Blog Archives

My First Week of the Semester or White Whore Put in Her Place by Male Students

As I’ve mentioned before, I am a university instructor of writing, academic English, and general speaking classes in China. I’m 43. I don’t practise femininity, although everyone easily knows I’m a woman cuz I have tits. You’d think that I’d become a little more invisible because of my age and androgynous clothing, but sadly, that is not the case. I’m reminded on a daily basis that I’m a woman and that I exist as sub-human, a sexual object, and there primarily for male use.

When you teach in China, unless you are teaching at an all-female school or are teaching non-science or non-technology majors, you are stuck with classrooms full of dudes. Female students still face many barriers to entry into these ‘male professions’ here, and of course, China is missing millions upon millions of girls because of selective abortion resulting from the One Child Policy. I teach at a technology university, so you know what I’m stuck with. Wall-to-wall dickitude.

Last semester, I was fortunate to have a lot of English-major classes (almost completely female), tourism classes (female-dominated, male minority) and business grad students (equal gender divide). I knew I should cherish that time, and that I would be unlikely to be so fortunate again. Having predominantly female students is a very different experience from having a predominance of male students. It’s a more pleasant, non-aggressive, and intellectual experience. You get more questions about real issues. And all of this matters even more when you’re a female instructor trying to preserve your safety, sanity and dignity.

After such a positive semester of academics and womanhood, this new semester began in stark contrast. Aside from having to tell classrooms full of young men to shut the fuck up and listen every five seconds like they were out-of-control toddlers, misogyny reared its ugly immediately.

First, there were endless comments from the males about what a shame it was that there ‘weren’t enough girls’ in their classes. (I think there were five women in total out of 140 students.) Now, the concern wasn’t because these young men wanted to see equality in science and technology, or that they wanted to do something to rectify China’s history of gynocide, or that they wanted more opportunities for women, in general.

Simply, they wanted more and convenient access to pussy.

To all men in the world, these Chinese boys included, women exist to be looked at and used sexually. So, I wasn’t fooled. These privileged dudes weren’t feeling sorry for women. They were feeling sorry for themselves. It was all about their entitlement.

I watched the faces of the few girls in the class when these comments were made amid the snickers of fellow male classmates. The young women’s faces reminded me of those being victimized in porn or in violent scenes in film/tv. Checked out. Blank. Knowing full well they had no escape from the misogyny of the four years of their degrees or the lifetime following graduation. Knowing that speaking up and defending themselves would unleash the hate and violence that lives in all males. They were trapped and according to Chinese culture, had to accept their fate as objects. It is rare that women speak up for themselves in China, and I’ve only ever witnessed it in one-one-one discussions or in my classes where women predominate. I feel for these young women, and I’ll stand for them as much as I can in class.

And then there was the misogyny directed towards me.

Keep in mind that both elders and teachers are *generally* still given respect in China – unlike in the West, where both older people and teachers are constantly criticized and regularly disrespected, even by small children. So when you see disrespect in China, it is a big fucking deal.

Respect in China, I’ve learned over the years, is meted out differently to men and women. As a woman, and especially as a foreign w̶h̶o̶r̶e̶ woman, I can be easily and justifiably disrespected. And I am constantly disrespected. Out of three classes I conducted during this first week alone, there were three notable instances of disrespect that no man, Chinese or foreign, would experience. Chinese women are not on par with men in this culture either, but I guarantee they are not on the receiving end of unwanted touching or solicitation in a university classroom. So upon first meeting of their university instructor, my classes of dudes gifted me with the following:

  1. My ownership status was questioned. In an introductory exercise meant to get students thinking about asking questions, I had my surname put on the board. They were meant to come up with: “What is your family/last name?” But no one thought of that. One dude immediately came up with “What is your husband’s name?” (I have to justify my non-married AND childless status every goddamn semester. My male counterparts don’t.) Instead of a justifiable, but unprofessional “FUCK YOU” directed at the student, I decided instead to let the boy know that the name was mine (technically, my rapist, wife-beater grandfather’s…) and that neither was I married nor did women ever need a husband. The class laughed. Of course they would. Women’s words and needs can’t be taken seriously.
  2. One male student tried to hug me. China is not a cross-sex touchy culture. And you definitely don’t touch strangers, even of the same sex. And no Chinese student over the age of 5 would EVER attempt to touch a teacher, especially on the first day of class. But I am a foreign woman. Thanks to misogynistic Western media (primarily American film and television) and thanks to Chinese misogyny, white women (not black or hispanic or other women of colour) are seen as sluts who are not only obsessed with sex, but who are open to being touched and fucked by every single interested male on the planet. “No” isn’t in our vocabulary. ‘Sex in the City’ is frequently watched here, and provides a model of the typical white, Western woman as public fuck toilet. As a woman who is personally well-acquainted with assault in many countries, I am hyper-vigilant about men, regardless of colour, when they are near me. Nevertheless, I’m frequently surprised by men trying to objectify me, touch me or otherwise assault me in this country. When it happens in the classroom, I get really pissed off because I am not some random, nameless stranger men can rationalize abusing by ‘othering’ me, but a teacher who, according to culture, should be automatically given a modicum of respect. One of my quite young (24), white, female colleagues has told me that the sexual disrespect from males in her classes is quite frequent. She doesn’t know how to deal with it, she admits. I would have thought that being 43, authoritative, very confident, and not overly thin or super attractive would have done the trick, but alas, it appears no woman can escape misogyny. I don’t have a lot of advice for her other than to maintain as much professional distance as possible. She isn’t paid to be either their friend or fuck toy.
  3. I was asked either as a joke or in seriousness (I’m still not sure, to be honest) in front of a class of 40+ young men whether I could go on a date one of the student’s room mates. I can’t even imagine such a disgusting and disrespectful question being asked publicly of a female prof in a Western university classroom setting. So experiencing this in a Chinese classroom was an incredibly huge insult. Again, no Chinese teacher or foreign male teacher would be so disrespected here.

So in short, that was my first week of teaching. I’ve accepted that every time I leave my apartment, I am at risk. I’m constantly ogled, sometimes assaulted by local men and laughed at when I vocally oppose the assault. But even in my classroom, I’m disrespected and have to be very careful about the actions of my male students towards me.

A white, British, male colleague of mine can’t for the life of him understand why his health thrives in China, but mine is actually worse than when I live in the West. (I suffer chronic depression and anxiety, and I get sick frequently as a result.) He is a white male, the ultimate symbol of power in the world. White men here, as everywhere, are on the top of the heap. Unless rich, they do have fewer rights than Chinese men, of course, simply because working foreigners have fewer rights than say, Chinese tourists in our own countries,  but foreign men can walk around in safety in China.

I, on the other hand, have discovered through years of experience in China, that I represent the universal whore – the white woman. Valued for skin colour, seen as animals rather than humans because of our varying eye and hair colours, viewed as sexually insatiable and omni-available thanks to American entertainment, and not taken seriously in any professional way whatsoever. My male acquaintance and I have had very different experiences. Women of other colours are also treated very poorly, but in different ways. Race and sex interact in different ways in different parts of the world, but one thing you can count on – women ALWAYS lose.

The Strong Silent Type

There is this strange archetype used in literature and everyday conversation that has never made sense to me. It is the myth of the strong, silent type – used to describe that special type of manly man with little to say and deep inner feelings that have yet to be unlocked by the ‘right woman’.

Honestly, I’ve never met this dude before. However, I have met many of what I would call strong, silent types, and they have all been women.

To exist in relative safety as a woman in this world – meaning, you’re still bombarded by misogyny and abuse all your life, but you may not die or be driven completely insane because of it – you absolutely have to be smart, strong, and silent. Men don’t like women with opinions, women who believe in human rights, and women whose opinions are that their rights as actual humans are being abused. Although strong, these women are not silent, and they are in much more danger than the average strong, silent woman.

Men, on the other hand, tend to have the insatiable need to opine on everything under the sun, regardless of knowledge on the topic, loudly and annoyingly, drowning out female voices of reason and expertise. And they are ALWAYS right, even what is coming out of their mouths is absolute bullshit, absolutely provable-wrongable, absolutely hateful, inane and moronic. Speaking just to hear oneself speak, a common modus operandi for men, is a sign of weakness.

It takes strength to shut the fuck up when you don’t know what you’re talking about. It takes strength to admit you don’t know anything about the topic at hand. It takes strength and intelligence to just sit back, listen and learn from those who know more than you.

I wish men could be strong, silent types. And strong, silent women would finally have the air space to share their intelligence and expertise.

Real Logic is Gender-Neutral

I’ve never understood the male mantra, often spouted by Patriarchy-serving women, as well, that ‘men are logical and women are emotional’. It just doesn’t make sense in the face of reality.

Every time I see a man:

  • freak out about nothing, especially imagined slights,
  • verbally abuse people, especially women,
  • act out physically because of frustration, jealousy, pride, fear, helplessness, etc,
  • whine because of some minor illness,
  • get distracted by lust in the workplace or other otherwise professional situation,
  • or get pissy when he doesn’t get his way or has his privilege pointed out,

I see emotion. High emotionality. And more importantly, an inability to control his emotions. Exactly the opposite of the qualities I want to see in a leader or person in a position of power. There are men who can deal with emotion sensibly, of course. But to say that men aren’t emotional is a load of crap.

Every time I see a woman:

  • negotiate her way out of a violent situation at the hands of an emotional male or Patriarchy-compliant female,
  • diffuse a situation, professional or otherwise, where men are getting emotionally out of control,
  • ensure that everyone’s needs are heard and met in a group situation,
  • look for the least violent, most peaceful and satisfying answer to a problem,
  • or sensibly evaluate an unpredictable or escalating situation as one from which she should extricate herself and then do so,

I see logic. Objective, fair logic, and more importantly, a sense of control and consideration. Exactly the qualities I want to see in a leader or person in a position of power. There are women who do things that don’t seem sensible, of course – and most of these instances have to do with complying with Patriarchy and the impossible-to-deal-with pressure that such a system places on women. Patriarchy isn’t logical, you see.

So why the gender-based stereotypes?

First, the positing. I posit that once upon a time, long long ago, a man noticed a woman being emotional about some human rights abuse or other – possibly her own abuse and slavery administered by said man – and thought to himself, “This won’t do. She is distracting me from my self-serving plan with her plea that I consider other people’s/her feelings. I must put a stop to this!” And from then on, emotionality became a bad thing. Calling out a woman for a display of emotion – regardless of whether there is actual emotion being displayed and regardless of whether it is ‘appropriate’ for the situation, would immediately discredit a woman’s valid words, and form grounds for preventing women from seriously participating in anything. This tactic has worked for millennia.

Okay, so the particular catalyst for this very misogynistic derailing tactic may not have happened in exactly the way I posited (although, I’d be tempted to bet money on a scenario such as that). But the point is that somewhere along the way, men defined their emotional displays as good and women’s emotional displays as bad. Further, they failed to understand what ‘logic’ actually is, and became adept at selectively noticing and ignoring behaviour to support their own emotion-driven illogic. And then called it logical to carry on this abusive way!!! Fucked up or what?

First and foremost, Logic is a branch of mathematics. Very few people in the world have a strong grasp of it and can use it correctly. I knew a couple of guys in college who took Logic with a female professor (holy shit!), had their asses kicked, failed, and had to take the whole course again. What I’m saying is that Logic isn’t a male thing or a female thing. It is just a thing. A tool. A field of study. And both women and men are capable of understanding and using it if they study hard.

The term ‘logic’, on the other hand, is more loosely defined, and very often used incorrectly by men to define ways of acting or not acting that are acceptable to them. Logic, as men define it, is more about socialized male behaviour, primarily: expressing negative emotions, suppressing positive emotions and empathy, and engaging in violence and oppression. ‘Logic’ actually has little to do with logical thinking processes, as men define the term. But in reality, logic is about thinking and reasoning, and has nothing to do with sex or gender. Further, logical thinking and emotion are not mutually exclusive. One can have an emotional response to a moral issue that complements one’s logical thinking on the subject, for example.

Bottom line. Tools, such as logic, are gender-neutral. They have no agenda. They don’t target groups of people for harm or help. The users of these tools, however, can be very gender-biased and agenda-driven. In the hands of a well-meaning user, any tool can be efficient and helpful and elevate our species. In the hands of an idiot with nasty, self-serving intentions, the tool can appear to take on the power of that bad person and be used to hurt others and take society several steps backwards in its evolution.

So, even if just using the term to apply to a way of thinking, rather than referring to the branch of mathematics, logic is still gender-neutral. Only when you use it in a negative emotional way (as men tend to do) to stereotype and hurt groups of people, are you moving away from ‘logical’ usage. Nothing affects one’s ability to think logically or misuse a tool than having a fear- or hate-based agenda. Right, dudes?