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R is for Rape – Part V – Fat Girl
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
Police officer to his colleagues: “She says he didn’t rape her.”
Anaïs: “Don’t believe me if you don’t want to.”The last lines of the film ‘Fat Girl’ by Catherine Breillat, 2001. An interesting twist on what women and girls have always experienced when they report a rape.
Since I was old enough to be out and about on my own, I’ve always gravitated towards art house and repertory cinemas – quirky and sometimes grubby little movie theatres with mismatched and uncomfortable seats, cheap tickets, low-cost nibbles or even the possibility to bring in your own snacks. They usually have a single screen, maybe two if they are a little posher, and they show classic films, less new or less popular films, foreign films, cult films and sometimes just weird-ass stuff chosen based on the whim of the cinema’s manager. This is my kind of place. I hate blockbuster venues and multiplexes and happily ever after films starring the same overpaid, plastic bimbos and himbos. And I almost always go to these rep cinemas by myself, and I usually sit in the back row with my smuggled-in munchies and relative anonymity. I’m not sure how I got into these kinds of places or how I found the one and only in my hometown tucked away on a side-street near the university, but I suppose it was inevitable given my father’s devil-may-care, close-your-eyes-and-pick approach to choosing films that I mentioned in a past post. Nevertheless, I remember, with fondness, my favourite little cinemas from various places I’ve lived, and during periods of my life involving intense workloads and insane schedules, these solitary outings even became a highly enjoyable escape ritual.
I remember an early educational experience in cinema when I was 19 that gave me food for thought at the time. After writing the third ‘R is for Rape’ post, I recalled a film I had watched in a repertory cinema back in 2001, and decided to rewatch it to see if what I recalled actually tied into this post’s topic. Several times, I’ve returned to books and films I consumed in my youth, frequently to find that my recollections were coloured by inexperience or naiveté. It’s not really a surprise, and this is an interesting and separate topic that I want to write more about as it is extremely relevant to the female experience of sexuality and relationships. Suffice it to say that after watching the film in question, I decided that despite my more mature, analytical, and critical eye, I still agreed with the core of my 19-year-old assessment of the content.
This film in question was the 2001 French film: À ma sœur! which was strangely named Fat Girl for American audiences, despite the fact that the title could easily have been translated to To My Sister! and still would have made sense. But sociopolitical agendas were likely at work in this rebranding and refocusing, and thus the point of the film was likely at least partially lost to most American viewers.
The film was written and directed by Frenchwoman, Catherine Breillat, known for her controversial works on sibling rivalry and female coming-of-age stories, with a heavy focus on the politics of sex and sexuality for girls. For some, especially liberal feminist types, this might automatically indicate that she is feminist – having a female protagonist, especially one exploring her sexuality, means the content is feminist, right? Well, not really. There is nothing positive or liberating about her girls’ stories – they’re just depressing and extremely limited in their truth. And while I prefer truth to lies, I find it sad that all of girls’ and women’s truths are such downers. There isn’t the rich range of character-building experiences that boys have available to them when they are approaching adulthood. So while Breillat is a truth-teller of sorts, I personally find her very male-identified as well, and indeed, she has indicated in interviews that she was heavily influenced in her youth by writers Georges Bataille and the Marquis de Sade, both of whom saw sex and violence as inseparable and wrote extensively on the pleasure taken in violating and destroying women. I’ve read many of de Sade’s works, and I felt, like I do after encountering so many of men’s creative endeavours, that they have waaay too much time on their hands. But at the same time, I think these are some of the most honest men on the planet, and they depict male sexuality accurately. Males do have a death drive and cannot separate sex and violence, and you mess with them at your peril. Unfortunately, in order for women to get any attention in the arts and literature world, they need to espouse the male point-of-view, even if they think they are liberating themselves or putting themselves on equal footing with men. The problem is that, like I’ve maintained throughout this mini-series, females don’t have the upper hand in heterosexual sex or any dealings with males for that matter. In the violence that is heterosexual sex, females have so much more to lose, and I don’t think girls can achieve anything positive from exploring sexuality through dealings with males. And this truth makes for very limited and disheartening female stories – perhaps why we have so few of them and so many princess fairy tales. Boring as shit.
À ma sœur! or Fat Girl is about 15-year-old Elena and her 12-year-old sister, Anaïs. Both are suffering various delusions resulting from living in a patriarchal society and a dysfunctional family, and are well-prepared for the ravages of heterosexual life. They both have worrisome obsessions with losing their so-called virginity. The older one, classically pretty, is looking for a love and respect that doesn’t exist, and the younger, overweight and a little strange, wants to get the whole virginity thing out of the way as she mistakenly believes that experienced women have more value. Anaïs spends time talking to herself and her imagined future lover and spying, with much derision, on her sister during her sexual pursuits. Elena ends up with an Italian man who employs every consensual rape tactic in the book to get what he wants, and Anaïs ends up forcibly raped by a stranger, which she twists to fit her fantasy of giving it up to a man who means nothing – sort of a fucked up consensual raping. So, ultimately, both girls get what they want, but don’t make out well. Sort of anti-princess fairy tales – or, more basically, versions of reality that most girls end up with.
Now, at 19, despite plenty of exposure to the nastiness that the male-dominated world had to offer, I was still very inexperienced and completely untrained in critical thinking. Thus, at that time, I could easily sit through offensive content without experiencing the knee-jerk moral outrage of, say, a biologically mature, but intellectually immature religious person, but I wasn’t well equipped to dissect it and offer a deep analysis. Rewatching this film at 52 was interesting. First, I found it extremely cringe-worthy and difficult to sit through, partly because I have lost patience with and tolerance of heterosexual female problems, which I now consider to be almost completely avoidable, but are endlessly talked about as if they are not, and partly because Breillat’s depiction of what girls go through in negotiating with straight males is so completely spot on. Second, I realized that I’ve been thinking about the issue of consensual rape for over 30 years, although I didn’t have a name for it until recently.
There was apparently a feminist uproar after the film came out. I don’t recall all the details, but I was a budding feminist and didn’t feel the same way as they did. Likely, some women got mad that it was the fat girl who needed to be forcibly raped in order to achieve something sexually, and that she accepted that. Perhaps some were opposed to the graphic depictions of sex with a minor, although neither actress was an actual minor. Whatever the opposition, I find that the vast majority of self-proclaimed feminists do not like the unveiling of truths. While Breillat is decidedly not a feminist, she baldly showed us the truth about how girls are formed into what male-dominated society wants them to be. I think many feminists want to think that males and females are equal, and not all men are rapists, and that heterosexuality can be healthy and good for women. But that is just not how things work. It never has worked that way, and it never will. So you either have to go along to get along, or you create a different path for yourself and model it in a way to offer better options for girls of the future. And by different path, I mean separatism and forging better relationships with women and girls. We no longer have to accept violence to survive.
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R is for Rape – Part I – The Pen & The Sword
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
Rape is a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear.
Susan Brownmiller, from her 1975 book, Against Our Will
I’ve written a lot on rape over the years, so I’m going to draw from some of my old articles and add some new material to the following. My plan is to make this a three-part post addressing the trickier and more-guaranteed-to-offend aspects of rape as follows:
Part 1: Here, I’ll talk about the effective partnership between language and violence, and how men have used both as weapons to keep safety and justice out of the reach of women.
Part 2: Here, I’ll discuss the slippery definitions of sex, rape, and consent, and I’ll delve into the scary concept of consensual rape.
Part 3: Here, I’ll continue to forgo euphemisms and get into the world of modern slavery, rape visas, and rape tourism.
Let me start with a simple statement – a simple truth: if men didn’t exist, rape wouldn’t exist. Let’s think about that for a minute. I can hear all the background clamour that typically follows a truth statement such as this: Not all men! Men can be raped, too! Women can be rapists, too! I’m just going to tune that out as so much noise, and keep going because those protests are neither accurate nor useful, and can derail feminist pursuits. As an example, I did a little survey years ago and to my dismay I found that even staunch feminists who were regular readers of my blog didn’t agree on what rape was and were adamant supporters of men’s rights even if they wouldn’t normally come out and say that. You have no foundation on which to build if people can’t even agree on the basics. That is what typically happens with most of the feminisms, with the exception of gynocentrism, and why most feminists spend more time fighting each other instead of achieving things for females as a class. But it’s not a surprise despite the word having been around since the early 13th century. The word has changed meaning over the years, and it is still changing, even today. I think the fact that it still doesn’t have an agreed upon definition is because men control language and because rape is a crime that only males commit and only females experience. To acknowledge the latter would be to hold men accountable for what they do and are. And we can’t have that.
Let’s dig into language a bit.
Humans vs. All Other Creatures
In considering the differences between humans and other mammals or any creature for that matter, there are some significant differences that set us apart. And note that this is in no way a comment that humans are superior to animals, as I don’t believe that for a second. Each species has its strengths and weaknesses, which makes hierarchy-development a rather stupid and pointless endeavour. In considering humans, language and the capacity for deep and complex self-awareness set them apart from all other living things on earth. Other creatures may have systems of communication and a limited ability to reflect on simple behaviours, but none rivals human capacity. That is not a judgment, just a fact. Dolphins don’t conjugate verbs and chimpanzees don’t chronically and masochistically self-sabotage or even commit suicide over lack of purpose or meaning in life. Non-humans also don’t develop systems of ethics or morality – even misguided, faulty ones. These are uniquely human ‘achievements’ and are only three of many, many examples of the complexities of human language and self-awareness.
Humans are also the only species capable of malice. Now, note that I am not talking about survival instincts. Men and silly women who defend men often argue that male violence is just a reflection of the instinct to survive and is comparable to the killing that any other species does. This is classic male logic designed specifically to try to justify violent male behaviour. Some of my Chinese male university students will state without blinking that we ‘live in a jungle’. Now, I do believe that males are naturally violent. They are wired for it. But as I’ve written before, as humans, we also have self-awareness, and it is this unique and incredible ability that allows humans to override violent impulses. But, as humans are also uniquely malicious creatures, instinct and deliberate cruelty frequently play off each other. No creature other than the human (male) kills for pleasure. And no creature other than the human (male) tortures other living things. There is no evolutionary or ‘survival’ purpose for killing for pleasure or for torturing. I’ve met a lot of men who try to argue with seriously twisted logic that there is a need for these things. This is when I back away, and wish I had a weapon at the ready in order to do like all other creatures do out of instinct – remove a dangerous threat to one’s survival. But, alas, human females are the only creatures on earth who are NOT allowed to defend themselves.
And this is where language enters the scene.
The Role of Language in Power, Control and Hierarchy
The pen is mightier than the sword.
Language is one of human’s oldest tools. Like all tools, it can be a beautiful mechanism or system used to do wonderful things and inspire the best in all of us. But like all tools, it can also be used to destroy everything in its path. In the hands of men, language is frequently used to express male ‘love’ and ‘creativity’, which as most women eventually come to find out, are dangerous things and not at all what female love and creativity are.
As human males have come to realize, weapons alone will not get you sustainable power. Sure, you can overwhelm a perceived enemy, but it is really difficult to maintain that victory for any period of time without a much more powerful weapon. That weapon is language. Language is, in fact, a much more powerful weapon than any ‘sword’. But they work together. Just as it is hard to sustain control with only swords, it is also difficult to gain and keep power with only words. We’ve all heard that common description of successful evil dynamic duos: ‘You have the brawn and I have the brains’. Well, that is an apt description of the sword and the pen. Employ the brute force, overwhelm the enemy, enact the mindfuckery of the brutalized population that only language can achieve (e.g., “War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.”), and then all future brutality just becomes an accepted part of the system. Those few who see beyond the language mechanisms and refuse to believe have no leg to stand on, and find themselves very much alone and often questioning their own sanity.
Whoever Controls Language Controls the World and The People Who Live in It
As a tool and building block of control and power, it is safe to say that if you aspire to megalomaniac status, you need to master language. I don’t mean that you should learn to speak several languages. I mean you need to learn how to use language to manipulate people and situations, and to obscure facts. You need to weaponize language. You need to see where language has its greatest influence. My Oppressor Triangle discusses a few major centres of influence, but there are other arenas. Language has had its greatest influence in the areas of politics, law, economics, academia, and the health care system (industry). These areas don’t function separately. There is much overlap. The language enacted in the political sphere can and does affect all other spheres of power, for example.
The question becomes: who controls language? And the answer is: men. Men have always controlled language. And they control it as much today as they have in the past. It’s not a race thing, as much as some people might wish it to be so. It is a MALE thing. If you are a big picture thinker, if you think internationally across time and place – and really, you have to be if you are ever to hope of ending oppression – you have to accept the truth that males control language, and as a result, they control everything. If you get bogged down on other group affiliations, you’ll change nothing. Only the truth can set you (and everyone else) free.
Language and Rape
Men have been raping, torturing and killing women since they realized they could. It has nothing to do with evolution or survival or necessary to the continuation of the human species. Any man who tells you that it does is dangerous and you should get away from him before he hurts you.
Male control of language has had its greatest impact on the one thing that has allowed them to maintain control over women. Rape. Without rape and the threat of rape, men don’t have a hold over women. Control the language surrounding rape, and you control the crime itself – or whether it is even considered a crime, or who can commit it, or who is responsible, or who can be raped. We know that women have no power, and certainly have no control over language, because rape is so rampant and that they are on the receiving end with little ability to avoid it or seek justice for it.
It is only relatively recently that rape was even considered a crime, and only extremely recently that rape was considered to be a form of torture. In Western cultures, the rape of a woman was considered to be a crime against the man who owned her. And it could only be committed by a male who did not own her. She herself, as a rape victim, was deemed filthy, rendered an embarrassment, offered the choice to marry her rapist, or else tossed out like so much garbage from family and community. Even today, rape victims often end up in prostitution or suffering from mental health problems that leave them unable to self-actualize, let alone take care of themselves properly. The propaganda and brainwashing campaign that all societies provide to women to get them to accept rape as reality, as normal, and even as ‘not rape’ often succeeds in neutralizing female protest to unlivable conditions. Rape is a crucial part of Western entertainment – drama as well as comedy – although Western men are not alone in their enjoyment of female torture. Many women will suppress their experiences or deny that rape even happened. Rape victims who don’t follow the rules are often punished by society, and frequently by other women who prefer to lash out at other women than to name the real problem.
In non-Western countries, rape has gone through equally horrible control by men. In some countries, raping girl children isn’t considered rape. Elsewhere, rape cannot occur within a marriage or family. In others, rape has only occurred if a woman can get a handful of male witnesses to support her claim. No, women aren’t in control of language at all. Anywhere in the world. I mean, no woman would ever set up the linguistic, social and legal hoops/barriers to proving rape that are currently in place in every corner of the earth. We aren’t that masochistic or stupid of our own free will.
Men Can Be Raped, Toooooooo!
Likely, in response to women calling more attention to rape and violence against women, men retaliated. Men always retaliate. They are allowed. There are always repercussions to women gaining even an ounce of freedom or power or justice. And language is always at the centre of any retaliation. And there is always violence to back it up.
So recently, men decided to change the language surrounding rape. They decided that rape no longer meant ‘male forcibly entering a female through her vagina using his dick’. Suddenly, males could be raped! And further, women could be rapists!
These revelations served a very, very important purpose. You see, if you can show that a crime or negative circumstance ALSO affects men, it is no longer a sex-based inequality or a hate crime. Men no longer are forced to be held responsible. Men are no longer predators. They are no longer deficient in some way. If you can show that they suffer tooooo or that women are doing the same evil deeds tooooo, then men no longer will be examined as the sole source of a major problem or epidemic. Once males can name themselves as victims, all focus can ‘justifiably’ be removed from women and recentred on men and boys. All we need is one male victim to negate the suffering of millions of women. And all we need is one female predator to negate the predation of millions of males. That is the male control of language at work. Change one word or one definition, and you can change the lives of millions. Control is regained.
Predictably, women got on board with the rebranding of rape, as they usually do when males find new ways to name themselves as victims, to detract from female victims, and to blame women for something. Women are usually the first ones on board with helping men hurt women. And men are experts at painting themselves as victims and martyrs.
Rape, in the minds of many, now also means a woman ‘forces’ a male to pop a boner and stick it to her. And strangely, rape now also means a dick forcibly entering an anus. But the thing is this, even if the former is forced, it is not rape. It may be a sexual assault, and if so, it needs to have its own label. The latter is NOT RAPE. It actually already has its own label. It is called forcible sodomy. Women are also frequently forcibly sodomized by men, more often than men are forcibly sodomized by men, and often in addition to being raped. But ignoring and/or broadening existing definitions has achieved its goal. We’ve taken the focus off what men do to women. And sex crimes are no longer seen primarily as the domain of male perps. Congratulations men and the dangerous women who support them. Rape is inclusive!
Conclusion
Regardless of what is going on, one thing can be said for sure. We need better, woman-controlled and defined language concerning different kinds of sexual assault, and we need a complete rethink of the concept of consent as it pertains to an oppressed group of people. We need acknowledgement that there are some crimes that only females experience – rape being a prime example of that – and that the reason these crimes are perpetrated by men and boys against women and girls is both sex-based and sexual in nature as well as power or violence-motivated. We need separate language for different crimes that are dependent on the sex of the victim and the perpetrator. Inclusivity has no place in the language of crime.
In the next post, I’ll get into the most common and least acknowledged kind of rape: consensual rape, which includes manipulation, coercion, the nagging-giving in game, duty- and pity rape. All of these are otherwise known as sex in the straight world.
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Rapetainment
This post is part of the ongoing Birth of a Feminist series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
As children, we all grow up thinking that what happens in our families and/or households is normal and that everyone pretty much has the same kinds of family relationships and rituals that we do. Over time, exposure to other children, especially when visiting their homes, teaches us that no two families are the same, and even the most mundane of activities may be done a little differently in other households. Your family, for example, might have dinner around 5:30 every night while your friend’s family might eat around 7:00 pm. Or you might have a lot of chores, but another friend might not have any. There are a million variations on how families operate, and it is a function of parental values and experience, and the personalities and dynamics within the family. But despite all the little differences, the average family is more similar than different.
But then, there are families that operate a little differently. Families where the practices and relationships can be downright weird, unethical and even abusive. Now, I think that all families are harmful to girl children – family is not a natural or healthy grouping, but a patriarchal construct designed to give men power through ownership. Patriarchy, by definition is about male domination and female slavery, so all institutions and systems designed by men are harmful to girls, a risky endeavour for adult women if they choose to support and engage with them, and almost universally beneficial to males. But there are degrees of harm to girls in the patriarchal system known as ‘family’. There are families whose practices and relationships are much more abusive and harmful to the female children than those of the average family. But the girl children in those households still grow up thinking that what they are living is normal. Some of these girls may, at some point, come to realize that what they are experiencing is not normal and definitely not healthy, but it can take years for this to happen. Given the nature of some of these family practices and relationships, many of these girls may not actually come to their realization through discussion with others, but completely alone through observation and analysis. After all, what they are living is usually either taboo or extremely embarrassing to even broach with others, and discussion can get them socially tainted, blamed, and even further victimized by their family or patriarchal society.
My own family was a weird one, but I didn’t really understand the extent of the harm they did until I was much older. I was stuck in a household with two strange and damaged parents: an ever-present, NPD housewife-mother who had two modes – antagonistic or stand-by, like a computer in sleep mode waiting for a button to be pressed; and an enabler, narcissistic, psychologist father who was seldom around due to workaholism, but who I later came to realize, probably did more damage in the bursts of time spent around me than my mother did. I’ve written before that women tend to inflict tons of shallow cuts on fellow females, but men inflict stab wounds or else fly in, drop bombs and then leave. For some reason, we tend to pay attention to what other women do to us while conveniently forgiving and forgetting male atrocities enacted on our bodies and psyches. I believe we are well trained from birth to do this. Anyhow, I did eventually come to see my father for what he was – a horrible, entitled, sex-crazed, liberal misogynist. But it took my parents’ divorce and leaving home and developing my own goals separate from wanting to please my hero-worshipped father in order to accomplish this.
There were many forms of harm in my family, but I wanted to get into one daddy dearest was responsible for and that didn’t start to make me question things until I was 19 years old.
My father liked movies. I still remember the first time my family rented a VCR machine in the early 1980’s, invited some family friends over, and watched Star Wars. Not long later, my dad bought a VCR for the family, and began bringing home rented movies for the family to watch together. We were never asked what we wanted to watch. It always seemed to be ‘Dad’s choice’, and that never seemed to consist of anything considered to be kids’ content. And so began my exposure to explicit violence on television (and films). I have a specific pre-adolescent memory burnt into my brain of a scene from one of Dad’s films consisting of a violent beating and rape of a young woman. I also remember standing up shortly after that and going to my bedroom. I can’t remember what happened after that, but I know that I was not spoken to about what I had seen. I am not sure what had gone through my mind other than discomfort. And there were other experiences like this. Other violent films, some weird films. Dad also had taken a lot of pleasure in choosing films randomly – and that is actually something that I have done all my life as well, although I make sure to avoid films advertising explicit violence against women.
I also have a distinct memory of going to the movie theatre with a friend of mine when I was about 14, and for reasons I can’t for the life of me remember, we decided to sneak into another film. I am not sure how we chose the film, but we ended up in Casualties of War, an R-rated film with multiple very graphic and violent scenes of a squad of American soldiers raping and torturing a young Vietnamese girl. It was terrifying, but neither my friend nor I could move – I think we were afraid we would get caught where we weren’t allowed to be. I still remember that horrible film so many years later. It is hailed as a ‘masterpiece’ by men, and they refer to what the soldiers did as a ‘moral quagmire’. Yes, men often say that rape during war is an inevitable moral conundrum. What to do, what to do? But it sure makes for super fantastic cinematography, don’t you think? My 14-year-old self did not think so.
It wasn’t until I was 19 that all of this violent film-watching at home and in public caught up to me and led to a significant realization, and it was likely due to my age coupled with other trauma going on in my life at the time. The previous year, my best friend had gone missing while walking home and then had been found dead a few weeks later, the circumstances surrounding it never released by the police and are still a mystery to me today. In the very same horrible month, my parents decided to announce a surprise divorce leading to my mother’s increased insanity and the longest and most convoluted divorce court case my father’s lawyer had ever profited from. As well, at the time, there had been some high profile abduction, rape, torture and murder cases of teenaged girls in a community near where I lived – this ended up being the famous case of the Canadian serial killers Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka. Needless to say, I was beginning to be very sensitive to violence at the time.
Following my parents’ divorce, my siblings and I would visit with my father on Sundays, stay for dinner, and sometimes watch a film – like old times. I remember one particular night, it was just my father, brother and me, and Dad put on some video. And it wasn’t long before I was presented with a scene of a woman at night in her home preparing for bed. A man was watching her from outside the house and then decided to break in, and start beating the shit out of her and raping her. I started crying. It hit me that most to all television and film entertainment was not for women and girls. It was for men. It is rapetainment. We women and girls sit there watching representations of ourselves being dehumanized, violated and destroyed on a continuous basis and we are expected to accept it and laugh along. How is this entertainment??? For women and girls, that is? I can understand that men might like it and get turned on by it or feel powerful because of it or possibly feel nothing at all. If I decided to write a television or book series centred on the terrorism, torture, mutilation and killing of men and boys, I guarantee you I’d be censored, or I wouldn’t sell anything, movie studios might reject me, and likely a horde of women would descend on me and call me every name in the book. I’d be a ‘misandrist’. And to question the escalating misogyny, slurs and violence against women in entertainment is met with derision, gaslighting, ad feminem attacks and excuses of “it’s art”, “it’s free speech”, “it’s just fantasy”, and “don’t be so sensitive, sweetie.” Would this argument work if the tables were turned???
Anyhow, back to my 19-year-old self. The accumulation of years of vulnerability and experience and fear and confusion resulted in my tears, and finally my father noticed. He stopped the film, whisked me upstairs and left me in the bedroom. Then he went back downstairs to rejoin my 15-year-old brother and to enjoy the rest of the rape movie. It was never talked about again. I felt alone and raw and so utterly hurt and disappointed and confused and angry. Remember that my father was a psychologist. He had trained as a child psychologist, but then went on to specialize in sex therapy. I almost want to say, “Ha, classic!” But that isn’t quite the right way to put it. It is so much worse than that.
There is a profound sense of hurt and betrayal that you feel when you realize a parent has harmed you in a deeply disrespectful way. It is natural for children, as they grow up, to begin to see their parents as regular humans with all the weaknesses and vulnerabilities that all humans have, but it is another thing altogether to realize a parent doesn’t respect you or see you as human worthy of consideration or care. This is even more significant if you are female child as we are all in a process of realizing that we aren’t respected as full humans by society at large. To have it come from your parents as well hits you really hard. I think this was the beginning of a long end for me with regard to my father. I began to see him as a misogynist, and there were countless examples after that to support my suspicions. And I became more vocal over time. He definitely didn’t like me pushing back against what he believed was his right to enjoy women’s degradation and subordination in entertainment form. But still it was confusing. He did respect my superiority to him in math and science, and he was the only one to tell me that it was perfectly fine for a woman NOT to have children. But where so many women would see this as a sign of a ‘great man’ or a ‘good dad’, his harm to me outweighs anything good he said or did. I think any person can have something in common with the worst people on earth, but it doesn’t mean you have to see them as good people or that they have redeeming qualities. Honestly, I don’t know how one can have a daughter and still find rape and violence against women to be entertaining. I just can’t get past this, but I will say that when women say “every child needs a father”, I couldn’t disagree more. Men know what men are, but they have no ability to feel empathy for women and girls. And empathy is the bare minimum you need in order to be a parent.
A last note on rapetainment.
Without getting into what will be a separate post on entertainment as patriarchal propaganda, I’ll just say here that even children’s media is designed to instill a docility and acceptance in females where it concerns how girls and women are seen and treated in the world. As a child moves into the consumption of adult material, the level of graphic and linguistic hostility and outright violence towards female people escalates – and with absolutely no added value, I might add – and thanks to what we consumed as children, we are well prepared to view it as entertainment, sitting happily with the males in our lives and pretending that the material is designed with us as a co-audience alongside men. In fact, the material is designed for males primarily as entertainment and ego-boosting, and then secondarily for females both as a threat, instilling justified fear, and as a confusing reminder that we are supposed to want and need males to protect us from their fellow males. The violence and slurs are normalized through repetition, and entertainment can be seen as a form of education as it works in the same way, burning it into your brain so that it becomes part of how you think and act. As a result, most females, by the time they reach adulthood, don’t even notice what is going on. They sit there with family members, husbands and boyfriends, laughing along to the rape and dead hooker jokes, feeling afraid and then safe when the alpha male slips an arm around them to let them know that they’ll protect them in exchange for docility and other services. And then women go back to their lives where they can pretend that this so-called art that they’ve consumed isn’t actually a reflection of what goes on in the world or that it has larger implications for and effects on women’s lived realities.
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Why Search Terms Went the Way of the Dinosaur
For those of you who run blogs or web sites, have you noticed over the past decade that Google (and other search engines that facilitate the remaining 8% of searches that Google doesn’t perform…) is no longer giving web sites feedback on the search terms used to get to their sites?
I set up my first major web site in 1995 – a co-venture with one of my professors. It is still up, but no longer the award-winning powerhouse it was at the time. I just visited it about an hour ago, and noted that my former prof took my name off the site’s credits, even though I did ALL the research and ALL the coding and ALL the fixes. Didn’t I just write about men stealing from women in my last post…??? Anyhow, in those early days of web development, I realized that search terms were really helpful. The concept of SEO was just a few years away and hadn’t become big business yet. But knowing how people got to your site could help you write content of interest to people, which would in turn, bring more traffic. As we were operating as a resource, we weren’t trying to make money, but to help people find information. I’ve run other web sites since then, and search terms became increasingly important.
But recently, this treasure trove of information has dried up. Since 2011, Google decided they didn’t want to provide that kind of information anymore – although they said that it would barely affect site owners. Not so. In 2013, they expanded their search encryption policies, and basically, the iron curtain came down. Now, if you listen to what the men (let’s face it, these are male decisions) running the search engines say, they cite that they are concerned about privacy. But whose privacy? Unless, you are connecting a search term to an individual’s computer, what’s the big deal? Why shouldn’t we have access to the words that bring netizens to our sites?
Well, if you actually looked at search terms when they were readily available, and you consider what drives much of the internet traffic and downloads, a hell of a lot of it is porn and other misogynistic – some of it disturbingly violent – content. And this is a big deal for women like myself, who run feminist content. What is bringing people to our sites? And we come back to circling the question of whose privacy is being protected by blocking access to search terms.
There was a really great, data-oriented site that was stopped in 2013, likely coinciding with Google’s male protection racket ramp up, that I still link to in my side bar – What Men Want to See Online – which collected search terms from women running feminist web sites. It was telling, even shocking, disturbing, saddening, and it supports the idea that search engines are most concerned about protecting male privacy. Men worried about being targeted/located and accused of what they euphemistically call ‘thought crimes’ have likely fuelled this enactment of online privacy. (It’s amazing how many men I run into who are obsessed with ‘thought crimes’ – why is that…?) It is very important that men can search for, access, and masturbate over and over to rape videos, woman-torture, child porn, sexist racism, and the like. The privacy – and safety! – of women and children is just silly to think about. This protection ensures that men can easily keep the rape, torture and other woman hate going both on and offline. If you hide a problem, then it keeps going, keeps building. And we well know that ‘thought crimes’ cannot be compartmentalized – even though men tell us that their fantasies about cutting women up is just that – fantasy – and has nothing to do with their real feelings towards half the population… yeah, right. Do you really thing that men sit at their computer jizzing over a woman being tortured and raped and then go to work and treat their female co-workers fairly? Get real. I am not actually sure which is more disturbing – that men can get off on rape, and then go back to business as usual (which is not fair treatment, by the way), which I would also call psychopathy. Or that men get off on rape and then bring it into the meat world, which is also psychopathy. Hiding it or letting it hang out. Which is worse? And they can’t really hide misogyny; not really. Men aren’t that smart or skilled, and like I’ve said before, they are terrible liars. They don’t have to be – every disgusting thing they do is protected.
Now, Story Ending Never wasn’t operating when WMWTSO was collecting data, so I couldn’t contribute my wealth of filth kindly provided by males from all over the world. When I ran into the site after the fact, I went a-digging into my own data, and I was surprised that so many men were looking for rape and somehow found themselves on my blog. The search terms available have drastically dropped off in the years since I started writing in 2015 – I almost never get specific terms anymore – but my 6+ years of data fall into a few major categories.
There is a shitload of racist (against white women) rape and porn search terms. If you are one of those willingly ignorant assholes who thinks white women aren’t major targets of serious, violent, racist, sexist, rape-hate, you can find the nearest cliff and lean over. No, just a little more. Go on, now. Racist sexism against white women is the most accepted and promoted racist-sexism (even among rapey white males who are happy for women to pay for male crimes, and shockingly, some self-hating, badly abused white females) in current times.
The racist bullshit co-mingles sex, fucking, raping, porn, erotica and romance. The focus is mostly Arabs raping white women, a few black rapists thrown in, but you get the picture (see my keyword list attached below). If you need more proof that men put everything from love to rape to revenge fucks to sexy fun to porn into the same bloody category, just look at search terms – oh wait, you can’t anymore. We are protecting men’s searches now. Anyhow, why do you think I started the Love = Hate series? They are the same thing for men. But you can look at my list because Google can’t erase what has already been recorded.
There is a second major category highlighting men’s obsession with being castrated. I swear men want this. They drool over it. They dream of it. And part of me thinks we should help them out… but I don’t get this obsession at all. I mean, I know men constantly think of hurting women in horrible ways, and I think they assume women do the same thing – dreaming of hurting men and maybe dreaming of being hurt. However, the average woman decidedly does not. She neither dreams of being a slave nor of acting like a typical male. But men need to think this is true to create insane justifications for what they do to us. Otherwise, how can you feel like you are righteous if your target is innocent…? This is how religion (another product of male thinking) has always operated – justifying horrific treatment of people by creating false reports of evil in their ‘enemies’.
The third smaller category of filth that men use to arrive at my site is prostitute humiliation. The first category of search terms, I get – I am white and female, so I will automatically be the target of racist, sexist hate. I don’t know why the castration fetishists come to me or why the prostitute haters come to me. I don’t really write about either – maybe an occasional mention, but nothing worthy of the scores of scrotes who find me through these depraved search terms.
Anyhow, those are my two cents on the internet today. I’m busy procrastinating on something I need to get done, so I’d better get back to it. If you’re interested in the list of search terms, I am including them here for download instead of including a really long list of filth within this post.
Search Terms Used to Find Story Ending Never
[Part of the Conversations with Men series.]
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I is for Innocence
This post is part of the ongoing Alphabet Series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
I’m only willing to hear you cry
Because I am an innocent man
Billy Joel
Well, that was a creepy and patronizing lyric from Billy Joel’s An Innocent Man – the flagship Not All Men! song – where Mr. Joel chastises a woman for not spreading her legs for him because some man in her past abused her and she is still traumatized. This is the ubiquitous shaming that all women brainwashed from birth into mandatory heterosexuality go through throughout their lives. How DARE you not trust a male not to rape you, beat you, shame you, degrade you, use you, or kill you! How dare you shut down the fuck machine after being raped! You must have a victim mentality, or you are just fucking crazy or something. He is saying: “How DARE you include ME in a group of people (males) who has, for every second of every day for MILLENNIA, oppressed women and girls on the basis of sex. I am a Good ManTM – an Innocent Man.” Notice, though, that the Innocent Man here doesn’t feel sympathy or empathy for the woman. Rather, he is telling the abused female that she should feel grateful that he is tolerating her lady-bullshit because he is not, in his opinion, a rapist or abuser. Magnanimity or what?!? But the subtext is that, of course, he wants his needs served by this whiny bitch because he has likely dropped a reasonable amount of time, attention and cash on her. Maybe he’ll be so good as to let her cry for 5 more minutes before he really loses his shit.
Sorry, buddy. Not a single one of you is innocent of oppressing females, even self-righteous gay dudes. Even an oppressed male has at least one female under his boot. Woman and girl abuse is built into the patriarchal system of every country and culture in the history of the world.
So, today, I is for Innocence. This post is part of the on-going Alphabet Series.
A few months ago, I put some feelers out on saidit.net amongst the small blackpilled crowd there to inspire some feedback on the topic (you can check out my saidit post and the various comments here). There are some very intelligent women there, as well as some real woman-haters, and as expected, I got some feedback from the former, while the latter ignored me completely, as they always do 😉 So, a shout out to ahhale, lilith, CosmicFarmPrisoner, and tallowcandle for their intelligence and contributions. I’ll make some references to points they’ve made throughout this post, but leave the general attributions and thanks here.
There were so many great I-words to choose from. I selected Innocence a while ago, and I can’t remember what in particular inspired that choice, but I considered a few others. I is also for irrational, which is one of the many, many characteristics that describes males well, but that is always projeted onto females as a sign of their ‘deficiency’. I is also for illogical (ditto on the projection); irresponsible (um, ditto), ignorant (ditto, and I covered this topic a bit in two 2015 posts: Naiveté, Stupidity, and Ignorance, and in Well Read and Willfully Ignorant); impotence (male ‘problems’, oh no!!!); and inclusion (touched on in my Alphabet post on Diversity). And since this writing two years ago, I’ve added I is for Identity, Individualism and Infantilization – check them out on my YouTube channel or my website.
Anyhow, I’ll do the following here today. I’ll define innocence (according to men), and talk about it in terms of the legal system (designed by men), and moral system (designed by men), and I’ll dig into why this is such an important central, but mostly ignored, theme in male domination. And by the end, we’ll be abe to conclude whether this is even a useful concept for women.
Male-Defined Innocence
If you look up the word ‘innocent’, you get the following:
- the state, quality, or fact of not being guilty of a crime or offence;
- the state of not having responsibility for or direct involvement in an event, yet suffering its consequences;
- naiveté; purity, or the lack of guile or corruption; and
- used euphemistically to refer to a person’s virginity
So, we’ve got the realms of legality, morality, and sex. And they are not mutually exclusive, nor are they applied equally to males and females, which is only because males control language and the realms where it is used. The legal system, including in places where lawyers are over-abundant and yet continue to earn more than most people, is still a joke, relying not so much on evidence, as on rhetoric and perception and the skill with which they can be manipulated. Moral systems, STILL mostly based on the whole caveman level “man good, woman evil” way of thinking and STILL protected by circa Dark Age religious and supersitious, anti-woman conventions, ensure that the concept of ‘innocence’ in the non-legal sense, is an intrinsic part of every culture. And the whole virginity and sex thing, which applies SOLELY to females, and is propped up by moral (religious/superstitious) traditions, even in places where religion in the conventional sense doesn’t have a presence.
So let’s dig in.
1) Innocence, Legally-Speaking
the state, quality, or fact of not being guilty of a crime or offence
Now, I’m not going to attempt to do justice to this area of innocence. While I am a qualified librarian at the post-graduate level, and I did take a course in law librarianship, I am decidedly not a lawyer. I don’t have much interest in, and certainly no faith in the formal legal system. I’m more of a ‘vigilante justice’ proponent, myself, when it comes to dealing with male crimes, especially because males are seldom held accountable for the shit they do to women and girls. Male guilt, even when we know the scrote is 100% guilty, is seldom punished because of how legal systems are designed. Canada, like some countries, presumes innocence until guilt is proved ‘beyond a reasonable doubt’. And this holds even if we know damn well a male is guilty because he is caught raping in the act or he was stupid and arrogant enough to record himself raping someone on video and then posted it online. Often, there are technicalities or rhetorical manipulations that interfere with achieving justice. Facts and truth don’t really matter. And here we get at the difference between ‘legal innocence’ and ‘actual innocence’. If a male is found to be legally innocent (aka ‘not guilty’) of a crime, it just means the prosecution wasn’t able to convince verdict-deciders of guilt. He may not have ‘actual innocence’ (aka he did the crime), but for one reason or another, the justice system failed yet another female victim, just as it was meant to. In crimes against women, male innocence usually comes down to ‘he said, she said’ as well as our social contract not to ‘ruin a man or boy’s life’ after he has ruined the life of a woman or girl.
Another murky area centres on mental competence. To be deemed competent, such that a person can stand trial, an accused has to have an understanding of how the law works and the difference between right and wrong. And we determine competence all the time both inside and outside of court rooms. And it is problematic because even if you can show that a perpetrator isn’t fully able to understand what is going on, he can still be dangerous and a massive future threat to women and girls. We see this with, say, the mentally retarded and mentally ill, drunk or drugged-up males, and with boys under the age of majority in the location of the crime. The hoi polloi will generally gift males in these categories with automatic ‘innocence’ designations, and you’ll get the usual bullshit about the need for educating or supporting or rehabilitating the deficient in question, which of course, never has and never will work.
In the court room, it is really hit or miss. Legal experts tell us that it is very difficult for someone to successfully be excused from regular court procedings on the basis of mental health interference. I don’t know. This might be true. Men try it all the time. We just had a case in Canada, where Armenian-Iranian, autistic, publicly self-admitted incel, Alek Minassian, tried to sidestep criminal responsibility for driving his van into a crowd of women in Toronto and killing 10 people. He tried out the whole “autism made me do it!!! Waaaaah!!! I’m innocent!!!” gambit. But in a strange stroke of luck, the courts decided the autism didn’t cause the mass murder (um, no kidding…). He has been sentenced for 10 counts of first-degree murder and 16 counts of attempted murder. One victim has since died. Apparently, we know he understands right and wrong because of his online rants about killing women. Men tell us all the time that hate thoughts and hate speech don’t lead to hate crimes. Yeah right. Anyhow, the female judge was, in my opinion, lenient. Minassian was given a life sentence with a chance at parole after 25 years. He was given 20 years for the attempted murders, although they are to be served concurently, which is pointless. So this means that this human garbage will likely be out in public at the age of 50, vigourous enough to kill more women. I love liberal, woman-hating Canada.
Another little story, as I’m feeling all digressy today – an amusing bit of racism (legal? who knows?) I experienced in Taiwan years ago. I was at the end of a job interview, and the interviewer offered me a position and let me know that they would be withholding several months of my pay. I looked at her and asked “Why?” (my favourite question). She explained that foreigners couldn’t be trusted, so they felt justified in holding their legally-earned compensation hostage until they decided they felt ‘safe’. I replied with “Guilty until proven innocent?” She smiled at the smart, white monkey, and said, “Yes.” I stood up, said, “Thank you,” and left her office without another word. She literally called me more than 20 times a day for a few weeks, which, I discovered is a strangely common ‘thing’ with the Taiwanese, who are an unexpectedly aggressive and nasty culture of people. I never answered her call once and eventually, she went away. If you ever decide to work in Taiwan, be warned. They are racist as fuck, and can smell innocence of the third type from a mile away.
2) The Sticky Spot – Are Women Responsible for the Suffering of Females as a Class?
Still within the realm of the law, but also ethics, and which is also sometimes murky as hell is determining the role of a victim in crimes against herself, her children, or other females. And I reference the second part of the definition of innocence:
the state of not having responsibility for or being directly involved in an event, yet suffering its consequences
I think a lot of people confuse the concepts of responsibility and deservedness when considering female innocence, so I’ll start off by saying that females don’t cause male violence, nor do they ever, ever deserve male violence, even if they themselves are the worst kind of human. I’d prefer female crimes against women and girls to be dealt with within a council solely consisting of objective women, but that is just a fantasy I have.
But can we answer the question of whether females support and contribute to the system of male violence? Absolutely. Think of it this way: if women fought back against males as a group, patriarchy wouldn’t exist as the formidible system that it is. As it is, women tend to accept and enable what males do, and even actively harm other women and girls in order to gain approval from men. So there is definitely a major responsibility that most women refuse to take for perpetuating a bad situation. Participating in heterosexuality, femininity, breeding, enabling sons and hobbling daughters are the top ways to ensure that violence against all women and girls continues. All of this behaviour is political, meaning that actions have meaning and implications for others. Your behaviour doesn’t exist in a vacuum. And most important is not you, individually, but the fact that your male-supporting behaviour harms little girls who have no choice about their birth into patriarchy, and lesbians and women who don’t particpate in heterosexuality, but who do so much of the hetero cleaning and patching up. The only way to stop men is to deny their supply of pussy and emotional, intellectual and physical gynergy. If you are supporting male systems, you are not truly innocent of crimes against females as a class. But like I said, you also don’t deserve male violence. Is this clear? Please take responsibility for the harms you aid and abet, even if you are not the one holding the gun, so to speak.
3) Innocence, Morally- and Experientially-Speaking
naivité, purity, or the lack of guile or corruption
I’m going to try not to venture into the sex stuff in this section, even though, for females only, moral innocence is entwined with sex. Males define females as sex and sex parts and sex servicers, primarily, so it makes sense that female ‘innocence’ cannot be separated from sex.
Thanks mostly to the religions of the world, innocence is a central theme of childhood (again, I’m going to try not to touch on pedophiles here in this section – well maybe a little). There is this strange, magical or ethereal quality attached to the ‘innocence of a child’, perhaps because it is human to have regrets, and regret tends to result from wearing rose-coloured glasses and the normal failures of memory to recall things accurately. Part of this mystical childhood innocence, of course, stems from adult male fascination with possession and destruction, and pedophelia is all about control and power and revelling in causing suffering. What could be sexier to a male than possessing and destroying a magical being? Anyhow, philosophers, psychologists and others attempt to describe this quality called ‘innocence’ as various things from the objective, untainted perspective children have, to a filtering mechanism allowing the individual to engage or disengage with topics of uncertainty. I find it all a bit bizarre, myself, but then again, I don’t wax poetic about my childhood or childhood in general. It wasn’t magical, and I was happy to leave it behind.
In some camps, there is an implication of sullying when innocence is lost. The idea of pure vs corrupted – and this tends to be associated with entertaining vice of any sort, not just sex – is strongly associated with subjective morality and heavy-handed value judgements. At what point is innocence lost according to most people? It usually depends on the sex of the person, the particular activity engaged in, and sometimes whether the activity was engaged in willingly or unwillingly.
To me, what is called ‘innocence’ is just a lack of life experience. I’m not even going to include education in this because it doesn’t guarantee the gaining of experience or knowledge. And I generally don’t attach any value judgement to innocence. I sometimes run into normal-intelligence adult people who seem to me to lack a basic understanding of things that most adults seem to/should know about. So sometimes, I start to wonder whether people really are just inexperienced, perhaps a little clueless because of personality or specific aspects of cognitive ability, or just willingly ignorant. Personally, I like people who are willing to try something/anything once (unless it involves infringing upon others’ rights) and to learn from that boundary-pushing. I don’t think you can talk about things you haven’t experienced with any kind of credibility, so perhaps I do have some value judgement in that I think ‘innocent’ people aren’t really that interesting or useful or able to contribute to learning/teaching/problem-solving. But I don’t find most moralizing all that helpful – I think I get by better than most using my very simple principle of trying not to trample on others’ rights – something akin to the religious ‘golden rule’ that, ironically, most religious people completely fail to achieve in the most basic of ways.
4) Innocence, Sexually-Speaking
used euphemistically to refer to a person’s virginity
Okay, as the definition was taken from a typical male dictionary, we see reference to ‘person’ when we know damned well that the ‘people’ whose virginity matters is female people. In some places and times, a male might be criticized for still being sexually innocent – he should be out raping like there is no tomorrow, right? But he isn’t cast out of society or devalued in a serious way if he hasn’t raped by a certain age. For females, however, their cunts define their basic value as a person, and once that hole has been filled, their value plummets. Their ‘innocence’ is lost. (Shit, is ‘innocence’ just a hole? she jests…) I wonder, more seriously, in the case of female virginity, whether innocence is another way of saying ‘lack of suffering’. I truly believe that once exposed to the demands of males, females’ lives become infinitely worse in so many ways.
There may be justification in rooting the concept of female sexual innocence, not only in religion, but in pedophelia. Males have always been obsessed with conquering, controlling, and taking things away from females, including possessions, bodily autonomy, ideas and products they create, and in this discussion, their lack of exposure to suffering (or ‘innocence’). It is something to think more on. I also have noted that many pedophiles (and rapists of adult women, for that matter) have insisted on their own legal/moral innocence by implying that the female child or adult woman was the guilty and/or beguiling party. It wasn’t rape because the little girl or woman begged for it, or even worse, made them do it. Um no.
The idea of ‘soiling’ a female has been a concept, well… forever. It still is in most parts of the world. In more ‘liberated’ places, there may be constraints placed on level of soiling, depending on how many dicks have come a-knocking, or at what age virginity was lost, whether soiling was done by rape-rape or consensual rape (aka consensual sex), etc. But the common theme across time and place is that dick devalues women and girls. Now notice that the filth is caused by the presence of the penis – this is what has always confused me. If the penis is the cause of the contamination, then why isn’t the penis vilified? A female is ‘clean’ until the filth touches her, and then she is forever tainted biologically, socially, and sometimes, financially. Shouldn’t all males, simply by having a filthy penis (including newborn babies, logically) be vilified, devalued and cast out? I daringly posed this question to a group of high school girls I was teaching in Central Asia, and I got some vigourous head nods from a handful of them. It was encouraging.
But all of this makes sense to me. I am female separatist and therefore make my decisions based on logic and ethical reasoning as much as I possibly can. If you want to keep your body free from sexual disease, male violence, and other problems, you need to stay completely away from cock altogether. I mean, it is a no-brainer. Males spread disease and cause other problems for women’s and girls’ systems. So I do devalue the penis, based on facts and logic. But to maintain their power, males must rely on lies and illogic. Smoke and mirrors. And completely simplistic, dichotomous thinking. Virgin/whore. Pure/tainted. False dichotomies represent the world in which women live, and the very thin (imaginary) lines between male-constructed lady-categories maintain male power in the following ways:
a) They put women into unnatural and alien dichotomous categories (neither of which is actually a good place to be) based on factors usually completely beyond female control;
b) They use these categories to morally, and often legally, justify a whole range of horrific treatment against women, including rape and other sexual abuse, physical abuse, denial of economic opportunity, incarceration, torture, and death;
c) They pit women in different categories against each other to prevent any possibility of female solidarity (i.e., threat to male power).
Conclusion
Do women need the concept of ‘innocence’ as it pertains to their own bodies and safety? In my opinion, the answer is a resounding NO! There is no group of females that deserves to be raped or sexually assaulted or vilified because of value-based categories they are forced into by males. And it is a concept that has only served to police women’s behaviour, thoughts, precarious place in society, and their very ability to survive. Away from heterosexuality, innocence has no meaning for women. Even as a concept in the justice system, it would have little use if women could live separately from males. Away from males, women would be involved in so few serious crimes (mostly as victims, but also as perpetrators), that legal proceedings would likely just involve mediation rather than imprisonment. And innocence would have little meaning. And ‘virginity’ would be meaningless. Away from males, I actually think sexual activity would be so much less important or defining than it is when males control the show. So NO! to innocence.
But we all know where our use of ‘NO!‘ has gotten us throughout time.
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Putting Social Distancing to Good Use
Took this photo on a walk yesterday. You’ve all seen this sign, although in its undoctored state, a million times in the last few months. I’m all about multi-purposing things, and I see a greater worldwide practical use for social distancing. My proposed new signage says it all. And with my propaganda campaign, I’ll one day manage to get 10 feet (substitute meters and kilometers for the entire non-American world), and then 50 feet, and then a mile, and eventually separate cities and countries just for the XX species. I know, I dream…
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The Pen and the Sword: Best Mates for Life
This post consists of some background to my most recent survey on rape, which is still open to participants (click the button below):
The survey was designed to explore people’s understanding of and beliefs about rape. The content of the survey was drawn from collected data and research, a wide range of reported personal experiences, news stories, and myths and propaganda propagated through various entertainment outlets. If you plan to take the survey – and it would be immensely appreciated if you did – please click through before reading further. My personal views are not important to the survey, and I don’t wish them to colour participant responses.
After years of thinking and examination of the number one influence on and limitation to my existence as a girl first, and later, a woman, I have to conclude that any discussion or consideration of rape must begin with a discussion of language. Indeed, any thinking on hierarchy, power dynamics or control mechanisms (which is where rape finds its roots) must take into account the role of language.
Humans vs. All Other Creatures
In considering the differences between humans and other mammals or any creature for that matter, there are some significant differences that set us apart. And note that this is in no way a comment that humans are superior to animals, as I don’t believe that for a second. Each species has its strengths and weaknesses, which makes hierarchy-development a rather stupid and pointless endeavour. In considering humans, language and the capacity for deep and complex self-awareness set them apart from all other living things on earth. Other creatures may have systems of communication and a limited ability to reflect on simple behaviours, but none rivals human capacity. That is not a judgment, just a fact. Dolphins don’t conjugate verbs and chimpanzees don’t chronically and masochistically self-sabotage or even commit suicide over lack of purpose or meaning in life. Non-humans also don’t develop systems of ethics or morality – even misguided, faulty ones. These are uniquely human ‘achievements’ and are only three of many, many examples of the complexities of human language and self-awareness.
Humans are also the only species capable of malice. Now, note that I am not talking about survival instincts. Men and silly women who defend men often argue that male violence is just a reflection of the instinct to survive and is comparable to the killing that any other species does. This is classic male logic designed specifically to try to justify violent male behaviour. Some of my Chinese male university students will state without blinking that we ‘live in a jungle’. Now, I do believe that males are naturally violent. They are wired for it. But as I’ve written before, as humans, we also have self-awareness, and it is this unique and incredible ability that allows humans to override violent impulses. But, as humans are also uniquely malicious creatures, instinct and deliberate cruelty frequently play off each other. No creature other than the human (male) kills for pleasure. And no creature other than the human (male) tortures other living things. There is no evolutionary or ‘survival’ purpose for killing for pleasure or for torturing. I’ve met a lot of men who try to argue with seriously twisted logic that there is a need for these things. This is when I back away, and wish I had a weapon at the ready in order to do like all other creatures do out of instinct – remove a dangerous threat to one’s survival. But, alas, human females are the only creatures on earth who are NOT allowed to defend themselves.
And this is where language enters the scene.
The Role of Language in Power, Control and Hierarchy
The pen is mightier than the sword.
Language is one of human’s oldest tools. Like all tools, it can be a beautiful mechanism or system used to do wonderful things and inspire the best in all of us. But like all tools, it can also be used to destroy everything in its path. In the hands of men, language is frequently used to express male ‘love’ and ‘creativity’, which as most women eventually come to find out, are dangerous things and not at all what female love and creativity are.
As human males have come to realize, weapons alone will not get you sustainable power. Sure, you can overwhelm a perceived enemy, but it is really difficult to maintain that victory for any period of time without a much more powerful weapon. That weapon is language. Language is, in fact, a much more powerful weapon than any ‘sword’. But they work together. Just as it is hard to sustain control with only swords, it is also difficult to gain and keep power with only words. We’ve all heard that common description of successful evil dynamic duos: ‘You have the brawn and I have the brains’ (cue the Pet Shop Boys here…). Well, that is an apt description of the sword and the pen. Employ the brute force, overwhelm the enemy, enact the mindfuckery of the brutalized population that only language can achieve (e.g., “War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.”), and then all future brutality just becomes an accepted part of the system. Those few who see beyond the language mechanisms and refuse to believe have no leg to stand on, and find themselves very much alone and often questioning their own sanity.
Whoever Controls Language Controls the World
As a tool and building block of control and power, it is safe to say that if you aspire to megalomaniac status, you need to master language. I don’t mean that you should learn to speak several languages. I mean you need to learn how to use language to manipulate people and situations, and to obscure facts. You need to weaponize language. You need to see where language has its greatest influence. My Oppressor Triangle discusses a few major centres of influence, but there are other arenas. Language has had its greatest influence in the areas of politics, law, economics, academia, and the health care system (industry). These areas don’t function separately. There is much overlap. The language enacted in the political sphere can and does affect all other spheres of power, for example.
The question becomes: who controls language? And the answer is: men. Men have always controlled language. And they control it as much today as they have in the past. It’s not a race thing, as much as some people might wish it to be so. It is a MALE thing. If you are a big picture thinker, if you think internationally across time and place – and really, you have to be if you are ever to hope of ending oppression – you have to accept the truth that males control language, and as a result, they control everything. If you get bogged down on other group affiliations, you’ll change nothing. Only the truth can set you (and everyone else) free.
How do we know that males control language, and as a result, the world? It’s pretty easy. You have to take an overarching look at lifestyle and living conditions and determine who overwhelmingly benefits and who overwhelmingly is denied choices and freedoms. Look at any country. It is the same no matter which country you look at and no matter which race is being considered. Who is the poorest group? Females. Look at any field of research: who is studied meticulously and who benefits from the research? Males. Look at entertainment in any country. Who makes the most money, and who is hired based on talent rather than physical attributes? Males. Who is human trafficked most often? Females. Whose social justice complaints actually make progress? Males of all races and orientations. Who receives the poorest health care, and the most needless and harmful surgeries? Females. Who has been hurt most by the field of psychiatry? Females. Whose bodies and decisions about bodies are controlled by the state and institutions like religion and marriage? Females. Who is barred from politics, employment, education, and safety on a regular basis? Females.
And more. So much more.
There are data to back up each of these. Easy to find. Google, government web sites, academic journals. I’m not doing that here. This is not an academic journal article. And it is tedious to state and restate everything that has been said by women a million times before. What I find important here is the theory that it is language and the control of language that facilitates control on every other level.
Language and Rape
Men have been raping, torturing and killing women since they realized they could. It has nothing to do with evolution or survival. Any man who tells you that it does is dangerous and you should get away from him before he hurts you.
Male control of language has had its greatest impact on the one thing that has allowed them to maintain control over women. Rape. Without rape, men don’t have a hold over women. Control the language surrounding rape, and you control the crime itself – or whether it is even considered a crime, or who can commit it, or who is responsible, or who can be raped. We know that women have no power, and certainly have no control over language, because rape is so rampant and that they are on the receiving end with little ability to avoid it or seek justice for it.
It is only relatively recently that rape was even considered a crime, and only extremely recently that rape was considered to be a form of torture. In Western cultures, the rape of a woman was considered to be a crime against the man who owned her. And it could only be committed by a male who did not own her. She herself, as a rape victim, was deemed dirtied, rendered an embarrassment, and often tossed out like so much garbage from family and community. Even today, rape victims often end up in prostitution or suffering from mental health problems that leave them unable to self-actualize, let alone take care of themselves properly. The propaganda and brainwashing campaign that all societies provide to women to get them to accept rape as reality, as normal, often succeeds in neutralizing female protest to unlivable conditions. Rape is a crucial part of Western entertainment – drama as well as comedy – although Western men are not alone in their enjoyment of female torture. Many women will suppress their experiences or deny that rape even happened. Rape victims who don’t follow the rules are often punished by society, and frequently by other women who prefer to lash out at other women than to name the real problem.
In non-Western countries, rape has gone through equally horrible control by men. In some countries, raping girl children isn’t considered rape. Elsewhere, rape cannot occur within a marriage or family. In others, rape has only occurred if a woman can get a handful of male witnesses to support her claim. No, women aren’t in control of language at all. Anywhere in the world. I mean, no woman would ever set up the linguistic, social and legal hoops/barriers to proving rape that are currently in place in every corner of the earth. We aren’t that masochistic or stupid of our own free will.
Men Can Be Raped, Toooooooo!
Likely, in response to women calling more attention to rape and violence against women, men retaliated. Men always retaliate. They are allowed. There are always repercussions to women gaining even an ounce of freedom or power or justice. And language is always at the centre of any retaliation. And there is always violence to back it up.
So recently, men decided to change the language surrounding rape. They decided that rape no longer meant ‘male forcibly entering a female through her vagina using his dick’. Suddenly, males could be raped! And further, women could be rapists!
These revelations served a very, very important purpose. You see, if you can show that a crime or negative circumstance ALSO affects men, it is no longer a sex-based inequality or a hate crime. Men no longer are forced to be held responsible. Men are no longer predators. They are no longer deficient in some way. If you can show that they suffer tooooo or that women are doing the same evil deeds tooooo, then men no longer will be examined as the sole source of a major problem or epidemic. Once males can name themselves as victims, all focus can ‘justifiably’ be removed from women and recentred on men and boys. All we need is one male victim to negate the suffering of millions of women. And all we need is one female predator to negate the predation of millions of males. That is the male control of language at work. Change one word or one definition, and you can change the lives of millions. Control is regained.
Predictably, women got on board with the rebranding of rape, as they usually do when males find new ways to name themselves as victims, to detract from female victims, and to blame women for something. Women are usually the first ones on board with helping men hurt women. And men are experts at painting themselves as victims and martyrs.
Rape, in the minds of many, now also means a woman ‘forces’ a male to pop a boner and stick it to her. And strangely, rape now also means a dick forcibly entering an anus. But the thing is this, even if the former is forced, it is not rape. It may be a sexual assault, and if so, it needs to have its own label. The latter is NOT RAPE. It actually already has its own label. It is called forcible sodomy. Women are also frequently forcibly sodomized by men, more often than men are forcibly sodomized by men, and often in addition to being raped. But ignoring and/or broadening existing definitions has achieved its goal. We’ve taken the focus off what men do to women. And sex crimes are no longer seen primarily as the domain of male perps. Congratulations men and the dangerous women who support them.
Letting Victims Define Crimes
I wrote a short piece in the past on the problem of letting perpetrators define their crimes. Interestingly, it is only with male violence against women that this is allowed. As in my example in that previous post demonstrates, it sounds ridiculous say, to allow a thief to define his crime. But we don’t bat an eye when men get to define crimes against female bodies.
Women need to be allowed to define the crimes against them. As it is, so many victims fall through the cracks because currently, men define what happens to women. Men control women’s and girls’ bodies, and that is a serious issue.
There are several problems with how we deal with rape and sexual assault – besides our unwillingness to name men as the primary perpetrators of sex crimes and the sole perpetrators of rape. One is that we don’t have enough clearly defined categories of crimes. We also have too many barriers to victims coming forward. And finally, our punishment system is inadequate and doesn’t take into account that a) crimes against women are hate crimes, and b) men who commit sex crimes are more likely to commit again than any other type of criminal, even after being ‘punished’ (i.e., no man ever, ever, ever rapes once). Personally, I want all rape, sexual assault, torture and murder of women/girls by men punished by death. This has nothing to do with deterrence (which we know doesn’t work), or revenge (which is a male ‘logic’ thing), but everything to do with protecting future victims. It does not make sense that victims and potential victims have fewer rights and considerations and access to safety than hate-crime-sex criminals. In other words, only a dead rapist can’t rape again.
Other things to consider:
- Many women don’t report rape if their attacker is seen as ‘at risk’ or ‘vulnerable’. This includes non-white men, immigrant men, homeless men, disabled men, unemployed men, etc. It is a mixture of fear and compassion that drives women to negate their victimhood and protect their attacker.
- The burden of proof should be on the perpetrators, not the victims. Men should have to prove that they did not rape. In no other crime is the burden of proof on the victim. This exists ONLY because rape is a sex-specific hate crime committed by MEN against WOMEN, where males, who are in control of language, get to define the crimes they commit. Rape is the only crime where all the perps are male and all the victims are female. And men don’t want to take responsibility or stop raping. This needs to change.
- Consent has always been a problematic issue. It is rooted in property disputes. Bodies should not be seen as property. Further, in no place on earth do women come to the table on equal footing with men, and as such, they cannot give free and equal consent in any agreement with a male.
- Orgasms are erroneously seen as evidence of consent thanks to 2-dimensional male thinking on sex. Females are trained from birth to see servitude as a duty and a pleasurable activity. Orgasm has nothing to do with acceptance or lack of coercion.
- Many people believe that rape must involve weapons or threat of bodily harm in order to be considered rape. I’d argue that most rape is of the coercive or manipulative variety. I’d bet all of Donald Trump’s money that almost all women have ‘sex’ with the men in their lives (including husbands) because they fear abandonment, rejection, cheating, emotional and physical beatings, etc. All women know on some level that male love can turn on a dime if they don’t live up to the constantly changing expectations.
- Male children are born with a weapon – their penises. They learn about how to weaponize their dicks early in life thanks to parents, television/film, porn, and school. I’d argue that if they are using their dicks as weapons, then they need to be treated as dangerous. Sex predators never stop. I don’t have a problem with killing sex predators who are children – innocent child, my ass. And I also have no problem with holding mothers and fathers responsible for the crimes of their boy children. Rape destroys girls’ lives. No girl ever ‘gets over it’. I know I’m nearly alone in wanting boy sex predators eliminated from existence, but you’re deluded if you think predators are ‘born’ in adulthood out of nothing.
- I think statutory rape needs to be rethought. It’s not that I believe that girls are capable of free and equal consent with a boy the same age. No female of any age is ever on equal footing with a male of any age. This one is a hard one for me though. It saddens me that children are fucking. I truly wish girls were kept separate from boys for the duration of their childhoods so as not to have opportunities, educations and futures destroyed by the straight mandate and public school crash course in fuckholery and blowjobbery. One final note: Adult males who fuck girl children and teenagers need to be shot. Period.
- ‘Sex workers’ / porn actresses – paid sex is rape as far as I’m concerned. There is a lot of disagreement on this. And people get mighty pissed when a feminist suggests that sex work is abuse, not work. Abused people often lash out and get defensive when they feel attacked (even if they are not being attacked, but rather someone is trying to help them). All I can say is that women would not sell their bodies if men didn’t exist. It is almost always done out of desperation and/or resulting from childhood sex abuse. These are the conditions that make rape easy peasy to dress up as legit in a capitalist, male-serving society.
- Drugs and alcohol are convenient get-out-of-jail cards for men, and eternal damners of women. It is no coincidence that males joke about helping women relax with a drink. ‘No inhibitions’ is just man-speak for ‘no credible defense’ in a rape trial.
This really is a huge issue. So much more could be written. But it is some background to my survey. Again, if you wish to participate and let your thoughts be known, it would be very much appreciated. The link to the survey is below.
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My New Survey on Rape – Participants Needed
Preamble to the Survey
In the past, I designed and offered up a Super-Fun Quiz™ on feminism dilution, which remains open to this day (read the prelim post first and follow the link at the bottom after). It was casually designed, and not intended for serious data analysis. The tool itself was inadequate for design/measurement purposes, and besides, I didn’t vet or validate the quiz first. But it is certainly useful for introspection or further thinking on topics. At least it was for me. And it was from the results of this quiz, that I got to thinking about designing a second, more specific, survey. It became apparent to me that people have some really disturbing or unclear ideas about rape. The quiz wasn’t designed to look at that specifically, but there was one question that addressed one element of the most serious issue facing every single woman on the planet. I mean, really, rape is the single-most important and influential reason our planet is speeding towards death on several levels. Without rape, things would be unimaginably different. Rape affects not only the lives of women, but trickles down to affect every aspect of human life, animal life, and the environment. It is hard for most people to understand that, and see the connection between the primary mechanism of female subjugation and the destruction of the planet, but examination with open eyes and honesty shows that it is true. Anyhow, I wanted to explore ideas about rape.
So, out came my methodologist’s cap, and I’ve set to designing prodding questions on this single topic. It is a survey, rather than a quiz. You won’t be scoring yourself on ‘rape knowledge’. I’m collecting data for further thinking and further writing, that’s all. In the past, I did work professionally in research on serial rape and workplace violent crime, but this survey is not destined for publication other than on my blog.
If you intend to take the survey, the link is below. I’m going to discuss my own views in the next post as I’d prefer your views not to be coloured by my opinions. I’d appreciate your participation. I was thrilled to have had a great turn-out for the last quiz, and to be honest, I’m much more interested in this current survey, so your opinions are of value to me. Please be assured that the survey is anonymous. Polldaddy collates country respondent information, but that’s all that is provided to me.
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Why Men Should Not Be Allowed to Teach
It was Germaine Greer who said, and I paraphrase, that it is women who teach and men who ‘train’. I thought the statement interesting and did a little reflection on what it meant and whether it might be true. Teaching, at least from my perspective as one who has taught on and off for over 21 years, is a symbiotic relationship. The teacher is a guide, whose role and scope depends completely on the student or students under her responsibility. The students depend on the tools, information and guidance given by the teacher and use it to grow and learn. Despite the interdependence, it is also a power relationship. The teacher does indeed have more power than the student(s), and the level and shape of that power depends on the age and sex of the students and the sex of the teacher.
What does it mean that ‘men train’? Well, training is completely rooted in a power imbalance. The trainer shapes (even forces) the mind and behaviour of the trainee into the desired form. The trainer is not expected to learn from the trainee. When I think of male teachers that I’ve had, this sounds familiar, with the often added component that that male ‘teacher’ or trainer takes from the trainee and gives little in return. The training or controlling mentality is natural for men. For the most part, higher education is based on this model. But it is applied differently to male and female teachers.
And indeed, when you look at expectations that institutions and students have for male and female teachers, women are given harsher standards. Women are expected to give, nurture, understand, coddle, and be compassionate as well as be knowledgeable. Oh, and they are very much expected to be fuckable or beautiful to have any kind of legitimacy as a teacher. Age is a weird thing for women. If you are young, you are not taken seriously (especially at a university), but there is a magical, unknown point where you are deemed too old to be taken seriously too. Men are expected to be cold, distant, sometimes charismatic or humourous. Attractive? Not required. Because what does attractiveness have to do with imparting knowledge? None! Age? Ditto. Doesn’t matter. If a dude teacher walks in, lectures at students, doles out punishment, and then leaves, he is doing his duty as a ‘teacher’. Same behaviour from a female teacher, and she gets called a ‘bitch’ (the misogynist equivalent of ‘nigger’ or ‘kike’, except that the latter are verboten and taken seriously as slurs, and can get you into serious trouble if you say them). Personally, I like strict teachers who tailor their instruction to the student(s). I don’t want to be coddled. I don’t want a friend. But I want a flexible teacher who will change the game plan if she sees that something isn’t working and who doesn’t believe in one-size-fits-all lessons. I certainly don’t want to have a sexual relationship with a teacher. But males, whether teachers or students, seem to have very blurred lines when it comes to what is acceptable.
And that brings us to the one added component that we often see in male ‘teachers’. There is frequent abuse and sexual abuse of female students. It happens in all countries at all levels of education. All men benefit from rape. Some men rape. All rapists are men. Some teachers are men. Therefore, some male teachers will be rapists, and all males – teachers, students and the general public – will benefit from female terror in the classroom. And the data show this. Many men see rape as a ‘training tool’ or a job perk, and indeed even in these modern times, women have been trained by rape and the fear of rape to fall in line and allow men to continue to wreak havoc on the world and gain unfair advantages in the classroom and workplace. I am against having men in the helping professions, because a) the helping professions (teaching, medicine, law enforcement, etc) are based on power imbalances by definition, and b) men seek out and abuse power relationships by definition. The only way you can minimize abuse in relationships where power abuse is possible is to disallow those who are most likely to abuse that power to have access to it. To do otherwise is to invite heaps of trouble, and we see that this is true every day, everywhere.
All of this is prompted by another real world example of stuff girls and women deal with every single day. Today, I was talking to a former student of mine from about 5 years ago. He asked me if I’d heard the news about our former college. I said I hadn’t. Honestly, I don’t like to think about my former employer. It was a horrible place where I was locked into my staff accommodation at night (photo in this post), and a lot of other horrible stuff happened that badly hurt me physically, psychologically, and financially. It was such a bad place to work that they have to fire all the foreign staff every couple of years in order to bring on a fresh, naive batch to abuse. They cleaned house the year I finished there and relocated for a better job. Anyhow, my student told me that the college made the news recently. Graduation just happened, and a female student returned to the college to receive her diploma. One of her male teachers refused to sign off on her graduation unless she let him rape her. LUCKILY, she complained or told the right person. Shockingly, they took her seriously, and fired that ‘teacher’ (trainer/rapist). Rape is not talked about very much in China, and I’m guessing it is even more poorly reported than it is in ‘free’ countries where women are more vocal, but are still very much unequal and enslaved. As it is, we female students around the world must put up with all sorts of weird male teacher abuse, sexual or otherwise. Myself, the best letter of reference I got as an undergraduate was from a male professor who enjoyed frequently squeezing and pinching my upper arms so hard it left bruises. Did I say anything? No. I needed that letter of reference. And he was my only ally against another male professor who tried to fail me on my senior thesis and who psychologically abused me for two years. Couldn’t say anything about him either – he was an untouchable full tenured professor. And I was dependent on him for my part-time job (I solely supported myself) and my final grade. I guess I should be thankful none of them tried to rape me. It was only physical and psychological abuse. And guess what? No male students had to go through that. I laugh when males try to tell me how hard their lives are… Try living as an object aspiring to be human and see how much fun you have…
So, I wonder about two things.
- How often do male teachers actually rape (forced rape, coerced rape, etc) female students? It is much harder for girls and women to report or rationalize reporting assault when it is committed by someone they know and/or someone with very clear and socially/legally accepted power over them. My guess is that it happens all the time, and it is often reframed by the teacher-rapist, the student-victim, and by society at large as a ‘relationship’, a ‘mistake’ made by the student, a misinterpretation, one of those ‘that’s life’ events that seem to always happen to girls and women, or it just didn’t happen.
- How sensationalized and overblown is female teacher abuse of male students? It is a rare thing indeed and gets more play than any male crime ever would. So rare, they make documentaries on the same few deranged female teachers. Keep in mind two things:
a) women who abuse power should be punished (and yes, women abuse power too – one of my current excellent female students in China is physically KICKED and yelled at by a female professor every time she is forced to meet with her), and
b) women cannot, by definition, be rapists; and males, by definition, cannot be raped. The language has been deliberately confused by liberals in order to downplay what men do constantly to women and to falsely play males as victims. New language should be created by women to accurately define crimes.
Suffice it to say though that virtually all sex crimes are perpetrated by men, and the vast majority of sex crimes are forced on female victims. Given these overwhelming data – you’d be stupid to argue anything else – it is in the best interest of the entire population to keep men out of the helping professions and any professions where abuse of power (male against female) is dangerously possible, and dog help me, oh so very tempting. We (not I) argue that men have brains so they can both control their behaviour and learn from their mistakes. But they don’t. They don’t because they aren’t forced to. And men won’t change unless they are forced to. There is no better nature to appeal to. We’ve been waiting thousands of years for this better nature to magically appear. Keep men away from tempting power abuse situations with females. Female health and safety are more important than hurt male feelings. Any day. One day, I’ll talk more about false positives and why they don’t matter when it comes to female health and safety. For now, for all of you out there saying “Not all men…” or “That’s not fair to men…”, how about the current sitch, where we already operate on these get out of jail free philosophies? We already operate on the “Not all men” principle. It doesn’t work. And what do you say to all of us who have been abused by men in the helping professions? You negate my (your mother’s, your sister’s, your daughter’s, your) right to safety and living free from threats and fear when you give men the benefit of the doubt. That’s not fair to women and girls. It’s not okay to take away from us in order to let men do as they wish.
[This post is part of the Wolves in Women’s Clothing series.]
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Right Idea, Wrong Motivation: Dickless Wonders
About 6 years ago, a straight male, blue-collar acquaintance of mine who is no longer in my life, suggested casually in conversation that all boys, upon puberty, should be vasectomized. Inwardly, I ferociously agreed, but I regard every single thing men say with suspicion, so I didn’t say anything in response. And of course, the truth behind the opinion came out. As usual, with regard to male motivations, I was right. Men inevitably out themselves for the selfish shitlords they are. You see, this dude’s opinion had nothing to do with protecting women from one of the nasty effects of coerced rape that is mandatory heterosexuality and penis-centred ‘sex’. Neither did it have anything to do with the fact that almost all children that exist aren’t genuinely wanted, but are products of the forced breeding program that results from enforced heterosexuality and female slavery.
He was only concerned with saving males from having to take responsibility for pregnancies resulting from getting their rapey freak on and thus ruining THEIR OWN lives. It turns out that once upon a time, this particular dude had avoided resisting raping/fucking some female that was conveniently located in his friend’s apartment (picture a porn scene – male walks in, sees female, cheesy conversation for 20 seconds, and immediate fuckage ensues), she got pregnant, and he ‘did the right thing’ (aka ‘ruined his life’) by marrying her and bringing the unwanted child into the world.
I agreed with the idea this dude brought up – although not his selfish motivations – but I would take it further. While I personally don’t think we should allow any more males to be born into the world, if we are forced to allow them to exist, we should remove their external genitalia as soon as they’re born and effectively sterilize them. There is nothing more dangerous than a penis. Even if these dudes can’t procreate, they can still rape if they have their schlongs. My motivation is one of the greater good – not a case of male individualism and self-indulgance. I don’t believe in the ‘right to breed’, especially in light of our population, crime and environmental crises (a post on how I interpret ‘reproductive rights’ forthcoming). But I do believe in the right of all females to be safe from all males. That is at the core of feminism after all: the liberation of women from men.
It brings up a question though. Would women and girls truly be safe and thus be set free from men and boys if we removed their junk? Our ongoing slavery and fear comes directly from what men do with their penises. They rape us, they impregnate us, they threaten us with them, and every other fear we have results directly or indirectly from penises in action. Would their power over us disappear with their nuts and bolt? Would dickless wonders make for safe compadres? If saving sperm were outlawed (as it should be), and women actively chose to procreate with other women (thank you science), we would eventually be male-free and self-sufficient. A freedom that is hard to imagine except in fantasy.
And for the bleeding/bleating hearts who think that you have human rights in mind and might get indignant at what I’ve suggested, here is a question for you. Why is the male ‘right’ to violate women and girls and to threaten women and girls with what penises can do more important that the female right to safety from men? More specifically, if dicks cause problems, why, instead of easily solving said problem in the most direct way possible, do you tell women to just ‘live with it’?
[Part of the Year of the Fantasy series.]
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Just So You Know
Just a quick post. Life has gotten extremely busy and exhausting lately, so there is little energy to write, and little time to think.
But I was cruising through my stats out of curiosity since one of my posts has consistently been getting traffic completely through Google searches, and I’d just like to report on it. It is fast becoming my most popular post.
Almost every day, someone performs a non-English and sometimes an English search that leads them to the post on being raped by a Muslim. They are looking for rape of white women, and they are looking for porn (video’ed rape deemed to be ‘free speech’ and ‘entertainment’) of white women by Muslims.
This was yesterday’s English-language Google search term:
muslim man and white girl porno online
Any asshole – including radical feminists who pander to ‘oppressed’ men – who thinks white women are privileged over anyone, especially men of colour, can go fuck themselves. You have swallowed liberal cock. Congratulations. Tastes good, yes?
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Liquid Courage and Stopping a Dick Mid-Swing
Yeah, this is a rant. Not light, and not short. Warning given. Proceed at your own risk 😉
I don’t drink that much. Alcohol has long been associated with abuse, fear, and rape for me, so I stay well away from drunk men, drinking with men I don’t know or trust (which is, at this point, every single one of them), and places where people drink. In my experience, you severely raise the risk that not only will something bad happen to you, but also that you won’t have a leg of credibility to stand on when (not if) something happens to you. This is women’s reality. Alcohol provides men with an excuse for their criminal behaviour, and takes away from women everything including the slightest shred of believability or humanity.
I almost completely limit my alcohol consumption to the occasional bottle of foreign red wine (decent alcohol is very expensive in China), and I’m such a light weight that it can last me for 3 days. And it does the trick, it dulls my depression and makes me forget the worst parts of living in China. Temporarily.
But in the last few years, there is one other time that I have a few drinks, and that is the two or three times a year that I go out socially with this piece of shit, 61-year-old, white, British, male misogynist whom I’ve tolerated because a) he is a rare atheist, and b) he is a colleague and unfortunately, one of my few ‘allies’ (wrong word) where I work. I’ve described this douchebag before.
I was much less enraged three years ago when I first met DB (douchebag). I tolerated his mansplainy narcissism. And this is a topic for another post, but even though every country’s males have their own unique brand of misogyny, there is something I absolutely fucking hate about British men. I’m not sure if it is my perspective as a woman from the “New World”, but I find men from “Old World” countries (Western or Eastern) have a very deep-seated, centuries-old, traditional misogyny that you don’t see in places like Canada, New Zealand, Australia or even the US. It’s not specifically religious. It’s something else. A colonizer mentality. And there is some left over colonial, British Empire attitude that sits in the DNA of British men – the men who raped, conquered and held hostage half the world and left destruction in their wake. The somewhat subdued, historic pomposity of British men is, in many ways, more obnoxious than the loud, superhero, dumb jock, ‘we’re number one!’ ignorance of modern American men. It’s hard to explain. And I will say that I don’t see any of that in comparing the women of both worlds, except perhaps in how they rationalize their slavery. But of course, women don’t colonize. They don’t attack, invade, rape, pillage, kidnap, infect, kill, or any of that, in the name of discovery, conquering, ‘civilizing’, taming, nationalism, or claiming one’s birthright or cockright. I like British women just as I like American women and any other women from any place. Individual women may pose problems, but as a class, they are not the enemy.
So anyhow, after my first week swimming in Chinese semen, I had planned a strategic Saturday outing with DB. Not for fun. I needed crucial information related to my job. I figured I’d get this toxic event out of the way and be safe from further exposure for months – perhaps even for the rest of the semester.
When out with DB, there is alcohol. He is a fucking fish. An alcoholic (like most older men who come to China). He jokes about going to class everyday having to mask the smell of alcohol consumed the night before leaking out of his pores with his sweat. I usually have a few drinks while I’m on these outings with DB because it helps me suffer through his grossness.
But on this recent outing, I discovered a more practical and useful side effect. I found courage.
I am really good at defending other people – women especially – but I am horrible at defending myself or having general debates. I’m not an orator. I prefer to think, mull, and write, rather than have a verbal discussion. I’d also rather avoid men who disgust me than get into arguments with them about things they don’t understand and that involve my human rights and their male privileges. Once the insanity starts, I tend to close down and fantasize about killing them. But on Saturday, after a few drinks and in the feminist frame of mind I’ve been in, especially recently, I was ready for a fight of the verbal sort. I mean, I still sat there for much of it imagining a clean shot put between DB’s eyes. But verbally, I trounced that fucker, and did it using his own (and all men’s) low-blow and aggressive techniques against him. And those techniques mostly involved interrupting. Shutting down his irrelevant lines of thought before he could complete them. Dismissing his rebuttals. Derailing his derail attempts. Refusing to defend myself and my claims. Keeping on the attack rather than the defense. Basically, I treated him as he has always treated me – as men always treat women. And it worked. It didn’t gain me respect necessarily, and it didn’t feel ‘natural’ to me, but it shut him up. Instead of the male voice, I eventually got silence. Blessed silence. The male voice, silenced. He gave up trying to dominate me and forcing me to back down and agree to his misogynist viewpoint. He took on the pouty, abused, ‘is-is-is she saying no to me?’ look that some men get when women speak with authority or righteous anger. Didn’t stop me. I firmly believe that women can’t ever win or be heard or make men shut up unless they use the ‘master’s tools’ against the masters themselves. Men don’t understand anything but aggression. Reasoning doesn’t work. Appeals to logic or empathy or humanity don’t work. But a good beating, verbal or physical, coupled with shaming, do. It’s what they do to us. I get so tired of women refusing to see that taking the high moral ground will never, ever make men stop their abuse of us. Even men’s request for ‘educating’ aren’t true or real, but women fall for it every time. That derailing technique works every time. Women’s energy derailed and stolen.
Not until you become more self-aware do you realize how much woman-hate is organic to conversations with men. Almost everything men say smacks of misogyny. But we don’t notice, or we laugh along, or we get nervous, or we have already tuned out and are nodding and smiling in boredom. When you become self-aware, it is horrifying how nasty and ignorant men are. And they remain unopposed by all men and almost all women. Honestly, I should have brought a massive fucking misogynist bingo card with me. This guy hit almost every stupid point that men come up with when trying to assert their dominance and entitlement/’rights’. It was trope central. And standard to pretty much all British men, even the young ones, he kicked it all off with basic fighting words: “mankind“. And it went on from there. Here are only a few of the highlights:
Religion, not men, caused gynocidal events in history
DB is a history buff (male history) and he is both a China apologist and an atheist. China can do no wrong and is superior for not being a religious country (except that traditionalism is a form of religion – a topic for another post). DB loves dictatorships and censorship (as long as HE is free to do what HE wants, that is).
I had pointed out that the two worst events in the history of humans: 1000 years of footbinding in China and 300 years of witch burnings and torture of women in the West. DB immediately leapt in with a condemnation of religion. I cut him off. Nope. That doesn’t explain footbinding. I just kept repeating: “Men did it. Male hatred of women. Misogyny.” Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Dumb people need repetition. And you can list all the horrific gynocides throughout history – DUE TO MEN. The 6-week rape-fest in Nanjing, China by the Japanese. Not religion. Men. The perfection of what we now know as the ‘concentration camp’ by Winston Churchill and Lord Kitchener used on Afrikaner women and children. Not religion. Men. Cruise through time. Make notes. Men have done it all to women. Men. Men. Men. To women. Women. Women. And it seldom makes the history books or history class curricula.
Chimps trade meat for sex
Atheist men fucking LOVE LOVE LOVE evolutionary psychology as a tool to try to justify their love of rape and domination. Atheist men hate you too, ladies. This particular stupid douchebag doesn’t have a single course in science. He doesn’t even have a college degree. Through some weird British educational loophole, this idiot was let into a Masters program in something that was decidedly not science, WITHOUT an undergraduate degree. But he loves to try to school ME in science, a woman with post graduate education in science, published articles in science, research in science, and teaching experience in university scientific methodology and statistics. And like most atheist men without an understanding of science, he trots out debunked evo-psych bullshit based on male confirmation biased interpretations of animal behaviour (anthropomorphize much, rapists?) to support his love of rape and prostitution. Dumbass. Anyhow, I shut that fucker down before he could actually finish his first sentence as I saw it coming a mile away. I said, “Debunked. Non-science.” To derail me, he tried the male trick: where is your proof? I said, “Google it.” You prove it. Science, my scientific ass.
Good things always come from war
Nothing smacks of male privilege like dismissing the effects of war. History is basically the male masturbatory recounting of wars. It is also the dismissal of the female experience, the erasure of female existence. So men, when they start jizzing over how fucking awesome a battle was, or how fucking awesome the world became due to some war, they forget one tiny thing. Women are the overwhelmingly large majority of victims when there is war or civil unrest. I was reading a psychological site on PTSD in women, and they cited the statistics that during civil unrest and warlike conditions, women comprise up to 80% of the victims (general victims, not PTSD victims, specifically). Men can’t see this because they only see soldier mortality as victimhood. What they forget are the women civilians killed. And that victimhood isn’t just death. Rape is rampant during any kind of uncivilized event. Men don’t get raped. Women and girls are raped. And tortured and injured and killed. They are raped and killed by the enemies. They are raped and killed by the men on ‘their side’. Women are the largest group of victims during unrest.
As for the good things that come from war? WTF? Is the world a better place when war is concluded? Not for women. And no aftermath is worth all the loss and suffering. Any freedoms or benefits usually go to men and boys. For women, it is business as usual. The only war I can imagine resulting in something good is one where women stand up for their rights, physically fight, and win over men. Liberation for women is the only cause that makes sense for me because every current ill in society results from women’s oppression. Liberating women would help alleviate all human problems as well as environmental, animal, and food/water problems.
We then moved on to:
If we don’t do it, someone else will
Men are positively obsessed with progress and growth. This is the only way they define success. Progress and growth are seldom logical or reasonable and always come with a high cost. A cost that is paid by women and girls.
There is no such thing as creating something out of nothing. There is no such thing as ‘bottomless’ or ‘without limit’ when men seek success. The male demand for more and more is only possible if you tread on the rights and humanity of others – the least powerful. The least powerful are women, so they get less so that more is produced. So women are paid less for the same job. They work more in order to produce more. They are removed from their homes and made homeless so that buildings and structures they will never benefit from can be erected. They suffer through wars and environmental disasters and medical atrocities. Just so men can achieve ‘progress’ and ‘growth’. And I’ll add recognition and power to that list.
I suggested to DB that there are several lines that should not be crossed, whether it is in science or any endeavour. His answer? If we don’t do it, someone else will. We can’t let the other guy get there first! And I hammered him. “What a shitty, amoral excuse for evil behaviour.” This guy swears he is not a capitalist.
The world is safer than it has ever been
For men? Yes. Definitely. Not so much for women. Men don’t have a clue what safety issues are. And how much do you love it when men try to tell you that you are perfectly safe now. I mean seriously, fuck off. They have no idea what women think about, worry about, and have to do in order to get from Point A to Point B.
His measure of safety is that we have longer life spans. Yeah. That’s it. Longer life spans. What an incredibly nuanced way to look at safety. And I told him so. Did I also mention that I have worked in forensics as an analyst? I have worked with an FBI consultant on serial rape data. I have worked with police departments on workplace violent crime. I have also worked in the health field on medical errors research.
In what world does living a long life mean that you have lived free from danger? That you haven’t almost died? That you don’t suffer from fear or trauma or anxiety due to living in a crime-filled, corrupt world of danger for women?
They’re trying to criminalize johns and let prostitutes…!!!
We’d already covered the chimps, meat and sex bullshit, and the world is a safer place bullshit. So why not move into trying to shut down the male right to rape?
I jumped on this one before he even finished his sentence of outrage. There is nothing I hate more than men telling me that they have a right to stick their dicks into women, or that women ‘choose’ lives of rape and degradation over health and happiness. So I derailed him. I said, “Yes!!! Finally!!! The Swedish model is the best thing to happen in a long time. Finally, we can take away men’s right to rape and finally, we have a fighting chance in hell to reduce male violence against women, misogyny, and endless rape – all of which increase when women are jailed for prostitution and males go free in order to pay money to rape again. I launched into the cold reality that prostitution ONLY exists when men refuse to allow women the means to support themselves properly. We have prostitutes because women are poor. That’s it. Holding women severely economically disadvantaged positively ensures that women will be forced to sell their bodies and ensures that men have a constant supply of enslaved cunt to rape.
I didn’t allow any response from DB. There is no response to this issue that isn’t dripping in pro-rape, pro-poverty, male privilege and psychopathy. Did I mention that this guy is NOT a capitalist? Right. Unless it’s something he wants sold for his pleasure as a male.
But but but the Women’s Movement was successful
I mentioned that women-only social justice movements are never allowed to succeed. Only when men’s rights are at stake, do they succeed. And they do so mostly because they have women’s free labour supporting them. Women don’t receive the backing of men when it is their turn. And he came out with the ‘right to vote’ success. Most men don’t know anything about the herstory of women’s struggles. And of course, any successes that occur are assumed by men to have been the single purpose of the struggle. When women won the vote, that was not the whole point of the movement. It was actually a decades-long struggle for several legal rights, one of which was the right to vote. Following backlash from men and possibly exhaustion from that landmark achievement, the women’s movement lost some steam. They didn’t achieve most of what they had set out to do. Would I call the First Wave a success? Not entirely. It wasn’t a complete failure, but it wasn’t a roaring success in the way that all male movements have been – including that of black males in the US.
It’s time to start looking for a Chinese wife
Speaking of prostitution and male privilege… As an over-60, DB has overstayed his welcome in China. The Chinese who, in addition to being sexist and racist, are also ageist. They love Chinese old people, but the foreign people who stay for decades diligently and devotedly educating their youth? Nope. Once you hit 60, you’re tossed to the curb. There is no pathway to residency. There is no pension for foreigners. No ‘thank you’ for your service. You’re out.
Unless you are a man. Foreign males can find local pussy, convince them to marry (which is pretty easy to do), and then stay forever on the equivalent of a green card. This isn’t really an option for foreign women. First, Chinese men, like Western men, want subservient wives and baby factories. Besides, Chinese men only see us as whores. Something to fuck, but not to ‘respect’ in the form of a slave relationship (marriage). Second, most Western women who come to places like China are either already enslaved or they are the most independent women from what are independence-embracing countries. They aren’t looking for a slave-arrangement. So this dealio works well for men who have no problem owning a slave. But it is not an option for women.
The only other way to stay is if you are extremely well connected with someone in government who can ‘arrange’ an illegal visa if you have the money. This is rare. I think about all the people, including those from China, we let stay forever in Canada, despite having little or nothing to offer, and I think about devoting my education and talent to a place like China and their complete disrespect for my years of service and their abuse while I am employed with them. Mind-boggling. There is no reciprocal arrangement between our countries.
Anyhow, DB is 60 or 61 and he has been told that he will be kicked out of China next year. He is joking now that it is time to find a Chinese wife. Who knows, he might just do that.
—
There is actually a lot more here to tell, but this is long enough. My bingo card was full by the end of things. And I raged for days. Even though I put this douchebag in his place, thanks in part to the liquid courage of a couple of G&Ts, I spent the following week calming down. When it really hits you full force how much a dude you have known for a while hates women, and by definition, you yourself because you’re a woman, you rage. You rage. You rage. And just think, even your Nigels (if you have one) are the same. Maybe he has different words and tactics, but the woman-hate and privilege is in there. Waiting. Waiting for you to oppose him in some way. Deny him what he feels is his ‘right’ (but which is only a male privilege) and you’ll find out how much your sweetie ‘loves’ you. The truth is these assholes walk the planet taking what they want. They are not used to hearing ‘no’ and having to abide by it. They don’t respect ‘no’ in the way that women do. They are given more than you (more money, more respect, more space, more consideration, more understanding, more freedom, more safety) despite their inferiority simply because they have dicks. So, while I felt a victory – and it was important one, personally – it came with a price and it changes nothing about how the world works. I stopped a dick mid-swing, but unless it is cut off completely, it will live to swing another day, knocking down all women in its path.
Filed under the Conversations with Men series.
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Only Men Benefit When Even Feminists Don’t Know What Rape Is
Language is important. I’m not going to do a history of language or do a deep analysis of how language, in the hands of men, has affected and continues to affect women. There are excellent blogs (one in my side bar) devoted to the study of patriarchy and language, and while I teach language and love to learn about meaning, evolution of meaning and word origins, I am in no way an expert nor can I do a better analysis than said experts.
But I want to talk about the word rape and how it is defined. I am not going to provide a deep history of the word or a legal history of the meaning. There are actually some excellent articles out there that do this very thing, which are highly findable through a Google search. I’ll give a brief background, and then plunge into my intended topic, which is current and relevant now, and I’ll tie it in to some unexpected results of my quickie quiz on feminism dilution, which you can still participate in if you wish.
The purpose of language is to communicate. Maybe you’re saying ‘duh’ to yourself, but given that I teach university ESL (speaking, writing, research communication) in China, I’ve noticed that after 10+ years of English study, most of my students can’t communicate to save their lives. (The Chinese government isn’t focused on communication, but obscure-grammar-test-taking.) So, I don’t consider my statement to be all that elementary or obvious. Language exists to allow us to communicate. To communicate problems, needs, wants, states of being, observations, discoveries. You name it.
It’s a tool. And like all tools that exist in our international patriarchy, it is controlled by men. What is the purpose of controlling language? Well, simply, the class that controls language, also controls who gets to express problems, needs, wants, states of being, observations, discoveries, etc. So, as men are in control of language, they are the ones who get to express themselves openly. They are the ones who have legitimate problems, needs, wants, states of being, observations, discoveries, etc. Women? Not so much.
Language forms the bedrock upon which the educational, political, legal, medical, and all other systems are built. So if you control language, you control these systems. And they work for you, the controllers.
The legal system uses male-defined language to protect men from each other and from women and their silly-willy accusations. Women are not protected by the law because the language does not allow them to define their problems/crimes against them.
So we get to rape. The word ‘rape’ has a long history, and men have been fucking around with its definition for centuries. Since the early 13th century, it has been used to mean all sorts of things from speed/hurry, a kind of food, plundering, theft, seduction of men, kidnapping women, and sexually violating women.
In more modern times, most of the various definitions have fallen away, and it has come to vaguely mean ‘sexually violating a woman’. But even that is problematic as it doesn’t address by whom, how, and under what circumstances. And that was the intention. By controlling the meaning of the word, men essentially controlled the crime and its prevalence. If a woman can’t fit the constantly shifting definition of the crime, then no crime has been committed against her. Sweet! For men.
Now there are many other issues and problems with how rape is seen and prosecuted, but I won’t be addressing those here as many, many other worthy people have devoted their expertise to its discussion and analysis. My concern is with language; specifically, defining rape, and by whom and to whom is it done.
At some point in the not too distant past, women started speaking up for male victims of sexual assault (male prisoners, Catholic school boys, DV abuse victims, etc), and the movement took on a life of its own. Once a problem experienced by males has been identified, it takes on immediate importance and seriousness on all levels of society, and almost always, if it is similar to a very widespread problem experienced by females, the latter is brushed under the carpet in order to devote time and resources to men and boys.
This has happened with rape. At some point, it was decided that men and boys could be raped. I suspect, like with backlash to all progress women make in having their oppression acknowledged, this male rape victim business followed women making headway in having rape taken seriously. All of a sudden, we heard: “Men can be raped, tooooo!!!” And everyone got on board. With that movement came the mantra that rape wasn’t a sex-motivated crime but one of violence, which I think is incorrect, despite what experts say. If rape were a crime solely of violence/domination, straight men would be ‘raping’ men right, left and centre. They don’t. And at the same time, straight men would just beat up or kill women like they do men and leave the vaginal penetration out of it. I believe rape is a sexual and violent/dominance/power-motivated crime. And the adamant nature of the ‘it’s not sexual’ argument smacks of a patriarchal system cleverly trying to weasel its way out of naming sex-based oppression and male-domination as real problems, which would then have to be dealt with. Men would be held responsible for once, in other words.
And so, ‘rape’ is no longer a sex-based crime committed by men and boys against women and girls as a deliberate act of terrorism designed to uphold a millennia-long system of male dominance. And when you subscribe to that, you erase the existence of misogyny and hate crimes against women. You give equal importance to the occasional ‘rape’ of one man here and there as you do to the international crisis of the rape of women and girls. They essentially become the same, and thus women no longer have a unique problem.
Now, let’s get to my little quiz. On the whole, the respondents were on board with radical feminist theory. There was a small contingent confused by which factors influenced economic outcome most (15% of respondents didn’t see sex as being the number one factor harming economic success, and instead erroneously chose race or sexual orientation).
But the most surprising outcome was that this mostly feminist group of respondents didn’t have a feminist working definition of rape. It surprised me because they well understood why allowing men to define sex, as we are seeing with the whole trans (MtT) movement, is a problem for women. Specifically, when men can magically become women, and when sex and gender are equated, it erases sex. It erases misogyny and sex-based oppression. Women suddenly become ‘oppressors’ of newly transformed/realized ‘women’, instead of the largest and longest-standing oppressed group in the history of the world. So respondents saw this and understood this issue with men controlling language, and specifically the language of oppression as it related to the trans movement.
But what most respondents didn’t get was how allowing men to define the specific term ‘rape’ to be a crime against men and women where perps could possibly be either men or women, erases the seriousness of a crime of sexual terrorism against women. Rape has lost its unique and important meaning, in other words, and even feminists have bought in. I’m worried about that.
One of the three options to the question was about a male-on-female act (which was the feminist answer). The other two options allowed for male AND female victims with variation in wording of details.
Specifically and sadly, only 26% of respondents correctly defined rape as ‘forced, coerced, or unwanted PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex that is done by males to females.
Now, this quiz is not nuanced enough, as I stated in the original post. As the designer, I’m the first one to admit inadequacy. There is more to explore here. I didn’t look at the sex of perps, specifically, but focused on victims. And you certainly can’t draw big conclusions based on an untested test with one inadequate, related question. So, I honestly don’t know what respondents are thinking. I mean something is going on. Possibly people were thinking that in the case of lesbians, women can rape women. Possibly some people believed that rape could involve the penetration of an anus or a mouth. But what was clear was that most respondents believed that men could be raped. And that is a big problem.
But regardless of what is going on, one thing can be said for sure. We need better, woman-defined language concerning different kinds of sexual assault. I would like to see rape better defined to return to a male-on-female crime (as it was for so long) that is both sex-based and sexual in nature as well as power or violence-motivated. I am not sure why ‘forced sodomy’ isn’t enough to describe the assault of men’s (or women’s) anuses. Prison ‘rape’, speaks to me of male guards and psychologists and doctors (and MtTs) sexually assaulting the vaginas of FEMALE prisoners – not of male prisoners/guards assaulting male prisoners. And I think we need to stop calling it that in order to ensure that assault of women and girls actually means something. We need language to address crime between lesbians. We need language to define the occasional assault of a man by a woman. We need clear language about specific acts. We really don’t have that. There is better definition of acts in porn…
As it is, rape is now a word that can apply to anyone and everyone for all sorts of different acts of sexual violence, which isn’t really sexual, but ‘violent’. Whatever.
[Note: Since this post was published, I created a rape survey, and provided a post-survey discussion.]
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A Quick Note on Bonding
If this diverse group of guys can see past their differences to bond over enjoyment and perpetuation and normalizing of rape, rape culture, and female subordination…
Then this diverse group of women should be able to see past their differences to bond over opposing men’s enjoyment and perpetuation and normalization of rape, rape culture and male domination.
And yet, they seldom do. Instead, they bicker, blame, finger-point, and forget all about what they have in common: that men hurt them because of their sex and that ALL men benefit from both this hurt and the inability to come together over it.
Why can’t women bond?
The answer, my friend, is blowing through the pubic, leg and pit hair that men are allowed to have and wear with pride. Men have divided women through the male invention and maintenance of racism, homophobia, religious bullshit, and capitalism. Without men, women suddenly have no manufactured reason to hate one another.
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Black American Men and the Air Crash Effect
Let’s talk about fantasy and reality, sensationalism and mundane facts, penis-loving and woman-hating.
The media loves a good story. The more gore and horror a story has, the more play it will get in the public eye. And the more attention it will receive. And the more distorted the facts surrounding the story will become. There will be a kernel of truth, and then the rest will be blown out of proportion and lead to the masses and very often the supposedly educated hordes going on an illogical rampage in a blood-thirsty, scapegoating frenzy, and society at large will adopt illogical, fear-based, hate-satisfying behaviour.
A good example of this phenomenon is perceptions of safety concerning air and auto-vehicular travel.
Many people are terrified of flying because they believe flying is more dangerous than driving or riding as a passenger in a motor vehicle. But if you look at actual data compiled by government or insurance organizations on number of accidents, number of accidents per miles travelled, the number of fatalities per million miles travelled, and odds of dying in a lifetime, you get a different story. No matter how you slice it, car travel is considerably more dangerous and the odds of dying in a plane crash (if you actually travel by plane – even a lot) are much, much lower.
But air crashes, on the rare occasion that they occur, are catastrophic and deliciously interesting. Being both rare and devastating, they end up getting a lot of play in the media. Car crashes, on the other hand are frequent, even deadly ones, so they don’t get worldwide (or even nation-wide) play. Let’s just say, if you want your name to live on after your death because you haven’t made it big by showing your tits in public (if you’re a woman) or perpetrating a school or workplace shooting (if you’re a male), your best bet is to fly and make sure your plane goes down. It works for Muslim extremists, so why not you? [Yeah, I said it. It’s true, so get a grip.]
Let’s call this ‘the air crash effect’: rare, extreme events get a) a lot of public attention, and b) lead to irrational conclusions. Air crash gets attention and people develop unjustified fear of flying.
Race and Sex: An Eye-Opening Comparison and the Stark Reality
Let’s apply this phenomenon to social problems. I’ll use a current, massive problem that has hit the radar in the US recently, but is having ripple effects in other countries. It is the old racism vs misogyny war.
Women are constantly silenced by liberal men (and women) when they attempt to talk about violence against women. This happens across history and in all countries. But we’re going to talk about the current American climate right now. The most common current argument is that cops are shooting black people right left and centre and that trumps the petty, indulgent, narcissistic claims of American women whose few rights are being fast eroded. So noticeable in fact that the UN has uncovered and given legitimacy to the claims of the deplorable state of women’s rights in what is supposed to be a country at the forefront of human rights. Women in the US are suffering and no one gives a shit or believes those few brave women who are speaking out, in other words.
At some point in the American collective subconscious, it was decided that women, who hurt more than any other group both in the US and on the planet, had to take a back seat to men of colour (many of whom abuse women, themselves). And the issue of the day is violence experienced by men of colour (specifically black men), and in particular, the killings of black men by police officers.
Now, before I dig in here, I want to be clear. I don’t use data reported by MRAs or right-wing or ‘concerned white male’ groups (aka: white supremacists). First, I don’t trust anything any and all men say about violence, regardless of colour. Second, I can’t stand MRA’s or any kind of racial supremacists or purists. Too much agenda, too much testosterone, and thus, lies, lies, lies – and even worse, the woman-hate. You never get racism without deep, frightening woman-hate. I don’t personally give a shit about which race ‘wins’. That is a male concern. Racism is a male invention and it is rooted in woman-hate. Men, concerned with who gets to fuck their slaves (women), get violent at the idea of men outside their racial group having access. That is where racism comes from. Men own the pussy of their own racial group and they’ll fight to the death to keep it that way.
So, back to the data. I prefer to look at the data that black activists themselves provide. They will either be accurate or exaggerated, and I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, because it helps my argument, which I am basing in reality and on fact. According to black activist groups, fewer than 5 blacks (men and women) are killed by police per million (as compared with 2 per million for both whites and hispanics). [Note, I have found another more statistically-based site that offers raw data for 2015/2016 that 568 blacks were killed by cops in total in the US. Blacks are also the racial group most often armed with guns. Asians, for some reason, love knives more than any other – markedly so…] The majority are armed, mostly with guns, occasionally with knives. I have no reason to argue with these figures. I believe the activists. I am not a racism denier or cop apologist. And I don’t think people who are not committing crimes should be killed. If people are committing crimes, especially violent ones against women or girls, that is another matter entirely. Shootings of blacks by cops is a big deal and is widely reported in the news. Whether the cops are prosecuted is another matter.
And these killings are getting A LOT of play in the media, a lot of shouting and demonstrating by activists, and white liberals are completely on board and behaving the way they are supposed to by saying all the right things and silencing anyone who questions the data or anyone who would rather focus on larger social problems.
And so we get to those larger and longer-running social problems. We are getting to the car crashes. Violence against women. Cops killing black men is the deliciously salacious air crash, violence against women is the too common, too boring car crash. Let’s look at some conservative estimates (most women don’t report crimes against them, so these data are low-ball estimates of reality).
152,000 women per million are stalked. Remember, the number of blacks killed by cops is 5 per million. Also note that of all the women killed by their partners, more than 3/4 of them are terrorized through stalking first, and that is more than 5 women per million.
200,000 women per million are raped in their lifetime. Remember, the number of blacks killed by cops is 5 per million versus 200,000 raped women per million. And that is a very conservative estimate due to refusal to report, self-denial, mishandling and trashing of rape reports by law enforcers and hospitals, and doesn’t take into account multiple rapes by different men and repeated rapes by the same man/men. This figure is also conservative because of the very narrow, male definition of rape. And this figure doesn’t include sexual assault, sexual harassment, and other sexual terrorism. That figure would be 1,000,000 women per 1,000,000. And many of these women are living an aftermath that makes death look sweet and kind. Often, rape is the worst torture imaginable. Men can’t imagine. It doesn’t happen to them.
111,111 little girls per million are sexually abused by adults. The adults are almost always men and almost always men they know. 111,111 abused girls (who often go on to kill themselves, abuse drugs, develop mental illness, and fall into rape lifestyles of porn and prostitution) per million compared with 5 blacks per million. And this figure, unlike killings of black men, are hard to confirm or identify and vastly underreported.
15 women out of 100 rape victims will try to kill themselves because of what men, including black men, and cops of any race for that matter, consider to be harmless and natural and hilarious fun times. I think most rape victims at least think about killing themselves. And I think the figure is conservative as most women don’t talk about what has happened to them.
This is why I’m just not that concerned about a few killings compared to an insanely more prolific phenomenon. There is a REAL problem out there and that is men committing violent acts against girls and women. It is shameful and insulting to ignore, negate and erase the millions and millions of women suffering and dying at the hands of men of ALL COLOURS and including male police and men from all walks of life and all professions, from homeless men to male politicians and male doctors. It is insulting to erase the millions of women and what they suffer through in order to focus on a few very well-publicized killings of men. It is not my job to fight for (often) armed black men. I support innocent women and girls victimized simply for existing while female. A woman doesn’t even need to leave her home or even her bed to be brutalized.
Bottom Line
For most people, their thinking is greatly affected by what they read in or hear on the news. We have brains so that we can think critically, analyze information, ask important questions, and draw correct conclusions. Our media tell us what is important, and what is important has little to do with reality, facts, and statistics/numbers. Importance wears a penis. That penis has many colours, but it is still a penis, and reality is bent to accommodate and support that penis.
When you look at the numbers, the facts, reality, you see that it is still safer to take a plane than drive a car, and it is certainly safer and better to be male than female regardless of your race in this world. And in the specific example here, it is safer to be a black male than a woman of any colour in the US. Regardless of what liberals tell you and how loudly. There is no shortage of black men despite the fact they are being *constantly* killed by police (5 per million), but women are being raped right, left and centre (200,000+ per million) and living with the aftermath of that torture, the negation or erasure of their ordeals, and the physical complications for the rest of their lives.
Sermon Sunday or Rapist Day or The Screwdriver
This post is part of the ongoing Birth of a Feminist series. Listen along to my recording on YouTube and/or read the article below ♥♀
I was 16 when I began carrying a weapon with me to go out.
Does that sound young to you? To me, it sounds old. Thinking about it now, I would have done well to arm myself when I was five and boys started beating me up because I was a girl. I’m sure they just liked me, though. That’s what we’re told, anyhow. Love = hate when it comes to boys and men – from birth.
But it turned out that 16 was the age at which I decided that carrying a weapon might be to my advantage. There had been many violent incidents in my life, but for the most part, those were committed by boys and men I knew or at least knew in passing. But at 16, I had a frightening encounter with a strange man, a stranger, and it scared me shitless.
~~
Religious men and their cockpuppets are dangerous. Every policy, rule and regulation they have ever set up has been designed to hurt women and girls on some level. I’ve lost friends over my belief in this truth, even agnostic friends. It hurts their feelings, you see. To them, freedom of religion is more important than female freedom and the right to be safe. But not to me. Religion is a choice, being female is not. And the data show that opening the door a crack when it comes to men, religious or not, gives them permission to kick it open and rape you on your kitchen floor. So yeah, I take a hard line when it comes to men and the shit they invent – and religion is one helluva big male fantasy that I refuse to accept.
Now, I grew up in a town that didn’t give off the stink of religion, but we still adhered to a strict policy of no Sunday shopping – Sunday being the Christian fuckers’ day of rest and all. As a result, on Sundays, the downtown core was a ghost town. Nothing happening. Very anti-social, anti-community. That’s religion for you. I am in no way a capitalist, but commerce does bring people together and at least gives the illusion of safety in numbers.
But the downtown library was open in the afternoons. And being both an atheist (as far as a child can be a member of this type of ‘group’) and a very good student, I did frequent the library when project research needed to be done.
What I managed to do, however – and I’ll chalk it up to being eager – is fuck up the library hours. I thought it opened earlier than it actually did. I had caught a ride downtown with my father, who was headed off somewhere to avoid being with my mother. And I quickly discovered after he sped off that I was early by an hour. So I wandered around in what on all other late mornings was a bustling commercial area. On Sunday, it was a creepy, post-apocalyptic scene from a movie where you are waiting for the zombies to start crawling out of the cracks. After some unpleasant time killing, I realized the library was opening finally, and made my way back to it.
It didn’t take long to find the perv.
Now, this was a small city, not hicksville. But said perv was sitting there in his dirty pick-up truck beside the train tracks that ran by the parking lot that I needed to cross to return to the library. A middle-aged white guy. What the hell was he doing there? No coffee shops. No stores open. Nothing interesting to look at. Unless, it was a good spot to pick up young girls to abduct and rape. And given that that was exactly the scenario that I found myself in, I guess it was indeed a good spot.
He tried to verbally coerce me into his truck and made a move to open the door to convince me in a different way. I wasn’t having any of it. I ignored him and ran like hell towards the library. It could have gone horribly wrong. If I had encountered him an hour earlier when there were no friendly havens into which I could escape, would my fate have been different?
I was shaken, and after that point, for a spell, I started carrying a screwdriver with me. It did occur to me, even at 16 and even without anyone telling me that as a female, I had no rights, that I could get in trouble for carrying or using on an aggressor a knife or something that was distinctly a weapon. Prey usually know they are prey, even if they don’t come right out and acknowledge it. The worst part about the human prey known as girls and women is that we are NOT allowed to defend ourselves against male-predator aggression. All prey animals on earth, with the exception of human women and girls, are allowed to defend themselves when they are attacked, and are allowed and expected to kill their attackers. It is a given. No one faults a mouse for biting when a cat attacks it. No one faults a bee for killing ants attacking her hive or even for killing all the male bees once they’ve outlived their usefulness. Why do girls and women go to jail when we defend ourselves or do things to safeguard our bodily integrity, such as carrying weapons, or ensuring woman-only spaces are free of penises? With humans, predators ensure they are unopposed. Men ensure they are unopposed.
So, I carried that screwdriver with me knowing full well that I was doing so at my own risk. I was breaking the first rule of human predator-prey relations. In my 20s, I upgraded to a Swiss Army knife. Looking back, I can’t believe how much time I spent mulling over the pros and cons of carrying a screwdriver and how much time I spent trying to figure out what I could carry without it appearing like I was armed. It’s not like I walked around with a tool box. And now, after so much international experience, including living in the US where the range and accessibility of weapons is startling, I now see that in Canada, our government does a lot to make sure that girls and women are not allowed to defend themselves. It blows my mind now that I had to spend time worrying about all the possible scenarios that can only exist when a girl lives in a male-dominated world, and that there is no good situation. Like with all aspects of female lives, there is only the illusion of choice: living in fear, armed or unarmed; unarmed and assaulted and/or dead; armed and assaulted and/or dead; armed and in legal trouble for defending oneself and harming an assaulter. Tell me, where is the good scenario here?
Anyhow, luckily, in my hometown, the religious nuts lost out to the capitalist pigs and Sunday shopping was legalized and brought life and the illusion of safety to the city centre. But really, who are we kidding? We all know that the religious and capitalists are pretty much one and the same. Always have been. And once they started raking in the extra dough from Sunday business, no one made a peep of complaint ever again. The most important thing was that eliminating Sunday shopping bans eliminated an unsafe situation for women and girls – at least during the hours the library was open.
Of course, religion allows pervs numerous other opportunities to abuse women and girls. But at least I could go to the library on Sunday without fear of abduction and rape in empty parking lots.
But we still had all the pervs IN the library. And that is another story for another time…
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Letting Perps Define Crime
Let’s say you own a house. One day, a person comes to your door, you open it, the person orders you out at gun point, closes and locks the door, and sets up house. The person immediate sets about changing the locks, rearranging everything within the house, discarding things that are not to their liking, and carrying on as if the house were theirs. Any attempt you made to re-enter and re-claim the house was fended off by the person who ousted you. When you went to the authorities, they listened to you and then asked the person now residing in your home for their side of the story. The person tells the police that the house was yours, but is now theirs, that you willingly signed over the house, and can even produce papers that appear to be signed by you. The police do not dig any further, seem satisfied that you are not the rightful owner of the house, and essentially tell you that you should be ashamed of yourself for taking up their precious time, possibly you are stupid, and to shove off.
You are distraught and feel helpless. You believe a crime has been committed, but no one seems to believe you. The person who took your house was given more respect and credibility than you were. You begin to doubt your anger and wonder whether you had it coming. Perhaps you should have been more careful. Shouldn’t have answered the door. You have moments when you are angry again, and you try to build up your confidence by seeking support from friends. They don’t believe you either, and remind you of several instances reflecting your incompetence as a home-owner. They tell you to look on the bright side, be more positive, remember that there are people worse off in the world who have never owned a home. You become silent. The person living in your home prospers and actually goes on to steal other homes in the same manner.
Okay, the whole story sounds implausible. This would never happen in a civilized society, right? Thieves aren’t automatically believed over their victims, that a theft occurred isn’t questioned, and thieves absolutely don’t get to define what makes something ‘theft’ or not. Those who benefit from committing a theft are not the ones who get to make the rules. And victims of theft are not reviled.
So here’s the question or questions. Why do men get to define crimes against women? Why do men get to decide whether what happens to a woman’s body is a crime or not? Why doesn’t a woman get to say that what has happened to her is a crime? Why aren’t women solely responsible for setting up policy and law around crimes against female persons? We know best. Our bodies are ours and even among the most brainwashed, there is always a part of us that knows that what is being done to us by men is wrong. When men get to define whether what they are doing to us is right or wrong, there is no justice or objectivity. Male definitions also affect incidence (thus you can have a ‘rape free’ society if men define rape in the narrowest of terms, and you can have a society where men are raped equally frequently by women if men define rape as an equal-opportunity crime). Only men rape (sexual assault is different from rape), so only men benefit from rape. Men set up policy and laws to benefit themselves. Since only women are raped, women should be doing the defining.
We can only conclude that even in the most ‘advanced’ of countries, women are still owned by men. Men define crimes against men’s property, thus they define what is or isn’t a crime against a woman. While rape is a ‘crime’, it is very, very narrowly defined and under this definition is so very difficult to prove that the law is meaningless.
To those men who say that the West is female-dominated, no. No, it isn’t. That is your imagination and entitlement talking. A female-dominated society would mean no crime targeting women at all. We are far from that. Like light years away kind of far. This same issue that I am describing now was at the heart of first-wave Western feminists’ pursuit of suffrage. Sadly, getting the vote didn’t achieve what those women sought – power in defining and legally being able to do something about crimes against women.
Conversations with Men: The Rape Holiday
It’s not that I’m shocked when I hear about the horrific things men do to women and girls every minute of every day in every corner of the world. Nothing anyone could tell me would surprise me in the least. It can be disturbing and traumatizing, of course, to read or hear about men’s depravity. But hearing about is different than witnessing, however. When you actually witness stuff, as a woman, that is when you are stunned – sometimes momentarily, sometimes negatively affected for long periods of time. It is only if you find yourself immune or indifferent to the stuff you see, or that you rationalize it away to protect the poor, persecuted, precious penises in your life, that you know you’ve lost too much of your humanity, and accepted your place as a slave.
When you make the mistake of assuming the best of strange men you encounter, that is when you end up with reminders that you are being naive. It is always best to err on the side of caution – all men are potential rapists. All men benefit from rape culture. Most men jerk off to rape (porn isn’t sex, it’s rape), and actively seek out depictions of rape. And all men are rape apologists. If they accept that rape exists, they see it as one of two things: 1) a very, very narrowly defined thing and anything that falls outside their very, very limited, accepted ideas can be waved away as lies! or just the way things are, sweetie, what’s your problem? or you’re paranoid/too sensitive/a manhater; or 2) a very, very broadly defined thing that ends up taking needed focus off of the crime of rape committed by men against women and putting the focus onto men as the main or most important or equally affected victims. Broad definitions of important words are men’s new tactic to erase women’s realities and put themselves in the spotlight, where they feel they belong.
Bottom line: rape is a crime perpetrated by men against women and girls. It comes out of male entitlement. It is done by more men than the world wants to admit. And all men benefit from it whether they directly rape or not.
~~~
Rewind to 2003: I was in the middle of a two-week trip by myself to Cambodia. I was working in Taiwan at the time. All of my Western male colleagues a) told me to be careful in Phnom Penh (which I ignored – I had a great time with locals there), and b) regaled me nostalgically with stories about their rape vacations – on which they strangely didn’t bring their Taiwanese girlfriends. It was gross. These entitled white fuckers thought it was the best deal ever to pay a couple of dollars to rape enslaved, impoverished teenaged girls. Many of these girls were victims of the Khmer Rouge regime and many young girls, having lost their entire families to rape, torture and death, had nowhere to go but into prostitution. Young boys were often taken in by monks and raised in monasteries. I met a few of the latter while visiting. They were quite well off and educated given the recent history of the country and their personal situations, and had a lot of freedom to pursue ambitions. The girls? Not so much.
For a few days, I travelled with an Australian postal worker who was in the middle of admitting to himself that he was gay. So we were talking about that a lot. And while in Sihanoukville, we went out for coming-out talk over a simple dinner at a very small local eatery with a few outdoor tables along the dirt road. I noticed a good-looking white dude sitting silently near, but not with, some local people running the shop beside us. It was kind of a strange scene. He wasn’t eating. Wasn’t drinking. Wasn’t reading or talking to anyone. Just waiting. I caught his eye at one point, by accident. Couldn’t tell anything from that. There was no expression on his face. Nothing in his eyes. Just a bland, but good-looking, dude.
And then a motorcycle pulled up. A local man driving, of course. And off the back of the bike hopped a small, pretty, young girl – 15 at the most. Huge white dude stood up, wandered over for some brief negotiation. I sized it up immediately and stared at him in disgust. He did his best to ignore my gaze. Then the girl and the human stain wandered off a little ways out of sight.
The dude came back alone not long after. Could he have raped her that quickly? Well, duh, of course. Men only need about 30 seconds to get the job done in my experience. It could have just been a mouth rape. In my experience, that doesn’t take long either. And less fuss. And I figured, since he knew he was under scrutiny, he couldn’t take the time to punish her or torture her for that long as many men like to do to what they see as cheap, filthy whores. Had it been more private, he could have beaten her and raped her over a longer period of time, multiple times. Maybe killed her, if he wished. Cambodia is a very, very poor country, and white dudes, for the right price can buy whatever they want. What’s the life of an uneducated, girl child to a rich, white guy likely to go back to his girlfriend or wife in Japan or China or Australia or wherever?
The guy didn’t look my way when he got back. Probably went off to get a beer and a smoke and to relive the rape. Or possibly just to head to bed to forget the child he just abused.
Me? I had lost my appetite, and I felt both dead inside and that I wanted to gut the rapist who was sauntering back to the town. End his rape career. That’s the least he deserved, in my opinion. But I said nothing. And I didn’t say anything to the male person who had had his back to the scene the entire time. It was my private window (albeit partially curtained to the worst of the interaction) into the world of male rape holidays and the complete lack of shame and disgusting privilege that comes with having a penis.
~~
Note: In another post from this trip, I relate a conversation with a local Cambodian – a bottom of the totem pole dude (but much higher than all women) who felt just as entitled as this white guy with regard to buying female flesh – and what his thoughts of me were…
Note 2: White dudes are not alone in rape tourism, even though it is seen as a ‘Western thing’. It’s not a ‘white thing’ and it’s not a ‘Western thing’. It’s a ‘man thing’ and not limited to cocks of specific colours. Plenty of men from all over the world travel to rape. However. White dudes would do well, as the primary economic power, to stop this kind of travel and provide an example to the world. But they won’t. They’re too busy blaming white women for not doing enough to end the suffering of women of colour. Oh and white men are also too busy raping/jerking off madly to rape, of course. And they also like to mansplain that being raped for money is an empowering choice for women – if only they could do it tooooo. Yeah, right. Useless human garbage.
Note 3: I am absolutely not going to use the euphemism ‘sex tourism’, because using a prostitute isn’t sex. It’s rape. Calling it sex tourism takes away men’s responsibility for what they have freely chosen to do, and takes focus away from what girls and women have not freely chosen to do. Prostitution is very, very, very seldom a free choice (if you use the actual definition of free choice and not the liberal feminism definition).
That’s Some Arsenal You’ve Got There, Gentlemen
Part one: That’s Some Toolbox You’ve Got There, Ladies.
In the previous post linked to above, I talked about several of the tools and techniques women have at the ready in order to survive as slaves in a patriarchal system. These are the mechanisms that lead women to:
- accept abuse, rape, heaps of discrimination without complaint;
- seek out and stay in romantic relationships with men where anything can and does happen (keep in mind that no relationship between men and women is equal);
- comply and perpetuate Patriarchy by attacking potential allies (non-compliant women/feminists) and indoctrinating children in the ways of gender; and
- fail to notice the millions and millions of daily messages, large and small, direct and indirect, aimed at women to let them know that they are members of the sex class, meant to serve men, and undeserving of freedom or respect.
That post was about defense. This one is about offense. I want to talk about the tools and mechanisms – or weapons – men have in their arsenals to reinforce their supremacy by keeping women in line. Note that ALL men are given starter arsenals as boys, and most grow up to add more vicious and effective weapons as they get older – even the liberal, so-called ‘Nice Guys’.
I’m not going to talk about physical weapons like guns or knives or physical violence like rape or beatings or BDSM torture. These are obvious. Instead, like in the previous post, I’m going to talk about psychological warfare and what men do to mindfuck ‘loved’ ones, acquaintances, and strangers.
In case, you’re prepared to jump in with a standard, knee-jerk “But women do it tooooooo!” whinge-fest, please note that a) this post is not about individual women attacking individual men as DOES happen, but is not a systematic problem, and b) this post is about class warfare – by men as a class against women as a class. There has never been a war waged by women against men. If so, there’d be millions of dead and maimed men out there. As it stands, the only ones killing men in any number are MEN. So zip it and read on!
Offense Mechanisms
Note that some of the defense mechanisms talked about the the previous post can be used by men as attack mechanisms. Projection, for instance, can work the following way in the hands of a man on the attack. As a rule, men have a socialized, underlying hatred of women. Many men will project their hatred of women onto the women themselves claiming that women actually are the ones who hate men. This is the current chant of the MRAs (morons’ rights activists), and is why terms like ‘feminazi’ and ‘man-hating, lesbo feminist’ exist without evidence for them. Men’s hatred is turned into women’s hatred to make men feel justified in issuing rape threats, actual rape, beatings, and psychological warfare.
Gaslighting
This is a form of denial, but it is denial used to attack or manipulate. By refusing to admit that something is true, often repeatedly, the attacker causes their victim to begin to question their perceptions and lose confidence. The more off-balance a victim is, the more likely she is to remain in thrall to an abuser. The victim is increasingly likely to overlook often outrageously bad behavior, especially if they are in a relationship.
Example: On an individual level, imagine a newbie to the BDSM scene. She feels like what she is experiencing is abuse, but her dominant repeatedly says it didn’t happen or reframes her experience as something entirely different – submitting isn’t abuse, it is freedom, it is love. It is actually she who has the power. He invalidates her perceptions and she comes to doubt herself. She becomes primed for a deep commitment to submissive status.
We also see this in the low incidence of rape reporting – we can apply gaslighting to women as a group. Women are almost never believed when they dare to speak out about being raped. As a result, women as a class, often doubt their own experiences of rape and don’t bother to speak out. Women are not believed, so most women believe their experiences aren’t real.
Infantilizing
I’ve devoted a post to this topic, so I’ll keep it brief here. Infantilizing is the treating of woman as if she were a child or as less capable or intelligent than she actually is. You can also infantilize girls by treating them like younger children and over-protecting and denying confidence and agency. Infantilizing goes really well with gaslighting. Imagine being treated like an idiot over and over, and then if you dare to complain, you’re told that you’re imagining things or are oversensitive. You eventually come to believe that how you’re being treated is perfectly normal and you become an ineffective and relatively useless adult with no confidence and always second-guessing yourself.
Pathologizing
It is common for those who don’t conform to mainstream expectations to be pathologized. If someone doesn’t meet expectations, there must be something wrong with her. She needs to be fixed, medicated, given therapy, subjected to surgery, controlled and brought to heel.
Example: The current craze in pathologizing is, of course, centred on sexuality. These days, women need to be ready for sex and thrilled about it 24/7. Of course, sexuality and sex are still defined by men for men, so the perfectly reasonable avoidance or lack of desire on the part of women to engage in something that will not benefit them in any way (and is actually dangerous in many ways) becomes ‘a problem’. Instead of seeing and accepting it for what it actually is – a normal response to sexual slavery and erasure – women are labelled ‘frigid’ or ‘depressed’ or something that indicates that they aren’t fulfilling the expected role. Out come the drugs, sex therapy, psychological abuse, demands for polyamory, and porn.
Shaming and Guilting
Very simply, the act of inspiring feelings of guilt or shame in someone to get them to do something they don’t want to do or to back down on requests for fair treatment.
Example: Men love to push women to the edge and over it in relationships, and inspiring shame or guilt – some of the first powerful feelings young girls experience in all cultures – is a very effective way for men to get what they want. Men often play the victim. Their lives are so hard, and according to them, women make their lives even harder with their nagging and unreasonable demands for respect or consideration. It is these techniques of shaming and guilting that inspire the following: “If you loved me, you would…” and the demands almost always entail some demeaning, degrading, brutalizing, unfair sexual performance or concessions on the part of the woman.
Shaming and guilting (in addition to spreading lies and misinformation) are the key tools in the Pro-Choice movement’s assault against women who need abortions.
One-Upping
A tool used to silence another person by claiming greater victimhood status.
Example: This has recently become a very effective tool in our modern age of oppression status. Everybody is being oppressed. It is a common tool used by men of colour against white women who rebuke their rape or harassment attempts. These men will scream ‘racism!’ or society will do it for them if the rape attempt becomes public knowledge. It is one reason I didn’t report being violently raped by my Arab Muslim boyfriend 8 years ago. ‘Islamophobia’ is a buzzword right now, and current Liberals can get enthusiastically on board with the idea that a white woman is using her poorly suppressed Islamophobia/racism to make a false rape claim but have an incredibly hard time believing that a man has raped a woman.
Some of these men know exactly that is what will happen when they scream racism – it is a joke and a get out of jail free card since racism is taken seriously, but misogyny and violence against women are not. For others, they truly believe they are being oppressed when a woman refuses or fights against their violence. Men of all colours (and SES, religions, etc.) are taught from birth that they are entitled to pussy any time they want it.
Others argue that this is also what is happening with some of the male-to-female trans community trying to silence women by one-upping them on the oppression scale. By using male tactics of aggression and claiming status as ‘women’, actual women are forced into silence. Again, some of these folks know exactly what they are doing, while others may wear oppression as clothing and truly believe everyone is hurting them personally.
The most egregious examples of one-upping occur when a white dude with no true difficulties in life claims victimhood status that is more important than a woman – any woman. This happens CONSTANTLY (see MRAs, for example).
I truly can’t count the number of men – white and non-white – who have silenced me by shouting me down with examples of how they perceive themselves to be the most unfortunate victims on the planet. It has been especially effective when coupled with guilting.
Hope / Manipulated Forgiveness
Hope, is probably one of the most powerful forces out there. Giving someone the impression that things will get better can erase the effects and memories of an incredible amount of abuse.
Example: The most common scenario is that of the battered spouse/girlfriend. Despite the well-known mantra of psychologists and statisticians that past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour, the battering male will erase this idea by promising that he will change. And he seems to… until the next time he beats and rapes his wife/girlfriend. It helps that women are programmed from childhood to forgive.
Bestowing the Backhanded Compliment of ‘Otherness’
I have an entire post devoted to the concept of ‘other’, and there is a section on how men psychologically manipulate women into enabling them and accepting misogynistic abuse through a sort of backhanded flattery: they are not like all the other girls. Women can feel special and ‘loved’, but eventually may come to realize that this status can change immediately if they dare to question the flatterer.
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There are many more psychological attack devices that men use against women to keep their system of dominance firmly in place. This is just a taste.
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He Was a Good Man
Most abuses and rapes of girls and women don’t make it to the newspapers or news desks of the world. First, there are too many of them – if all incidents were properly and publicly reported on we would have to admit there is a problem – a problem with men. A problem with how the world works. And we don’t want that. Men are untouchable and should remain that way.
Second, straight up rape and child abuse and other forms of sexual assault are fucking boring to our knuckle-dragging, drooling masses. I mean seriously. You’ve heard one story of a terrified woman being assaulted, you’ve heard ’em all. Can you imagine if we had to listen to them all?
But there is a special genre of woman-hurt that gets boners a-raging. Women pay attention too, but if the reporting didn’t titillate men, it wouldn’t make press at all. Women don’t get off on assault of their sisters regardless of what your misogynist husband or boyfriend or choice-feminist BFF tells you.
That is the sex-slave-held-captive-and-made-to-do-unspeakable-things genre of lady abuse.
The reporting of these horrible, horrible stories of tragedy are salacious. It is porn. It is men’s fantasies made real. The victimized girls and women are treated to various rounds of further abuse as they are made to relive their ordeals for the rapacious (male) public. And it is sport – a national/international pastime, if you will – with enough detail, you can always find some angle from which to blame the dirty little whores for what has been done to them.
I was coming of age during the infamous Ken and Barbie murders in Canada, and was luckily spared from having to read or watch too many details because of where I lived at that time and the fact that I was too busy studying to go searching for more information. In Canada, the rape videos and perpetrators’ testimony were banned from public access for legal reasons, but disgusting (male) Americans dusted off their poorly misunderstood and extremely abused Constitution in order to get access to everything. For offering support to the cause of crimes against women and girls? Hell no!!! They widely distributed the graphic detail on the internet. Pure boner material, I’m sure. I distrust any American who spouts off about freedoms of speech and expression. These jizzings are almost always made by men who don’t understand what freedom of speech actually means or the true purpose of the Amendments concerned (nor do they care), and when you get right down to it, are really only motivated by exploiting women for profit or want to preserve the privilege to jack off to women’s pain and humiliation.
[Note: Having cruised a few sites covering this disgusting event in Canadian history, I’ve noticed that the Barbie of the Ken and Barbie pair receives most of the attention, all of the blame for the crimes, and some sites post nude photos of her taken by Ken to degrade her as they do the female victims of the couple. Thank you, Patriarchy! Well-reported!]
I generally avoid reading about this genre of crimes against girls and women for these very reasons. Given how the media work today, it seems impossible to respectfully cover the crime. News is entertainment. Nothing less, nothing more.
Yet, I somehow managed to run across a video today about that psychopath, Ariel Castro, today. You know – that human stain who kept three girls in his basement as sex slaves for 10 years. How did I get to this video? I have no idea. I had been watching stuff on economics. And then blam! Suddenly, I’ve entered a whole new world, and couldn’t look away, and of course, couldn’t resist reading a few comments. Two things: YouTube videos are often misnamed on purpose. And internet commenters are often stupid. Unbelievable, huh? Anyhow, I started watching this thing, and one of the neighbours actually said: “He was a good man.” And other neighbours were similarly stunned. How could such a decent guy be such a – a what? What is the word for a guy like this?
And so we get down to an important piece of reality. A lot of men lately have been getting pissy when they discover women are increasingly cautious around men, in general. Or are afraid of men, in general. Or have a growing, *defensive hatred of men, in general. Given that neither men nor women can seem to spot a rapist and sadist upon looking at him or even knowing him superficially, and that there are probably a lot more of them out there than we hear about in extreme cases like this Castro horror show, I think that distrust and hatred are perfectly reasonable responses. Think about it this way, if men are doing the raping and hurting and violating, then they need to solve that problem – the onus is on them to earn trust. Women are not responsible for men’s psychopathy.
* Defensive – yes defensive. Notice that when women ‘hate’ men, it is in response to male hate of women. In this case, we know which came first – male hatred. If women hated men first, men would be dying at the hands of women. Often. Instead of the reverse. And really, even our defensive ‘hate’ doesn’t lead to violence and rape like aggressive male hate. Male hissy fits only serve to avoid accepting reality.
Calling All Female Hackers
Although the question is: are there even any female hackers? There must be, but I suspect they’ve all been relegated to fetching coffee or tea or giving blow jobs to all the male hackers in the various hacker movements and missions. Just like every other counter-culture movement or mission in history.
What the hell am I on about now?
I’ve always liked the idea of hackers. But I need to explain this a little so dudes don’t get all puffed up and start jerking off about how great they are. I like the idea of hackers who use their mad skillz to fight The Man – and by The Man, I mean Patriarchy.
I get the sense that most hackers – and note of course, that most hackers are men and thus are privileged – are ‘in it for the lulz’. Which means they are trolls. Which means there is no real mission in the proactive sense of the word. Which means they get off on hurting people indiscriminately.
I dunno, I guess I’m into having a sense of purpose in life – even if the purpose doesn’t make much of a dent – and that the purpose isn’t about spraying machine gun fire into a random ***crowd and laughing hysterically. But then, I’m not a dude, so what the fuck do I know? I believe in leaving the place better off than I found it.
*** a crowd of rapists, I could get behind. But when the fuck do rapists ever get what they deserve…?
If I had the mad skillz of a hacker – and believe me, I’ve fantasized – I’d do something that might actually help people or send a message or piss off people who are given free reign in this world to abuse women and children.
I think, first and foremost, I’d have a go at porn sites. They soooo deserve it. I’d wager they are the single most harmful (and common) genre of site on the web. And they hurt women and girls as a global class of people immeasurably. Porn is protected as ‘art’ or ‘free speech’ despite neither being true because there is nothing more important than boners and hurting women in this world. Rape and depictions of rape rock, man!!!
Why am I on about this? Well, ***supposedly some Russian hackers managed to fuck up Skype, which affected a whole bunch of people around the world who run small businesses or talk with friends and family for cheap to free. I use it – although, I had no calls planned, so the interruption wasn’t a big deal to me. Yeah, Microsoft sucks ass, and it sucks even more that they bought Skype. I don’t like any big company, and that whole system needs to be dismantled. But still, hacking Skype? Fucking idiots. Pick a real target, whydontcha?
*** that is the word on the electronic street at this point, although I wouldn’t put anything past Microsoft. ‘Russian hackers’ might be code for ‘we don’t know what we’re doing’ and we are cowards.
Nevertheless, I would dearly love to see more women entering the esteemed world of hacking so that we could actually address real problems. If a couple of Russian masturbators can cripple Skype, then think what an army of female keyboard activists could do to the online porn industry. It might not dismantle it, but things could get right fucking hilarious.
As usual, though, the problem with male domination of jobs and fields that can actually make a difference/do some damage is that there is no incentive for men to dismantle festering systems that cement viewpoints of dominance and abuse. First, men benefit from dominance. And second, if I know anything, it’s that men always need incentives to do anything. There are huge incentives to dismantling Patriarchy for ALL people, but you might need a few brain cells in operation to see past a raging hard-on into the Big Picture.
I’m quite convinced that male privilege will bring down the human race eventually – either through societal or environmental collapse. It’s just a matter of when. I figure, if you’ve got the brains, why not hack your way to the end of days by harassing the true oppressors instead of Mickey Mouse bullshit like the Skype attack?
Perverting Herstory – A Slice from China
As is well understood by women, the history of humankind is the story of men. And it is a boring story of repetition: rape; war; rape; the stealing of women’s ideas; rape; denying education to women; rape; the development of various economic/religious/political systems of dominance favouring men; rape; war; more rape, ad infinitum. Boring. And the story is pretty much the same no matter which culture or part of the world you drill down into. And there is no end in sight. History is written by the victors, and men are always the victors. History is written to get men off, not to regret, not to learn, not to become better beings. It’s just the stuff of boners.
I’ll provide one teeny tiny example.
A few years ago, I lived and worked in Nanjing, China. For those who know little to nothing about China, Nanjing is famous for a few things. For one, it is a former capital of China, and secondly, it was the site of one of the most brutal mass rapes and mass murders in history. Over a period straddling December 1937 – January 1938, Japanese troops occupied Nanjing and rained atrocity down on the women and other citizens of Nanjing. I’m not going to recount the whole history here – you can check out Iris Chang’s book, “The Rape of Nanking”, to avoid being forced to swallow a male point-of-view. Men tend to focus on how off-duty Chinese soldiers were executed – as if that was the highlight and greatest tragedy of the whole disgusting mess.
Anyhow, modern-day Japan poured money into the building of a memorial/museum in Nanjing. And I went. It is a spectacular building.
I did, however, feel there was a cock-centric over-focus on soldiers being killed. Personally, I couldn’t give a shit about soldiers. They sign up to kill and be killed. Many of them rape local women/girls and/or use prostitutes, which demotes them to non-human status for me. So fuck ’em. War is a man’s invention. Not women’s. You make your bed, you sleep in the damn thing, men. I just wish women could be left out of the whole business since it has nothing to do with us.
Now, out of the whole museum, there was one wall that also included a corner, detailing the whole rape business, which for me was the centre of the whole multi-week siege. I think it would have been over sooner had there been no women there. The display consisted of all sorts of large photos and text describing what had happened.
But I couldn’t read any of it. Why?
Because I couldn’t get close to it at all. There were 200+ Chinese men all pushing and shoving each other, including me, trying to get close enough to see the naked photos of the Chinese women. Unfortunately, for the men, there were no actual mid-action rape photos – just dead women with bayonets sticking out of their vaginas, and naked, devastated, brutalized women lined up for viewing, crouching, cowering, crying. Still, titillating stuff for China (where porn is illegal). These fucking turds were excited by the idea of what had happened. No learning going on. No tears shed (except mine). Just excitement. And hatred for the Japanese, but also excitement.
Naked, brutalized women. Very, very cool stuff.
By the way, there was no pushing or over-crowding or excitement at any of the other displays. And there were no women pushing or shoving to get close to the rape display. Actually, the Chinese women visiting the museum avoided that whole corner for the most part.
But this whole phenomenon is not unique to China. Men all over the world love depictions of rape. Love seeing women degraded, hurt, brutalized. Even if they don’t consider themselves rapists (ahem…), they can live vicariously through those who do.
And women don’t fantasize about rape (please read that again American porn-dogs). Women who claim they do have been socialized/trained/brainwashed by the Patriarchal ‘romance narrative’ into believing that seduction and sexayness need to be violent. There is nothing healthy or ‘natural’ about getting hot about the idea of rape. Sorry.
I appreciated the memorial and museum very much, but I was disgusted. Nothing ever changes no matter how much time goes by. Men still love to hate women. And we still accept it.
A Timeless Classic: The Best Rape Prevention Tips Out There
Years ago, Colleen Jameson came up with an appropriate response to the bullshit advice girls and women frequently receive on how not to get raped. Other versions have been done by others, including this example over at IBTP.
This advice is ALWAYS patronizing, instills guilt/shame/fear in the readers (especially after they follow the advice and STILL get raped), and even worse, heaps the responsibility for not getting raped onto the women themselves.
Women are 0% responsible for the violence men do to them. There is nothing that women can say or do that causes rape. Nothing. Nada. (Well, existing – that’ll do it.) Men, on the other hand, are 100% responsible. FOR THEIR OWN SHITTY, RAPEY BEHAVIOUR. It’s a no-brainer. Sex crimes comprise the only set of crimes in the world where the victim is routinely blamed and shamed for what has been done to her, and where frequently the perpetrator is given the benefit of the doubt and absolved of all guilt. This can only happen in a system designed by and for those who routinely commit sex crimes. Sweet, huh?
I did my own little modifications on wording, plus I’m not tied to the idea of a top-10 list. Top-13 lists are fuckin’-A in my world. To some, the list may sound strange at first as a) it puts responsibility for rape squarely where it belongs: on men’s shoulders, and b) we have been conditioned for millennia to see women as moral gatekeepers in charge of behaviour that isn’t even our own.
Believe it or not, this list, unlike the ones that are routinely sent out to women, when followed to the letter, works 100% of the time. Forward to all your male (and female) friends.
Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work
- Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.
- When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.
- If you pull over to help a woman with car problems, remember not to assault her.
- Never open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
- If you are in an elevator, don’t assault her. Don’t look at her. Don’t get in her personal space. Don’t make suggestive comments.
- If you find yourself in a laundry room where a woman is doing laundry alone, don’t assault her.
- When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not assault her.
- Don’t hang out in dark, lonely places – especially alleys or parking lots – and assault women who might pass through.
- USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting women, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
- Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with a woman unless she is awake!
- Carry a rape whistle! If you are worried you might assault a women “by accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.
- Always be honest with your female acquaintances and female strangers! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
- Also be honest with your date. If your policy is that if you pay for dinner/drinks/movie, you get to rape your date, let the woman know it ahead of time. Again, if you don’t communicate your intentions to assault her later, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.
Story Ending Never 
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