument based on Nature (Nature is handy for men at times, but not at others) – is actually unnecessary among humans who are living naturally in a woman-centred way. Men see competition as a natural thing in all areas of life that can justify some truly horrific things done to other humans and to justify forcing a large number of people (women) to live in deplorable ways. Human dignity, growth and advancement is not possible with the level of competition required in a male-dominated society.
Progress and growth – directly tied to capitalism – is the idea that something can come from nothing, and that success can only be defined as ‘more’. Ignorant and infantile and greedy, of course. Progress and growth are seldom realistic without line-crossing, serious human rights abuses, and environmental destruction.
My prediction is that as knowledge progresses, as women achieve on all levels, as more women chip away at the barriers to their liberation, the backlash from males will increase. Fear is a powerful thing, and the realization of one’s limited use on earth is something that can scare the most ‘manly’ of men. In fact, I would tell all women: the more violent a man is towards you, the more scared he is of you and the more he realizes how ineffectual he is. Not comforting news, I know. But that is why he is trying to hurt you. He is afraid of what you are and what he can never be. Stopping this misogynist bullshit is another matter altogether, however; and really should be addressed by women more seriously than it currently is.
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When You Aren’t Born with Radar
I have something serious to say, but I’ll start it off with some light-hearted fun. After all, we all know that being female in this day and age and having to deal with the constant male-created obstacles to true humanity is exhausting and depressing and downright dangerous, sometimes. Blowing off some steam every once in a while is an absolute must. So I’ll break this into two parts. The fun part and the serious part.
Part I: Get your trans on!
I’ve discovered a ‘make your own trannie’ site!!!!1!
Well, okay. That’s not what it is called and that is not what it is supposed to be for. It’s actually a very harmful site geared towards teenaged and pre-teen girls who already deeply hate themselves and who have been heavily indoctrinated into the cult of whoredom otherwise known as The World Under Patriarchy.
Yeah, it’s Seventeen Magazine online. And their message is “Welcome to life as a woman, you ugly, worthless bitch!”
What Seventeen offers us laydees is the opportunity to upload photos of our normal, ugly selves and then gives us the tools to dream of what could be… with enough money and self-loathing and insecurity, that is. They fulfill several of the Patriarchal goals: wasting the time and money of females (two things that would help women become independent of men), reinforcing the idea of women as sex and of having one’s value wrapped up in saleable fuckability, and hammering home the idea of inadequacy and self-hatred.
Now for those of us who don’t comply with femininity, who realized early on that wearing make-up makes you look like a cheap clown, and who couldn’t apply eyeliner properly to save our lives, this tool ends up being a hilarious diversion. Or… a helpful assistant in the development of a blog post. Upload photos of men and in less than 5 minutes, you have your own brand-spanking new M2T ready to totter off down the street in stilettos. When I was a child, we didn’t have computers to mess around with, so I had to settle for cross-dressing my Barbie and Ken dolls. (Luckily, no one in my family knew or cared.) If I were a kid these days, I’d be online, trannifying every boy in my class.
Now, in order to avoid publishing photos of dudes who might actually be recognized, I located some computer-generated pics of males that were used in an oh-so-important psych experiment on attractiveness (I’ll save you the mystery of the study findings: human people find computer-generated images more attractive than images of actual people. I prefer men on paper rather than in reality too, but I don’t think that is quite what the study findings were getting at…) So, I uploaded two photos of men to Seventeen, and went to work, sweet memories of trying desperately to snap Barbie’s bikini top closed around Ken’s thick masculine torso swimming in the recesses of my mind. When I discovered velcro and elastic, back in my childhood sewing days, I was in heaven. And so were the dolls 😉
In case anyone is wondering, Comp-gen male #1 was given a Kiera Knightly hairdo. Comp-gen dude #2 got the Bella Thorne up-do.
Part II: How the fuck do I tell the difference?
But the original purpose of this post was not to waste time making boys look like stereotyped versions of girls. I can’t imagine that being fun for very long (for me, that is) – I actually prefer doing algebra, to be honest. No, I really just wanted to ask a question. The question concerns an ability all men think all women have, and when it turns out we don’t, and men’s feelings get hurt, we get blamed instead. The ability is this: all women are supposed to innately be able to tell the difference between a sweet, little, innocent man and a rapist. A kind of ‘rapist radar’, if you will. In reality, no women has this. Sometimes, a really creepy dude will set off ‘alarm bells’ in you head, or you’ll get a gut feeling about a dude. But really, women don’t have this magical ability to sort men into two boxes. Rapist and non-rapist. Scary piece of shit and Nice Guy™. What women end up doing instead is naturally fearing ALL men. You’d have to be a complete dingbat (or thoroughly destroyed inside) not to. Given how pervasive violence against women is, and how few shits the powers that be (men) give about women’s safety and rights, the correct position for women to take is to fear all men at all times.
Men don’t like this. They constantly complain that they are ‘not like that’, that women are unfair, and that they hurt men’s fragile little feelings when they react to them with fear or mistrust. Trannies (M2Ts) – the uber-males of the cult of gender fetishizing – are much worse. First, they are mentally ill; second, they are very entitled due to the whole male privilege/rapist class status thing; and third, they have constructed a narrative of false oppression that is necessary to maintaining their delusion that they are female and that allows them to justify obliterating women’s very necessary boundaries.
So tell me this:
Can you tell which one of these two dudes will hurt you?
What about these two dudes?
Right. You can’t tell. It could be all of them, or one of them, or none of them. And until a radar is developed that will lock down a violent predator before he can act, women’s spaces must be preserved, the law must reflect the needs of women and their safety, and men must listen to the word ‘no’ and get it through their heads that being a special unicorn and not a rapist is irrelevant. Your feelings are nothing compared to women’s safety and basic freedom. It is the height of arrogance and narcissism not to be able to see this. All men, every single one of you, including trannie pervs, benefit from the effects of violence against women. And you know this is true – or else you would be fighting tooth and nail to end it. And by the way, even if this radar could be developed, women still need their own space away from men. That should never be on the table for elimination.
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Know Your Enemy: Humiliation in Action
I can’t believe I blocked this out, as I had intended to write about this social experiment earlier. It is directly connected to my previous post on fighting back against men using humiliation and shame as effective tools. Thanks to some email correspondence with another blogger (you know who you are 🙂 ), my memory was jogged, and here is an unplanned part two of that post.
My father was a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, and as I later became aware and able to articulate, a misogynist dickface. He knew little about child or female psychology despite having studied and treated both populations, but he sure as fuck knew something about male psychology. Perhaps not on an insightful level that might have been put to widespread good use for womankind, but it came in handy for me one day when I found myself in yet another physically abusive situation at the hands of a male. This time, I was in the 11th grade (for non-Canadians, this would be age 16).
The physical, sexual and psychological abuse of girls starts at birth and only gets worse as you get older and as boys grow comfortably into their socially-rewarded natural proclivity for the sado-sexual abuse of females.
No stranger to sucker punches to the gut and crotch, sexual assault, being surrounded and kicked and humiliated and chased and stalked by boys from the age of 5 – yanno, when formal schooling starts – I found myself in Grade 11 with a new admirer.
Let’s call him Shitlord. I can’t remember his real name, and this one is better suited to him anyhow.
A couple of times a week, I had Spanish class, following which, like all students, I would exit the classroom to move on to another room for another class. Nothing unusual about that. But at some point early in the semester, exiting that classroom became something to dread. You see, a boy – a classmate of my sister’s actually – had class in the same room right after I did. I didn’t know Shitlord, but for some reason, he knew me. And he took it upon himself to show up early, position himself just outside the door to the classroom out of view, and to trip me as I exited so that I fell flat on my face. He found it enjoyable. I didn’t.
Now, I wasn’t large and I wasn’t small. But I was strong for a girl. At the age of 16, my father took sick pleasure in pitting me against his 30-something-year-old male friends in arm wrestling matches. Most times, I nearly won. It was amusement for the men-folk. But despite this acknowledged strength, I wasn’t a naturally violent or aggressive person. And the indoctrination of females can render their physical strength useless, much of the time. I was horribly shy, depressed and anxious, and as a female from a hardcore emotionally abusive household, rather terrified of standing up for myself and rather confused about what normal behaviour towards girls was actually supposed to look like. I usually accepted emotional and psychological and sometimes sexual abuse, since that was ‘normal’ for me, but I was pretty sure what physical abuse was. And I didn’t fucking like it. And I hated being humiliated in public as well. Ending up sprawled on the floor with everyone laughing at you is humiliating.
So one day, my suppressed rage was unleashed. I leaped to my feat and took this boy by the front of his shirt and slammed him up against the bank of lockers with some choice language and cocked my fist. It was easy to do and I probably could have beat the shit out of him, to be honest. He wasn’t a huge boy. It was doable. But he laughed at me. It was in public, and I was just a girl. Boys aren’t physically afraid of girls usually. I desisted somehow realizing that while it might be satisfying to physically dominate Shitlord, it probably wouldn’t end well for me.
So uncharacteristically, I approached the father figure for some advice. I knew that I’d need another tactic, if there were indeed other tactics available. And at 16, I knew I might be able to get some help from a master manipulator. And oh boy, I knew what a mind-fucker a psychologist could be.
Dr. Dad listened to the problem and suggested the following. “You need to embarrass him. This guy is a bully. He is insecure. Beating him up won’t do anything. Find a way to embarrass him in front of his friends.”
So I thought about it. And an opportunity came up the following week. We had two lunch periods at my school, and I discovered that Shitlord had P.E. class during my lunch on one of the days. I had been eating my brown bag lunch outside with a friend and we were sitting on the bleachers of the football/soccer field. And out pranced Shitlord’s male gym class. They were learning to toss footballs. I saw my chance. I called out, “Shitlord!!! Hi!!! Hello honey!!! I love youuuuu!!! You are so sexy!!! I love watching you!!! Throw the football more!!!! So hot!!!” I made kissy faces and gestures. Over the top. All the guys started laughing at Shitlord. He looked pee-in-his-pants uncomfortable. And my girlfriend and I laughed and waved for the entire class period making sure Shitlord was self-conscious and uncomfortable the whole time.
And that stupid, violent piece of shit never bothered me again. In fact, I never again saw him waiting outside my classroom as I exited after that.
The moral of the story is that you have to know your enemy. You have to study them to find out what will work against them. It ain’t one-size-fits-all. Find their weaknesses. For most, avoidance is the best thing to try first, although we are frequently forced to interact with them. So to stop them, study them. For some, you do have to be violent in response to them. For others, you have to engage in serious mind-fuckery. Some will respond nicely to you using their own tactics against them. And for some, like simpleton bullies such as Shitlord, some basic public humiliation will do the trick nicely. There is always a weakness.
But.
Keep in mind that all men have power over you as a woman. You are at an automatic disadvantage on many levels when your opponent is male, and you are at even more of a disadvantage if the male can rely upon some ‘oppression’ status (race, low SES, trannie/M2T, etc) to use an excuse for hurting you or blind authorities and the public to the most important thing: male abuse of female. Some male enemies are formidable due to other power advantages such as money or political clout, a history of violence which lends them confidence and cockiness, or mental health status (psychopaths are fucking dangerous). Always have back up if you engage in direct interaction. Document everything they do to you. Try to establish witnesses. Keep a paper and/or video and/or audio trail of everything they do to you and any interaction you have with them. Be careful about initiating anything that could be construed as an unprovoked attack even if you are setting up a trap to catch them in their abuse. For most average non-psychopathic/non-narcissistic dudes, shame and humiliation are the most effective defense strategies you have against them. My father would likely say the same thing if you asked him. You usually won’t stop a dude physically without a weapon, and you can make your own decision about whether that is an option for you… In violent situations, which is unfortunately what so many women are forced to deal with, always go to the police, even it if is only to document incidents. The police are generally not friends to women, and often dismiss what women have to say, but it may help in establishing a credible pattern of abuse. But I refuse to accept what all women are told: that’s life, life is unfair, you just have to accept it and be positive.
I have had a little bit of success with non-psychopathic men in situations that are not physically dangerous. In this case, it is about reprogramming the programmed female response to males (submission) and sometimes using male psychological and conversation tactics against men:
- Stopping misogynist conversation bullying by using male derail tactics
- How to avoid being sucked into an abusive online convo with a male ‘feminist’
- Ignoring narcissists: stopping abuse and energy-suckage before it starts
Margaret Atwood said with great insight that men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are also afraid of this, but humiliation and shame absolutely pale in comparison to all the other things we fear from them because of male inborn and socialized sadism. Men live free and clear, with no real threat from women. But, from a young age, girls learn from repeat experience that they need to fear men for rape, sexual assault, stalking, beatings, torture, disease, pregnancy, permanent injury, and loss of life.
Also note that as a female, it is not your job to ‘fix’ men and boys or to try to figure out why the dumb shits do what they do to women and girls. It is your job to take care of yourself the best way you can and by using whatever means necessary to fend off male abuse. If humiliating abusive males seems ‘unfair’ to you, ask yourself who started it it all in the first place (answer: men) and whether putting females into horrible situations is fair.
Male offense = crime, oppression, privilege.
Female defense = completely justified, necessary for health and survival.
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Why Don’t We Use Public Humiliation and Shaming on Men?
Humiliation and shaming are important tools in the arsenal that men are handed at birth to be used mostly against girls and women. One of the fastest ways to get females to comply or to desist is to take a behaviour that has been forced on them and to make them feel dirty and evil for doing it. A super-nova mindfuck if there ever was one.
There are few countries more adept at passive-aggressive fuckery than China. It is an accepted practice in all environments to psychologically destroy people. Public shaming and humiliation – and the key part in a hive-mind culture is the PUBLIC part of this – is a well-loved tactic. When I lived in the Chinese countryside several years ago, I remember walking past one of the community bulletin boards. A communist leader had posted some photos that were part of the official government record and they told the story of several public humiliations. I wish I’d photographed the photos at the time – I wish I’d done that with a lot of the shit I saw in what I consider to be ‘real China’, the countryside, the China that most of the world never, ever sees – it seemed very medieval to me. In a nutshell, in each photo was depicted a person who was clearly some kind of criminal. A sign had been hung around their neck and they were stood in front of the community who all looked on. Public humiliation and shaming. Arrest wasn’t enough of a punishment. The people had to be made an example publicly. It is an extraordinarily effective form of punishment.
And it is commonly used on women.
In a recent post, Radical Witch (sadly, her blog has been discontinued) pointed out astutely that in no country do cops take the harm and subjugation of women seriously. In fact, they often support it and participate in it. They are mostly men, working in an aggressive, power-driven field. They have everything to gain by destroying women. China is no different.
Some photos have come out demonstrating how the police treat prostitutes in China.
Prostitution is illegal in China. But like all males in the world, Chinese men love it, want it, use it, and publicly denigrate the fact that it exists, and more importantly, the women who become trapped in it. And prostitution is rampant. The government calls it illegal, but all officials use prostitutes during their meetings and official visits. And then, every once in a while, something like what is depicted in the photos above happens. Only men win here.
Several years ago, I was taking some Chinese classes, and I was talking to one British dude who worked as a chemist and a manager in a toxic chemical plant in Southern China. He was in charge of meeting with Chinese government officials in order to do health and safety checks. As he recalled one event, the officials showed up, completely hand-waved the inspections away, and waited for him to provide the food, drink and prostitutes. This is very, very standard for China. Revelry and debauchery on the public dime (rmb) and then signatures on crucial documents that are supposed to make sure workers have safe environments and that the environment is safe from human dealings.
So here is my question. Why the fuck don’t we start publicly humiliating men for the shit they do to women? And I mean serious public humiliation. As it is, public knowledge of a politician sending a dick pic or getting caught with prostitutes does nothing to stop him from further success – especially if he is religious. But let’s parade him naked in public. Let’s measure his dick on camera and make comments about its inadequacy. Let’s pose him in a degrading pose he forced upon the prostitutes he used and laugh at him. I mean seriously, if this stuff is acceptable and effective against women who have done nothing wrong other than try to survive in a world that hates them, I’m willing to try it on men – cops, politicians, CEOs, and hell, regular guys! – to stop their actual crimes. We’ll see how much longer they continue raping and murdering and torturing and threatening if there are actual, serious consequences for their actions.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Except in this case, it would be justified and reasonable. And fuck it, I love social experiments.
[Part II: Public Humiliation in Action – High School Edition]
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Only Men Benefit When Even Feminists Don’t Know What Rape Is
Language is important. I’m not going to do a history of language or do a deep analysis of how language, in the hands of men, has affected and continues to affect women. There are excellent blogs (one in my side bar) devoted to the study of patriarchy and language, and while I teach language and love to learn about meaning, evolution of meaning and word origins, I am in no way an expert nor can I do a better analysis than said experts.
But I want to talk about the word rape and how it is defined. I am not going to provide a deep history of the word or a legal history of the meaning. There are actually some excellent articles out there that do this very thing, which are highly findable through a Google search. I’ll give a brief background, and then plunge into my intended topic, which is current and relevant now, and I’ll tie it in to some unexpected results of my quickie quiz on feminism dilution, which you can still participate in if you wish.
The purpose of language is to communicate. Maybe you’re saying ‘duh’ to yourself, but given that I teach university ESL (speaking, writing, research communication) in China, I’ve noticed that after 10+ years of English study, most of my students can’t communicate to save their lives. (The Chinese government isn’t focused on communication, but obscure-grammar-test-taking.) So, I don’t consider my statement to be all that elementary or obvious. Language exists to allow us to communicate. To communicate problems, needs, wants, states of being, observations, discoveries. You name it.
It’s a tool. And like all tools that exist in our international patriarchy, it is controlled by men. What is the purpose of controlling language? Well, simply, the class that controls language, also controls who gets to express problems, needs, wants, states of being, observations, discoveries, etc. So, as men are in control of language, they are the ones who get to express themselves openly. They are the ones who have legitimate problems, needs, wants, states of being, observations, discoveries, etc. Women? Not so much.
Language forms the bedrock upon which the educational, political, legal, medical, and all other systems are built. So if you control language, you control these systems. And they work for you, the controllers.
The legal system uses male-defined language to protect men from each other and from women and their silly-willy accusations. Women are not protected by the law because the language does not allow them to define their problems/crimes against them.
So we get to rape. The word ‘rape’ has a long history, and men have been fucking around with its definition for centuries. Since the early 13th century, it has been used to mean all sorts of things from speed/hurry, a kind of food, plundering, theft, seduction of men, kidnapping women, and sexually violating women.
In more modern times, most of the various definitions have fallen away, and it has come to vaguely mean ‘sexually violating a woman’. But even that is problematic as it doesn’t address by whom, how, and under what circumstances. And that was the intention. By controlling the meaning of the word, men essentially controlled the crime and its prevalence. If a woman can’t fit the constantly shifting definition of the crime, then no crime has been committed against her. Sweet! For men.
Now there are many other issues and problems with how rape is seen and prosecuted, but I won’t be addressing those here as many, many other worthy people have devoted their expertise to its discussion and analysis. My concern is with language; specifically, defining rape, and by whom and to whom is it done.
At some point in the not too distant past, women started speaking up for male victims of sexual assault (male prisoners, Catholic school boys, DV abuse victims, etc), and the movement took on a life of its own. Once a problem experienced by males has been identified, it takes on immediate importance and seriousness on all levels of society, and almost always, if it is similar to a very widespread problem experienced by females, the latter is brushed under the carpet in order to devote time and resources to men and boys.
This has happened with rape. At some point, it was decided that men and boys could be raped. I suspect, like with backlash to all progress women make in having their oppression acknowledged, this male rape victim business followed women making headway in having rape taken seriously. All of a sudden, we heard: “Men can be raped, tooooo!!!” And everyone got on board. With that movement came the mantra that rape wasn’t a sex-motivated crime but one of violence, which I think is incorrect, despite what experts say. If rape were a crime solely of violence/domination, straight men would be ‘raping’ men right, left and centre. They don’t. And at the same time, straight men would just beat up or kill women like they do men and leave the vaginal penetration out of it. I believe rape is a sexual and violent/dominance/power-motivated crime. And the adamant nature of the ‘it’s not sexual’ argument smacks of a patriarchal system cleverly trying to weasel its way out of naming sex-based oppression and male-domination as real problems, which would then have to be dealt with. Men would be held responsible for once, in other words.
And so, ‘rape’ is no longer a sex-based crime committed by men and boys against women and girls as a deliberate act of terrorism designed to uphold a millennia-long system of male dominance. And when you subscribe to that, you erase the existence of misogyny and hate crimes against women. You give equal importance to the occasional ‘rape’ of one man here and there as you do to the international crisis of the rape of women and girls. They essentially become the same, and thus women no longer have a unique problem.
Now, let’s get to my little quiz. On the whole, the respondents were on board with radical feminist theory. There was a small contingent confused by which factors influenced economic outcome most (15% of respondents didn’t see sex as being the number one factor harming economic success, and instead erroneously chose race or sexual orientation).
But the most surprising outcome was that this mostly feminist group of respondents didn’t have a feminist working definition of rape. It surprised me because they well understood why allowing men to define sex, as we are seeing with the whole trans (MtT) movement, is a problem for women. Specifically, when men can magically become women, and when sex and gender are equated, it erases sex. It erases misogyny and sex-based oppression. Women suddenly become ‘oppressors’ of newly transformed/realized ‘women’, instead of the largest and longest-standing oppressed group in the history of the world. So respondents saw this and understood this issue with men controlling language, and specifically the language of oppression as it related to the trans movement.
But what most respondents didn’t get was how allowing men to define the specific term ‘rape’ to be a crime against men and women where perps could possibly be either men or women, erases the seriousness of a crime of sexual terrorism against women. Rape has lost its unique and important meaning, in other words, and even feminists have bought in. I’m worried about that.
One of the three options to the question was about a male-on-female act (which was the feminist answer). The other two options allowed for male AND female victims with variation in wording of details.
Specifically and sadly, only 26% of respondents correctly defined rape as ‘forced, coerced, or unwanted PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex that is done by males to females.
Now, this quiz is not nuanced enough, as I stated in the original post. As the designer, I’m the first one to admit inadequacy. There is more to explore here. I didn’t look at the sex of perps, specifically, but focused on victims. And you certainly can’t draw big conclusions based on an untested test with one inadequate, related question. So, I honestly don’t know what respondents are thinking. I mean something is going on. Possibly people were thinking that in the case of lesbians, women can rape women. Possibly some people believed that rape could involve the penetration of an anus or a mouth. But what was clear was that most respondents believed that men could be raped. And that is a big problem.
But regardless of what is going on, one thing can be said for sure. We need better, woman-defined language concerning different kinds of sexual assault. I would like to see rape better defined to return to a male-on-female crime (as it was for so long) that is both sex-based and sexual in nature as well as power or violence-motivated. I am not sure why ‘forced sodomy’ isn’t enough to describe the assault of men’s (or women’s) anuses. Prison ‘rape’, speaks to me of male guards and psychologists and doctors (and MtTs) sexually assaulting the vaginas of FEMALE prisoners – not of male prisoners/guards assaulting male prisoners. And I think we need to stop calling it that in order to ensure that assault of women and girls actually means something. We need language to address crime between lesbians. We need language to define the occasional assault of a man by a woman. We need clear language about specific acts. We really don’t have that. There is better definition of acts in porn…
As it is, rape is now a word that can apply to anyone and everyone for all sorts of different acts of sexual violence, which isn’t really sexual, but ‘violent’. Whatever.
[Note: Since this post was published, I created a rape survey, and provided a post-survey discussion.]
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Waiting for It: The First Trannie School Shooting
Like all people, I’m constantly surrounded by male violence and the sensationalism and glorification of male violence. Today was no different.
I was forced to spend precious time dealing with Chinese racist bullshit today, and as I was standing in one of the businesses I had to deal with, my attention swivelled to the television they had turned on in a corner of the establishment. It was news hour, and lo and behold, the story was about some Chinese man who’d made a video (ransom demand? who the hell knows) of himself with a knife to the throat of some Chinese kid. All the customers, including a little kid hanging about, were riveted. I was disgusted. Same shit, different day, different country, different culture. Men being garbage and shitting on innocents.
And that sent my mind to wander. In the US, the same scenario has presented itself time and time again – the weapon of choice is more likely to be a gun, but the intent is the same. Psycho man threatens woman or child or a whole mess of them at once. And my mind turned to how women just don’t do this shit. You never see news stories about women taking hostages (unless they are under the thrall of a male psychopath), or shooting up places, or doing random violence. Very rarely you’ll see a mother who has killed her children; I’m actually surprised we don’t see more of this given how many women are forced into motherhood and marital slavery despite hating children and become mentally broken down as a result, but that is another post. I’m following a train of thought here.
So after contemplating how little violent crime is perpetrated by women, my mind turned to school shootings and the little turds who commit that kind of crime. They are ALWAYS male. Always. Always. It’s a very male thing to do despite most people’s knee-jerk scrambling wish to explain away the behaviour as a random act. Nope. Men are about violence. It is their solution to what they see as problems.
And then my mind turned to trannies, in particular men and boys who feel squishy inside and think that squishiness is an essential and defining female quality. With the desperate push all over the West now to convert boys to girls as early as possible, I really believe we are going to see a change in crime statistics. Suddenly, there will be (we’re seeing it already!) this inexplicable (haha) increase in women raping women. Magic! Sociologists are likely salivating over a new conundrum. Why are girls suddenly becoming so violent? We don’t understand despite all our insight and higher learning. What could be going on??? Is it all the education girls are getting these days? Is it that evil feminism corrupting them???
No, undeserving PhD holders. You see, putting a dress on a boy doesn’t change anything except his outward appearance. He is still a boy with all the violent tendencies that go along with XY status. When he commits violent acts, he is doing it as a boy and because he is a boy. I mean, I read some of the threatening, evil shit they write to and about women online, and all I see and hear is male. Women don’t talk filth like trannies do.
And I really think it is only a matter of time before one of these social-outcast, mentally deranged, confused, damaged, gun-home-residing boys comes to school in a dress and a mask and toting a metal penis gun, and shoots the fucking place up. And he’ll shoot girls, primarily. Because girls – especially ones who don’t trust and embrace them without question – are the natural enemy of a trans, according to most of them. And the news headline will read “First female mass school shooting.” And a whole new cohort of sociologists will have their PhD dissertation material at the ready. And I guarantee you that under the bus, you’ll find a badly smushed radical feminism, an easy target for all that’s wrong with the world.
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Gay Men Hate You Too
Women have very little idea of how much men hate them.
Germaine Greer
I generally dislike using quotes and those who quote frequently/constantly either in speaking or writing. I teach my writing students that, unless their essays are specifically about discussing the ideas inherent in a particular quote, to try to avoid using quotes altogether because it breeds a dependency on them and a lack of originality in thinking. My problems with quotes are multi-fold. First, most things have been said before in different ways by many people. Second, men frequently get credit for things that were most likely said by women first (often their mothers or female spouses, but also friends and colleagues). Third, nasty and/or dumb people live on in history for some chance statement that they have stolen and said loudly enough to be heard, and are then remembered as clever or noble. And finally, heavy reliance upon quotes can be problematic as it prevents you from trying to use your own words, and I find that most of us misunderstand the original meaning of quotes or get the attribution wrong. Quotes can be handy for starting discussions or to start an essay, but addiction is easy.
I do take a bit of exception to feminist quotes because for one, women, their existence, their ideas, and their words are typically erased from history by men. When a feminist says something important that is remembered, I try to preserve it. As well, feminists tell us very important truths about reality, and we’d all do well to remember them. Women tend not to remember or even acknowledge their realities. So I have a choice slideshow of feminist quotes in my sidebar, and today, I’ve pulled one of my favourites, one of the simplest and easiest to remember, and of course, one of the messages that pretty much all women forget.
It would be easy and convenient if it were only rich, white, Christian, straight dudes who were the thorn in Woman’s side. They could easily be targeted and dealt with. They certainly are not the majority in the world. But alas, it is not true. The truth is that all men hate all women. It might be seething violent hate manifesting openly in criminal behaviour against women. But it can also be as hidden as an undersized testicle, no one finding out about it until the right set of circumstances put you into direct contact with it. But it is there, in all men. On a continuum from violently open to extremely well-hidden. And one thing women don’t want to believe is that even men who are clear or visible members of Oppressed Groups™ hate them too. One of the worst mistakes a woman can make is to assume that a man can bond with her over being silenced or erased.
No, you see, men are men and all that comes with it (this is the differential interaction effect of nature and nurture on females and males). Key among their group qualities is a real and significant inability to empathize. And this means that men in groups that are hurt by society are unable to feel anything for other marginalized groups and are often quite easily able to abuse those people without any kind of self-reflection. And by ‘those people’, I mean women, primarily. Oppressed men can frequently feel some kind of kinship with men from other marginalized groups, but not with women, in general, or women in said groups. So in this way, a poor man can show support for a gay man, but is open about his rape fantasies of lesbians or watches ‘lesbian’ porn. Likewise, men of any and all groups will take the PTSD of male soldiers seriously, but will have a laugh about or just dismiss the rape of female soldiers by these same male soldiers. (Oh, and by the way, soldiers are not ‘oppressed’ – quite the opposite, in fact, as they are state-sanctioned murderers, and the males are state-sanctioned rapists, as well. I’m referring to PTSD, a mental health condition, which is marginalizing.)
And within groups themselves, women have discovered that fighting the good fight alongside their male counterparts hasn’t been all it’s cracked up to be. Lesbians don’t get support from gay men. Poor women don’t get support from poor men. Atheist women don’t get support from atheist men. Black women don’t get support from black men. Rather, they are expected to do all the grunt work, act as cannon fodder on the front lines including getting arrested, take charge of feeding and watering the male members, look after children if there are any, and (except in the case of LGB groups – although that is changing since adding the T and Q) provide sex. When there are movements for change, what women forget is that men aren’t interested in equality. They are interested in moving up the ladder of power, the rungs of which are women’s backs, and we see this time and again in revolutionary movements. The underclass fights the oppressors, and then replaces them and keeps the same male hierarchy in place. Nothing changes. Women are still on the bottom and left wondering what the fight was for.
So let’s get to gay men – that is, after all, the topic of this post.
I recently wrote a post about another marginalized group – atheists. And as atheist men hate you, so do gay men.
I just spent three weeks travelling through California, which means I was surrounded by tons of out-and-proud gay men loudly spewing woman-hate, and not caring if women were around to hear them. I sat in restaurants PAYING for service that didn’t just include food, but also large sides of misogyny. PAYING to sit there listening to the gay men across the room – including gay staff members – talk about bitches and cunts and say some of the most misogynist things I heard on my trip, even surpassing the bullshit said by straight men I encountered. If I were a gay man having to listen to homophobia in a restaurant, I could probably sue. But as a woman, I have no rights to feel safe in a public place. I would have been laughed out of the joint.
You don’t have to look far to find nice little object lessons. And yet another was presented to me the other day online. The latest horrific piece of news in Trans-World is that some smug little MtT is looking to take leadership within the UK’s National Union of Students as the Women’s Officer. It is distressing. And women are blogging in protest. I headed over to the reblog of an article on this by a woman I read only to find some dude was already jizzing all over the comments. He had provided an insulting reference to a female public figure commenting on how the trans looked like her (he didn’t, actually – I couldn’t see the similarity). He also couldn’t figure out from the title of the original blogged article what the issue was with a trannie heading up the arm of a major women’s organization. He went on a mansplaining, dick-wagging, woman-shaming blah-blah-blah about clothing and how lesbians dress or don’t dress. It actually didn’t make any sense and had nothing to do with why the article was reblogged. If the mainsplaining didn’t give him away as a misogynist, it was the inability to understand the problem with the article that did.
I normally try to resist interacting with clueless men, but he asked a question: what is the issue here? He thought it was clothing. I had no idea he was gay or actually known to and a friend of the female blogger. All I knew was that he was pro-trans and thus anti-feminist. I mean seriously, he has nothing to lose from a man taking over a woman’s movement or women’s spaces. So, of course, he will promote it. Only women are hurt by this. So I let him know that the information about what was being disapproved of was clear in the title (directly naming ‘male pretendbian’, which we all know means ‘MtT pretending to be a lesbian’) of the post. I mean come on, my Chinese students have better reading comprehension, I said. The misogynist responded with a flurry of woman-hate, calling me both a genius AND an imbecile, which was hilarious, and for some bizarre reason, telling me that the article was a reblog, which I and everyone else knew. And then, when I addressed the blogger on the woman-hate in the comment section, Dood attacked me again by announcing his gayness and positing that the only way he could possibly hurt women is by throwing a glitter bomb on us. Clueless, but given that he supports men in dresses, and by definition, of the pro-trans right of men (in dresses) to demand sex from lesbians, this is not a big surprise. Men think they are harmless. Even when they are in the middle of being harmful.
Gay men may not actually rape us, but they play an important role in normalizing violent and denigrating thinking about women and about normalizing the idea of women as objects (e.g., negating women in the LGB movement) and filthy, hateful things (e.g., the ‘ick factor’) or as walking pornified sexual stereotypes (e.g., gender reinforcement through drag queening). And they are often more vocal in their misogyny than straight men. And they are just as excellent at mansplaining as straight dudes. And because they are marginalized, they get away with it.
The lesson here is that you should never forget that no matter how marginalized a man may say he is or that society says he is, he is always more powerful than all women. As I appear to continually say (because it’s true, goddammit), penis trumps vagina. Always. Always. Always. Don’t be fooled. Gay men hate you too. And it’s more than just glitter bombs and cat fights they threaten you with.
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A Quick Note on Bonding
If this diverse group of guys can see past their differences to bond over enjoyment and perpetuation and normalizing of rape, rape culture, and female subordination…
Then this diverse group of women should be able to see past their differences to bond over opposing men’s enjoyment and perpetuation and normalization of rape, rape culture and male domination.
And yet, they seldom do. Instead, they bicker, blame, finger-point, and forget all about what they have in common: that men hurt them because of their sex and that ALL men benefit from both this hurt and the inability to come together over it.
Why can’t women bond?
The answer, my friend, is blowing through the pubic, leg and pit hair that men are allowed to have and wear with pride. Men have divided women through the male invention and maintenance of racism, homophobia, religious bullshit, and capitalism. Without men, women suddenly have no manufactured reason to hate one another.
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Men’s Intuition: I Can Tell From Looking at You
[Part of the Conversations with Men series, but a different format than the usual post.]
If you’re a woman, chances are extremely good, likely close to 100%, that you’ve had a run-in with ‘men’s intuition‘. It’s not called this, but we’ll get round to that and what it really is.
Rather, we hear constantly about ‘women’s intuition’, which is a real thing, and which is disparaged, downplayed and used by men in their jealousy and fear to hurt women in a myriad of ways. Men define intuition as women’s unthinking, non-rational, knee-jerk, emotional response to everything, or sometimes the ‘neeeeeed to have baybees’ and being naturally good with baybees and unpaid labour. Scientists operationally define intuition as the “ability to discern what other people are thinking and feeling”. But neither are quite correct. I believe the male definition is just bullshit, as most male thoughts on things are. The scientific definition partially covers it. What women often report is that intuition has to do with being able to sense dangerous people and situations before ‘shit gets real’, or the ability to sense what someone is feeling without any information, or the gut feelings they get about things (positive or negative). It’s a hard-to-define, deep sense of the world that results from awareness and experience of how shit works coupled with a deep connection to nature and people. I believe it is strongly connected to empathy and to being part of the prey class. Some scientific studies (with questionable intentions, imo as a bona fide methodologist) posit that there is a partial biological cause for intuition – greater intuition is linked with lower exposure to testosterone in the womb, which explains why they see higher intuition in women. Who knows? Regardless of what the scientists think they’ve found, I see evidence of intuition in women every day, and unlike what men and many scientists like to think, it is unrelated to being rational, analytical or thinking-oriented. Amaaaazingly, people (especially women) can be intuitive AND analytical, as easily as others (especially men) can be unintuitive AND unanalytical. It’s not an either-or scenario. But men love black-white, either-or dichotomies that put women permanently in the shit house when one category can be labelled a ‘woman’s category’, and thus, ‘inferior’.
Let’s get to men’s intuition. First, let’s say straight off that nobody refers to such a thing called intuition when it comes to men. But I’ve done a lot of thinking and omg, analysis of a phenomenon that has happened regularly in my life and, without a doubt, happens regularly in the lives of most, if not all, women. And it falls under this category of intuition, at least on a surface level.
Men frequently have ‘intuitions’ about women’s wants, needs, personalities, states of being, place in the world, etc., and they never fail to let us know, either verbally in advance or eventually, violently, after it is too late to escape, what they’ve concluded from these intuitions.
Before providing some examples of men’s intuitions, I’ll say two things. First, the intuitions/conclusions men come up with and actually tell us about in advance of serious violence are almost always completely wrong. And they are wrong because the intuitions are self-serving AND dangerous to the woman/women in question. Second, men’s real intuitions – the ones they WON’T tell you about verbally – are almost always correct, and are also self-serving and dangerous.
[Note: women’s intuitions are often self-serving too, BUT and this is a huge but, the intuitions are not dangerous to anyone. Even when they are wrong, they are not dangerous. But they sometimes hurt men’s precious and fragile little feelings.]
Let’s look at the first kind of male intuitions. The ones that are always wrong and dangerous and self-serving.
The verbalized intuitions/conclusions men draw fall into two categories, but there is one underlying theme. You are a target. You are prey. And the two categories are these. Positive (for him) – he has ‘intuited’ that he can get something from you that he believes you are offering. Most of the time, it is sexual in nature, but it could also be money, support, free labour. He has spotted some kind of weakness to exploit, in other words. He will frame his intuition in a way to show he can help you. These intuitions are wrong because women don’t naturally serve men unless coerced through violence or brainwashing. Or negative (for him) – he has ‘intuited’ that you are the enemy. He has realized that you are not open to his exploitation and he is going to try to put you straight in some way, including: shaming, guilting, psychological abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and/or sexual abuse. He might end up killing you ultimately. While it might be true that you are not open to his exploitation, his intuition is wrong in that you, as a woman, don’t exist to destroy him. He is the destroyer. It is standard male projection that fuels this intuition.
Much of the time, when men choose to share these intuitions, they take a particular language form. “I can tell…” Man has looked at you, and he can just tell something about you from this cursory look. Whenever I hear one of these, I get very, very nervous, as through my REAL intuition and experience, I know that I have become a target for some kind of woman-hate-in-the-form-of-male-love-or-desire-or-need-to-help-me.
- I can tell from your face…
- I can tell from looking at your eyes…
- I can tell by the way you walk…
- I can tell by the way you are looking at me…
- I can tell from what you’re wearing…
- I can tell from the shape of your [insert body part here]…
I’ll give you an example. There are so many to choose from in my life. Likely, you can think of at least one of your own, and I truly hope, your own real intuition allowed you to get away as quickly as possible before, he acted on his incorrect intuition.
I can tell from your eyes, you are lonely and need a man.
Through 2009-2010, I once again found myself broke and almost living on the streets (yay white privilege!), and since a) I’m not attractive enough to be a prostitute/stripper, and b) I could never bring myself to do that anyway since I’ve had enough rape in my life, and c) I at least try to turn any indentured servitude I do into something beneficial learning-wise, I ended up doing a series of volunteer work/’internships’ within the realm of agriculture. The last one was with a beekeeper. I was seriously impoverished, and was forced to exchange some hard core physical labour for a place to sleep. Not actually a fair exchange. It never is for women, actually. Luckily, I liked the work a lot, but being really, really poor is a very scary place to be as a woman as you don’t have options and you can find yourself vulnerable to every single man around you with nowhere to run to.
And so it was when I answered the door to the ‘bee house’ where I lived and worked one day. I was expecting a delivery of all the pieces/parts to a massive greenhouse I was going to help assemble. The delivery guy was a middle-aged Russian or Eastern European. And he was an aggressive piece of shit who immediately started in with anger and accusations of things I couldn’t understand – just a general, underlying sense of violence filled the space around him and of course, me. I boldly told him: “I don’t understand why you are so angry with ME. I haven’t done anything to YOU.” This took him aback. It astounds me constantly how abusing women seems to be so many men’s natural state. It is so natural to them and unquestioned by the women they abuse that they don’t even notice it. And I have had endless problems with immigrant men OF ALL COLOURS who bring their extra abusive misogynist attitudes – which are accepted in their own countries – to the countries that welcome them and take it out on the local women they encounter. And the local women are expected to shut the fuck up since they are usually “privileged, rich, white bitches” of course, and let their ‘advanced’ cultures slide backwards into the Dark Ages. No fucking way.
Russian(?) fucker did make a switch in behaviour at that point, but it wasn’t any better. It was the same attitude, but coated with honey. He pulled the truck over to our driveway, and there was a fuck ton of really heavy shit to unload. I immediately began unloading it and carrying it the distance to a dry spot (it was pouring rain). And I tried to move quickly to get the ordeal over with and get rid of this asshat. He didn’t help other than to move the pieces to the motorized lift on the truck so that I could pick them up at ground level. And the rest of the time he spent just watching me. He commented, disbelieving, on how hard a worker I was. Um, yeah, I’m a woman. No fucking kidding, you piece of shit! I work harder than you. AND I’M NOT EVEN GETTING PAID! Like you are. In MY country. For doing nothing.
And then, it came. I was drenched, exhausted, scared, pissed off. It came. His magical intuition.
“I can tell from your eyes that you’re lonely and need a man.”
fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou
I said, “Nope. Thanks for your help. I need to get back to my work.” I was terrified that he would come back. He knew I was alone. And he thought he could fill some kind of need that he intuited I had.
~~
Now, let’s briefly look at the second kind of men’s intuitions. These are the ones they WON’T tell you about – are almost always correct, and are also self-serving and dangerous.
Men are actually pretty good at determining one thing. They can tell how easy a prey a woman is or will be. There is some interesting research on male psychopaths, the ultimate hunters. They are incredibly good at reading female body language. For example, they can tell by the way a woman walks, how easy it will be to overpower her. Scary, but it does suggest to me that all women and girls should take martial arts classes to develop the confidence they need to put off opportunistic predators reading their subconscious body language… Anyhow, as men are constantly on the prowl for easy prey, they have to be on high alert for all the signs that make their lives and ultimate purposes easier. I’d argue that all men are like this to some extent. Not all men are psychopaths, but they all have the self-serving hunter in them. And all women are prey. The better they are at determining the high return for low effort ratio, the more successful they will be.
Now is this ‘intuition’? I’m not sure about that. There are elements that are similar to how women determine how dangerous a predator a man is. But if you can call it intuition, it is not very deep. It is a ‘gut sense’, but it isn’t based on deep connection with people or the earth or anything in the way that some aspects of women’s intuition are. They read body language, and rely upon experience to determine how far they can go with a woman towards her destruction, and the risk involved.
Regardless, what we can say is this: men are not very good at understanding women’s thinking, feelings, needs, wants or states of being. But they are, indeed, good at determining how good a mark women are based on our verbal and physical cues. And it’s all about predation.
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A World Without Women
[This is part of the Year of the Fantasy series.]
Upon first glance, at least at the title, you might have clicked over assuming that I fantasize about a world without women. Some of you may have even popped a boner at the idea of not having women around at all. Finally. Yeah no. That’s not it. While this is a series devoted to my fantasies (not sexual ones ya big perv), I’m presenting this one not as what I would like the world to be like, but as a sort of satisfying daydream about what men would be in for if they did away with us for good. It’s pseudo-companion-piece to this one where I give a cursory, fantastical look at a world without men. I say with a straight face that women would easily, not only survive, but thrive, if men didn’t exist. We can create life without them, after all. Thank you science! Not so for men. I’d argue that they don’t do away with us for good because a) they can count on (the majority of) us to tolerate the horrific woman-abuse that they impose on us as a condition of being allowed to exist and that they thrive on and would be lost without, and b) they know they would be doomed to extinction if we ceased to exist. Biologically, women can exist without men. Men cannot biologically survive past a single generation without women. They could become cyborgs, perhaps, which is a hilarious thing to comtemplate.
I look at this fantasy with a superior, pitying eye – the kind that girls and women silently give when watching as a boy or man prepares to do something really fucking stupid. We know what will happen when, say, he builds a ‘ski jump’ on his roof so that he can ride his dirt bike off it, do a flip in the air and then land in the backyard swimming pool while his best bud videos the whole thing. We women know he sucks at math and physics, we know he will land, not in the pool but on his ass or head, and break his arm or leg in the process (which we will then be stuck paying for and taking care of). But we are women, he is a man and ‘knows better’, and besides as a man, he will be given recognition and cocksucking from both men and women for being such a smart and brave jackass. We clean it all up, suck his cock along with everyone else, and the world continues its nosedive into the cosmic bin because of another Great Man’s contribution to humanity.
So let’s take a look.
Although homophobia or gay-hate is rooted very clearly and directly in woman-hate, I do believe the beliefs, behaviours and practices of extreme gay male culture à la post-Stonewall scene (described with plentiful references in Sheila Jeffreys’ “Unpacking Queer Culture”) can provide us with some insights into what a womanless world would look like. In other words, while woman-hate would no longer be a significant influence in how men think and behave, many of the thinking processes and behaviours currently practised by ‘liberated’ gay men would hold.
If you do any reading into either straight or gay male ‘thinking’, and I refer to those men who think they are being transgressive or liberated or true to the essential male ideal (and I find gay men much more honest about what they believe and want than straights, in general, for very obvious reasons), you’ll see that absolutely everything revolves around their penises. Everything. Absoultely everything. And it is a very, very, very adolescent philosophy (if you can call it that). Extremely narcissistic, extremely immature, extremely short-sighted, extremely destructive, and extremely sadistic. The very nature of the thinking is antithetical to longevity, creation, planning, and sustainability. I think it would be a very difficult world to live in for men who actually attempt to think. They would be hated, probably in similar ways to how women are hated.
Without women, men would need to have an underclass. The only reason our current world has lasted as long as it has is because women have always been held as slaves expected to do unpaid labour of all sorts and to clean up after and/or mitigate male damage and disasters. Women are enslaved based on their sex and specifically their ability to create life. So how would subordination work if you only have one sex and you can’t impregnate them? It is anyone’s guess. I suspect it would be based on sheer size and strength and ‘intelligence’, just like in the animal world. I think men would return to an animal state, although with much more of a focus on sex than any other species on earth. Men would die much more frequently than they do now at men’s hands, and even more frequently than women do at men’s hands.
It would be a much more violent world than we have ever seen. Women are not a violent sex, so we don’t generally fight back when men try to detroy us with their violence. Without women, men would be victimized and they would fight back. Violence would be constant. It would be a bloodbath.
Disease would be rampant. Not just general disease from lack of nutrition or self-care. We are as healthy as we are because of women. Women are biophiles. We take care of the body, including men’s and boys’ bodies. Without women, male health would falter. But it wouldn’t just be basic disease, it would be sexually transmitted disease. We have as much sex-disease that we do because of men, specifically gay men living risky lifestyles. Bisexual men, including closeted homosexuals who perform hetero-sex to keep up public appearances, will fuck men and then take their diseases home to spouses/girlfriends or to prostitutes. This has always been true. Secret, unsafe, gay sex (and probably sex with animals, since men will fuck literally anything, animate or inanimate, as data from hospitals, psychologists, and self-report, show) led to disease transmission among men and then into the heterosexual world to innocent women. So a world without women would be a disease-ridden world.
There would be little progress intellectually. There would be no women to steal from. There would be no women to keep men on track or to hold them responsible for anything. The few men who might be concerned about keeping the species going would have a very rough time. It would be hard because men can’t create life as women can. Sperm isn’t a life creator. Women’s bodies are the life creators. And sperm isn’t actually as important as men want us to believe. So male ‘thinkers’ would need to come up with a way to engineer life without the benefit of women. And competing with a massive, unregulated, violent, male population unconcerned with anything but sex and domination, would be near impossible.
The world would be filthy. Men don’t connect with the earth and environment in the way that women do. Men see the world as something to be conquered and exploited. Women know their bodies are connected with nature on a very fundamental level. Men choose to use and discard. You can see this with the fairly recent obsession with exploring Mars. “We’ve destroyed Earth. But hey, let’s find another planet to abuse.” It’s always this way with men. Everything is replaceable. Everything is unlimited. Without women, the world would be like a bachelor pad. Stinky, filthy, unnavigable, toxic, waiting for someone to take care of it. Waiting forever.
This is a cursory look at what I fantasize the world without women would look like. I suspect that I’m not far off the money on this. Men would all be dead within a generation and most of them would, like many of the post-Stonewall gay men during the HIV epidemic (as documented in several sources), embrace death and seek to take as many down with them as possible.
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Black American Men and the Air Crash Effect
Let’s talk about fantasy and reality, sensationalism and mundane facts, penis-loving and woman-hating.
The media loves a good story. The more gore and horror a story has, the more play it will get in the public eye. And the more attention it will receive. And the more distorted the facts surrounding the story will become. There will be a kernel of truth, and then the rest will be blown out of proportion and lead to the masses and very often the supposedly educated hordes going on an illogical rampage in a blood-thirsty, scapegoating frenzy, and society at large will adopt illogical, fear-based, hate-satisfying behaviour.
A good example of this phenomenon is perceptions of safety concerning air and auto-vehicular travel.
Many people are terrified of flying because they believe flying is more dangerous than driving or riding as a passenger in a motor vehicle. But if you look at actual data compiled by government or insurance organizations on number of accidents, number of accidents per miles travelled, the number of fatalities per million miles travelled, and odds of dying in a lifetime, you get a different story. No matter how you slice it, car travel is considerably more dangerous and the odds of dying in a plane crash (if you actually travel by plane – even a lot) are much, much lower.
But air crashes, on the rare occasion that they occur, are catastrophic and deliciously interesting. Being both rare and devastating, they end up getting a lot of play in the media. Car crashes, on the other hand are frequent, even deadly ones, so they don’t get worldwide (or even nation-wide) play. Let’s just say, if you want your name to live on after your death because you haven’t made it big by showing your tits in public (if you’re a woman) or perpetrating a school or workplace shooting (if you’re a male), your best bet is to fly and make sure your plane goes down. It works for Muslim extremists, so why not you? [Yeah, I said it. It’s true, so get a grip.]
Let’s call this ‘the air crash effect’: rare, extreme events get a) a lot of public attention, and b) lead to irrational conclusions. Air crash gets attention and people develop unjustified fear of flying.
Race and Sex: An Eye-Opening Comparison and the Stark Reality
Let’s apply this phenomenon to social problems. I’ll use a current, massive problem that has hit the radar in the US recently, but is having ripple effects in other countries. It is the old racism vs misogyny war.
Women are constantly silenced by liberal men (and women) when they attempt to talk about violence against women. This happens across history and in all countries. But we’re going to talk about the current American climate right now. The most common current argument is that cops are shooting black people right left and centre and that trumps the petty, indulgent, narcissistic claims of American women whose few rights are being fast eroded. So noticeable in fact that the UN has uncovered and given legitimacy to the claims of the deplorable state of women’s rights in what is supposed to be a country at the forefront of human rights. Women in the US are suffering and no one gives a shit or believes those few brave women who are speaking out, in other words.
At some point in the American collective subconscious, it was decided that women, who hurt more than any other group both in the US and on the planet, had to take a back seat to men of colour (many of whom abuse women, themselves). And the issue of the day is violence experienced by men of colour (specifically black men), and in particular, the killings of black men by police officers.
Now, before I dig in here, I want to be clear. I don’t use data reported by MRAs or right-wing or ‘concerned white male’ groups (aka: white supremacists). First, I don’t trust anything any and all men say about violence, regardless of colour. Second, I can’t stand MRA’s or any kind of racial supremacists or purists. Too much agenda, too much testosterone, and thus, lies, lies, lies – and even worse, the woman-hate. You never get racism without deep, frightening woman-hate. I don’t personally give a shit about which race ‘wins’. That is a male concern. Racism is a male invention and it is rooted in woman-hate. Men, concerned with who gets to fuck their slaves (women), get violent at the idea of men outside their racial group having access. That is where racism comes from. Men own the pussy of their own racial group and they’ll fight to the death to keep it that way.
So, back to the data. I prefer to look at the data that black activists themselves provide. They will either be accurate or exaggerated, and I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, because it helps my argument, which I am basing in reality and on fact. According to black activist groups, fewer than 5 blacks (men and women) are killed by police per million (as compared with 2 per million for both whites and hispanics). [Note, I have found another more statistically-based site that offers raw data for 2015/2016 that 568 blacks were killed by cops in total in the US. Blacks are also the racial group most often armed with guns. Asians, for some reason, love knives more than any other – markedly so…] The majority are armed, mostly with guns, occasionally with knives. I have no reason to argue with these figures. I believe the activists. I am not a racism denier or cop apologist. And I don’t think people who are not committing crimes should be killed. If people are committing crimes, especially violent ones against women or girls, that is another matter entirely. Shootings of blacks by cops is a big deal and is widely reported in the news. Whether the cops are prosecuted is another matter.
And these killings are getting A LOT of play in the media, a lot of shouting and demonstrating by activists, and white liberals are completely on board and behaving the way they are supposed to by saying all the right things and silencing anyone who questions the data or anyone who would rather focus on larger social problems.
And so we get to those larger and longer-running social problems. We are getting to the car crashes. Violence against women. Cops killing black men is the deliciously salacious air crash, violence against women is the too common, too boring car crash. Let’s look at some conservative estimates (most women don’t report crimes against them, so these data are low-ball estimates of reality).
152,000 women per million are stalked. Remember, the number of blacks killed by cops is 5 per million. Also note that of all the women killed by their partners, more than 3/4 of them are terrorized through stalking first, and that is more than 5 women per million.
200,000 women per million are raped in their lifetime. Remember, the number of blacks killed by cops is 5 per million versus 200,000 raped women per million. And that is a very conservative estimate due to refusal to report, self-denial, mishandling and trashing of rape reports by law enforcers and hospitals, and doesn’t take into account multiple rapes by different men and repeated rapes by the same man/men. This figure is also conservative because of the very narrow, male definition of rape. And this figure doesn’t include sexual assault, sexual harassment, and other sexual terrorism. That figure would be 1,000,000 women per 1,000,000. And many of these women are living an aftermath that makes death look sweet and kind. Often, rape is the worst torture imaginable. Men can’t imagine. It doesn’t happen to them.
111,111 little girls per million are sexually abused by adults. The adults are almost always men and almost always men they know. 111,111 abused girls (who often go on to kill themselves, abuse drugs, develop mental illness, and fall into rape lifestyles of porn and prostitution) per million compared with 5 blacks per million. And this figure, unlike killings of black men, are hard to confirm or identify and vastly underreported.
15 women out of 100 rape victims will try to kill themselves because of what men, including black men, and cops of any race for that matter, consider to be harmless and natural and hilarious fun times. I think most rape victims at least think about killing themselves. And I think the figure is conservative as most women don’t talk about what has happened to them.
This is why I’m just not that concerned about a few killings compared to an insanely more prolific phenomenon. There is a REAL problem out there and that is men committing violent acts against girls and women. It is shameful and insulting to ignore, negate and erase the millions and millions of women suffering and dying at the hands of men of ALL COLOURS and including male police and men from all walks of life and all professions, from homeless men to male politicians and male doctors. It is insulting to erase the millions of women and what they suffer through in order to focus on a few very well-publicized killings of men. It is not my job to fight for (often) armed black men. I support innocent women and girls victimized simply for existing while female. A woman doesn’t even need to leave her home or even her bed to be brutalized.
Bottom Line
For most people, their thinking is greatly affected by what they read in or hear on the news. We have brains so that we can think critically, analyze information, ask important questions, and draw correct conclusions. Our media tell us what is important, and what is important has little to do with reality, facts, and statistics/numbers. Importance wears a penis. That penis has many colours, but it is still a penis, and reality is bent to accommodate and support that penis.
When you look at the numbers, the facts, reality, you see that it is still safer to take a plane than drive a car, and it is certainly safer and better to be male than female regardless of your race in this world. And in the specific example here, it is safer to be a black male than a woman of any colour in the US. Regardless of what liberals tell you and how loudly. There is no shortage of black men despite the fact they are being *constantly* killed by police (5 per million), but women are being raped right, left and centre (200,000+ per million) and living with the aftermath of that torture, the negation or erasure of their ordeals, and the physical complications for the rest of their lives.
Ask a White Woman
Woman, I have so much to write, so much going on in my mind that I don’t know where to start. Mostly, it is prompted by my current trip back West from China and helped along by my rapid and deep official and deliberate immersion into radical feminist theory during this last year. The general feminist orientation I’ve held for years and years is nothing compared to what I’m going through now. I opened my can of whoop ass and things changed in a more positive, but infinitely more difficult way. And because of this deep immersion, it has really become clear to me how traumatizing living in China is, and how that trauma affects me when I come back to a very different, but equally disturbing West.
I do want to write some things about East vs West, and I also want to write about politics, but I still have much more to say about the whole race-sex interplay and the myth of the privileged white woman, so this post will be a part of the White Girl series.
I and some other bloggers, in light of the escalating white woman hate and the recent rash of sexual attacks on white women by men of colour, have been addressing the topic in a variety of ways. Today, I want to address something that really only clicked for me a few days ago as I was standing on an Amtrak platform waiting for a train. It is a matter of illogic. It is a matter of reactions and beliefs not matching reality.
We all know that white women, especially those of true feminist inclinations, have become the most hated group on the planet, responsible for all the evils and oppressions the world knows. According to the world, white women practise all the newly invented phobias and negative ‘isms’. White women don’t do enough good, but manage to perpetuate all the bad. We are the super-powers that hold the public purse and pull the strings of all the world leaders, apparently. We are turning the education system to shit, and are personally responsible for poverty and school shootings and police brutality. How this all works, I have no fucking clue, but the world says it’s true and they advocate punishment to rectify the situation.
But here’s the thing. When you look at reality and how people behave when not fired up by agenda, you will notice that all people know that white women are the most harmless, most innocuous, and possibly the most do-gooder, free-help-providing and activating people in the world. White women are safe.
Well, that sounds pretentious, doesn’t it? How the fuck would I ever come to such a conclusion?
As I was standing on that Amtrak platform, a middle-aged white woman and a foreigner, I realized that I was the beacon. I was the one targeted as the safe, universal information and protection kiosk. And it has always been that way. And they are right to come to me. I am a helper. I help people. I empathize. I know what it is like to be insecure and lost. I try to be very aware of my surroundings, and when I help the lost, I also try to reassure. I am safe. I make people feel safe. I am a white woman.
I hadn’t taken that particular train in 8 years. I don’t live in the US, as I said, I’m foreign when I’m in America. I’m not particularly knowledgeable about Amtrak or that particular route. I don’t necessarily look ‘American’, and carrying travel gear, I certainly don’t look local. But standing on that platform, it was me that everyone went to for help. In the space of 20 minutes, I helped four people with train and location and logistical information: an older white man from Australia, a middle aged man of colour, a young white woman, and a young black woman with a small child. They could have approached any of the people on the platform, but they all came to me. And when they were finished with me, they felt safe. They knew what was happening, where to go, and what to expect. And they were all thankful.
It has always been this way. I am always asked for information, directions, reassurance. I am always assumed to be the docent in a museum, the librarian in a library, the local person. I’m never in uniform. I don’t necessarily walk around with an air of confidence or knowing. I am not especially tall or striking in appearance. But I am safe to approach. People just know that I won’t beat them, rape them, murder them, steal their money, take them hostage.
So my question is: if I, the white woman, am so helpful and so safe-seeming to all regardless of others’ ethnicity, sex and age, then why the fuck am I so hated? Do we hate that which we can trust most? Is it easiest to lash out at those who help the most?
That’s how it seems. And if you want a definition of unfairness, that is it right there. You use us, and then you brutalize us. We are safe, and we take our abuse in silence like we deserve it. We are told we deserve it. We tell ourselves that we deserve it.
Yes, it is the definition of unfairness.
Conversations with Men: Liberal White Dude Explains a Main Difference Between Men and Women and How White Women Aren’t in Danger
Recently, Miep wrote a post talking about the difficult decision to remove a problematic male of long-term acquaintance from her life. I get it. I get the feelings and frustrations associated with making a decision like that. I’ve been going through some really difficult and similar situations of that nature over the past couple of years, and especially in this past year. Men are problematic, and it is really difficult to rationalize keeping them in your life as a feminist.
I’m currently visiting some uber-liberal friends, and already I’m being irked to no end by nonsensical, politically-correct, but misogynist, analyses and explanations. I discussed the MLK event dilemma in the last post. And less than a day later, I’m deep into conversations with a liberal white dude on how shit works (this ties in, don’t worry, you’ll see).
Over coffee, a liberal, white dude decided to explain to two white ladies, including a scowling me and an open-to-sexist-bullshit woman, a major difference between men and women. A difference that can be seen in young children! Apparently, boys want to know how shit works. Girls don’t. Girls expect things to work the way they want them to work without wondering or caring why they don’t. This explains why we get mad at computers when they malfunction. (Fucking what? That actually describes how males behave, in my experience.) So liberal white dude gave an example of how some three-year-old boy got super impressed with how some adult showed him how something worked and equated that knowledge with being smart. In fact, the conversation between the boy and the adult was generic and demonstrated nothing to me about the kid wanting to know how something worked. And in fact, if liberal white dude had told the same story, but substituted a girl instead of a boy, I’m sure the story would have illustrated how girls want to understand social communication or some sexist bullshit like that. It’s all in the interpretation and agenda. Always.
I continued to scowl at the stupid sexist story and completely invalid theory, and the other white woman contributed a story of her own about some ex-boyfriend travelling to some far-off land with her with a complete lack of interest until he bonded wordlessly with some foreign monk over some stupid tool. Then he was interested in culture. See? Men are interested in how shit works. It allows males to bond. How this explains all the women in science I know, and how talented women and girls are at building and using machines, I know not. But clearly this unvalidated theory achieves something for men. And I suspect it has something to do with men wanting a special domain of talent all to themselves. Unfortunately, women can do everything men can do, as well as create life. So nice try, but nicer fail, dude.
The funniest part is that liberal white dude then told an unrelated story about his wife, that was meant to be some kind of criticism of her, but was actually a really, really good example of how she was exceptionally good at trying to figure out how shit works. He didn’t see that though and neither did liberal white lady. I tried to point it out subtly “How interesting that she was so adept at quickly figuring out how that worked!” but no one picked up on the hint, sadly.
Bottom line, these bullshit unproven biological arguments, which have been used for centuries to keep women out of the sciences and maths and any domain that would gain them independence and public recognition, have no merit and make liberals look really stupid when they use them to prove something.
Next. The same liberal white dude started talking about how the poor brown and black dudes are getting all shot up by police. I pointed out that white women are increasingly being used as human shields and hostages so that these often CRIMINAL individuals can get away with the CRIMINAL acts they are committing. He tried to negate my statement, and I pointed out that I had just been reading another example of this happening. That didn’t fly. You cannot point out facts about men of colour. They are victims. White bitches are just white bitches. They have no voice, they have no valid claims to human rights. They definitely are not victimized by men, goodness no. I didn’t bother pointing out that white women are increasingly the victims of sexual violence and sexual-racial threats and attacks, and I definitely didn’t venture into the recent German rape crisis and the problem of Muslim men. Unsurprisingly, none of my liberal friends has said a single word about what’s going on over there. You. Cannot. Criticize. Men. Of. Colour. And they stick to that. Religiously.
I’m tired. So tired. How can I keep friends like this? They spout insanity. They subscribe to stereotype-based biological essentialism that looks a lot like determinism. And they are so filled with racial guilt that they are willing to overlook or explain away crime, negate real victims’ rights and exaggerate reality in order to feel better. They refuse to name men as the problem that women experience. And they refuse to see sex-based violence as a thing especially when it is commmitted by men of different SES, colour or religion, and a more common thing than say, occasional police violence towards males. Violence directed at women is a much more serious, and long-standing problem than anything else going on today.
I’m not sure how long my visit will be. I feel like I wear a mask in China where I pretend to be something I’m not. But I’ve realized the same is true in the West. And acting is exhausting. There is no place for a radical feminist to take off the costume and speak truth. Except maybe on her own blog.
Killing the Internet
I do believe I’m in the midst of a new series on fantasy, which I’ll post in the sidebar once I have a few more posts under my belt. I kicked it off with a New Year’s post on the topic.
Next, I’m going to try to tackle a topic that is near and dear to many people’s hearts: the internet.
Background
I need to include a little background lest I be accused of being a technophobe or anti-something-or-other-along-those-lines.
I fucking love the internet.
Is that a strong enough statement? I was introduced to the internet in two installments. First, in 1991, through having to access bulletin boards to provide information and programs to customers at the little computer consultancy for which I worked before I went to university. And then full on in 1992 when I started uni and could walk into a computer lab and come face-to-face with a Windows-based browser. In 1991, I didn’t quite grasp the implication of what I was accessing, but the following year, it was pretty clear. And my world changed forever.
It’s perhaps for a different post on a different blog all the myriad ways my life changed, often for the better. Suffice it to say that the internet’s capabilities spoke to me, my interests and skill set on a number of levels. I’ve had opportunities because of the internet, I have certain RL friends because of the internet, and much of the informal learning and formal education I’ve been driven to pursue has been facilitated by the internet.
It’s Just a Fantasy, Honey
So, let me pose a question.
If you could opt to turn off the internet for good, for all people in the world, would you do it?
Hmm, just writing that question down (typing it, whatever) sends many different thoughts and feelings through me. Many people among males and the younger generation might consider this a no-brainer of a question and answer immediately with a ‘hell no!’ But it is a question that gives me very serious pause, even saying this as a heavy and long-term internet user. Let’s explore.
If you’re over 40’ish, grew up in an impoverished nation, or grew up in a cave in the West, you can remember what life was like before the internet (and cell phones, for that matter) became mainstream / accessible to the hoi polloi. Life was fine. It worked. Nothing was missing. People didn’t bump into things, lost, wondering how to function. People had friends and networks and ways of learning and disseminating information. In some ways, I miss those days. My world was more local. My friends were people I saw regularly, in person. We made appointments and kept them. Emergencies were emergencies. Work (except for traditional ‘women’s work’ which is 24/7/365) mostly happened during business hours.
With the internet came a freedom of information (of sorts) and a greater speed of access to information that made a large world smaller, increased social and knowledge networks, and provided a whole host of personal and commercial economic opportunities. Some of this was good.
But there was a whole sinking boatload of bad that came with it thanks to men. Earlier, I wrote a post comparing a few of the bads and the goods and how women are affected by the internet. As someone who has spent a lot of time on the net, socially, intellectually, and doing research, I’ve noticed a downward, depressing and alarming trend in net citizen behaviour. Despite all the potential for good, and the current projects that allow positive phenomena to happen, the internet, like all tools controlled by and designed for men, has become increasingly a place of male abuse and violence against (primarily) women and girls.
The internet has become – as all male-focused tools inevitably become – fouled, debased, filthy, destructive, violence-fuelled and -fuelling.
It is estimated that up to 40% of the internet and internet traffic is porn-driven now. Major porn sites generate more traffic than the major social networking and online video sites put together. Most American men (equal numbers religious, Christians are just as disgusting as any other dudes) watch porn. And this site can give you a tiny taste of the kinds of search terms men use to find shit on the net. And the content is getting more and more violent and bizarre.
All in the name of fantasy and free speech. Male fantasy and free speech.
And all the male fantasy and free speech spills over into both internet interactions and real life in the form of violence.
Outside porn sites, men now set up websites or over-populate social networking sites to go on woman-hate vendettas. Women are driven off of sites when they dare to speak. Women are targeted online for vile abuse and threats and shaming for doing nothing other than daring to exist. Men with nothing to lose and no sense of shame, humanity, empathy or accountability pile on lone women online using the most disgusting and hateful language imaginable. Women’s own sites are targeted for trolling and censorship.
But the hate doesn’t stop at the keyboard. The effects of online porn and then the inflamed online woman-hate (whether deliberately organized or organic) moves to RL into the very interactions women have with partners, sons, male acquaintances, classmates, bosses, and random male strangers.
Not fantasy. This is real stuff. Real for women. It’s not getting better.
So I come back to my question. If given the choice, would you turn off the internet for good?
I think about everything I would lose if I turned off the internet. I think about all the ways my life would have to change. And I think about everything I and the world would gain by the act.
Losses: I would lose access to readings from around the world by women. But then I could start a local women’s writing, reading, discussion group. I would lose connections with feminists online, but really, what good are these online connections if I need RL help or I lose power or something happens to them and I have no idea how to find out what’s going on? Honestly, as much as I do get something important out of the few interactions I currently have with online feminists, I’d rather have a small group of them in RL. I would lose my ability to speak my mind in anonymity. Perhaps this is the biggest potential loss. I’ve never been able to speak in RL. First, I come from an abusive home – I was not allowed to dissent or have feelings. Also, I’m a writer, not a speaker. And finally, I am a woman – women are not allowed to speak in this world without consequences. It is dangerous. I think these are the three biggest things I would lose and feel the loss of. The knowledge and the relationships and the speaking platform. The first two, I could deal with – I think relying upon online versions takes away from forging something in RL. The third would be difficult.
Making changes: Since I can remember life before the internet, and that life was just fine, or at least not worse than it is now, I think it is doable. It actually is attractive. Imagine having to cultivate local relationships and networks again. Imagine having hobbies that would take me outdoors. Imagine finding something creative to do instead of falling back on doing something useless, but amusing (maybe) online. I used to do this before the internet. I mean, I’m normally a fairly quiet and solitary person, but I had more dealings with the meat world than I do now. And especially being in China, I spend much, much less time outdoors than I do in the West. Having the internet supports this asocial ‘agoraphobia’. I don’t go out for walks here. My outdoor forays are solely purpose-driven: work, buying food and meeting a friend. No internet? Things would have to change radically. I wouldn’t be in China, likely.
Gains: No internet, I firmly believe, translates into less violence. Men are violent. We can’t get away from that unless we get rid of them all. Seriously. But the internet fuels their violence and gives them an outlet for their hate. And it is an outlet that allows men who would normally not have a place to talk about their hate to feel supported and egged on. All the men who previously kept the violence at bay are now given permission by nameless, faceless others to act out their ‘fantasies’. No internet means less violence against women and girls. Less normalization of violence. Less hate propaganda. The internet is not about free speech. It is about letting men say whatever they want, including hate speech, and about censoring women for speaking truth. Women are only tolerated if they parrot hate speech against themselves and fellow women.
Conclusion
As much as I love the internet, I would turn it off permanently if I had that power. To put a stop to the major outlet of male violence and male violent ‘fantasy’ outweighs any gains I or we might currently enjoy. I could envision a re-do of advanced communication systems in my fantasy world with no men. I do think an internet-like contraption is a very good idea – just not in the hands of men.
It Takes a Village
[First, a big shout out to all the trans who popped over from Facebook for a visit to learn about how you are using your male entitlement and natural, biological propensity for narcissism, violence and misogyny in order to abuse women and take away hard-earned rights. I’m sorry I don’t allow comments on this site, so you likely had to limit your rape and death threats (you know, male violence against women) to the Facebook vacuum and whatever space exists between the ears. But anyhow, thanks for the blog hits, boys! Traffic is always appreciated, and as an educator and life-long learner, I fully and sincerely endorse your commitment to information-seeking. I hope I could help.]
This current post has nothing to do with trans issues. It was inspired by last night’s short venture out to find some food as my apartment’s fridge was empty except for a green pepper and a small jar of hot chili paste care of a friend from Hunan province. The post was also inspired by the latest posts by and subsequent back and forth on essentialism and socialization with other bloggers.
This post got published and then sent to draft since I thought it was too long, and now I’ve reworked it into something more digestible (maybe).
Background: Children
I don’t like kids, generally speaking. There, I said it. I’m the fucking devil, and I can sense hackles rising around the world as people dig in for a full-scale, personal attack on their individual little monsters. Advice: if you’re getting pissy, don’t throw a hissy. I’ve managed not to kill anyone even though I’ve had it up to here (here being really far up my ass) with mostly women and the occasional douchbag mansplaining man giving me all kinds of nasties about wanting to be childless since I was yay tall (yay tall being about the level of where my ass hangs now) and then achieving it. You like kids, I don’t. Who cares? Although I suspect there are plenty of people who don’t like kids who have ’em. I’ve met plenty. And I say, poor kids. I know first hand what that feels like.
Background: Families
The family unit is one of the worst social inventions men have ever come up with in history. It is solely based on and only survives because of a slavery or ownership model. Traditionally, the man of the household owns the home and assets, including his sex and domestic slave (wife) and all children, whether blood-spawn or adopted. He may also have dominion over other female and under-aged relatives. And he can do whatever he pleases with them as they are all trapped there and meant to serve with a smile. The family unit provides the easiest and cheapest possible way for a man to repeatedly access human prey (women and children). The family unit is the most effective way to hobble a woman and destroy her from the inside out in a long, drawn-out sorta way. And the family unit is the worst possible government-sanctioned environment in which to socialize a child (maybe aside from an orphanage). I’m very much of the village model in child raising. That old proverb (origin unknown, common in many older cultures) “it takes a village” has value. Everyone should have some responsibility in ensuring a child becomes an upstanding citizen, although I’m also in favour of keeping men away from children, especially girls, as they inevitably promote patriarchy and good ole male dominance and female inferiority, and frequently turn to them for sexual amusement.
Somewhere along the way in the family model, we’ve run across things like jumping to conclusions about parents based on limited evidence of something ‘going wrong’. Appearances can be deceiving. We also have a shitload of parents who a) are overworked and absent and who try to assuage guilt by trying to be their children’s friends rather than their parents or by buying them off or mollycoddling them (a sad inevitability of capitalism and the pursuit of wealth/excess), and b) are so out of touch with current society/rape culture that they have no idea the kinds of stuff their children are getting involved with or accessing (porn, drugs, sex, violence, gangs). Kids are disconnected, community members don’t care what’s happening unless they are finger-pointing at parents (which isn’t constructive) or guarding their shit. Moral systems and social/human connectedness need to be a group effort. When everyone feels invested in children, children see themselves as worthy and invest back – everyone wins, and a group effort means less work for all.
Background: Animal Abuse
I love animals. I like them better than people for the most part. Along with pro-lifers and rapists and pedophiles and pornographers and prostitute users, there is a special place on my shit list for animal abusers. When I was five, we came back home to where my stay-at-home mum was imprisoned to find our dog locked in the basement with duct tape wound tightly around her muzzle. For how long? Hours? All day? Mum hated animals and children, and I’m glad patriarchy and a controlling husband provided her with unwanted children and an unwanted pet and then forced her to stay home with them 24/7. Still, she gets some blame here – she was a chronic, narcissistic abuser in addition to being a victim, and no abuser gets a free pass in my world. To this day, I try to protect animals when I can to make up for mother’s sins.
And being informed is important. I forced myself to watch “Earthlings” (everyone should – it’s horrific) and cried my way through it just like I do documentaries on porn and human sex trafficking.
Bringing it all together
So last night, I donned my hazmat suit to protect me from my usual dose of misogynistic racism that I’m gifted with whenever I go outdoors, and ventured into the commercial area near my residence. It was early dark. I stood at the corner waiting for the light to change and looked back over my shoulder at the little fruit shop I sometimes go to. In the summer, one of the employees got a sweet little orange kitten (I have a very soft spot for the oranges), which they kept tethered at the side of the shop. Recently, since she has grown quite a bit in size, they’ve been tying her up at the front of the shop to two cement blocks (see the second photo). where, she can sit front and centre for all to admire, interact with, and unfortunately, abuse.
Animals are seen differently in China than they are in the West. Only recently have people started adopting a ‘pet mentality’ similar to, but not as prevalent as in, the West. Really, pets are just domesticated animal slaves. We are emotionally attached to them, but we have done more harm than good, I think, in changing them in very fundamental ways. I say this as a domesticated animal lover. Humans are selfish. Anyhow, in China, there still is quite a difference in how animals are viewed and treated. I find that many ‘pets’ I encounter are quite a bit different from the pets of my Western friends. Although I am a ‘toucher’ (I can’t keep my hands off animals if they approach and want to be petted), I seldom touch animals in China. First, they are a bit feral, not human-oriented, and they generally don’t approach humans. Affection isn’t common among humans (it is amazing how many of my undergrads have never said ‘I love you’ to their parents or heard it from their parents). And it isn’t really common with animals either. And second, they are generally dirty and often diseased. One of my students died of rabies a few years back when his pet cat bit him. It’s not so uncommon in southern China. I’d prefer not to die of rabies.
But this little orange cat, although very dirty, is incredibly friendly and loves to be petted. So I oblige. It appears to be mutually beneficial.
Now when I turned back while standing at the traffic lights, I saw the little orange tethered to and sitting atop the cement blocks. In a circle surrounding her was a group of children, mostly boys with a couple of girls. They were young, ranging in age from about 5 to 8. One adult man – one of the fathers? – was looking on wielding a cell phone camera capturing the hijinks. And there were other adults, including the shop owner, the cat owner, and various workers standing around. The children were tormenting the cat. Smacking her. Dropping garbage on her. Poking her. And laughing their asses off. I was horrified. The cat was cringing, terrified, flattening herself to the cement block, realizing there was nowhere for her to go. I was surprised she wasn’t hissing or trying to bite/scratch. And it went on and on. I noticed the adults didn’t give a shit. I don’t really like the word ‘triggered’, but I think at that moment, I was triggered. All I could see, despite the young age of these little shits and despite the tormented object being a young cat, was a group of men torturing a woman prior to raping and or beating her to death. It was just so fucking familiar from porn, from mainstream film, and even from actual video from places where male mobs attack lone women for some bullshit infraction like wearing the wrong clothes. I couldn’t walk away. So I stomped over to put a stop to the bullshit. Very, very un-Chinese. I broke social rules with that one decision. The rule here is not to intervene when you see something wrong, when a person you don’t know needs help. But you can stare all you want. I called bullshit and moved in. Luckily, I speak some Chinese, so I told them Enough! This is a good cat. Be nice. And I demonstrated how to pet her. Immediately, the cat’s posture normalized a little. The kids were freaked to have a foreign person in their face. And I waited for them to go away. I don’t know if they got the message. They did realize, however, that fun times were over.
I feel I’m part of the village, even in this distant land, that needs to contribute to socializing, instilling humanity and perspective-taking and valuing life in the young. How can they grow up to be decent people if they don’t learn? The problem is this, though. I was the only one who saw what was going on as wrong, or at least the only one willing to demonstrate that I saw it as wrong. If the patriarchal ‘village’ doesn’t see violence against women, children, animals, (pick a group) as wrong, how will children learn? And further, the sadistic tendencies in this mostly-male group of children are unfortunately biological, so can they actually learn and truly understand that sadism is wrong, even if the correct socialization is in place…?
There is more to think about here. But in the meantime, I feel like going on a cat rescue mission. I wish I had a stable enough lifestyle to support a cat.
Fine, Let’s Just Have Two Male Bathrooms
Living in China and Taiwan has frequently made me feel I’m living out surreal Kafka-like scenarios. Strange racist demands or limitations or really unfair policies directed only at foreigners are delivered with a straight face to the foreign victim, and there is always the implication that you are psychotic for not going along quietly and seeing how rational the treatment is.
I’ve been told I can’t have a university faculty email address because I might be a spy for my government. I’ve turned down jobs where I was told I would have a significant portion of my earnings withheld until I could prove I was honest. Guilty until proven innocent are foreigners. And I’ve been chained into my residential building at night because it was ‘safer’ that way – in some places, I was not allowed by the police to live outside the school, so there really was no avoiding a prison atmosphere.
And because many people’s knee-jerk reactions will be: you’re Western, you can’t complain, and this doesn’t sound so bad – let’s paint this in another way. Imagine in your country, disallowing Chinese university instructors staff email addresses, withholding only the Chinese instructors’ paycheques, or chaining Chinese instructors into their staff housing at night if they are forced to live on campus. Yeah, that makes it sound a little crazier, yes? Well, it is normal to do this to foreigners here.
This is Chinese thinking and they explain and do these things as if they believe they are correct and good for Chinese for foreigners. To the recipient of these edicts, your mind starts spinning. In what world is this rational? In what world are these not human rights abuses? One has no way of fighting this. I’ve spoken about China being another planet before. China is a fucked up place, but it is fucked up in a different way than Western or other countries are. For example, they are not dealing with the West’s equally Kafkaesque trannie issues.
In the trans wars, the victims expected to accept human rights abuses are women, not foreigners. I’ve read countless examples of what appear to be very male-entitled, mentally ill MtT people (men) demanding the conversion of a safe’ish female-only space (bathrooms and change rooms) into man-friendly zones.
I don’t believe on principle that non-gender-conforming men should be messed with by other men because of their non-conformity – it is stupid and unfair and typical male bullshit. BUT it is a men’s issue, and I won’t waste my precious energy policing man-on-man violence. If they want to kill each other, have at it. If they all disappeared, women would finally be safe. How would this be a bad thing???
These non-conforming men lose the tiny bit of sympathy I can muster for them when they try to solve their problems at the expense of women. And of course, that is what they automatically do. That is what men do. “Poor me. Men hate me. I, I, I know! I will make myself feel better by shitting on women! Yeah! We’ve been doing it forever, and they are not allowed to fight back! Problem solved.” Instead of creating trannie spaces, which is the logical and fair thing to do, they just take the little that women have. It is so much easier to conquer an already conquered class than to start from scratch and forge your own resources and spaces and identities.
And so the invasion of women’s very private and safe’ish spaces – the very places we piss, shit, deal with our menstrual blood, cry, hide, escape from men, have a private moment, change our clothes, and sometimes exchange woman-oriented information and bonds – is well under-way. Men under the delusion (and sometimes not so deluded delusion…) that they are women because they like Hello Kitty and sparkly nail polish are convincing the legal system in general, and institutions/organizations one-by-one that they need to invade have access to women’s bodies, privacy, feeling of security, spaces.
And what can women do when they try to argue against the invasion of men into their very private spaces? Nothing. It is a Kafka-like scenario – it is so messed up, it is hard to even get a handle on rational thought. Women are suddenly the oppressors. Trans are being victimized. No word is made of how they are treated in the male bathroom/change room and that the violence being done to them (if any) is by men. It is women preventing the individual from feeling safe. It is women preventing the trans from having a place to do his business. It is not logical, rational, sense-making. And given that she is now painted as an oppressor, the woman has two ‘choices’: accept having to do her business in a male space, or not entering the space at all (having nowhere to go at all). There is no longer a woman’s bathroom/change room, but two men’s rooms.
And the best part? If a trans commits any kind of hate crime against the women whose space he has now legally taken over and in these very spaces, it is seen as woman-on-woman crime. Mark my words, we are going to see a ‘strange’ and ‘inexplicable’ jump in sex crimes with female perps, and men will sit back and smugly say: “See? Women are violent too.”
The Male Therapist (Post-Christmas Navel-Gazing)
I’ve never been to therapy.
I think I badly need it, but I know I won’t ever go. And I’ve come to realize why this will never happen.
I was raised and abused by a father who was a male therapist. I won’t (in this post) even touch on my even more abusive mother (who was not a therapist). Between the two of them, I grew up to be an emotionally paralyzed, very confused, silent, angry, socially anxious and awkward, depressed individual, and then was further abused by these parents for being emotionally paralyzed, very confused, silent, angry, socially anxious and awkward, and depressed. Exactly the kind of person who could use a little therapy to untwist the emotional twine binding her.
But as I said, I’ll never go. Even though I went on to formally study psychology for years, I kept to the hard sciencey specializations (statistics, neuroscience, psychometry) and kept all my clinical dealings as a sideline through clinical and forensic research projects, coursework and collaboration/friendship with the more interesting of the clinical (female) crowd.
Even in the thick of things, I still declined therapy while feeling I desperately needed it at the same time. Instead, I self-examined. I know exactly what’s going on with me thanks to years of this relentless questioning and probing. Unfortunately, therapists are useful creatures – you can self-examine all you want and still not make much progress towards balance or health. Therapists are guides, and they are supposed to support you when you are at your most exposed and vulnerable.
As I am an expert in mind-fuckery, I often think about therapy professions. That was what I wanted to be as a kid, and I discarded it in college. At the time, I thought my classmates were too wishy-washy, and hey, I was really good at math and experimental design, but looking back, I know that I left because it was too threatening. Part of me didn’t want to have to address the nasty truths in my life and thus become vulnerable. I knew what vulnerable was and the therapist I grew up with both made me vulnerable and exploited it relentlessly. Who wants more of that?
And as I’ve explored the therapy professions (social work, clinical psychology, clinical psychiatry, etc), I keep coming back to the same question or set of questions.
What draws men to this line of work? And more specifically, what draws men to therapy for female victims of sex crimes (rape, sexual assault, incest)?
Let’s come back to this and talk about female therapists first.
First off, not all female therapists are good and/or appropriate for your needs. The therapist’s professional orientation may not line up with yours. The therapist has been educated by the patriarchy and likely holds patriarchal views of women and their illnesses. Speaking from experience with clinical psych undergrad and postgrad students and professors, many therapists (male and female) are not the most stable themselves. People with problems tend to gravitate towards this profession and the field is sooo competitive that often, only the most obsessive and neurotic are given admittance to programs. I can’t speak for social work programs, but most of the practitioners I’ve met have been really weird people with weird agendas. But I DO believe that it is people with problems who are exactly the people who should be working in these fields because they understand first-hand what the patient is going through. It is important, however, that the therapist have worked out her issues to minimize the intrusion of said issues into her patient/client’s situation.
All said, there are tons of well-meaning women who gravitate towards the helping professions. Well-meaning doesn’t mean effective or correct, but it is a starting place. Men don’t often have even the correct starting place.
To speak more specifically about work with female victims of sex-based crimes (aka hate crimes against women), it is easy to understand why women get into it. Women want to help women. Therapists are often victims themselves. Oh who am I kidding, all women are victims of at least one sex-based offense and are exposed to male filth on a daily basis. Female therapists want to get in there and do some good. Are they going about it the right way? I don’t know. I don’t think most of women’s energy expenditure actually makes any progress towards ending male violence. But someone has to put on the band-aids, I suppose.
I’ve also known female therapists who’ve worked with rapists and men who sexually assault women and children. I can even understand why women gravitate towards this. The work is, of course, pointless. You can’t fix men, and you absolutely can’t fix a rapist. But again, women pour endless energy into trying to fix male problems that can’t be fixed. It’s a misplaced, erroneous belief in male ‘goodness’ (whatever) and a desire to keep women safe. *Sigh*
So we come back to men. I’ve written about men and the helping professions and volunteer work before. What could possibly bring men specifically into wanting to ‘help’ female victims of sex-based crimes? It boggles the mind. Men have little capacity for empathy, and I have never met a man who can wrap his head around the fear women live with daily as a result of forced proximity to men. So to deliberately be around and ‘help’ female victims isn’t a problem in their minds. The last thing women need after victimization by a man, however, is to be made even more exposed and vulnerable with a man controlling her aftermath. Male therapists must be looking for control or a vicarious experience or something. Perhaps they are invested in putting forth a male agenda in ‘managing’ female victims. Does he want to show that ‘not all men are bad’? How completely selfish and self-centred, if that is the case.
We have a new problem with aggressive MtT’s targeting battered women’s shelters and demanding to work there and be put into direct contact with female victims. They are becoming so self-centred and disrespectful that they are bringing law suits to fight for their right to access female victims. Why are they doing this? Is it an attempt to use women’s real experiences to build up their own sense of victimhood? Whatever they are doing, it is assault. It is disgusting. And it needs to be stopped.
Men also love to gravitate towards helping male sex offenders. I have personal experience with one of these creatures. I was taking a course in a form of counselling and was paired up by phone with a black, American, Christian man who headed up his own church and specifically helped rapists get on their feet after (unfortunately) being released from prison. He and I were to do ‘counselling’ sessions on the phone. He was controlling of me from the very beginning, and took advantage of my commitment to the course. He cancelled our sessions, let me do all the work, and would take other phone calls while we were in the middle of a counselling session. But he was smarmy, saying all the right things to smooth things over. If I were 20, I would have accepted the abuse and chided myself that as a WHITE woman, I supposedly was the privileged one. But I was older and well-versed in how all men have privilege over all women regardless of other group membership. Penis trumps vagina, regardless of race, every single time. One day, I called him on his repeated disrespect of me, and the truth came out. He attacked me mercilessly, and threw all the information I’d given him in my vulnerable state as counsellee in my face. And then he played the god card – he knew I was an atheist, and let me know I was shit because of it. Pure abuse. I suspect he was a ‘recovered’ rapist himself. I put my foot down, complained to the school, and only after my fellow student attacked the teacher was he thrown out of the program.
So, I suspect that sex offenders help sex offenders, and any man who gravitates towards therapy for female victims or male offenders is just there to perpetuate the system of abuse, keep the male agenda alive and well, ‘help’ women to put their experience in a compartment and not paint all men or the patriarchy as bad, and experience personal control and vicarious excitement over female victimization. I advocate for keeping men out of all professions where they have access to vulnerable women and girls.
Letting Perps Define Crime
Let’s say you own a house. One day, a person comes to your door, you open it, the person orders you out at gun point, closes and locks the door, and sets up house. The person immediate sets about changing the locks, rearranging everything within the house, discarding things that are not to their liking, and carrying on as if the house were theirs. Any attempt you made to re-enter and re-claim the house was fended off by the person who ousted you. When you went to the authorities, they listened to you and then asked the person now residing in your home for their side of the story. The person tells the police that the house was yours, but is now theirs, that you willingly signed over the house, and can even produce papers that appear to be signed by you. The police do not dig any further, seem satisfied that you are not the rightful owner of the house, and essentially tell you that you should be ashamed of yourself for taking up their precious time, possibly you are stupid, and to shove off.
You are distraught and feel helpless. You believe a crime has been committed, but no one seems to believe you. The person who took your house was given more respect and credibility than you were. You begin to doubt your anger and wonder whether you had it coming. Perhaps you should have been more careful. Shouldn’t have answered the door. You have moments when you are angry again, and you try to build up your confidence by seeking support from friends. They don’t believe you either, and remind you of several instances reflecting your incompetence as a home-owner. They tell you to look on the bright side, be more positive, remember that there are people worse off in the world who have never owned a home. You become silent. The person living in your home prospers and actually goes on to steal other homes in the same manner.
Okay, the whole story sounds implausible. This would never happen in a civilized society, right? Thieves aren’t automatically believed over their victims, that a theft occurred isn’t questioned, and thieves absolutely don’t get to define what makes something ‘theft’ or not. Those who benefit from committing a theft are not the ones who get to make the rules. And victims of theft are not reviled.
So here’s the question or questions. Why do men get to define crimes against women? Why do men get to decide whether what happens to a woman’s body is a crime or not? Why doesn’t a woman get to say that what has happened to her is a crime? Why aren’t women solely responsible for setting up policy and law around crimes against female persons? We know best. Our bodies are ours and even among the most brainwashed, there is always a part of us that knows that what is being done to us by men is wrong. When men get to define whether what they are doing to us is right or wrong, there is no justice or objectivity. Male definitions also affect incidence (thus you can have a ‘rape free’ society if men define rape in the narrowest of terms, and you can have a society where men are raped equally frequently by women if men define rape as an equal-opportunity crime). Only men rape (sexual assault is different from rape), so only men benefit from rape. Men set up policy and laws to benefit themselves. Since only women are raped, women should be doing the defining.
We can only conclude that even in the most ‘advanced’ of countries, women are still owned by men. Men define crimes against men’s property, thus they define what is or isn’t a crime against a woman. While rape is a ‘crime’, it is very, very narrowly defined and under this definition is so very difficult to prove that the law is meaningless.
To those men who say that the West is female-dominated, no. No, it isn’t. That is your imagination and entitlement talking. A female-dominated society would mean no crime targeting women at all. We are far from that. Like light years away kind of far. This same issue that I am describing now was at the heart of first-wave Western feminists’ pursuit of suffrage. Sadly, getting the vote didn’t achieve what those women sought – power in defining and legally being able to do something about crimes against women.
‘Out There’ Women
We live in a world where men are allowed to follow their thoughts to the very end and announce them in bold caps, surround sound and techni-colour.
How?
Men are the censors, the thought police, the free-speakers, the fuckers, the threat-issuers, the policy-, law-, and rape-makers, the law-breakers, the judges, juries and executioners, the johns. The Free.
This is how they turn their fantasies into reality. This is how they turn their crimes into rights. This is how they turn their mediocrities into merits. This is how they turn their hate into freedom.
Women are not allowed to speak freely. We must support Dick or shut up. If we don’t shut up, we will be shut up. Women may not state the facts. Women may not question the status quo. Women may not ask ‘why?’ Women may not fantasize in response to what men put out there in the name of ‘free speech’, in the name of our annihilation, in the name of their orgasms. Women may not defend themselves.
It is a rare woman who dares to follow her thoughts to the end, and she pays dearly. A few applaud her bravery within earshot, eyes gleaming and then darting, careful. A few more silently support, nodding in privacy and anonymity. And the majority wish her harmed, silenced, erased, dead. Sometimes, they get their wish.
I wish to see, hear, read more women who are ‘out there’. Daring to follow their thoughts to the end. Speaking the unspeakable – women’s words. Daring to be seen, heard, read… potentially silenced. But ultimately, daring to be believed and joined.
~~~~
Lordy, I have FINALLY found myself on YouTube and made a recording of this post. Only 7.5 years later 😉
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Conversations with Men: The Rape Holiday
It’s not that I’m shocked when I hear about the horrific things men do to women and girls every minute of every day in every corner of the world. Nothing anyone could tell me would surprise me in the least. It can be disturbing and traumatizing, of course, to read or hear about men’s depravity. But hearing about is different than witnessing, however. When you actually witness stuff, as a woman, that is when you are stunned – sometimes momentarily, sometimes negatively affected for long periods of time. It is only if you find yourself immune or indifferent to the stuff you see, or that you rationalize it away to protect the poor, persecuted, precious penises in your life, that you know you’ve lost too much of your humanity, and accepted your place as a slave.
When you make the mistake of assuming the best of strange men you encounter, that is when you end up with reminders that you are being naive. It is always best to err on the side of caution – all men are potential rapists. All men benefit from rape culture. Most men jerk off to rape (porn isn’t sex, it’s rape), and actively seek out depictions of rape. And all men are rape apologists. If they accept that rape exists, they see it as one of two things: 1) a very, very narrowly defined thing and anything that falls outside their very, very limited, accepted ideas can be waved away as lies! or just the way things are, sweetie, what’s your problem? or you’re paranoid/too sensitive/a manhater; or 2) a very, very broadly defined thing that ends up taking needed focus off of the crime of rape committed by men against women and putting the focus onto men as the main or most important or equally affected victims. Broad definitions of important words are men’s new tactic to erase women’s realities and put themselves in the spotlight, where they feel they belong.
Bottom line: rape is a crime perpetrated by men against women and girls. It comes out of male entitlement. It is done by more men than the world wants to admit. And all men benefit from it whether they directly rape or not.
~~~
Rewind to 2003: I was in the middle of a two-week trip by myself to Cambodia. I was working in Taiwan at the time. All of my Western male colleagues a) told me to be careful in Phnom Penh (which I ignored – I had a great time with locals there), and b) regaled me nostalgically with stories about their rape vacations – on which they strangely didn’t bring their Taiwanese girlfriends. It was gross. These entitled white fuckers thought it was the best deal ever to pay a couple of dollars to rape enslaved, impoverished teenaged girls. Many of these girls were victims of the Khmer Rouge regime and many young girls, having lost their entire families to rape, torture and death, had nowhere to go but into prostitution. Young boys were often taken in by monks and raised in monasteries. I met a few of the latter while visiting. They were quite well off and educated given the recent history of the country and their personal situations, and had a lot of freedom to pursue ambitions. The girls? Not so much.
For a few days, I travelled with an Australian postal worker who was in the middle of admitting to himself that he was gay. So we were talking about that a lot. And while in Sihanoukville, we went out for coming-out talk over a simple dinner at a very small local eatery with a few outdoor tables along the dirt road. I noticed a good-looking white dude sitting silently near, but not with, some local people running the shop beside us. It was kind of a strange scene. He wasn’t eating. Wasn’t drinking. Wasn’t reading or talking to anyone. Just waiting. I caught his eye at one point, by accident. Couldn’t tell anything from that. There was no expression on his face. Nothing in his eyes. Just a bland, but good-looking, dude.
And then a motorcycle pulled up. A local man driving, of course. And off the back of the bike hopped a small, pretty, young girl – 15 at the most. Huge white dude stood up, wandered over for some brief negotiation. I sized it up immediately and stared at him in disgust. He did his best to ignore my gaze. Then the girl and the human stain wandered off a little ways out of sight.
The dude came back alone not long after. Could he have raped her that quickly? Well, duh, of course. Men only need about 30 seconds to get the job done in my experience. It could have just been a mouth rape. In my experience, that doesn’t take long either. And less fuss. And I figured, since he knew he was under scrutiny, he couldn’t take the time to punish her or torture her for that long as many men like to do to what they see as cheap, filthy whores. Had it been more private, he could have beaten her and raped her over a longer period of time, multiple times. Maybe killed her, if he wished. Cambodia is a very, very poor country, and white dudes, for the right price can buy whatever they want. What’s the life of an uneducated, girl child to a rich, white guy likely to go back to his girlfriend or wife in Japan or China or Australia or wherever?
The guy didn’t look my way when he got back. Probably went off to get a beer and a smoke and to relive the rape. Or possibly just to head to bed to forget the child he just abused.
Me? I had lost my appetite, and I felt both dead inside and that I wanted to gut the rapist who was sauntering back to the town. End his rape career. That’s the least he deserved, in my opinion. But I said nothing. And I didn’t say anything to the male person who had had his back to the scene the entire time. It was my private window (albeit partially curtained to the worst of the interaction) into the world of male rape holidays and the complete lack of shame and disgusting privilege that comes with having a penis.
~~
Note: In another post from this trip, I relate a conversation with a local Cambodian – a bottom of the totem pole dude (but much higher than all women) who felt just as entitled as this white guy with regard to buying female flesh – and what his thoughts of me were…
Note 2: White dudes are not alone in rape tourism, even though it is seen as a ‘Western thing’. It’s not a ‘white thing’ and it’s not a ‘Western thing’. It’s a ‘man thing’ and not limited to cocks of specific colours. Plenty of men from all over the world travel to rape. However. White dudes would do well, as the primary economic power, to stop this kind of travel and provide an example to the world. But they won’t. They’re too busy blaming white women for not doing enough to end the suffering of women of colour. Oh and white men are also too busy raping/jerking off madly to rape, of course. And they also like to mansplain that being raped for money is an empowering choice for women – if only they could do it tooooo. Yeah, right. Useless human garbage.
Note 3: I am absolutely not going to use the euphemism ‘sex tourism’, because using a prostitute isn’t sex. It’s rape. Calling it sex tourism takes away men’s responsibility for what they have freely chosen to do, and takes focus away from what girls and women have not freely chosen to do. Prostitution is very, very, very seldom a free choice (if you use the actual definition of free choice and not the liberal feminism definition).
Perfume and Shit
During my first go-round in graduate school in the US, my closest friend was this brilliant, quirky, and tortured Dutchwoman. Through her and other Dutch I’ve encountered, I, the over-polite Canadian, came to appreciate their delicious bluntness. I’ve since found that they have a just-so way of putting things that hits the nail on the head without destroying your thumb.
I’ll always remember something my friend said that has since had great application in various situations. While she was speaking literally, her words provide a great metaphor.
We were talking about bathroom habits for some strange reason, and I think she was commenting on what she believed was the American tendency to spray perfume or some other artificial smell after doing one’s business in the bathroom. She said:
“I don’t know why people do this! I’d rather just smell your shit than a mixture of your perfume and your shit.”
The implication, of course, is that you can’t cover up reality. And to follow: why should we try? It doesn’t actually work.
I’ve found myself coming back to this simple, but brilliant, comment on the recent human tendency to put a positive spin on political/social/research conclusions and theory. And recently, I’ve been reminded of it in critiques of certain feminist conclusions about the state of things. Conclusions and theories are discarded with the sweep of a hand simply by calling them ‘pessimistic’ or ‘depressing’. It’s not even a valid argument. Something may well be depressing, but that is unrelated to its veracity. This kind of dismissiveness can show up when feminists rightly point out that men have behaved as vicious sons-of-rapists for millennia, and if they wanted to change, they very simply would. Dick supporters will start in with their “That is too pessimistic! Too depressing to contemplate!” spiel. They insist that men can and will change if we just reason with them. Show them the error of their ways. They just need our bottomless female understanding, coddling, and education. But smart feminists have pointed out that men already have been sucking our helpfulness dry for a long, long time. We’ve done all of the above and then some. To no avail. Men don’t want to change. And they never will change. And hell, yes, it is depressing. But it is true. The truth usually isn’t roses and puppy dog kisses. The truth is slavery and rape for women and girls, ad infinitum.
And there are other arguments/theories/conclusions about the state of things and the state of things to come that receive similar reactions. To be honest, it is much the way many women are treated when they try to talk about their experiences of rape and assault – their reality – people don’t want to hear it. It’s too depressing. Too… real? You can lose friendships, family ties, and partner-relationships if you try to talk about your depressing reality (been there a few times, myself).
Why can’t people handle truth? I think this is subject matter for a future post. I want to get into suicide and death and such. People absolutely hate those topics and I think they are very important. Not only does each person have to face reality eventually, but we are soaking in effects of the male death drive and all that implies from the day we’re born. Ignoring it gets us nowhere but a world of hurt.
I prefer the Dutch approach. I may not want to smell the shit, but I’d rather smell it than have my brain confused by the conflation of two incompatible scents. You can’t spray optimism on the toxic air of Patriarchy and expect to find a viable solution or ‘hope for the future’.
Giving Thanks
I didn’t realize it was Thanksgiving today until some of my Chinese students sent me text and chat messages with some lovely sentiments within. I decided not to remind them that I’m not American, and that while Canadians do celebrate Thanksgiving, we do it in October. I actually taught my students this and explained why Americans celebrate in November and Canadians in October, but Canadians don’t tend to impose their culture on the world, so my lesson didn’t stick. Western culture IS American culture.
Anyhow, I’m not ranting about Americans today – this post isn’t about pornography or capitalism, you see.
I’m talking about thankfulness and how men and women may differ in their perspectives.
As a woman, I’m grateful for every day that I manage not to get raped, sexually assaulted, harassed or reminded that I’m inferior. Luckily, I don’t experience the first two that often anymore – I am getting older and am not deemed as fuckable as I once was, although I’m not immune. But in China, the latter two happen every time I leave my apartment.
As a white woman, I’m ogled as soon as I step outside my apartment door. My neighbours objectify me and other me. They may cringe against the wall in the stairwell with horrified looks on their faces as I pass by them. Walking through my immediate neighbourhood is a daily struggle to remind myself that I’m human and not a walking twat and set of tits. Two-and-a-half years in a place should earn me a spot among humans, but I’m not Chinese and I am a woman, so I must be reminded by every single person I pass that I hold the privilege of being on public display as a sexual object to be enjoyed or reviled (or both) by all. Men don’t get this treatment I (and occasionally they) have observed. And they become invisible if they are walking with me, as I take the heat.
Since opting out of being othered is not possible, I have to resort to feeling thankful if I make it through my errand back to the safety of my apartment without being pointed at, laughed at, yelled at, called racial slurs, or hit on purpose – all of which do happen, and not infrequently. Because I’m a woman and because I’m not Chinese. I’m thankful for my white privilege and the special status that gives me.
The Girl and The Stranger in The Car
This post is part of the ongoing Birth of a Feminist series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
Although our goals may be similar, there are two significant differences between serious feminists and superheroines. First, true feminists wear comfortable, woman-friendly clothes. And second, unlike superheroines, feminists don’t usually have a clear, specific origin story. Rather, we have moments of clarity or realization. Moments that accumulate. Moments that may not become significant or actionable until later, sometimes in combination with other moments. Sometimes, it is a seemingly small event or moment that puts a lifetime of horror into perspective. You meet someone, you read something, you see or experience something that just makes you say ‘I see what is going on, and I’ve had enough’. It is a matter of right time, right place, and readiness/openness. Although it may happen, I think it is a rare woman who, like Athena, is born clad in full warrior gear.
In this vein, if asked when I became a feminist, I don’t think I could tell you. There have been many significant events that have made me what I am. And I’m still developing. I still make typical mistakes. That is gender programming. It takes a lifetime to siphon the poison from one’s personal psychology and behaviour.
I still remember an early formative moment. It’s something I think about decades later, and it still guides me. It’s not the most important formative event, but rather, one of many.
I was 13. It was a winter evening at about 9:30 pm. It was freezing, dark, snow everywhere. I had attended my father’s university lecture in psychology. We were driving home. I was sitting in the passenger seat in the front of the car, looking out the window.
And I saw her.
A woman being dragged by her hair across the snow into a bush. She was fighting, but not winning. The man who had her was bigger and determined. And it was late on a weeknight in the winter. There was no one around.
I shouted to stop the car. Startled, my father pulled over. I pointed and insisted. We intervened. The man ran off. We hustled the woman into our car and drove her home. She was mostly silent, but we learned her attacker was her ex-husband. I was also silent, emotions confused. I was learning something important. I realized that had I not seen her and done something, something BAD would have happened. But my understanding wasn’t nuanced.
And afterwards, my father, the brilliant psychologist, never spoke a word about it. I was not debriefed. Not counselled. I was left to draw my own conclusions. Possibly, he remembered having to intervene when his father beat his mother. No excuse though. When I look back at that child from the perspective of an adult, I’m shocked, saddened, and I wish I could go back to do damage control. But would I be what I am and do what I do if I’d not worked through that business alone?
A girl is exposed to explicit, real life violence – a stranger’s near rape/beating/murder. She plays a significant role in ending that violence, shares a space with the stranger for a few minutes, the significant connection between them left unarticulated, the silence controlled by another man, and then, and the child is left to wonder, to analyze, to worry, to fear. To build a schema.
It was only years later after many, many object lessons on what men were, thought about and did to women, after intervening in other near-rapes and beatings, that I realized that the woman I had saved years before was only temporarily safe. Temporarily safe from this specific man in her life, and generally, from all men no matter where or when. There is no beginning and end to violence for women. There are episodes in a lifetime of fear. And there are many lifetimes. This woman was one of millions and millions and millions through time. We are all that woman at some point. And to not be a feminist – to not want female freedom from male violence and control – is just not an option. For me, at least.
This post is part of the Birth of a Feminist series.
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