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Happy and Safe Christmas Greetings
Trust me, I have more heady stuff in the works, but I wanted to send out a short message to all women on this Christmas Eve. I don’t normally send Christmas greetings, but I’m working through my complicated feelings about the holiday. Mother made it miserable in childhood with her covert narcissism and materialism. Father destroyed any cultural enjoyment in early adulthood as over-compensation for and white guilt over existing in predominantly British Canada, with British traditions, when he married a Jewish woman. And then it has been years of aloneness at a time that is expressly devoted to families, coupled with living for years and years in a non-Christmas culture (Asia). Normally, I was working on Christmas Day. I didn’t have to think about it.
Last Christmas, I was in the US, abandoned by all housemates and thus alone. This year, I’m in Canada in my weird, asocial hostel situation. Interestingly, most of the people sending me greetings are my Chinese friends and former students, the sweethearts. But I acknowledge that despite my aloneness and mild loneliness, AT LEAST there are no male abusers ruining everything. But I divide my thinking as follows:
a) it is okay to observe cultural rituals as an atheist, and Christmas is as much a cultural holiday as it is a religious one. Christmas is Pagan in its origins, taken over by Christians, bastardized by capitalists, but there is this really nice cultural aspect of the holiday that non-capitalistic, history-enjoying atheists can revel in or at least observe with appreciation. I’m in the long process of healing from the Christmas mangling of narcissistic parents as well as white liberal race- and culture-shaming, and finding my own associations to the holiday. It is interesting. And welcome. I’m sick of being part of the only cultural group on the planet pressured to deny my culture.
b) Equally importantly, I think about all the women and girls in forced family situations, especially during this weird COVID time, doing most of the work, engaging in unwelcome interactions, stuck for days with unlikeables and keeping a brave face. Holidays can be tense and stressful at the best of times for many people as one deals with rituals that are forced rather than cherished, and coupled with drinking, it is not always a fun time. Myself, I removed myself early on from family abuses, but not all people are willing to take such drastic steps to preserve mental health because it is hard to weigh which will end up being worse – being completely alone, isolated, silent and unwanted; or being abused, but belonging to a group. What a choice, huh?
Anyhow, I’ll end this by wishing you all a Merry Christmas and hoping you get through the holiday safely and remembering that any gaslighting or manipulation or general nastiness you may be exposed to by toxic family members is not about you at all.
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Christmas Wish List
I don’t celebrate Christmas. The Chinese people around me can’t understand it because they don’t give a shit about understanding other people’s cultures, preferring instead, to apply stereotypes and to force me to fit into the box they have have for us non-Chinese. A lot of Western people don’t celebrate the holiday, in fact. I’m one of them. I’m an atheist (another thing the Chinese can’t wrap their heads around), and I am not a capitalist (which most Chinese people are and can’t understand that I’m not). The holiday mostly makes me uncomfortable due to the religious and materialistic bullshit. Luckily, living in China as I do, I’m almost always working and often forget when the actual day arrives.
Despite that, I made up a wish list for Ms. Claus, Santa’s asexual (or possibly lesbian) daughter. I’m hoping she’ll put the old fucker into an old folks’ home and take over the holiday with the aim to dismantle the whole thing. I write this list knowing that not a single one of them is possible. You can’t buy my wishes like you can the latest iPhone. They will never happen. Women – even feminists – aren’t interested in real change, especially since real change can’t happen through reasoning with men. I am really starting to think that people like misery; they like to have stuff to complain about. People like to hate and blame others – especially those who are most convenient and easiest to take down. No one is interested in addressing the real problems or the people with real power (men of all colours and ethnicities and religions). Meh, here’s the list anyways. I’m winding down as I have been since the summer. It’s really hard to give a shit anymore when you can’t find women who are serious about reality, who don’t include men in feminism, and who are willing to call a spade a spade…
- I wish that white women would stop hating themselves so much; stop listening to what white men, non-white-men, and non-white women tell them to feel and do and think and say; and above all, stop telling other white women how to do white female slavery correctly. You wanna be a slave, well go for it. But fuck off telling me to accept victimization by the entire GD world because I deserve it because of the colour of my skin.
- I wish that all people would understand that only women can be raped. Only by men. Other types of sexual assault are just that – other types of sexual assault. Trannie-dudes can’t be raped. Non-trannie dudes can’t be raped. Lesbians can’t rape women. New, correct definitions created by women are needed for the unfortunately wide range of shitty forced sex acts that are done to (mostly) women and girls. Definitions that serve the actual victims and not the perpetrators.
- I wish that trannie-dudes would shut the fuck up. Do I need to say more? They don’t need to die in a fire. Just shut. the fuck. up. Oh, and stay out of women’s space. Go get some help. The world is your oyster. You’re men!!! Accept it!
- I wish feminists would espouse a non-breeding agenda. Having baybees is not a feminist act. We have enough goddamn people in the world. Plus, breeding is the single most selfish and self-serving act one can commit, and breeding in this world serves to disastrously hurt the rights and status of those women who bravely and unselfishly choose not to breed for the good of humankind, and the environment, and all the other species on the planet who suffer because humans are stupid and gross. If you have laydee-feels, my dear feminists, then adopt one of the many, many unwanted children that already exist in the world. Seriously. There are many. Too many.
- I wish that non-white people, especially women, would stop blaming white women for every shitty thing happening in their lives. Guess what? White chicks – especially the single, childless, and asexual or lesbian ones – have shittier or equally shitty lives. They did not cause whatever is happening to you. The ‘rich white woman’ is an oh-so-convenient trope meant to encourage racial and misogynist hatred, to separate women, and to create false narratives and myths. And personally, I know more rich non-white women than white women, so what the fuck? Why aren’t they held responsible for anything? In addition, it is not white women’s job to fix your problems. White women have little to no power in this world. Never have. Quite the opposite, in fact. Instead, blame men, especially those of your racial group, closest to home. The ones raping you and eroding your self-esteem and forcing pregnancy on you in the name of love. The ones you blindly serve and support unconditionally while trying to destroy people who DON’T want to enslave you, but who desperately want you to be free to self-actualize as intelligent, creative beings.
- I wish heterosexual women would stop trying to hurt, use, discard, shame and one-up non-straight women..
- I wish everyone would stop coddling rapey and violent and misogynist men of religion and colour. Being a member of a ‘minority’ group in no way, shape or form, means that they don’t have any power or that they give a shit about other crapped-upon groups (i.e., women). ALL men have power over ALL women. I’ve been assaulted by more men of colour than white men through my life – even in places where there are more whites than anything else. No white chick with her liberal agenda will EVER convince me that white men are worse than any other group. That kind of naive, blinkered, cookie-seeking thinking is gonna get you raped, dummies. Been there, done that. Been raped. Many times.
- I wish a single, childless woman could afford to support herself and not have to constantly worry about what she’ll do when she’s old and can’t support herself.
- I wish old women were respected and were allowed to age and look old. Like men are!
- I wish the world didn’t have such a frightened, psycho need to control the life and death of other people, while at the same time, not giving a shit about quality of life. All people capable of making plans for their future should be able to choose the time and method of their death without the interference of a population that truly doesn’t give a shit about them despite their faux-impassioned protests about the sanctity of life. Such hypocritical bullshit.
- (Okay, not an even 10.) I wish women could go anywhere at any time and not have to worry about what men will (not ‘might’) do to them.
Happy Christmas or whatever you do at the end of the month.
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Opening Your Can of Whoop Ass
There are a lot of containers that, once opened or broken or dumped out, cannot be resealed or refilled with their original contents. Think of a tooth paste tube, a piñata, or an aerosol can. Release the contents and there is no going back. Sometimes, the containers are fragile – batter or abuse them too much, and they lose their integrity and ability to hold anything anymore. With other containers, the contents may be such that there is no possible way of getting it back into the container once released – it’s all over the place.
The worst containers of stuff are those figurative cans of whoop ass. Not only can you not re-contain said whoop ass, but it is toxic, toxic stuff. The worst can of whoop ass out there is one that sits on every woman’s shelf in the pantry and is that which we call society or culture (aka Patriarchy). Patriarchy is a nasty little container full of toxic shit, and everyone is really, really careful to guard the can and prevent it from coming to harm.
Because once a woman damages or opens that can, something monumental happens.
She sees the actual contents of the can. She realizes that the list of ingredients has nothing to do with what is inside, and what is inside is poison. Whoop ass is dangerous shit, and once a woman opens that can and whoop ass leaks out, she can’t put it back in. She can’t return to that state of ‘can-protection’ that previously ruled her life.
Many believe that knowing the contents of the can is worse than relentlessly protecting the can. And it can seem that way. Once the contents spill, you see it and understand it for what it is, and you realize that there is no way to clean it up. You can try to get away from it, and succeed in some small ways, but you can’t un-see the whoop ass and return to your tiny, limited world of can protection.
Many women, however, admit that they always hated that damned can looming on the pantry shelf. They’d always asked themselves why the can was so special anyways. It was processed, unappetizing. They’d always cooked fresh food, and doesn’t the can have an expiry date anyways…? But men always insisted on the can being there, and many women, their families, their friends, most of them had their own cans and didn’t approve of can-criticism. And it remained a centrepiece. Those who questioned can-care did the minimum, kicked it around a bit, and some finally opened it as a brave, defiant, and curious act.
I opened the can, myself, once I found the right tool. And although I don’t personally celebrate Christmas, it is my holiday wish that in every stocking of every celebrant in the world might be found the tool needed to open their can.
Seasons greetings to can-protectors and can-openers alike.
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