This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀

In this post, I plan to continue my line of thought on consensual rape, but outside the realm of normal, traditional, heterosexual relationships. As I mentioned before, forcible rape is more or less accepted as real by society – although unlike pretty much all other non-sex-based crimes, there isn’t a single accepted definition of what it entails. Further, it is far less common that the kind of rape I’ve been talking about. Consensual rape, I believe, represents the majority of rapes women experience, and as I explained in the last post, this is the situation where a female seems to say yes to what a male is doing to her sexually, but she is giving permission from a position of less power or inequality. Because of this, her ‘yes’ isn’t given with complete free will and can’t be taken at face value. She is usually saying yes because of a variety of influences and even threats that make saying ‘no’ dangerous to her relationship, her financial stability, or even her safety. This transaction forms the basis of the heterosexual contract: women agreeing to things from a position of inequality in exchange for male payment and protection in a variety of forms. Unfortunately, in this day and age, where in most places, women are allowed to work outside the home, marrying a male is a choice and not usually done out of true desperation. So these days, women are consenting to these relationships knowing full well that they will have to have sex although they are completely deluded about everything that can go wrong for them once trapped in the contract, isolated from friends and family, and saddled with children. It really is nonsensical that women continue to embrace and participate in an institution rooted in rape, female slavery, and fear of men. No other historically oppressed group does this. It’s embarrassing, but it is also a clear indication that female oppression is so much deeper, more ingrained, and more crucial to maintaining international male power structures and systems than any other oppression. Take away female subservience to males, and the world as we know it would collapse. And most wouldn’t admit it, but this is exactly what is needed for women to achieve real freedom from men. Most women still believe that they can fuck their way to freedom – and in fact, this is the foundation of liberal feminism.

Despite the vast range of rapey situations that all women and girls find themselves in multiple times in their lives, I’m only going to focus on a few today that we might not normally consider and that get much less attention than other issues. Despite the seriousness of the issue, I won’t get into female sex trafficking because it is most definitely forcible rape. But I’m also not going to get into run-of-the-mill prostitution, since I also consider much of it to be forcible rape as most prostitutes enter the ‘profession’ as children and thus cannot legally consent to what is happening to them. The concept of consent gets murky once the prostitute enters adulthood and remains in prostitution upon reaching the age of consent or if the prostitutes starts her rape-based small business in adulthood. Many prostitutes are drug and alcohol addicted after years of dealing with multiple rapes per night and not being seen as human by much of society, including their patrons, and we generally see being under the influence of substances as compromising to one’s ability to consent. As well, many prostitutes are likely so Stockholm-Syndromed after years of abuse that they probably aren’t capable of true consent, much like a battered wife seldom turns in an abusive husband, even when others start to notice the signs of abuse. Further, some prostitutes enter ‘the life’ in adulthood out of true desperation, so consent is debatable, as what desperate person makes healthy or intelligent decisions under duress? Regardless of the situation, we must acknowledge that all women start any negotiation with any male from a position of inequality, so no one is consenting to equal sex, but to rape, and within the realm of prostitution, I consider many of the transactions to be forced.

Of course males universally and automatically see payment for services as consent, especially because it is sooo much easier to acknowledge and prove than words or actions designating ‘yes’ or ‘no’, and this payment also serves to conveniently wipe their consciences clean of any wrong-doing after they rape a prostitute for money. Men who support prostitution tend to put it on the same level as they do, say, working at a fast food restaurant. Pure transaction turned into a dumbed down black and white issue to simplify things for the male mind and the two or three neurons that comprise the ethics, analysis and empathy centres in their brains. Prostitution and low-paying jobs that privileged males think are beneath them can’t be compared for many, many reasons that won’t be discussed here, and frankly, have been discussed by feminists who specialize in this particular issue. Prostitution is well beyond my personal experience and field of expertise, so I’ll leave that to more knowledgeable women. I can’t do this important topic justice.

I subtitled this post: Desperation, Delusion and Dough, and by ‘dough’, of course, I’m referring to a common slang for money that conveniently finished my alliterative trio. These three things are major factors in women’s decisions to consent to weird rapey situations, jobs and relationships. I don’t think they necessarily function separately, and if all three are present, they are powerful motivators to ignore any and all instincts for real self-preservation and may even convince a woman or girl that their bad idea will actually save them and make their life better. I’ll get into these first, and then I’ll talk about a few weird-ass consensual rape situations that can only exist in a world where men exist and dominate.

So, let’s dig in.

Desperation

So first, I wanted to talk about real and perceived desperation, although I may also call it objective and subjective desperation. Frankly, I’m not sure which more accurately describes what I’ll get into as I am very hesitant to criticize women’s real suffering. This tends to be a favourite pastime of liberal and even some radical feminists who enjoy constructing oppression Olympics and then shitting on certain women and denying them a voice because their lives aren’t deemed to be ‘hard enough’. I’m fine with criticizing the system or women’s willing ignorance when faced with mountains of evidence to contradict their insistence that males and females are equal and that males aren’t dangerous as a class, but no woman deserves what men and their system of male domination do to her and there is no way of measuring how negative events affect different people, other than through self-report, which is a fairly unreliable form of data.

Desperation is a state of despair where one feels there is no way out. Some define it as a mood or psychological state, which might be described as perceived or subjective desperation, but you could also describe it more objectively as a situation that would prove fairly terrible or even hopeless for any person. I think you can have both at the same time. And you can have a desperate situation with a person who refuses to give in to hopelessness. Likewise, you can have a person who feels desperate over a situation that isn’t so serious or immediately life-threatening, objectively speaking.

I think the key thing in defining objective desperation is that it is often life or death situations or quickly devolving situations that require fast responses in order to avoid danger or rapid deterioration into something much worse. These could include experiencing a natural disaster, living in a physically abusive relationship, the imminent loss of housing or employment, or being faced with debilitating illness or injury without a support system.

There are tons of people who have desperate reactions to situations that are not objectively desperate, and I’ll get into that a bit later. And a key thing to note here is that people who feel desperate, regardless of whether their situation is truly desperate or not, will make rash, risky, and impetuous decisions, often doing things that they would never dream of doing under normal circumstances. And women and girls seem to find themselves in desperate situations far more often than males, and the potential consequences for making rash decisions are far more dangerous as well. I’ve known a lot of women and girls who live with anxiety and fear, but I don’t think I’ve ever met a single male who does, even when they belong to supposedly oppressed groups. This is how patriarchy is supposed to work and female fear and desperation comprise the primary reason that women seek out and put up with the heterosexual lifestyle.

Delusion

Perhaps it would be better to talk about false beliefs as delusions are a special kind of false belief that are associated with mental illness, are not commonly held in the population, and are extremely resistant to contrary evidence. That is not what I’m talking about here. Everyone on the planet holds a false belief, and many false beliefs are quite common in the general community, mostly due to ignorance, especially willing ignorance, a poor education, and/or nonsense spread via television, social media and mansplaining, attention-seeking males who talk waaaay too much. If I’m optimistic about it, I’d like to think that once correct information is presented, most people will discard the belief and learn to be a little more critical in their thinking and learn to question and fact-check the stuff men claim as truth. But beliefs, especially unquestioned ones, serve purposes, and unfortunately, a lot of the more firmly held and hard-to-change false beliefs are that way because of a social or political agenda. For example, liberals hold and will spread the false belief that the majority of prostitutes are human trafficked in order to prioritize an anti-racism agenda or to shame white, Western women into silence if they try to speak about rape, but in fact most prostitutes are not trafficked, and most trafficking victims are targeted for labour, not prostitution. And no, prostitution is not work. ‘Sex work’ is a relatively new euphemism for paid rape, not for a category of job.

Further, many hard-to-change false beliefs serve to perpetuate hate and take form of stereotypes for various groups of people, such as women, racial groups, and gays and lesbians. And all of these types of beliefs are completely unsupported by data, yet are perpetuated in popular culture and the media. Some examples include: white women lie about being raped and assaulted by black men; gay people are more likely to be pedophiles than straight people, women are worse drivers than men, etc. Data and anecdotal evidence show the opposite of these false beliefs, yet people still want to believe them to be true.

Dough

I spend a lot of time listening to people in different countries talk about the good and bad things in their lives. Not all of it is interesting, but I get to see cultural differences from country to country as well as things that unite all people in the world. One of the most common things people like to talk about, or maybe complain about is the better word, is money. People with money and/or support systems that make wealth less important tend to say that money isn’t important, while poor people or people who think they deserve more than they have tend to complain about rich people. But the most noticeable common thread I’ve noticed is that with males, no matter what country I’m in is this belief that they deserve money, and especially that they deserve to be rich. And they almost never talk about working hard to achieve this. Women and girls talk about money too, but they tend to talk about wanting enough money to have a home or independence from their oppressive culture or family, and there is seldom this arrogant entitlement that males usually demonstrate. I also find that males are much more willing to fuck people over or commit criminal acts to get what they think they deserve, while females seem much more willing to debase themselves or put themselves in really dangerous situations in order to get what they think they are missing in life.

When you put these three influences together, you get some rather illogical decision-making in women, and their suffering tends to increase after any initial belief that the perceived or real problem has been solved. For example, a woman who is truly desperate, or who believes she is in a desperate situation; who believes something about the world that is not true; and who really needs money or who wants more than she currently has can end up in very hot water and consenting to rape.

Let’s explore a few situations.

Marriage Immigration – Rape Visas

It’s not my goal anymore for several reasons, but I spent a lot of years trying to immigrate legally to the United States in my early adulthood. It was, at the time, a good place for a single, ambitious person who didn’t want children to make a life and achieve some career success. I thought I did all the right things. I can speak four international languages, including English and Spanish, I have 11 years of university, including two degrees from top notch universities in the US and Canada, and even one degree that can help a Canadian get a job under the North American Free Trade Agreement. I also have a whole mess of marketable skills, awards, volunteer work and publications, and I used to have a really good resume. But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t get what seems to be so easy to achieve for so many others. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. I didn’t believe in illegal immigration tactics and I certainly didn’t want to get married to get my residency. Eventually, I gave up, and honestly, it has been a while since I felt the US was a desirable place to live. And no, I am not bitter or singing the sour grapes song. So much has changed. But I remember during one of my last attempts a while back, I was in the US staying with an acquaintance I have written about before, and we were talking about my frustrations. This friend, a male, suggested with a laugh that I should find a man to marry who would beat me up regularly. Being a humourless feminist, I couldn’t see why this was funny or even if dude was serious. I discovered that there is a sweet little loophole for citizenship for battered foreign wives. You can leave your abuser and not be deported, instead immediately filling out the paperwork to keep your citizenship quest on track. Who knows, you might even get it quicker, but I can’t vouch for that.

Now I don’t write about this as a recommendation. I certainly didn’t get jazzed about my friend’s suggestion. But I point it out for a few reasons. There are many, many women in foreign countries who look for American, and Western men in general, to marry in an effort to gain American citizenship. Some claim that they are looking for love, but come on… if it is all about love, you’d have better luck in your own community. I’ve actually met many women on the prowl for foreign men, so I can comment on this. I’ll just say that the whole thing is repulsive. The men looking for a submissive sex and house slave, the women looking for a princess life, not having to work, and being rich. The baldfaced truth about the roots of heterosexuality. But how do these women get into it? First, most of these women are both deluded and subjectively desperate. They believe that everyone is rich in Western countries – actually, many people in non-Western countries who’ve grown up on a diet of American films and television believe this. And they don’t want to hear the truth, even if they ask you for it. These women also feel desperate to better their lives even though they many aren’t actually desperate. Many of them have jobs and can support themselves, but they either don’t want to work or they want to be wealthy. So they go on the prowl and there are tons of websites and apps and services that are geared towards matching Western men with foreign women. I’ve also met some women who work in the ESL industry and meet male teachers whom they end up marrying. But what all of the women have in common, whether they are looking for an actual relationship or a path to citizenship, is that they are deluded about the West and men in general, they feel desperate, even if they aren’t actually desperate, and they are focused on money and a better life. This can only exist in a male-dominated world run on capitalism, religion, and heterosexual traditions.

I’ve got a ton of shitty stories about all the ways this kind of thing can go wrong. I’ve written before about slimy Western men who troll for Asian women. One significant memory I have happened about 10 years ago. I found myself in the middle of an American male acquaintance’s weird situation with an Asian woman he had dated in China and whom he had then brought back to the US with him. I stayed with them for a week while I was visiting the US, and I actually cut my visit short after seeing what was going on. The woman was a horrible, horrible asshole who abused me badly even after I tried to help her – my friend had told her I was his cousin, so I have no idea how much worse she would have been if she had known I was an unrelated friend. My acquaintance, whom I cut off immediately after visiting, had refused to fill out the paperwork to legalize her status, and wouldn’t let her have a cell phone to contact her family, or help her acclimatize in any way. She could barely speak English, and was living in a place with no Chinese community. Her whole life was in the house – you couldn’t get anywhere without a car, and she wasn’t allowed to drive. I felt bad for her for sure as no woman deserves abuse from a man, even though she was the kind of classic woman-hating, straight, Chinese woman I’ve encountered a million times before, but she was 41 years old, and had an employed, adult son in China, so she was in no way truly desperate or completely ignorant about life. She wanted to be taken care of in a traditional sense, but she lost any control over her life, once she put her trust in a male and left the comfort zone of her own country where, in the relationship, she had the upper hand due to language and local knowledge. I told the acquaintance to send her home if he had no plans to live up to the heterosexual contract. He acted very confused about everything, but seemed hell bent on not acknowledging was was going on. Despite her poor treatment of me, she was actually living up to her end of the contract – cleaning, cooking, and consensual rape. He refused to see that he was failing her. I don’t know how all that ended, as I hightailed it out of there and never spoke to the man again. I hope that woman got to go back to China to appreciate how much better her life was there. I’d bet money that there are millions of scenarios like this, and some of them end much much worse.

Government Support for Consensual Rape: Survival Sex and More Rape Visas

All governments in the world support female subordination and make life relatively easier for women who fall in line than for women who don’t. You have to remember however, that despite this relatively easier ride for women who consent, all heterosexual institutions and accepted heterosexual practices were designed by men to benefit men. The lives and associated suffering that women experience because of what males have deemed to be their needs and rights wouldn’t exist in a world without men or in a world where males don’t dominate. People tend to forget that when they start arguing for the normalcy and naturalness of what women endure and are compelled to consent to.

While I’m not going to get into prostitution, like I mentioned earlier, I want to briefly discuss a few nasty, government-sanctioned consensual rape scenarios that seem to only exist in the ‘progressive’ West where women are ‘equal’ now.

One of the major problems with legalizing prostitution, or rent-a-rape work is that poor and desperate women can be pressured and even forced by the government into being sexually assaulted for money. There are some women, those who have been indoctrinated into believing that it is empowering to do ‘sex work’ or what’s the big deal anyway…? But what if you’re a lesbian or asexual or a separatist, modest, self-respecting, a former rape victim or abuse survivor, or unwilling to degrade yourself or put yourself in danger in the myriad ways that dealing with men who see payment as a universal yes for doing whatever they want to entails? Well, in countries like the UK or Germany, the government, which provides benefits or welfare to the poor, allows job centres to post ‘sex work’ job ads or ads for what I call ‘gateway jobs’, which are jobs like stripping that don’t require women to be raped, but frequently lead to women entering pornography or prostitution. In some places, the government can cut a woman off benefits if she refuses to take a job in a brothel. Legalizing prostitution benefits men and men alone. It may keep women out of jail for being raped for money, but it has introduced a whole host of new problems for girls and women who are poor and who are actually desperate.

Australia has fast become a rape tourism destination following their legalization of prostitution and the government sanctioning of visas for travelling or migrant prostitutes. If you are a woman under 30, you can take advantage of the working holiday visa scheme and prostitution is a legitimate form of work. But what if you’re older? Well, there used to be the 457 skilled immigrant visa, which could be obtained for up to 4 years and was designed to fill skilled positions that couldn’t be filled by local people. This covered a lot of work categories, but euphemistically named ‘sex workers’ managed to slide in until criticism that prostitution wasn’t skilled work that required a diploma arose. Pro-prostitution groups claimed that skills were like totally involved, including:

“working with condoms and dams, negotiating prices and services, performing venereal disease checks, making risk assessments and establishing boundaries”.

This would be laughable, except that it isn’t. I’m surprised that they don’t include acting or smiling through pain on this list of skills that are frankly ‘life skills’ that all women and girls need to master if they want to survive heterosexual relationships and sometimes just existing in a world run by men, in general. This kind of straight-faced discussion of female degradation shouldn’t exist and wouldn’t exist if male domination didn’t exist. I think back to this repulsive French sailor I knew many years ago. He used to hang out with prostitutes in Senegal and tried to convince me that they were all prostitutes because they loved sex. I stopped getting into argumentative discussions with men a long time ago, but I remember thinking to myself at that time, what prostitute is going to tell a john that she hates having sex with men? And second, I thought, when have men ever understood the effects of their long-running oppression on women? I mean women can barely understand that they are oppressed and seldom refuse to comply. If they understood the history and the long-standing effects, then consensual rape would be acknowledged and relationships between males and females would look very different, and likely more natural.

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