Blog Archives
Domestic Abuse on the Street – Foreign Woman Tries to Intervene, Fails
After a week of constant misogynist student comments, constant tit-ogling by my friendly neighbourhood construction workers, daily wonderment at how my male students were able to gain entrance into university and college (they are so fucking lazy and stupid, I can’t believe it!), daily racism and misogyny shit sandwiches by all and sundry – especially my neighbours and co-workers of three years, and on top of it all, 35°C (that’s 95°F to you, Yanks) every single day in both my workspace and home (no A/C!!!), the last fucking thing I needed was dealing with a commonplace street assault.
In China, it is perfectly acceptable to abuse your wife or girlfriend on the street in broad daylight. It is not quite as bad as South Korea or Thailand, where you can physical beat the bitch down to the ground with no repercussions (I’ve witnessed this in Thailand and tried to intervene once – a Japanese man stopped me – and a friend of mine lived in Korea and saw it all the time), but the Chinese-style woman-beat-down is an every day occurrence. I have a history of intervening in male abuse of women – moreso in my youth when I was stronger and dumber. No women have ever helped me (quite the opposite, actually), but that hasn’t stopped me from trying to help dumb-ass heterosexual women. I’ve learned, mostly. I don’t bother helping heterosexual women with their problems anymore. I fought for my own fucking freedom, and I continue to pay for my decisions because het women refuse to get on board in solidarity in the name of change and making female life better. Nothing has EVER in the history of the world been gained through waiting patiently – especially when it is waiting for people (men) to overcome their abusive tendencies and dumbassery. If you want freedom, you need to fucking fight for it, sometimes violently, especially if you don’t have money, or power in other areas of your life, or the right connections. So if you’re not going to fight, then you suck it up, and don’t whine about it. You only get to whine if you follow it up with action. So, I generally refuse to be sucked down into another woman’s problems for a number of reasons. Her boyfriend will try to hurt me – that’s a guarantee. She herself will almost always hurt me in response, she will usually choose the cock she is sucking and getting raped by over a friendly sister, and return to him after she uses me, and will end up supporting a system that *sort of* helps her (the cocksucker) and badly hurts me (the rebel). It’s the same philosophy I use in other areas of life, such as with my students. If students are lazy, selfish, and don’t give a shit about anyone (sometimes including themselves), I don’t bother with them. Only the ones who are willing to do the hard work get my support beyond what I am paid to do. My time and energy are fucking precious, so I bet on the winning horses. Blaming the victim? Well, fuck. At what point will we actually ask women to take some fucking responsibility, take some fucking risks? Men are not going to change until we force them to change, impose serious consequences for their actions, control them, kill them, or separate from them. Or some combination. Victimhood is real, but telling women to just accept things, or not to take risks, or not to self-examine is bullshit. Nothing will ever change until women take charge of their lives in serious and aggressive ways. If you need proof, look at the lack of change over the last several thousand years due to pussyfooting around the issue. I’m not an activist, but I don’t sit on my ass and wait for other people to save me while my self-serving, anti-woman actions end up hurting other women. I have some serious burdens that a lot of women don’t have, but I still take responsibility for my impact. And other women are in a better position to make positive change. But they don’t. So what the fuck?
But I couldn’t help it today. I just can’t fucking stand violent men getting away with their privileged bullshit. I came across the standard domestic abuse scenario on my way to the subway station. Two university students outside the gates of my school. The boy, twice the size of his girlfriend and much larger than me as well and less than half my age, had pulled her to the side of the sidewalk and had the ‘spiral fracture grip’ on her forearm that you see with sooooo many domestic abuse situations. He was lambasting her for something – probably he was jealous that she was talking to a friend or she didn’t wear the right skirt or something serious like that. She had assumed the submissive, childlike, head down pose that is recognizable across all cultures as ‘beaten, broken, abused woman’. It must have been the androcidal impulse in me that increases as the weather gets hotter. Men rape more in hot temperatures. I feel the urge to kill rapists much more in the summer. Go figure. But anyhow, I stopped and yelled, “GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF HER!” Didn’t even register to him. He was focused on his bitch. I moved more into his line of vision (I was walking on the road, not the sidewalk), and repeated my command. He turned to me in hatred and yelled, “FUCK YOU!” I yelled ‘fuck you’ back, but it was futile. He is the big man. And Chinese. So he has racism and sexism backing up his claim to power. I am just a white whore. Like an insect. My word means nothing. I have no power as a woman and especially as a white woman – a member of a powerless racial minority with a score of zero on the Oppressor Triangle™. He dismissed me with barely a look and returned to sexually abusing his girlfriend.
I walked on, androcide in my heart. There was nothing I could do. Not even the police would be interested in this kind of stuff. I know this well. I was dismissed before when I reported a black rapist racially profiling me, stalking me and demanding to come to my apartment to fuck (rape) me on our Chinese campus. My teaching liaison refused to contact the police. Rape and sexual assault are not matters for the police. I’ll be writing about China and its annoying mantra/euphemism on ‘harmony’ soon. Point is that women have no voice, no rights in China. But who are we kidding, women have no voice and no rights anywhere. In fact, it is getting worse for us in countries where women are supposedly ‘free’ (according to rapists, I mean men).
I managed to cool down some, gradually, but with racism and misogyny in full force over this past week, I’m having a very serious “I hate China” week and I am fantasizing non-stop of ramming chopsticks into male eye sockets. It brings me a little peace to think about it, but the fact that rapists aren’t dying in reality leaves me unsatisfied and frustrated.
♀️ If you care to support Story Ending Never, we are appreciative. ⚢
Right Idea, Wrong Motivation: Dickless Wonders
About 6 years ago, a straight male, blue-collar acquaintance of mine who is no longer in my life, suggested casually in conversation that all boys, upon puberty, should be vasectomized. Inwardly, I ferociously agreed, but I regard every single thing men say with suspicion, so I didn’t say anything in response. And of course, the truth behind the opinion came out. As usual, with regard to male motivations, I was right. Men inevitably out themselves for the selfish shitlords they are. You see, this dude’s opinion had nothing to do with protecting women from one of the nasty effects of coerced rape that is mandatory heterosexuality and penis-centred ‘sex’. Neither did it have anything to do with the fact that almost all children that exist aren’t genuinely wanted, but are products of the forced breeding program that results from enforced heterosexuality and female slavery.
He was only concerned with saving males from having to take responsibility for pregnancies resulting from getting their rapey freak on and thus ruining THEIR OWN lives. It turns out that once upon a time, this particular dude had avoided resisting raping/fucking some female that was conveniently located in his friend’s apartment (picture a porn scene – male walks in, sees female, cheesy conversation for 20 seconds, and immediate fuckage ensues), she got pregnant, and he ‘did the right thing’ (aka ‘ruined his life’) by marrying her and bringing the unwanted child into the world.
I agreed with the idea this dude brought up – although not his selfish motivations – but I would take it further. While I personally don’t think we should allow any more males to be born into the world, if we are forced to allow them to exist, we should remove their external genitalia as soon as they’re born and effectively sterilize them. There is nothing more dangerous than a penis. Even if these dudes can’t procreate, they can still rape if they have their schlongs. My motivation is one of the greater good – not a case of male individualism and self-indulgance. I don’t believe in the ‘right to breed’, especially in light of our population, crime and environmental crises (a post on how I interpret ‘reproductive rights’ forthcoming). But I do believe in the right of all females to be safe from all males. That is at the core of feminism after all: the liberation of women from men.
It brings up a question though. Would women and girls truly be safe and thus be set free from men and boys if we removed their junk? Our ongoing slavery and fear comes directly from what men do with their penises. They rape us, they impregnate us, they threaten us with them, and every other fear we have results directly or indirectly from penises in action. Would their power over us disappear with their nuts and bolt? Would dickless wonders make for safe compadres? If saving sperm were outlawed (as it should be), and women actively chose to procreate with other women (thank you science), we would eventually be male-free and self-sufficient. A freedom that is hard to imagine except in fantasy.
And for the bleeding/bleating hearts who think that you have human rights in mind and might get indignant at what I’ve suggested, here is a question for you. Why is the male ‘right’ to violate women and girls and to threaten women and girls with what penises can do more important that the female right to safety from men? More specifically, if dicks cause problems, why, instead of easily solving said problem in the most direct way possible, do you tell women to just ‘live with it’?
[Part of the Year of the Fantasy series.]
♀️ If you care to support Story Ending Never, we are appreciative. ⚢
They Are All the Worst
Even though I’ve never really been much of a ‘joiner’ by nature, I’m beginning to think there is an actual reason I don’t join or invest a lot of social energy in even radical feminist groups that might logically appeal to me. I just find that these groups tend to complicate feminism by moving away from the prime directive: female liberation from men. I just can’t see feminism ever having a real and lasting impact when women slide into a concession-to-dick-based policy rooted in intersectionality. When this happens, women themselves create and maintain a hierarchy (some women are more oppressed than others; some men are not as bad as others) instead of sticking to a policy of liberation – all women from all men.
Before I get started here, I want to be explicit that I am in no way standing up for white dudes. They are their own phenomenon, but their brand of misogyny and power base is no better or worse than that of any other group of men on the planet. Maybe in your little personal world, they are the worst thing to happen to you, but for many women, white men have little to do with their personal oppression. My point here is that making distinctions between groups of men is fucking irrelevant when it comes to discussing domination of, violence against, and hatred towards women.
In other words, outside of one’s personal life of woe and and on a slightly larger scale, geographical regions, when it comes to naming the problem, which is men as a class:
- Race is irrelevant.
- Ethnicity is irrelevant.
- Wealth or lack thereof is irrelevant.
- Education level is irrelevant.
- Religious affiliation is irrelevant.
- Sexual orientation is irrelevant.
- Occupation is irrelevant.
- Psychotic gender bullshit categories and the grafting on of fake titties to a man-chest are irrelevant.
The world isn’t shitty because of white men. The world is shitty because of men. The world is shitty because of the cumulative contributions of men from across time, space, and race. No particular group of men is the worst. All groups of men are the worst, and just as you waste time fighting about which group of women is more oppressed, you waste time when you try to figure out (or just plain old assume) which group of men is the worst. Just as different women deal with different shit (because all women experience shit, as women), different men drop different kinds of turds (because all men drop turds, as men). This is easy. And if you can’t go with this easy policy, feminism will never succeed. The reason men are still dominant and hurting us is because they go with ‘easy’. They hate women, all women. Kaboom. Easy peasy. And we waste our time quibbling over details, which in the grand scheme of things (i.e., outside your personal queendom), just divide us. And when building up momentum in what is still a fledgling movement, getting butt-hurt because your special interests aren’t being specifically and uniquely addressed insures that everything will quickly devolve and fall apart. We see this every friggin’ day. And now we are losing our women’s spaces, our girls are being groomed for whoredom earlier than ever before, and herstory is still not allowed to be taught in schools.
Let’s just skim the surface with a few examples of why all men are the worst. Remember that there are thousands of years of conveniently and deliberately erased examples of female destruction at the hands of every group of men that has ever existed. We all descend from rapists. Every. Single. One. Of us.
I live in China, where 99.99% of the men here are Chinese. My Chinese female students (20 years old) are already being pressured into and groomed for marriage despite being allowed to attend university – especially since women are in short supply compared to the number of men. There is no opting out. Talk about sexual slavery… Chinese men are worst.
A few years ago, while in L.A., I went to the creepy crawly Museum of Death. There is all sorts of fetishistic shit there in addition to historic news footage and genuinely interesting stuff on cultural death ritual. I was stopped short in front of a television set playing footage from Africa where a group of about 200 black African men had ganged up on a single lone black African woman stripping beating and raping her. She died in the end. Her ‘crime’? Who the fuck knows. Being a woman? Black African men are the worst.
A couple of years ago, in India, a woman was gang raped to death on a public bus. Further, there are an estimated 3 million female prostitutes in India, almost half of whom are under 18 years of age. Many of these girls are born into prostitution families or sold by their families into this kind of slavery. Indian men are the worst.
White men are leading the pack of rabid, violent, narcissistic, misogynist, middle-aged, autogynopheliac, pedophilic, ex-military, rape-apologist trannies. (And you can pick and choose which adjectives apply. At least one does to every trannie out there.) And white men, gay and straight, are upholding these men’s rights to minstrelize women, and erase their biological reality, their voices of dissent, their spaces, and their very few political rights. White men are the worst.
Muslim men are well known for their barbarism and hatred of women. They cut off clitorises and sew up vaginal openings and rape and kill women in the name of ‘honour’ and Allah all over the world. My own country tolerates all of this under the banner of ‘cultural sensitivity’. Muslim men had a rape and assault-fest of white women in Germany and Sweden over this past year, and it has been brushed under the carpet and the white women chided and blamed for being cunts and whores who were just asking for it. Muslim refugee rapist men are being welcomed into Western countries in droves. Myself, I was nearly killed by a group of them in Belgium 20 years ago, and then later in Canada, brutally raped by a Muslim of my acquaintance. Muslim men (including Arab, black, and Asian Muslims) are the worst.
And Christian men are the worst. Jewish men are the worst. Men of any and all ages are the worst. Aboriginal men are the worst. Disabled men are the worst. Homeless men are the worst. Conservative men are the worst. Liberal men are the worst. Gay men are the worst. I could go on and on and on.
The point here is this: men are men. They are all WORSE. White men aren’t the worst. They are ALL the worst. Having brown skin doesn’t make you more noble or empathetic or somehow above violence against women. XY = male = violent = woman-hating. Special exceptions? They still benefit from this violence, and I haven’t met a single one who devotes his life to freeing women from violence and oppression. Any ‘help’ comes at a price. Never forget that. No one is worse than anyone else.
♀️ If you care to support Story Ending Never, we are appreciative. ⚢
Getting Inside the Head of the Head
I’m gearing up to a big post on rape. I’ve been reviewing the data from the fun little quiz that I designed recently (which is still open if you care to take a few minutes out of your day and click the button) to get some ideas about diluted feminism (larger context: The Ice Cube Effect and Feminism Dilution).
I’ll be posting soon on a few interesting things I noticed, namely the overwhelming misunderstanding of what rape is.
Today, I’m preparing for teaching, which starts up again tomorrow, and also procrastinating a bit by listening to Mancheeze’s live meet-up/broadcast on prostitution. Every time I read about or listen to stuff about male depravity – anything having to do with porn, prostitution, violence against women, etc. – I’m sent into a very important, unmaintainable, self-preserving, and ultimately stressful state. It is a state which, if maintainable, would help women quit men for good (which some of us have managed). It is a state that I can only describe as being the chilling or ice-cold, crystal-clear awareness that men absolutely hate women. There is no other way to describe a human who can take pleasure in any of those things that women only do because they are desperate or dependent. I’m not going to get into how all those things are harmful because it is a truth that has been described elsewhere in great detail, and as such, is both Feminism 101 and not debatable to me. Anyone who can’t see the harm to women in marriage, prostitution, pornography, BDSM or any of that line of male domination business is no friend to women. And I don’t get into discussions with them. Men who engage in or defend these unassailable ‘institutions’ hate women. Period.
So when I enter these intense, short-lived states of being highly aware of the male hate that absolutely surrounds and suffocates me and every other woman on the planet, sometimes I try to imagine what it would be like to be male or to live like a male. In order to do this, I try to imagine putting at the centre of my motivation and my entire existence a single body part. That single body part guides how I treat other people and how I see myself. It is hard to know whether I love that part, hate it, worship it, or have some complicated mix of all three, but what is clear is that catering to that body part requires that I do harm to at least one other person. How could narcissistic self-love not harm others? So I design my relationships to cater to that body part. My sexual interactions with others revolve solely around that body part. I design and support a world that caters to my body part to the detriment of other people who don’t have that body part. And I defend my body part and the world that caters to my body part against (perceived) attack, questioning, demands for justification and reparations for those who suffer because of them. I defend myself using violence, threats, arguments about the rights and supremacy of my body part. My body part is more important than the lives of millions. And the government, the law, the medical establishment, and every other power structure in the world agree with me.
In other words, cock is king.
In order to get inside the heads (either one) of men, one must put the supremacy of a single body part (the penis) at the centre. That is the best way I can understand how men operate. And I think that women really can’t see men for what they are – apathetic, narcissistic and sometimes sadistic destroyers with a single body part at the centre of it all directing the show/game/war – because women aren’t capable of putting a single, selfish body part at the centre of their pleasure at the expense of the rest of the world. And for that matter, women don’t really have an equivalent body part that can deal the damage that the penis does.
♀️ If you care to support Story Ending Never, we are appreciative. ⚢
Sex Matters: Here’s How You Know No Woman is ‘Privileged’
It gets worse and worse. Nowhere on earth, never in history, and regardless of economic or educational status has a woman been able to speak up about being subordinated without serious repercussions for her. On the rare occasion that a woman has a) believed it’s worth it to speak up, b) been allowed to speak her truth, c) been believed, and d) seen justice done to acknowledge her human status and basic human rights – you are witnessing something of a miracle. An actual miracle, not a bullshit ‘Madonna on toast’ type of miracle.
Every single one of you of the XX variety has experienced this at least once, even if you can’t bring yourself to admit that yes, for fuck’s sake, you have been victimized because of your sex. ‘Victim’ is not a dirty word. It is a temporary status that describes having had your freedom (even if you have very little) taken from you in some way.
Each and every one of you has felt unsure that:
- something is happening to you because you are female,
- something is happening to you because you are female in addition to being white/black/aboriginal/etc, lesbian, old, attractive/unattractive, fat/thin, etc.,
- your intuition that something bad is happening to you is spot on,
- you don’t deserve what is happening to you,
- you have the right not to have your personal space and, yes, your body, invaded,
- you are allowed to verbally question a perceived wrong,
- you are allowed to physically defend yourself against violence towards you, and
- you are allowed to say NO to a man of a visible minority group who is trying to hurt or abuse you in some way or even kill you.
Here are some recent (increasingly common) scenarios where women have something taken away, hesitate, and then talk themselves out of demanding that it stop and that they have their human rights/status upheld.
Women victimized by men pretending to be women
A man looking distinctly like a man or man visibly pretending to be a woman and dolled up in ‘lady-face’ enters a women’s bathroom or change room and proceeds to act like he owns the joint, doing his business, taking his clothes off and possibly even watching or staring at you or other women/girls. You hesitate to interject because you are afraid of his backlash or backlash by society for being a fucking bitch and denying a possibly ‘oppressed’ person his freedom. Meanwhile, you have had your freedom to feel safe in a women-only space taken from you. You can’t see that you deserve to be human, and that feeling safe, which is something you may never have felt in the way men feel safe, is your right. Men’s special, inside-feelings of pervy-sexy-womany goodness, and mental illness of the dysphoric variety are much more important than women’s safety.
Women victimized by *oppressed* men of colour
You are a white woman and a man of colour comes up to you and begins to harass you. It starts as a verbal altercation, but upon the slightest opposition to his attention, escalates quickly. He enters your personal space and rains verbal, sexual, and/or physical violence upon you. You don’t feel you are allowed to defend yourself because you will be labelled a ‘racist’ even though he has targeted you because you are a woman and because you are white and he knows he will get away with anything he chooses to do to you. He yells ‘racism!!!’ if you choose to report him or defend yourself. And you end up terrorized and/or raped and/or beaten, and if he leaves you alive, believing that a) you deserved it because you’re white, and b) you are not allowed to say anything because you are ‘privileged’. Women are not privileged over men. Zero debate about that. And in my educated opinion, there is much evidence to support the theory that misogyny cancels out the possibility of racism given that racism is a male invention based on woman-hate. If you can’t see that, you need to go back and read some world history. History is the story of what men have crapped upon the world, at the expense of women. And take a look at the endless violence against women today and you’ll see that a woman cannot hurt a man in any way regardless of the races involved. Walking While White and a Woman (WWWW) in no way justifies what men of colour do. And they shouldn’t get away with it.
Atheist women victimized by religious men
You are an atheist and a feminist, and you are worried about the increasing number of religious fundamentalists dictating policy on the local, institutional, and national levels in your country. Your gym (in Canada) has been forced to frost all of its windows so that pervy Hasidic Jewish boys who can’t stop looking in the gym’s windows won’t have to look at all the filthy whores working out without full length dresses covering their filthy whore bodies (true story). You are not allowed to oppose this. Your university class project schedule (in Canada) has been extremely inconveniently altered to accommodate the Muslims in the class because the men won’t work with filthy whore white women, and the Muslim women can’t work with any men (true story). You are not allowed to oppose this because Muslim values (de-values) are crucial to introduce into Canadian policy on filthy whores local women. Teen-aged girls attending a high school dance (in the US) are sent home due to wearing filthy, whorish mini-skirts, because the fundamentalist (white and black) Christian fathers of attending students who signed on to chaperone the dance are popping boners and finding themselves with uncontrollable urges to rape the filthy whore cock-teases (true story). No one is allowed to oppose this. Religious ‘freedom’ and male control over female bodies is most important.
In short, while women have never had full human status, current political agendas, which have slipped in under the guise of ‘inclusivity’ and ‘sensitivity’, are making things scarily worse for everyone. This applies to women of all races, who are being held hostage by male terrorists of all races. And the most effective part of this new political agenda has been to silence the most vocal of women (usually real feminists, and most often white feminists – those who have done the most to help ALL women) by calling them privileged, entitled, phobic, and a whole host of other nonsense and slurs.
Women are getting on board with fighting the trans agenda, but what scares me most is the free pass that men of colour and religious men are getting. Women are not getting on board with fighting that. These *oppressed* men have figured out that claiming oppression is a free pass to threaten, attack, beat, rape, and murder women who don’t belong to their group. Feminists are speaking out about the lie that is ‘transphobia’, which is a very good thing, but are still very scared to defend themselves against men’s strategic accusations of racism, Islamophobia, and other isms and phobias designed to shut women up and give men power. When you force a woman to shut up about what has been done to her, you send the message that her sex, which has been and still is at the root of the longest-running and most accepted oppression in the history of the world, does not matter.
And sex matters.
♀️ If you care to support Story Ending Never, we are appreciative. ⚢
Conversations with Men: The Rape Holiday
It’s not that I’m shocked when I hear about the horrific things men do to women and girls every minute of every day in every corner of the world. Nothing anyone could tell me would surprise me in the least. It can be disturbing and traumatizing, of course, to read or hear about men’s depravity. But hearing about is different than witnessing, however. When you actually witness stuff, as a woman, that is when you are stunned – sometimes momentarily, sometimes negatively affected for long periods of time. It is only if you find yourself immune or indifferent to the stuff you see, or that you rationalize it away to protect the poor, persecuted, precious penises in your life, that you know you’ve lost too much of your humanity, and accepted your place as a slave.
When you make the mistake of assuming the best of strange men you encounter, that is when you end up with reminders that you are being naive. It is always best to err on the side of caution – all men are potential rapists. All men benefit from rape culture. Most men jerk off to rape (porn isn’t sex, it’s rape), and actively seek out depictions of rape. And all men are rape apologists. If they accept that rape exists, they see it as one of two things: 1) a very, very narrowly defined thing and anything that falls outside their very, very limited, accepted ideas can be waved away as lies! or just the way things are, sweetie, what’s your problem? or you’re paranoid/too sensitive/a manhater; or 2) a very, very broadly defined thing that ends up taking needed focus off of the crime of rape committed by men against women and putting the focus onto men as the main or most important or equally affected victims. Broad definitions of important words are men’s new tactic to erase women’s realities and put themselves in the spotlight, where they feel they belong.
Bottom line: rape is a crime perpetrated by men against women and girls. It comes out of male entitlement. It is done by more men than the world wants to admit. And all men benefit from it whether they directly rape or not.
~~~
Rewind to 2003: I was in the middle of a two-week trip by myself to Cambodia. I was working in Taiwan at the time. All of my Western male colleagues a) told me to be careful in Phnom Penh (which I ignored – I had a great time with locals there), and b) regaled me nostalgically with stories about their rape vacations – on which they strangely didn’t bring their Taiwanese girlfriends. It was gross. These entitled white fuckers thought it was the best deal ever to pay a couple of dollars to rape enslaved, impoverished teenaged girls. Many of these girls were victims of the Khmer Rouge regime and many young girls, having lost their entire families to rape, torture and death, had nowhere to go but into prostitution. Young boys were often taken in by monks and raised in monasteries. I met a few of the latter while visiting. They were quite well off and educated given the recent history of the country and their personal situations, and had a lot of freedom to pursue ambitions. The girls? Not so much.
For a few days, I travelled with an Australian postal worker who was in the middle of admitting to himself that he was gay. So we were talking about that a lot. And while in Sihanoukville, we went out for coming-out talk over a simple dinner at a very small local eatery with a few outdoor tables along the dirt road. I noticed a good-looking white dude sitting silently near, but not with, some local people running the shop beside us. It was kind of a strange scene. He wasn’t eating. Wasn’t drinking. Wasn’t reading or talking to anyone. Just waiting. I caught his eye at one point, by accident. Couldn’t tell anything from that. There was no expression on his face. Nothing in his eyes. Just a bland, but good-looking, dude.
And then a motorcycle pulled up. A local man driving, of course. And off the back of the bike hopped a small, pretty, young girl – 15 at the most. Huge white dude stood up, wandered over for some brief negotiation. I sized it up immediately and stared at him in disgust. He did his best to ignore my gaze. Then the girl and the human stain wandered off a little ways out of sight.
The dude came back alone not long after. Could he have raped her that quickly? Well, duh, of course. Men only need about 30 seconds to get the job done in my experience. It could have just been a mouth rape. In my experience, that doesn’t take long either. And less fuss. And I figured, since he knew he was under scrutiny, he couldn’t take the time to punish her or torture her for that long as many men like to do to what they see as cheap, filthy whores. Had it been more private, he could have beaten her and raped her over a longer period of time, multiple times. Maybe killed her, if he wished. Cambodia is a very, very poor country, and white dudes, for the right price can buy whatever they want. What’s the life of an uneducated, girl child to a rich, white guy likely to go back to his girlfriend or wife in Japan or China or Australia or wherever?
The guy didn’t look my way when he got back. Probably went off to get a beer and a smoke and to relive the rape. Or possibly just to head to bed to forget the child he just abused.
Me? I had lost my appetite, and I felt both dead inside and that I wanted to gut the rapist who was sauntering back to the town. End his rape career. That’s the least he deserved, in my opinion. But I said nothing. And I didn’t say anything to the male person who had had his back to the scene the entire time. It was my private window (albeit partially curtained to the worst of the interaction) into the world of male rape holidays and the complete lack of shame and disgusting privilege that comes with having a penis.
~~
Note: In another post from this trip, I relate a conversation with a local Cambodian – a bottom of the totem pole dude (but much higher than all women) who felt just as entitled as this white guy with regard to buying female flesh – and what his thoughts of me were…
Note 2: White dudes are not alone in rape tourism, even though it is seen as a ‘Western thing’. It’s not a ‘white thing’ and it’s not a ‘Western thing’. It’s a ‘man thing’ and not limited to cocks of specific colours. Plenty of men from all over the world travel to rape. However. White dudes would do well, as the primary economic power, to stop this kind of travel and provide an example to the world. But they won’t. They’re too busy blaming white women for not doing enough to end the suffering of women of colour. Oh and white men are also too busy raping/jerking off madly to rape, of course. And they also like to mansplain that being raped for money is an empowering choice for women – if only they could do it tooooo. Yeah, right. Useless human garbage.
Note 3: I am absolutely not going to use the euphemism ‘sex tourism’, because using a prostitute isn’t sex. It’s rape. Calling it sex tourism takes away men’s responsibility for what they have freely chosen to do, and takes focus away from what girls and women have not freely chosen to do. Prostitution is very, very, very seldom a free choice (if you use the actual definition of free choice and not the liberal feminism definition).
Perfume and Shit
During my first go-round in graduate school in the US, my closest friend was this brilliant, quirky, and tortured Dutchwoman. Through her and other Dutch I’ve encountered, I, the over-polite Canadian, came to appreciate their delicious bluntness. I’ve since found that they have a just-so way of putting things that hits the nail on the head without destroying your thumb.
I’ll always remember something my friend said that has since had great application in various situations. While she was speaking literally, her words provide a great metaphor.
We were talking about bathroom habits for some strange reason, and I think she was commenting on what she believed was the American tendency to spray perfume or some other artificial smell after doing one’s business in the bathroom. She said:
“I don’t know why people do this! I’d rather just smell your shit than a mixture of your perfume and your shit.”
The implication, of course, is that you can’t cover up reality. And to follow: why should we try? It doesn’t actually work.
I’ve found myself coming back to this simple, but brilliant, comment on the recent human tendency to put a positive spin on political/social/research conclusions and theory. And recently, I’ve been reminded of it in critiques of certain feminist conclusions about the state of things. Conclusions and theories are discarded with the sweep of a hand simply by calling them ‘pessimistic’ or ‘depressing’. It’s not even a valid argument. Something may well be depressing, but that is unrelated to its veracity. This kind of dismissiveness can show up when feminists rightly point out that men have behaved as vicious sons-of-rapists for millennia, and if they wanted to change, they very simply would. Dick supporters will start in with their “That is too pessimistic! Too depressing to contemplate!” spiel. They insist that men can and will change if we just reason with them. Show them the error of their ways. They just need our bottomless female understanding, coddling, and education. But smart feminists have pointed out that men already have been sucking our helpfulness dry for a long, long time. We’ve done all of the above and then some. To no avail. Men don’t want to change. And they never will change. And hell, yes, it is depressing. But it is true. The truth usually isn’t roses and puppy dog kisses. The truth is slavery and rape for women and girls, ad infinitum.
And there are other arguments/theories/conclusions about the state of things and the state of things to come that receive similar reactions. To be honest, it is much the way many women are treated when they try to talk about their experiences of rape and assault – their reality – people don’t want to hear it. It’s too depressing. Too… real? You can lose friendships, family ties, and partner-relationships if you try to talk about your depressing reality (been there a few times, myself).
Why can’t people handle truth? I think this is subject matter for a future post. I want to get into suicide and death and such. People absolutely hate those topics and I think they are very important. Not only does each person have to face reality eventually, but we are soaking in effects of the male death drive and all that implies from the day we’re born. Ignoring it gets us nowhere but a world of hurt.
I prefer the Dutch approach. I may not want to smell the shit, but I’d rather smell it than have my brain confused by the conflation of two incompatible scents. You can’t spray optimism on the toxic air of Patriarchy and expect to find a viable solution or ‘hope for the future’.
Forgiveness is a Plot Device
The heterosexual romantic narrative in all cultures is boring and stinky as shit and as transparent, fragile and scary as an ultra-ultra-thin condom.
And yet so many people buy into it.
Boy meets girl, usually showing himself to be a playboy or outright misogynist. Girl is intrigued: “Boy is an asshole, but I can’t. stop. thinking. about. him”. Boy shows some tiny vulnerability which serves as the ‘hook’, the thing girl remembers years down the road when wondering “what the hell did I dooooo?”. Boy eventually traps girl in holy matrimony, abuses her, and then keeps her there through enforced pregnancy and by mouthing the word love before penis-insertion and after slapping her around physically or verbally or psychologically. Well, this general progression forms the plot of most het lives and most of the rom-coms and steamy novellas out there. And not just in the West.
Part and parcel with selling this garbage as what women want is the programming of feelings: acceptable and unacceptable feelings.
In the romantic narrative, as girl begins to question why she is with boy, in come plot devices – the preferred feelings allowed to girl. You see if these plot devices weren’t employed, the story would end. Girl would leave. Girl might not go down the garden path in the first place. Unacceptable feelings, the effective ones that are programmed out of us at an early age and through the reading and viewing of acceptable film and literature out there, are the feelings that might actually save us from sexual slavery and throw a wrench in Patriarchy.
One of the most popular Patriarchy approved feelings or plot devices is FORGIVENESS. This device, the lack of which would end a romantic story toot sweet, says that no matter what boy does to girl, she must not retaliate or exit stage left. She cannot kill a boy who rapes or tries to kill her. She must forgive him. She must not adopt an eye for an eye mentality. She must forgive him. She must not get angry, take the kids and run. She must forgive him. She must not challenge his rape-supporting porn use. She must forgive him. She must not divorce him because he cheated on her. She must forgive him. And on and on. Several basic events revolving round the same theme.
We are told forgiveness is a virtue. Hmm. I’ll tell you, forgiveness does have some merit – when a woman forgives herself for ‘being so stupid!’ in believing a man has her best interests in mind or makes her a priority or sees her as an equal and free human. When a woman forgives herself for making the mistake of blaming women instead of men for her oppression, forgiveness has merit.
But forgiving men for abusing her, raping her, denigrating her, not fighting for her liberation and humanity? Nope, then it’s just a plot device.
That’s all folks!
Update on the Chinese Stalker
I just posted on my interaction with a young Chinese male potential stalker. I tried to talk him down for two reasons.
- First, and most important, I was concerned about the woman he was interested in stalking. If I can prevent harm to a specific woman or girl at the hands and dicks of men, I’ll do it. We are constantly in danger from both male strangers and especially the males we know. Men act, first and foremost, for selfish reasons, and if a woman is destroyed in the process of a man getting what he wants, nobody gives even half a shit. I give a shit. I give the mother lode of shits.
- Second, if I can shape the thinking of a single man, I stand the chance of saving scores of women and girls from future harm. It’s along the lines of that old proverb: “Give a person a fish and she’ll eat for a day. Teach a person to fish and she’ll eat for a lifetime.” Big picture. Strategic thinking. Preventative medicine. All that.
Anyhow, I do keep in touch with many of my students through a Chinese-based chat program and I heard from young dude last night. There were some positive things said, but I am not clear about whether he still intends to stalk his ex-girlfriend. There was some ambiguity at the end. Here is the exchange:
Dude: Today you said that happiness comes from our inside heart. And I half agree with that as I believe that our beloved ones are the source of half our happiness. Sometimes we still have to lay half of our happiness on the outside world like our beloved ones
Me: It is important for each of us to decide what it is that makes us happy. And then to set out to achieve it.
Dude: Thank you for teaching me that “if one side wants it, but the other side doesn’t want it, then the relationship cannot happen.” It gave me courage. And I have finally decided to let go of my ex-love.
Me: That is difficult, but good news. It is hard to see things when you are feeling pain. But with time, you’ll see that something better will happen for you. You are making a good, strong decision by letting go.
Dude: If possible, I still hope I could have a chance of reunion with her.
Me: That may just be a dream. But I would suggest letting it go. When a woman says no, she must be respected.
Dude: Thanks
—
Argh!!! I was feeling positive about him letting her go until I read his last statement. “if possible” “I still hope”.
Fuck! Let her go man!
Well, I tried.
Conversations with Men: Talking Down a Wannabe Stalker
In China, stalking of women by men is a standard and highly accepted part of the romantic narrative.
I’ve (unfortunately) been privy to countless examples of this. The wearing down and terrorizing of a woman by a man in order to ‘prove’ he loves her is more common than you might realize.
I can still remember back to 2003 and acquiring my first data point. A Western (male dickface) colleague chuckling over having his adult ESL class interrupted by a petulant Chinese man who had been harassing and stalking a female classmate with whom he was in love. He interrupted the class to throw a tantrum since the woman had not yet submitted to his displays of (immaturity, misogyny, entitlement) love. I was disgusted by the whole thing – had it been my class, heads would have rolled.
And over time, I’ve heard more and more stories. Sometimes from the lovelorn themselves looking for advice on why their stalking behaviour was not working as planned. I think most of the time it works. The poor young woman is beaten down through relentless unwanted attention and forced to give in. Yeah! A boyfriend! How long can one be terrorized and remain sane in a place where stalking and violence against women isn’t taken seriously?
And so today, it happened yet again.
I had parked myself in a huge mostly empty classroom reading Andrea Dworkin of all things, waiting until it was time to make my way to my own classroom in another building. I suddenly became aware of someone sitting beside me, but across the aisle. It struck me as strange as the classroom seated about 200 and I was one of maybe 4 people in the room.
I realized it was someone who wanted to talk to me.
Okay, what the hell. I was tired and having trouble focusing on reading. It turned out I had met the student before about 6 months previously. I could barely remember, to be honest. There are 45,000 students at my university. Luckily, it was a business English major, so he had better English, and thus was able to have a higher level conversation with me. And we talked about a variety of things which were actually interesting to me.
But one of the topics we covered was how he could ‘persuade’ his ex-girlfriend who had broken up with him that she should take him back.
I tried to tie my answer to one of his previous questions, “How can we be happy?” I could have said, “Overthrow Patriarchy,” but most dudes don’t have the capacity or intelligence to begin to comprehend what that means. But, to be honest, I haven’t a fucking clue how to be happy. I think we obsess about it too much, and spend too much time trying to find and force happiness, which, in my opinion, is the surest way to be thoroughly unhappy.
So instead, I delved into the idea that trying to get, take, or receive things is not the way to be happy. But that is what most people (especially men) try to do. We try to get a partner in love, we try to acquire money and possessions, and we want people to give us their loyalty, love or respect. None of that really works. What I suggested is that he stop focusing on taking or getting or expecting, and just try to give. I said that happiness comes from inside ourselves and when we give without expecting something in return, we are more likely to feel happy and free.
And I waited for it… He jumped in with: “But I want to give love to my ex-girlfriend.” And I countered with: a) Don’t give people what they don’t want or need. If the girlfriend broke up with you, she doesn’t want your ‘love’ (I suspect he wasn’t giving love, but rather, control and unreasonable demands). And b) you can’t give something and then secretly expect something in return. You’ll never be happy if your motivation for giving is ultimately selfish.
That gave him some stuff to mull over. I am not sure if it will sink in. Most guys can’t comprehend the notion of selflessness or understanding others’ (especially women’s) needs and wishes. But he seemed to think about what I said.
And then again, I might be completely full of shit about all of this happiness nonsense. But I hope I at least put a damper on his stalking potential. I am pretty sure that is where his obsessive thoughts were taking him. I’ve seen this a million times before.
Not Afraid of the Bears
I hate the city.
Sure, there are moments. Moments when you realize that there are certain things only a city can offer you. Like you’re tired of the ubiquitous Chinese food where you live and tired of your own home cooking, and crave some semi-authentic food from another part of the globe. A large city can provide you with that. You are also more likely to find open-minded people who like to use their brains and who eschew traditionalism and religion. That is harder to find in smaller places.
But I still hate the city.
I grew up in Canada. I have lived in most of the largest cities there. Having lived in large Chinese cities, and spent time in Los Angeles, New York, Tokyo, and London, these ‘tiny’ Canadian cities are villages in comparison.
I’ve also lived in plenty of smaller places. I deliberately chose a small, relatively isolated, Canadian town for my undergraduate experience. It was mostly for research opportunities and to get the hell away from my abusive, NPD mother, but I have to admit that the kilometers of forest, lakes, and fresh air called to me.
Similarly, when I went to grad school in the US, I chose a very small town – still for the research opportunities – but there were mountains and forest in close proximity.
I’ve also lived in the Yukon in Canada’s North. Pristine rivers, lakes, forests. Pure air. Silence. Anti-intellectual and cliquey, but nature reigns supreme there.
In all of these places, hiking and other outdoor activities were a given – one of the perks of living there. But I didn’t take advantage of the locations as much as I could or should have. Afraid of bears or other wild animals? No, actually. There are plenty of things you can do to co-exist with animals that, for the most part, aren’t deliberately looking for you.
In all these places, I was afraid of the men. The existence of men, and the threat of attack or rape is what kept me out of the forests and hiking by myself. Men are the only animals that will deliberately hunt you down or opportunistically target you, and hurt you for pleasure.
I remember, as an undergraduate, one day enthusiastically heading off onto the hiking trails in the forest behind the college. There had been reports of bears, especially at that time of year. But my thoughts weren’t on them at all. Within minutes of starting my hike, I was plagued with doubts about being in the forest alone, and then, as if reading my mind, out of nowhere, men on mountain bikes took over my trail. Scared the shit out of me. Men, in a group – scariest thing on the planet. A panic attack resulting from knowing that they could do whatever they wanted to me with impunity turned me around towards the safety of my research lab.
At that time, I forgot that there is no safety indoors either. Like all women, while I’ve experienced a lot of harassment, violence and sexual assault in public, all of the violent rapes I’ve experienced have happened in my own bed at home or indoors while travelling. This is women’s experience, women’s reality.
Will there ever come a day when a woman can leave her home and not have to feel afraid? Will there ever come a day when a woman can stay in her home and not have to feel afraid? Just the threat of what can happen is unacceptable. The threats are based on reality and they have power. They do.
It’s not the bears we have to worry about.
Perverting Herstory – A Slice from China
As is well understood by women, the history of humankind is the story of men. And it is a boring story of repetition: rape; war; rape; the stealing of women’s ideas; rape; denying education to women; rape; the development of various economic/religious/political systems of dominance favouring men; rape; war; more rape, ad infinitum. Boring. And the story is pretty much the same no matter which culture or part of the world you drill down into. And there is no end in sight. History is written by the victors, and men are always the victors. History is written to get men off, not to regret, not to learn, not to become better beings. It’s just the stuff of boners.
I’ll provide one teeny tiny example.
A few years ago, I lived and worked in Nanjing, China. For those who know little to nothing about China, Nanjing is famous for a few things. For one, it is a former capital of China, and secondly, it was the site of one of the most brutal mass rapes and mass murders in history. Over a period straddling December 1937 – January 1938, Japanese troops occupied Nanjing and rained atrocity down on the women and other citizens of Nanjing. I’m not going to recount the whole history here – you can check out Iris Chang’s book, “The Rape of Nanking”, to avoid being forced to swallow a male point-of-view. Men tend to focus on how off-duty Chinese soldiers were executed – as if that was the highlight and greatest tragedy of the whole disgusting mess.
Anyhow, modern-day Japan poured money into the building of a memorial/museum in Nanjing. And I went. It is a spectacular building.
I did, however, feel there was a cock-centric over-focus on soldiers being killed. Personally, I couldn’t give a shit about soldiers. They sign up to kill and be killed. Many of them rape local women/girls and/or use prostitutes, which demotes them to non-human status for me. So fuck ’em. War is a man’s invention. Not women’s. You make your bed, you sleep in the damn thing, men. I just wish women could be left out of the whole business since it has nothing to do with us.
Now, out of the whole museum, there was one wall that also included a corner, detailing the whole rape business, which for me was the centre of the whole multi-week siege. I think it would have been over sooner had there been no women there. The display consisted of all sorts of large photos and text describing what had happened.
But I couldn’t read any of it. Why?
Because I couldn’t get close to it at all. There were 200+ Chinese men all pushing and shoving each other, including me, trying to get close enough to see the naked photos of the Chinese women. Unfortunately, for the men, there were no actual mid-action rape photos – just dead women with bayonets sticking out of their vaginas, and naked, devastated, brutalized women lined up for viewing, crouching, cowering, crying. Still, titillating stuff for China (where porn is illegal). These fucking turds were excited by the idea of what had happened. No learning going on. No tears shed (except mine). Just excitement. And hatred for the Japanese, but also excitement.
Naked, brutalized women. Very, very cool stuff.
By the way, there was no pushing or over-crowding or excitement at any of the other displays. And there were no women pushing or shoving to get close to the rape display. Actually, the Chinese women visiting the museum avoided that whole corner for the most part.
But this whole phenomenon is not unique to China. Men all over the world love depictions of rape. Love seeing women degraded, hurt, brutalized. Even if they don’t consider themselves rapists (ahem…), they can live vicariously through those who do.
And women don’t fantasize about rape (please read that again American porn-dogs). Women who claim they do have been socialized/trained/brainwashed by the Patriarchal ‘romance narrative’ into believing that seduction and sexayness need to be violent. There is nothing healthy or ‘natural’ about getting hot about the idea of rape. Sorry.
I appreciated the memorial and museum very much, but I was disgusted. Nothing ever changes no matter how much time goes by. Men still love to hate women. And we still accept it.
Story Ending Never 
You must be logged in to post a comment.